Please help me to understand. Do I need to change myself?

[Magpieorpigeon]

I got up late this afternoon, cause I'm depressed and don't start an intern-ship until next week. I try to avoid my flatmates because I always end up disappointing people or offending them or doing anything that makes them dislike me a lot. so I try to keep to myself. unfortunately, both my female flatmates, I am female too, are very chatty and clicked immediately when she moved in after me. I try to keep to myself a as I said, so when I eat my bread I'm mostly staying quiet. I thought everything was ok because I did chat a small bit. however, she then said, as she cooked some food, "i have a song stuck in my head, you the one that goes, 'why'd you have to be rude?'", except the last word is actually "cruel" in the song. I take this as an obvious passive aggressive move. I tried to hide my anger as I washed the dishes, but I ended up being passive aggressive too. I think she noticed because she gave a faint laugh or sneer. I just moved out of home in my late 20's and I'm trying to regain my independence and peace of mind. why do I end up with someone whose standard of politeness is obviously above my own? I don't know how to handle these situations. I take anti-depressants otherwise this would have me curled up in a ball. I feel hopeless without some support.
My sister called me earlier, but I had slept all afternoon, and I nothing to say to her. I'm very passive aggressive this way, because if I said exactly what I feel I think so much anger would spill from my mouth and I don't to project stuff onto people. I need to see a counsellor soon. I cannot handle everyday life. I have an evening art class to go to tonight also and I really don't want to go but I've already paid in full. I hate my life because everyday I struggle to not explode into a rage and instead lay in bed depressed and broken.

I just read about passive aggression and I relate to it a lot. I see myself as a victim. fresia. I hate life............ I know I've answered my own question... but I still feel hopeless and depressed.

 

[Limlim]

Sure could be a good idea! Not really a good thing to be passive aggressive. Though back in my day we didn't have that term. We just called it being a dick.

 

[Magpieorpigeon]

Sure could be a good idea! Not really a good thing to be passive aggressive. Though back in my day we didn't have that term. We just called it being a dick.

I really want to be sarcastic.... but now I know that it's being passive aggressive... but seriously.... you could give a kinder reply. It's not like I don't suffer internally. It's just writing it out made me see it clearer. - Dick

 

[Wayfarer]

I understand how you feel. It's difficult to cohabitate with people you don't have a good relationship with.
Unfortunately, and this is my opinion, the problem is that you are keeping all these things to yourself. So anger just builds up. One day you won't be able to contain it any longer and this will result in obvious trouble.
The main point I can think of is to speak about this (or at least to hint about it) with the other person. But I advise you to be calm and rational. Alternatively you might want to consider this is just how you think about it but that it's not a deliberate action on that person's part.

 

[gabriel20]

Hi .M.P, sounds like an Alpha Male/Alpha Female situation. Please don't be offended by what i'm going to say next. I'm just a Man,and as we all know ,Men have only two problems ,everything they say and everything they do...................I keep free range chickens. And of course they are all Females. When you introduce a new one into the garden, the new one starts attacking the one they see as less dominate,to find what is called the "pecking order ". Because the new one feels insecure and trys to be the dominant one. From a Male point of view, best thing to do is be nice. Anything she says or does,smile nicely,be polite ,it will p**s her off. She is insecure and sees you as a threat . So be nice!

 

[Tiina63]

I think part of the problem is that quieter females who keep to themselves are often seen as rude by chattier women. I am female and introverted and have had this reaction, too, from more outgoing women. It is as if we are somehow 'letting the side down' by not being very talkative.
Like you I also tend to keep anger inside and then it eats away at me. I hope that the counsellor you will be seeing will help you.

 

[Limlim]

Sure could be a good idea! Not really a good thing to be passive aggressive. Though back in my day we didn't have that term. We just called it being a dick.

I really want to be sarcastic.... but now I know that it's being passive aggressive... but seriously.... you could give a kinder reply. It's not like I don't suffer internally. It's just writing it out made me see it clearer. - Dick

I'm not really sure what you mean. You said you were being passive aggressive and asked if you should change that. I'm pretty sure most people (yourself included) would agree that it is preferable to not be passive aggressive.

That last bit was more of a side note rather than a personal attack, I'm not really a fan of a lot of the new terms people use these days for things.

 

[user 108508]

I'm not really a fan of a lot of the new terms people use these days for things.

He also screams at random kids to get off his lawn and to turn down that noise.

 

[JHK]

I kind of understand where you're coming from. I was raised to be seen and not heard (as in REALLY not heard) so I never really learned how to get to know people. I'm extremely socially awkward. I don't get it. I watch people my age and I just can't seem to find a single thing to relate to them. They just seem (most of them) like they are still living in their early teen years. Maybe that's just being a normal, care free person, but I can't do it. So I sit, and I'm quiet, and I watch. I really only talk to one person, and if he has a bunch of people over, it's hard to get in there because he's a social butterfly and I'm most certainly not. And I know that they've told him that I'm weird, and I'm rude, and I'm messed up and I freak some people out. I've seen the looks some of the guys throw my way. It's all a part of watching. I'm not oblivious. I just can't make myself be like them.
Until I found alcohol. If I'm drunk or high, I'm a pretty social person. It's easier to forget what's going on in my head and I can make an attempt. Just depends on my mood. Sometimes I drink to be social, sometimes I drink to fight (whether I lose or not, that also depends on my mood. Sometimes it's alright to be taken down again). But I still haven't learned how to deal with people without being under the influence of some sort.
I can't really say anything other then that. I'm a waterless well when it comes to advice because I'm haven't fixed my own social retard-ism and I really don't know how. But I think I kind of get where you're coming from. And it's a shitty sort of place.

 

[Mistborn10]

im pretty sure the lyrics are "why'd ya have to be so rude", not sure where the cruel came from

 

[JHK]

im pretty sure the lyrics are "why'd ya have to be so rude", not sure where the cruel came from

Simply for curisousty sake, and because I'm bored, I googled those lines.
There's a 112 song that says "Why'd you have to be so cruel" and a Magic song that says "Why you gotta be so rude."
Maybe it's a song mix up? Or I have both wrong. Neither song is the type of music I listen too, so I have no idea.

 

[Therapon]

You said you're depressed. When you're depressed, you usually aren't very sociable. If people you're talking to aren't aware that you're depressed then they might not expect you to be silent.

On the other hand, it's not always easy to admit that you're depressed to people because then they might avoid you or judge you. The best thing you can do is to tell her about your depression if you haven't. If she's nice to you, then that's good, if she treats you badly for it, then it'd be safe to say that you need to find a better friend.

It's not a very good idea to keep your emotions inside if you can find good people to talk about them with. It'd most likely contribute to the depression to have things constantly lingering inside of you.

The main change I think you need to make is to try and talk about things with someone (either here, a counsellor or elsewhere) to free your thoughts, then you should be able to slow down and be calmer about things. Then you can reflect on things slowly without all these lingering thoughts in your mind.

 

[Four_in_the_morning]

Take some time out of your day to actively think about what others want and need, how to please them etc....

Sometimes treating yourself as the centre of the universe means you're missing out on connecting with others

What can you do for others today? I think u will get a much more positive reaction from ppl