There was a time where I had a ton of online friends - all from here.
I felt good.
It was like...I was on a high.
For the first time in my life - I didn't feel alone.
Fast-forward to over a year, and I have learnt that for the most part, online friendships are superficial and bullshit.
I emotionally invested myself too much and have now realized that no one really gives a fresia.
I'm disappointed in myself that I spent so much time worrying, caring, and crying over people who I haven't even met and couldn't care less about me.
I only have myself to blame.
I suppose I was extremely vulnerable and lonely but I have now learnt for the better.
When I started to be proactive in my real-life by meeting new people, volunteering, being more positive etc; some of my online friends were furious with me. The sad part I realize now was that the main thing we had in common was our misery. Now that I wasn't so miserable because I was having inklings of success for the first time - they cut contact and I believe it is for the best.
As the old saying goes: Misery loves company.
I'm not "popular" or overly well-liked in real life or online...but I'm too tired to even try.
I'm not one of those people that others feel connected to and want to care for.
It's not all bad though!
Despite my experiences, I love this forum and I'm grateful to all the good and bad that's happened - especially the bad since it's helped me to not give much of a fresia for people anymore and harden me.
There are 3 people that I can consider to be actual friends and I would meet in real life. In a way, because of them, I feel...slightly less lonely.
However, there's a part of me that believes I can't fully confirm the friendship unless I were to meet them and see if it were to work in real life.
I say that because:
Everyday, everywhere...there are so many people that we pass by that are lonely. I'll use myself as an example: I take care of myself and have gone to classes, hobby groups, church groups, volunteered, helped strangers, gone out of my way to approach people and still - no one gives a fresia about me.
If by some freakish magic, I were to end up in a bar with the people from here, online sites etc; I still feel the result would be the same.
For that I still feel alone.
But you know, it's not that bad.
You either let it crush you or just suck it up.
I just keep on chugging along...loneliness hasn't killed me yet.