Panicking Over School

[SophiaGrace]

I'm officially a mess. Last night I had a sort of anxiety attack (not a panic attack) but an anxiety attack about going back to school. I"m so scared guys! For real. I was crying over this last night and I got a headache

I'm really scared...I told my mom I didnt want to go back to college next semester.That I needed a semester off. And she kept talking to me about how to do college DIFFERENTLY and how everyone didnt want to go back. That kind of pissed me off. Like she wasnt taking me seriously.

Oh god...>_<

I feel so anxious :l

I cant get good enough grades to go to grad school. I'm a shitty student. I really am. I'm a C student and nothing better. I'm not that smart even though I like to think I am to boost my self esteem. My IQ is normal...and that's it.

I'm so afraid of failing. fresia....

And even if I dont fail and I go back I'll just lie to myself. I always lie to myself. "Oh it'll be ok...you'll do better" No the fresia i wont. I wont.

It's a lie. And I know that by now.

I'm a ******* average C student that's not good enough to get into Grad school. ._.

Why wont my mom let me take a semester off and get a job? I feel like I have more honeysuckle to get in line before I go back. why cant she get that? I'm not ready. I'm really not.

Not ready not ready.

*really upset*

And I'm crying again. I'm always ******* crying over school. I hate it. I hate how they grade you and determine your self worth through it. I hate it.

*sigh*

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug! (((SophiaGrace)))

I'm really scared...I told my mom I didnt want to go back to college next semester.That I needed a semester off. And she kept talking to me about how to do college DIFFERENTLY and how everyone didnt want to go back. That kind of pissed me off. Like she wasnt taking me seriously.

Did you tell her everything that you said here? I mean, did you talk to her candidly about your fears of being just a C student etc?

Speaking as a mom, sometimes we feel that one of our major duties is to automatically allay our kids' fears by saying, "No, you're wrong; it's not that at all." *sigh* I swear, its like a knee-jerk reaction. So far my major issue has been convincing my youngest daughter that there are no aliens waiting in her closet to kill her with poison gas. (I should never have let them watch "Signs...")

Why wont my mom let me take a semester off and get a job? I feel like I have more honeysuckle to get in line before I go back. why cant she get that? I'm not ready. I'm really not.

Perhaps she wants you to accomplish something start to finish before changing directions. Many people who take time off from college never go back to finish their degrees. Perhaps that's what she is thinking.

I hate how they grade you and determine your self worth through it. I hate it.

You're absolutely right, it is an arbitrary standard of value. Not everyone needs a college degree to be successful. The problem is in determining what it is that you want to do and how to get yourself there.

What would you like to do as a career?

Feel free to PM me if you like.

((((SophiaGrace)))))

 

[Sameer]

SophiaGrace
I'm a ******* average C student that's not good enough to get into Grad school.

Doesnt matter.Not everyone can be same. BTW,Dont think that the A students are great. There are people who are earning good without having a degree.Having Own business,something.....

 

[shells]

Oh, Sophia. I wish I could give you a big hug. I can definitely relate to having panic attacks over school. You won't fail. And even if you do, the worst that will happen if that you will need to retake the class. It really won't be the end of the world, even though it can make you feel like honeysuckle for a little while. Failing a class doesn't mean you fail at life, and it really certainly is NOT a measure of you as a person. Sometimes it's just that the material isn't easy to grasp.

I don't know if you remember, but I was often in the chat room, whining about how worried I was about math class. I thought I was going to fail. I was attending 3-5 days of tutoring every week ($30 a session), and I barely managed a "C". Does it mean I'm stupid or any less of an intellectual? Nope. It's just something I have to work at a little bit harder at than other people might have to. I also didn't understand the teacher's method of teaching, and if I probably had a different professor, I most likely would have passed with a better grade.

I can definitely understand where you're coming from, but I can also understand where your mom is coming from as well. Sometimes it is hard, after taking a break from something, to jump back into it. It usually gets harder when we try to jump back in, rather finishing while you still had the ball rolling.

Maybe you can compromise with your mom and attend the first few classes of the semester. If you still feel miserable and anxious, you can have another talk to your mother and drop out of the semester and take a break.

Sometimes I get like that, too. For example, going to the gym for me gives me anxiety. I feel like it's a place for people to judge the way your body looks, and I end up making myself get into this mode where I just don't want to go and I obsess over the bad things that could possibly happen to me. However, once I get there and I get into the swing of doing it, it doesn't bother me as much.

 

[Badjedidude]

There's a reason that "C" is known as the "average." Sameer is right. An A grade is for superior work, so naturally not everyone can expect an A grade for every subject they take. That's just silly and unrealistic. People are just good in different areas.

I'm awesome at English (my ACT English/Reading scores were so high that I tested out of English Gen Ed. requirements at my university....lol)...but I SUCK, SUCK, SUCK at Economics. Dear Christ, I took that ******* class three times before finally passing with a "C"....and I barely earned that.

So don't feel bad if you're making a "C." And I think it may be good to take some time off from school...but not too much. What you should probably do is take only one or two classes (maybe 6 credit hours total) and get a part-time job. That way, you're taking something of a break while still appearing to take your mom's advice. ^_^ Seriously, you have no idea how relaxing taking just one or two classes can be when you've had a complete class list for the past 3 years.

That's what I'm doing this semester, more's the pity for this site.

----Steve

 

[kelbo]

I'm really scared...I told my mom I didnt want to go back to college next semester.That I needed a semester off. And she kept talking to me about how to do college DIFFERENTLY and how everyone didnt want to go back. That kind of pissed me off. Like she wasnt taking me seriously.

Do you feel this way when you actually get to school? Like when you are there in class and just getting on with things?

I cant get good enough grades to go to grad school. I'm a shitty student. I really am. I'm a C student and nothing better. I'm not that smart even though I like to think I am to boost my self esteem. My IQ is normal...and that's it.

Why exactly are you a shitty student? Because you get C's? At least you don't fail. C is good. And you aren't going to get any higher unless you realise that - and work from that - because you'll just beat yourself up until you really can't be bothered with school anymore.

You are so afraid of failing that you are putting all this added pressure onto yourself to perfrom. I meet a lot of people who do the same thing day in and day out. My current employment is to help boost peoples' confidences in what they want to do with life - help them when they are over-pressured and have dropped out already or had such bad luck with things. One thing I have learnt is, the usual obstacle that stops people from moving forwards and achieving what they want - is themselves. I know you're probably thinking 'how cliché' etc - but it is true. Nobody can organise your time, clear your mind, prepare yourself, study or get your head around things than yourself.

Why wont my mom let me take a semester off and get a job? I feel like I have more honeysuckle to get in line before I go back. why cant she get that? I'm not ready. I'm really not.

Your mom probably won't let you take a semester off because that is quitting and giving in. In life you can't just only do the things you are 'ready' for, otherwise it'd be too easy and most people probably wouldn't leave the house. You have to dive into the deep end and just learn how to deal with it. If you are getting C's now then that obviously means you're not the stupid failing person you feel you are. Maybe if you spent more time concentrating on chilling out & organising your studies instead of putting yourself down, then maybe you might start to realise that school really isn't that bad. You never know, you might start to enjoy it.

Best of luck & take it easy. x

 

[SophiaGrace]

"you'll just beat yourself up until you really can't be bothered with school anymore."

You know that's exactly what happens. I'll get all anxious and then i'll just burn out and not care. And THAT lowers my grades. o_o And then afterwards I hate myself.

Honestly I am probably going to go back. I've already picked out all my classes...

I really just expect myself to do a lot better than I do. And it really dissapoints me. And even when I do well, I always tell myself I could've done better.

*sigh*

I'll get tutors this semester and probably a counselor. I cant do this alone.

And this break I've concentrated on NOT going on Second Life (which is sort of like WoW. Very immersive) because I knew it was sucking time away from my schoolwork. So hopefully that'll help.

Originally my goal was to not go online at all, but it's devolved into not going on Second Life. I did slip up twice but it's been pretty much broken from going on it every day. It's a small improvement.

And I'm better than I was last year. Last year in the fall semester I was on anti-depressants and severely depressed.

Basically I've gone from Suicidal (there were multiple factors in feeling like this but the stress of school was one of them...) => to wanting to run away => to wanting a break.

Which is an improvement. I guess the more I fight my inclinations to run away from my problems the more i'll be able to face them.

And yeah i'll become very very anxious before school starts and then from the anxiety I'll do well the first two weeks and then I'll stop caring telling myself that there's still plenty of time to get a good grade. And then when it's near the end i'll become anxious again.

I'm forever trying to get myself on a schedule school-wize and failing at it. I expect a lot of myself and when I fall short I feel like crud. And I kind of always do fall short.

I've recently gone on ADD meds because I had trouble concentrating while doing my homework. So hopefully that'll help me.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Sohpia...first, ask yourself if you are doing EVERYTHING you can do get the grades you need. You must be honest with yourself. If you are honest with yourself and your answer is yes, then you have done all that you can. There's nothing wrong with a "C." I agree with the statement about "average." Now, if you need better grades to go further in school, or to meet certain personal goals (getting into a better/different school), then you might want to consider devoting more TIME and engery to your courses. The tutor idea is a good one, as well as *crings* spending less time on line and more time hitting the books.
You are very intelligent and resourceful, Sophia. I think you discount your abilities IMO. I think you can do whatever you set your mind to do - it will just take hard work, which I know you can do!

 

[kelbo]

You know that's exactly what happens. I'll get all anxious and then i'll just burn out and not care. And THAT lowers my grades. o_o And then afterwards I hate myself.

Well it is good that you have now noticed that you do this. Maybe now when you find yourself becoming more panicked and anxious about school, you'll realise that it isn't helping you, infact it is doing the exact opposite.

Honestly I am probably going to go back. I've already picked out all my classes...

That is really great. You should be proud of yourself for taking that step and not just taking the easy way out by dropping out. Well done

I really just expect myself to do a lot better than I do. And it really dissapoints me. And even when I do well, I always tell myself I could've done better.

I think you should take baby steps - you can't walk until you've crawled first. Stop giving yourself stupidly high targets that you know you can't achieve just yet. Take it one step at a time. Organise your studies, and do preparation. A tutor or mentor is a good step too, which is great that you've acknowledged. And a school counsellor is always a good place to go have a quick rant to whenever you're feeling a bit antsy and stressed out.

Just don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can, and as long as you stick to it and be good to yourself then I'm sure you'll get on fine.

Good luck. x

 

[SophiaGrace]

So to recap...

I'm going to

1) get a tutor
2) get a counselor
3) not go on Second Life
4)continue with my ADD meds

I feel like I should add one or two more.

1) I'll make my bed daily to prevent myself from using it to do homework on.
2) I'll do homework outside my room
3) I write down my assignments

Honestly, I feel a bit anxious about the list. Again, afraid I wont do everything. Afraid i'll "fail". It seems simple enough though right? Not too complex.

I've told myself that all the classical writers that I look up to have had to have an education before they could create anything. I mean I love Poe, Dickenson, Dickens, Thoreau. Love them. One of my main goals in life is to read all the classics. I know it sounds insane but its something I've been working on for years. At times it seems more coherent of a goal than my schooling because I document everything I read and everything I havent read yet .I can physically see my progress as I work through a piece of literature. I count the pages i'll read for a day. I count the pages til the end of the book. I count the pages til the end of the chapter. And I look at how far I've progressed. I write down when i finish a work. And I love learning about the authors as I read their works. And all of them had an education before they started writing and creating all their great works.

So I have to get an education too because all my favorite classical authors did. Does this all sound completely crocked?

 

[Zak]

I wish I could give you some advice but from the position I'm standing, it would be pointless to even try. Will give you a hug instead ((hugs))

 

[Spare]

I had myself all figured out in high school. I knew I would always get A's in English and History courses, B's and C's in Science classes, and D's and F's in math. When I got to college, I arrived with the same mindset. Except college was MUCH harder. So two years later, completely burned out, I left school with a cumulative GPA of... wait for it... 1.34. ONE-POINT-THREE-FOUR!!!! Can you believe that!?! I must hold the all-time record for F's and Incompletes for a two year stretch! Ugh! So, in an attempt to clear my head and refocus, I took a semester off. Which, of course, grew into eight years.

Last January, the recession ate my job. Actually, it ate the entire company for which I worked. The next seven months were a very dark time for me. There was a lot of uncertainty, and I was stressing myself out big time. But I decided to turn such an unfortunate turn of events into a blessing in disguise by finally and at long last going back to school. Eight years of maturity (not to mention eight years in the labor force) had changed my perspective on life quite drastically, and I returned to school with a fresh, new, and MUCH healthier perspective. I went into it knowing two things: This was gonna be hard. Very hard. EXTREMELY hard. College is difficult enough when you're fresh out of high school, but when you're already immersed in the adult world and trying to go school... What a mountain to climb! But this leads me to the second thing I knew: I wasn't going to accept anything less than an A. In any class. Math, my arch-enemy, included.

And I was right. It's hard. very hard. EXTREMELY hard. Every single day I wish I had finished school the first time around. I am so filled with regret about the horrible job I did back in '01 and '02 that I can hardly stand it sometimes. I have such a mess to clean up! But I was also right about my grades. In my first semester back I pulled straight A's, math included. In fact, my algebra score may have been my highest score. I was five measly little points away from an A+. FIVE POINTS! In a math class! ME!!! If I can talk myself into getting straight A's, believe me, anybody can.

The point I'm trying to make is twofold. A semester off from school can easily mutate into years, even a lifetime. Which, take it from me, can be a regret that hangs over one's head all their life. That being said, sometimes it's better to attack a college education after a few years in the working world. Maturity and experience can do wonders for one's collegiate efforts. I can attest to both of these.

If you feel that some time off is what you need, then I say by all means, take a semester off. It can be healthy (getting your mom to agree with this is a separate issue. My mom hounded me every day of every year I wasn't in school, so I have no advice on that front. Sorry). But if you do, please, PLEASE learn from my example and return after a semester. I often wonder how I would have done if I had gone back a few years sooner.

You're a very smart person. You absolutely have it in you to succeed in college; I have complete faith in that. It's all a matter of perspective.

I hope I helped. Good luck!

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I'm going to

1) get a tutor
2) get a counselor
3) not go on Second Life
4)continue with my ADD meds

These are excellent goals. IME, it's always best to keep it simple when making a big change.

When I was in college, I didn't have the online stuff as a distraction, but tv was a big issue. My roommate had a tv and routinely studied with both the tv AND music playing, OMG! It drove me nuts! I need a quiet atmosphere for best retention of facts. even now, when I read for pleasure, I prefer silence or quiet, non-vocal music in the background. So I usually went to the library to do the bulk of my studying if she was around.

I've told myself that all the classical writers that I look up to have had to have an education before they could create anything. I mean I love Poe, Dickenson, Dickens, Thoreau. Love them. One of my main goals in life is to read all the classics. I know it sounds insane but its something I've been working on for years.

So I have to get an education too because all my favorite classical authors did. Does this all sound completely crocked?

Nope. Not crazy at all. It's obviously something that you are enthusiastic about, and it's a great way to learn and expand your horizons, which is a big part of education in general.

 

[Scott]

So to recap...

I'm going to

1) get a tutor
2) get a counselor
3) not go on Second Life
4)continue with my ADD meds

I feel like I should add one or two more.

1) I'll make my bed daily to prevent myself from using it to do homework on.
2) I'll do homework outside my room
3) I write down my assignments

Honestly, I feel a bit anxious about the list. Again, afraid I wont do everything. Afraid i'll "fail". It seems simple enough though right? Not too complex.

I've told myself that all the classical writers that I look up to have had to have an education before they could create anything. I mean I love Poe, Dickenson, Dickens, Thoreau. Love them. One of my main goals in life is to read all the classics. I know it sounds insane but its something I've been working on for years. At times it seems more coherent of a goal than my schooling because I document everything I read and everything I havent read yet .I can physically see my progress as I work through a piece of literature. I count the pages i'll read for a day. I count the pages til the end of the book. I count the pages til the end of the chapter. And I look at how far I've progressed. I write down when i finish a work. And I love learning about the authors as I read their works. And all of them had an education before they started writing and creating all their great works.

So I have to get an education too because all my favorite classical authors did. Does this all sound completely crocked?

Hey Sophia, first off well done for not giving up on things and getting your head around what you need to do. It's great when you can achieve your goals and I'm sure you can if you stay focused.

But don't let things get too out of perspective when you have down days. Sure school is important but getting C's is good, passing is good. You don't need A's to achieve what you want in life. Hell I wasn't that bothered in school and as long as I didn't let myself down in what I felt I wanted to do. I was even less bothered with what other people expected of me.

One thing I realised after my exams at 16 was that it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things as long as things didn't go completely FUBAR, and to be quite honest my thoughts didn't change one bit after my exams at 18 either. In fact if anything they made me realise how there was so much more out there and not everything in life depended on how a teacher graded you when you were at school.

So don't beat yourself up about not getting A's, as long as you do YOUR best then that's all you can ask of yourself and you should feel good if you can do that. Your goals are a good step to doing that.

Your thing with the classics is kinda cool I think, heck it beats aspiring to be Brittany Spears any day of the week.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Your thing with the classics is kinda cool I think, heck it beats aspiring to be Brittany Spears any day of the week.

Freakin Amen to that.

 

[EveWasFramed]

So to recap...

I'm going to

1) get a tutor
2) get a counselor
3) not go on Second Life
4)continue with my ADD meds

I feel like I should add one or two more.

1) I'll make my bed daily to prevent myself from using it to do homework on.
2) I'll do homework outside my room
3) I write down my assignments

Soph, if you don't have one already, get a daily planner. They are worth their weight in gold! Get a small one and take it to class with you so you can write your assignments down BEFORE you leave class.
Also, make a list. Any list. Lists are awesome, lol!!
(Yes, that's the OCD speaking.)

 

[SophiaGrace]

So to recap...

I'm going to

1) get a tutor
2) get a counselor
3) not go on Second Life
4)continue with my ADD meds

I feel like I should add one or two more.

1) I'll make my bed daily to prevent myself from using it to do homework on.
2) I'll do homework outside my room
3) I write down my assignments

Soph, if you don't have one already, get a daily planner. They are worth their weight in gold! Get a small one and take it to class with you so you can write your assignments down BEFORE you leave class.
Also, make a list. Any list. Lists are awesome, lol!!
(Yes, that's the OCD speaking.)

Yay OCD

 

[Badjedidude]

OMG I have the wierdest OCD issue...I've never been diagnosed for it and I don't have any other obsessive/compulsive problems, but...*gah* this one gets old, lemme tell ya.

When I use a keypad (like on a phone) I have to press all the nunbers, from 1-100. For instance, I press numbers 1 through 9...and then the #1 and #0 keys (to make 10)...and then the #1 key twice (to make 11)...and then the #1 and #2 keys (to make 12)...

...and so on until I reach 100. I have no idea how that came about, but I just HAVE to do it everytime I dial a number. Lol so it's not uncommon to be talking to me on the phone and hear some number keys being pressed. Really weird. That's the one thing that makes me wonder if I have deep-rooted psychological problems...or if it's just some sort of harmless OCD tik that I picked up somewhere.

----Steve

 

[Zak]

OMG I have the wierdest OCD issue...I've never been diagnosed for it and I don't have any other obsessive/compulsive problems, but...*gah* this one gets old, lemme tell ya.

When I use a keypad (like on a phone) I have to press all the nunbers, from 1-100. For instance, I press numbers 1 through 9...and then the #1 and #0 keys (to make 10)...and then the #1 key twice (to make 11)...and then the #1 and #2 keys (to make 12)...

...and so on until I reach 100. I have no idea how that came about, but I just HAVE to do it everytime I dial a number. Lol so it's not uncommon to be talking to me on the phone and hear some number keys being pressed. Really weird. That's the one thing that makes me wonder if I have deep-rooted psychological problems...or if it's just some sort of harmless OCD tik that I picked up somewhere.

----Steve

lol I have problem with numbers too but way different. For me, everything has to end on 3 or multiples of 3. Everything I do, that I notice should be 3 times lol like if I accidentally pressed a number there I have to press 3 times again. Its a pain.

 

[Badjedidude]

Are you over it? Or do you get the impulse every time you see a "three?"

Lol I don't want to type the number because I don't know if that'll set you off or not!

----Steve