Questions for the Men

[DarkSelene]

Wrong, PEOPLE dictate what is desirable to THEM, each as an individual.  Those who let society dictate what they do and don't do are, for all intents and purposes, shallow or maybe just a coward and I don't understand why people would want someone that can be so easily influenced about what they want.
My point is you can blame whatever the fresia you want, but it all boils down to YOURSELF and how you view the world and how you go about getting what you want.  If you want to continue to play the victim and blame anything and anyone but yourself for your issues, that's on you and you aren't going to get anywhere.  There are very few situations that can actually be blamed on something or someone else and there are no situations that are entirely to blame on something or someone else. 
If you want to let whatever is dragging you down dictate how you feel about the world and the cards you are currently holding in your hand, that's on you, milk that pity party for all it's worth and see how far you get.  But maybe, if you open your eyes, maybe see what people around you are seeing and take some advice that you might be given and actually TRY, maybe you'll see a little bit of change.  Maybe after that little bit of change, you'll start seeing more that maybe it's all internal and if you work really hard to get that honeysuckle out of your head and start thinking differently, you'll find that honeysuckle isn't as bad as you thought it was.

You said it yourself, people of all shapes and sizes are getting what they want in life, yet some of the people here aren't?  Why do you think that is?  The bad boys aren't to blame, money isn't to blame (although, it does help if you can support yourself), society isn't to blame, nothing of the other excuses are to blame.

You're being dragged down and can't feel bad about it? Any time someone gives an advice, you're just supposed to accept it and try it without questioning? But you're also supposed to question everything that society puts out there because you're an individual and have to figure things out for yourself, right?!

I'm trying to explain something on an emotional level, because I've been hearing about this from guys for a while and I can understand their perspective... I'm not using anything as an excuse to not do things, because I don't think they have something to do.

The bad boys are certainly not to blame. Because even if they were a thing in the context of how Ska puts them, who'd be to blame would be the majority of women who find that the most desirable -- not the guys who don't want to spend their whole life alone and decide to act that way (desirable) to get women. I.e. Majority of women (society!) dictating what is attractive.
Personally, I think it's a great amount of luck. Granted that the way you behave brings you closer to the people you find worthwhile, that you can make yourself look more attractive at least bodywise, and that money is achievable even if difficult... there's still a great amount of luck involved, plus a great amount of effort if you're the guy, because a chick will never just fall on their laps when they're the approachers.

The problem in discussing things with you, for me, is that you seem unwilling to relinquish your sense of superiority for the sake of listening to someone else's perspectives.
I'm done with this one for now.

 

[user 139760]

Paedophilia is weird.  D'uh.  I had the usual hatred of those men.  But then I saw one interviewed on TV.

It was quite confronting.  He said, basically:  "I am a paedophile.  I am sexually attracted to children.  I was born this way.  But I recognise it is abhorrent.  I have never touched a child, and I never will."


I can't say I really liked the guy, but it did make me think.

Saw something similar once. Who knows, maybe it was the same interview.

I respect that as well. To me, that's someone who looks at himself in the mirror and realizes he has a problem and instead of waiting for something horrible to come of it, he goes out and does something about it.
Sadly, that isn't my dilemma. If I was dealing with an actual man, maybe. In this case, it's not a man.

If I had done something of the like, which I don't really think I would ever, even under threat of force, be able to, but if I had, there wouldn't be any trial. I'd be the one banging on the doors of the worst prison of the country, asking the wardens to let me in, toss me in the crampiest, dirtiest cell they have, then throw away the key and then "Make me suffer. I deserve it". I think that's what someone who has the least bit of honor would do. Even Hercules, who wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, put himself under service to one lower than himself to atone for decades because he had, in a fit of madness caused by Hera, murdered his wife and children. Sure it's a myth, but it's also what an honorable man would do.
There's nothing honorable about this one. He isn't a man. Men feel responsibility for their actions and their consequences, if they're responsible for them. Man with a capital M (includes women). Those who don't...unfit to be included among the human race, in my book.

I'll never understand this lack of empathy or sympathy, or compassion, for others.
Then again...I hope I never will.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Wrong, PEOPLE dictate what is desirable to THEM, each as an individual.  Those who let society dictate what they do and don't do are, for all intents and purposes, shallow or maybe just a coward and I don't understand why people would want someone that can be so easily influenced about what they want.
My point is you can blame whatever the fresia you want, but it all boils down to YOURSELF and how you view the world and how you go about getting what you want.  If you want to continue to play the victim and blame anything and anyone but yourself for your issues, that's on you and you aren't going to get anywhere.  There are very few situations that can actually be blamed on something or someone else and there are no situations that are entirely to blame on something or someone else. 
If you want to let whatever is dragging you down dictate how you feel about the world and the cards you are currently holding in your hand, that's on you, milk that pity party for all it's worth and see how far you get.  But maybe, if you open your eyes, maybe see what people around you are seeing and take some advice that you might be given and actually TRY, maybe you'll see a little bit of change.  Maybe after that little bit of change, you'll start seeing more that maybe it's all internal and if you work really hard to get that honeysuckle out of your head and start thinking differently, you'll find that honeysuckle isn't as bad as you thought it was.

You said it yourself, people of all shapes and sizes are getting what they want in life, yet some of the people here aren't?  Why do you think that is?  The bad boys aren't to blame, money isn't to blame (although, it does help if you can support yourself), society isn't to blame, nothing of the other excuses are to blame.

You're being dragged down and can't feel bad about it? Any time someone gives an advice, you're just supposed to accept it and try it without questioning? But you're also supposed to question everything that society puts out there because you're an individual and have to figure things out for yourself, right?!

I'm trying to explain something on an emotional level, because I've been hearing about this from guys for a while and I can understand their perspective... I'm not using anything as an excuse to not do things, because I don't think they have something to do.

The bad boys are certainly not to blame. Because even if they were a thing in the context of how Ska puts them, who'd be to blame would be the majority of women who find that the most desirable -- not the guys who don't want to spend their whole life alone and decide to act that way (desirable) to get women. I.e. Majority of women (society!) dictating what is attractive.
Personally, I think it's a great amount of luck. Granted that the way you behave brings you closer to the people you find worthwhile, that you can make yourself look more attractive at least bodywise, and that money is achievable even if difficult... there's still a great amount of luck involved, plus a great amount of effort if you're the guy, because a chick will never just fall on their laps when they're the approachers.

The problem in discussing things with you, for me, is that you seem unwilling to relinquish your sense of superiority for the sake of listening to someone else's perspectives.
I'm done with this one for now.

You've been listening to them for a while?  You mean like YEARS saying the SAME THINGS and not doing anything to change their way of thinking, so they just keep on having the same results?  Does that make sense to you?   If honeysuckle ain't working, CHANGE IT.  No one has to listen to MY advice if they don't want to, but when several people are saying the same things, don't you think that might mean something? 
Seems like you are all about victimizing them, patting them on the back, telling them "no, you didn't do anything, you are perfectly fine, just keep on doing nothing,"  in essence, enabling them.  And yet you are accusing me of not seeing things from another's perspective? I know **** well how hard it is to change the way you have been for a long ass time.  To stop blaming others and take responsibility for your own actions and lack of results.  It may not have been about virginity, but I USED TO BE the other perspective, so yeah, I know it well.  Maybe not for the same reasons, but the end result is still the same.  I don't need you pointing anything out for me.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

It is not enough to be a man. You have to be a mensch.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It is not enough to be a man. You have to be a mensch.

Some people can't be a decent human being.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You're being dragged down and can't feel bad about it? Any time someone gives an advice, you're just supposed to accept it and try it without questioning? But you're also supposed to question everything that society puts out there because you're an individual and have to figure things out for yourself, right?!

Of course you can feel bad about it, but at some point, if you want to STOP feeling bad about it, you have to do something to change it. Never said you had to accept advice and do all of it without questioning, but again, if you want honeysuckle to change, you have to DO SOMETHING at some point. Taking advice doesn't mean you are following the crowd, it just means that sometimes you need a little guidance, a little help in finding your own path because you are so stuck that you can't figure out what to do. That's not being a sheep, that's accepting that you don't have all the answers and sometimes an outside perspective can help. That doesn't mean you are going down the same path as someone else because advice doesn't always work for everyone, but maybe, by giving advice, you can tweak it so it will work for you.

I'm trying to explain something on an emotional level, because I've been hearing about this from guys for a while and I can understand their perspective... I'm not using anything as an excuse to not do things, because I don't think they have something to do.

Yeah, I've been hearing about this from guys for a while too. YEARS to be precise. Years of the same posts and same thoughts, little, if anything changing. To me, that sounds like a stalemate, doesn't it? Don't you think it just might be time to get your head out of your ass and do something different?

The bad boys are certainly not to blame. Because even if they were a thing in the context of how Ska puts them, who'd be to blame would be the majority of women who find that the most desirable -- not the guys who don't want to spend their whole life alone and decide to act that way (desirable) to get women. I.e. Majority of women (society!) dictating what is attractive.
Personally, I think it's a great amount of luck. Granted that the way you behave brings you closer to the people you find worthwhile, that you can make yourself look more attractive at least bodywise, and that money is achievable even if difficult... there's still a great amount of luck involved, plus a great amount of effort if you're the guy, because a chick will never just fall on their laps when they're the approachers.

So, you are saying change their looks and change how much money they have, but NOTHING about their attitudes? Seriously? Again, that will just attract shallow people.
A guy will never just fall in my lap either, because if I don't go out and LOOK and TRY, nothing will ever happen, so I fall to see how that's just a guy thing. Women ARE more outgoing these days, women DO ask guys out.

The problem in discussing things with you, for me, is that you seem unwilling to relinquish your sense of superiority for the sake of listening to someone else's perspectives.
I'm done with this one for now.

So wait, if giving MY opinion is me being all superior, what does YOU giving your opinion mean? lol
I don't listen to another's perspective? Sorry, I used to BE that perspective. Maybe not about the whole virginity thing, but I'm been in the same mindset, so I know that perspective VERY well.

 

[ardour]

Paedophilia is weird.  D'uh.  I had the usual hatred of those men.  But then I saw one interviewed on TV.

It was quite confronting.  He said, basically:  "I am a paedophile.  I am sexually attracted to children.  I was born this way.  But I recognise it is abhorrent.  I have never touched a child, and I never will."


I can't say I really liked the guy, but it did make me think.

We shouldn't even contemplate viewing paedophilia as an orientation (albeit one that is unacceptable to act on). You know where this could lead, particularly when combined  with some recent misguided arguments from the Left about whether children should have the same rights as adults.

There are well documented examples of homosexuality and  'transgenderism' in the animal kingdom. None of paedophilia. It's a psychological disorder.

At least he owned up to it.

 

[Xpendable]

Things haven't changed for lack of trying, Calle, quite the opposite. I can't talk about other people here, but nothing I've done has worked. I find really insulting that you assume I've done anything and then believe we had the same mindset. Is not going to change because is not in my DNA to be the way I want to be. Like if I wanted to be faster than Usain Bolt by training a lot because he did, but he was born naturally faster than the rest. I don't want to believe I have to go recording my life and making a journal to prove what I'm saying. To record every conversation or social event I have. To record every progress I made at exercising or learning a new language. Record myself laughing with other people or making them laugh myself. Every picture of me playing music or writing or drawing or playing sports. Should do that? Should I go to a party and record myself? adding subtitles to everyone to prove how no ******* vibe exists in the eyes of sane people? To finally demonstrate how vacuous and meaningless everything is? I don't care what you think of all of this, honestly. You will never be right about anything that has to do with me or anyone who shows a problem you will never understand. I'm glad you disagree with me because I feel as special as I know I am. Because it means I can understand things the way an actual reflexive person does.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Please show me where I said you haven't tried? I believe I said your posts are the same and little, if anything has changed.
So because you don't believe vibes exist, that makes you sane and me insane? Lol, that's some excellent logic you have there.

 

[ardour]

I don't listen to another's perspective?  Sorry, I used to BE that perspective. 

No offence to personally,  but coming from someone who got married in their early 20s, this statement is utter rubbish.

 

[kamya]

Paedophilia is weird.  D'uh.  I had the usual hatred of those men.  But then I saw one interviewed on TV.

It was quite confronting.  He said, basically:  "I am a paedophile.  I am sexually attracted to children.  I was born this way.  But I recognise it is abhorrent.  I have never touched a child, and I never will."


I can't say I really liked the guy, but it did make me think.

We shouldn't even contemplate viewing paedophilia as an orientation (albeit one that is unacceptable to act on). You know where this could lead, particularly when combined  with some recent misguided arguments from the Left about whether children should have the same rights as adults.

There are well documented examples of homosexuality and  'transgenderism' in the animal kingdom. None of paedophilia. It's a psychological disorder.

At least he owned up to it.

In nature there is no age of consent though. Once they reach the age of being able to make babies... they make babies. For humans that's age 10-14. People tend to use the term pedophile for anyone attracted to those under whatever the age of consent is rather than the actual definition of being attracted to people that haven't hit puberty. 

I do agree though that its more of a psychological disorder. I doubt anyone is born a pedo.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't listen to another's perspective?  Sorry, I used to BE that perspective. 

No offence to personally,  but coming from someone who got married in their early 20s, this statement is utter rubbish.

How about someone who had emotional abuse for almost a ******* decade and by the end of it didn't think she was good enough for ANYONE?
Just because I was married doesn't mean I didn't have problems.  Doesn't mean I don't understand feeling like I was wasn't good enough for anyone.  Doesn't mean I felt like I mattered to anyone or that anyone would ever want me. Doesn't mean I wasn't **** close to killing myself.  Quite honestly, doesn't mean a lot of things. But you wouldn't know that, because you don't know what I've been through.  All you see is that I was married, so I had someone and probably had lots of sex.  But hey, I guess that makes what I went through just perfectly acceptable and I wouldn't understand honeysuckle, huh?

Also, I got married at 2 weeks before I turned 19, not in my early 20's.

 

[ardour]

But you wouldn't know that, because you don't know what I've been through. 

You’re right there of course. I should be careful  with the assumptions.

 Your way of recovering seems to have been to go to a kind of philosophical self-help extreme. It’s good if that’s worked for you, but I don't see it as necessarily helpful in every case.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But you wouldn't know that, because you don't know what I've been through. 

You’re right  there of course. I should be careful  with the assumptions.

 Your way of recovering seems to have been to go to a kind of philosophical self-help extreme. It’s good if that’s worked for you, but I don't see it as necessarily helpful in every case.

I'm not saying my way will work for everyone.  I know that it won't.  What I am saying is that it's entirely possible to accomplish it. 
You just have to figure out what way will work for you.  Whether it's from my advice or someone else's advice or you just trying a combination of advice you've heard or even just trying a million different things until you figure out what will work for you.  I know how hard it is.  It took me almost 4 years to work my way out of my honeysuckle and I failed a lot, I would take one step forward and 20 steps back a lot.  The point is to keep trying until you figure it out. 

But, on the off chance that my advice will work for SOMEONE, I'm going to keep giving it, because maybe it will help someone or inspire someone to find their own way.

 

[Xpendable]

Please show me where I said you haven't tried?  I believe I said your posts are the same and little, if anything has changed.  
So because you don't believe vibes exist, that makes you sane and me insane?  Lol, that's some excellent logic you have there.

Twisting and twisting, uh?
Show me how I haven't tried since you are so sure I haven't. It seems to me you just did a 180 and simply try to do exactly the opposite as you did before; which is not bad but also believing the exact opposite of what anyone else believes if it doesn't suit you. I don0t believe in anything that's is not measurable. Can you test this vibes? can you use a machine to detect them? Are they electrical? waves? chemical? You are the last person to talk about logic when all you do is form a map of the world and assign every meaning to want to believe as true and never be willing to change your mind. My posts are the same because nothing has worked, not because I haven't tried; learn to read.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Please show me where I said you haven't tried?  I believe I said your posts are the same and little, if anything has changed.  
So because you don't believe vibes exist, that makes you sane and me insane?  Lol, that's some excellent logic you have there.

Twisting and twisting, uh?
Show me how I haven't tried since you are so sure I haven't. It seems to me you just did a 180 and simply try to do exactly the opposite as you did before; which is not bad but also believing the exact opposite of what anyone else believes if it doesn't suit you. I don0t believe in anything that's is not measurable. Can you test this vibes? can you use a machine to detect them? Are they electrical? waves? chemical? You are the last person to talk about logic when all you do is form a map of the world and assign every meaning to want to believe as true and never be willing to change your mind. My posts are the same because nothing has worked, not because I haven't tried; learn to read.

"But maybe, if you open your eyes, maybe see what people around you are seeing and take some advice that you might be given and actually TRY, maybe you'll see a little bit of change."

This is the only time I have used the word try.  If you actually read the sentence, it means to TRY the advice.  To TRY to make the advice work, to TRY to find advice that could work. 
I never once said any of you don't go out and try to get a girl or friends or whatever.  I said little, if nothing changes, because you have it in your heads that you have all the answers and no one else could possibly know anything.  But of course that's true for you because you're SO much smarter than the rest of us, right?  And you tell ME I'm condescending?  lol  Yeah, okay. 
So let's see, I'm condescending, I'm illogical, I'm insane and I'm also illiterate?  Did I catch everything or did I miss any insults from you?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Knock it off. This bickering stops.

 

[Xpendable]

I've done everything you have said to change and more of what you can imagine. Didn't work. Accept that, let's move, you lose. I'm done, Sci.

 

[kaetic]

I just want to weigh in a little bit. I think this started asking the guys about how they view themselves based on their sexual status? I'm not going back to read more... I'm not a guy... But I am a virgin. I just wanted to say that while society does play a role, imo, in how we initially view sexuality and our own attractiveness, I don't see how it's not still a choice. My reasons are all about trust. I don't trust anyone enough to be that vulnerable with them. Also I don't really see myself as a loser for not trying to lose my virginity just for the sake of having "done it" and I wouldn't hold it against a guy either.

 

[ardour]

Nice to have that choice though, even if just for the ego's sake.
 
OKCupid are  changing their messaging process so that  users have to ‘like’ another user's profile before they’ll receive anything from them.  It’s meant to lessen the number of inappropriate messages and spam in people's inboxes, but  it means the vast majority of messages  sent will disappear into the either, never to  be read.  People of course will stop bothering, then it's basically Tinder where it's all about the photo.  There’s pushback even from female users, but it's going ahead anyway.