overwhelmingly homesick tonight

[Solace]

I am so homesick it has brought me to tears.

And the thing about it is

i'm sitting on my couch

at home

with my family in the other room

(albeit sleeping).

I just felt like I had to tell someone.

I want to go home so badly. I don't know what to do since I don't know where that is, or how to get there. I feel like getting in the car and driving till I see the seasons change. somewhere. the Northern states, I guess. Rocks and mountains and rivers and fabric stores, I want to see it all. But this is not home, it's just somewhere closer to home than i'm at right now.

well the other thing is I can't drive either.

This feeling of being homesick seems to only overtake me at night. But the desire to travel is with me all the time.

Anyhow

 

[Unacceptance]

Sounds like you want to come here to Colorado, Is that your home?

 

[Solace]

I don't know where my home is.

But yeah I love colorado. I've been there probably about 5 or 6 times growing up. It's a beautiful place and i love the air. gosh I miss it just thinking about it.

heh. I got my favorite stuffed animal there when I was young, maybe 8. I still sleep with my little wolf dog stuffed animal. I've had it so long I'd forgotten where I got her/him. (I don't think I ever decided the stuffed animal's gender. it was always sort of both lol)

I was just told yesterday that we probably won't be going there this summer. I was really disipointed and upset and I sort of took it out on my mom. sigh.

But my deepest homesickness remains apart from missing Colorado.

I tell people I was born in Colorado that's why i'm immune to the altitude and conditioned to the cold. It's actually a lie and wouldn't make sense if it were true, but they believe me lol.

 

[Unacceptance]

Is it Alaska?

 

[SighX99]

when i was younger, living in taiwan, i always had the enormous,overwhelming feeling of homesick even tho i was right at home. usually happens at night. really bad ones, too. to the point of almost crying. feeling that i dont belong anywhere else. i really get how you feel.

i grew up in taiwan and moved to US when I was 13.

after i moved to US, these intense feeling of homesick disappeared...

maybe subconsciously u want a change of scenery...
study abroad, find an excuse to move somewhere far and different, maybe thatll help.

 

[Solace]

lol Una. I've always wanted to go to alaska but no it's not Alaska.

thanks Sigh. I'm glad you are feeling at home in the U.S.

And I def. want a change of scenery.

 

[Unacceptance]

Siberia!

 

[Solace]

heh I hear the plane tickets are cheap. or maybe I heard htey were expensive.

maybe I should get some sleep... but I feel like i'm waiting for someone. Like always.

 

[SighX99]

i dont necessarily feel at home in US. just the homesick feeling disappeared, probably overtaken by feeling of lonliness

 

[Solace]

sigh, Sigh. lol. Oh well. What can be done?

I'm about ready to post a sign somewhere that says "Are you lonely? Are you friendless?" and then in small print "show up here tomorrow night wearing a scarf and we'll covertly get to know each other." or something lol

I have a feeling i'd meet some weiiiiird people. Maybe "Do you feel as if you have no true friends?" would attract more honest, normal people. lol.

I need to get some sleep. Someone drag me off to the land of nod?

 

[Unacceptance]

Are you waiting for the mailman?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

In a way I feel home sick even though I'm living with my parents at the house i grew up in.
I've never felt comfortiable or settle in since I moved back in.
Most of my belongings are still in storage.

I used to have my own home, my own family and my own refrigerator.
I try not to entertain those thoughts.

Someday I hope to have my own home again...maybe not.
Maybe I was ment to travel.
I'm single again without any type of resposiblities of being a husband or a father.
I still fulley havn't adjusted to this yet.

I spoke to a friend that's going the samething. She's single again.
She feels almost the same as I do. So i don't trip out too hard.

We been taking care of people most of our lives and we don't know what
the hell to do now that we're free. It's freaken hard to even think or do
something for ourselves first.
I still have habits of taking stuff back to the store that I purchased for myself
becuase I would always think of the children first before I buy anything for myself.
That type of home sick feeling.

Sometimes we look into each other eyes...and fantacize for a moment...yeah lets get together.
HELL NO....fresia that honeysuckle of being mommy and daddy again..

 

[Solace]

Lonesome, I hope you find that place or person you feel at home with. No pressure, no obligations. Just home.

It's daytime so i'm doing well. I'm going to the movies tonight which is cool. With a bunch of people I know, but most of them are my family and my brother's friends.