Random thoughts of a 22 year old college guy

[whocares]

Hello Everyone,

Just felt like typin' some stuff up in regards to where I'm at in life. Not really sure what the point of this is BUT I just felt like typing, so enjoy the read

I'll be a senior next year in college. My 3 years of college, so far, have been NOTHING like i thought they'd be. I've made 0 friends and haven't been too active socially. However, on the other hand I've gained some muscle (enough for other people to comment on it), tried my hand at stand up comedy 8 times (my dream in life is to be a comedian), and I've gained perspective on life. Overall I'd give my self about an 80% if that makes sense. I'm GENERALLY satisfied with my self but I always feel like I'm missing something

I've NEVER been good with girls, EVER. My freshman year myself and a friend of mine decided to make an effort to get better. We started going around campus and talking to girls. I got phone numbers, I went on dates, even had sex once. BUT NEVER have I had a girl-friend. I guess I've become pretty bitter about it. I try to remain optimistic but it's hard. This past summer I decided to try and approach 100 different girls. I only made it to about 31-32 because my spirit was pretty much broken at that point. I got 5 numbers and none of them resulted in anything.

I met one girl at Kroger. I told her I thought she was cute and asked for her number. We talked for a couple minutes and I asked her if she wanted to go to our school's baseball game on Saturday. She seemed excited and said yes. Although, when I called her she acted TOTALLY different and said she was 'busy'. I tried texting her later and got no response.

What's wrong with me? I'm a tall, dark haired, good looking guy. I'm not a social reject or anything like that either. I've been described by some as a "jock". I grew up as a shy kid but feel as if I've gotten over that. I mean I always participate in class conversations and am quite good at giving speeches. I guess I just want to fall in love. I want to experience what love feels like. I've got a buddy back home who's as SHY as SHY can be, I love the guy but it's true, and even he's managed to get a girl. She broke up with him this past summer BUT STILL! Why have I not had any luck in this area of my life? It gets down right depressing after a while. I mean am i cursed or what?!

I've got one more year of college left and I'm pleased with the major I've chosen. I've always been interested in Government and my degree is geared towards public administration. I would absolutely LOVE to work in Washington D.C. after college but I know it might be difficult to get a job there right away. I've got a huge decision to make to. If I truly want to pursue the path of a stand up comedian (something that I think I could truly become great at, and I say that modestly) I would move to Chicago or I can try and go to D.C., something I would also like.

Also, I’ve really put my religion on the back burner, which makes me a bit depressed as well. I grew up in the Christian faith and earlier this year was praying to God every single night to help me through this lonely time in my life. I would talk to him for 15-20 minutes at a time and ask for help. However after a while I just thought “the hell with this”. I felt as if he hadn’t answered any of my prayers so therefore I did not need him. This past year I’ve gotten good grades, done stand up comedy, and added muscle all without his help. It makes me sad though. I wish I could believe in him like I did when I was a kid, but at the same time I feel like there’s just too much bad honeysuckle in life for God to exist. Idk, very confused about religion right now.

Again, overall I'm about 80% pleased with my life. I just hope things get better after college, socially. It's not like I've done nothing socially at college. I've been to parties, got asked to join a frat, have hung out with a couple dudes for a while BUT haven't made any close friends. Although I do know what it's like to have close guy friends. I made a post on this site earlier about that very subject. I've got guys that I call my brothers because that's how close we are. I've cried with these guys. My point is I know what a true friend is. Therefore I don't feel like a social failure. It's just I never thought my college years would be sooo lonely. It's been...rough.

I'm somewhat optimistic about the fall because I've signed a lease with a guy who seems pretty cool. He's OBSESSED with sports just like I am : ), a senior too, etc. So hopefully we get along ok. Idk though, I've learned that you really never know what life has in store for you.

Thanks for reading. Comments are MORE than welcome.

 

[trZ]

Hi man, first off you seem like a cool dude and I get the feeling that with a little effort this shouldn't be too hard of a situation for you to get out of.

You know how to approach girls and you socialize well with them, but you can't seem to get a girlfriend out of it? Try to not be too attached to the outcome, and it will work wonders for you in the long run. Don't think about girls as potential girlfriends, just have fun, enjoy the ride and someday you will find someone. And even when you do get a girlfriend, it probably won't work out the first times. That doesn't matter because you will have to wait to find the "perfect" one, and you have loads of time man. As long as you are out there, gaining experience with women, you are on the right track to getting a girlfriend (that is worth the effort).

You say you are no social outcast, but you made no friends at collage. I'm guessing, but you probably have a hard time socializing with new people? How are you at social vibing? Set yourself a goal to meet new people, go out, be approachable, positive, friendly and smiling. If you work at getting friends, you will get friends. If you work towards having a big social network, you will get just that. Being socially inactive is a choice you make, and now that you want to get more social active, do it! You've got the solution already, my friend.

To gain close friends, you need to be with the same people, time after time. Obvious? Sure. But the thing is, if you don't make an effort to make close friends, you can't just cross your fingers and hope it magically happens. This isn't kindergarten anymore, unfortunately.

If you approached 32 women and only got 5 numbers, you are doing something wrong. Could you, maybe, elaborate on how you open and close? Do you feel any problems with keeping conversations going etc?

You're funny (standup comedian), but you are having a hard time gaining friends. That honeysuckle doesn't sound right. Why is it that you can't make friends, do you think?

About the girl at Kroger, you can't put too much into that honeysuckle. Girls give out numbers without wanting do go out with people, it happens, it sucks, it happens to everyone. Life goes on.

I'm somewhat confused about you, because it seems as if you are a social failure, but at the same time you.. are not? I'm really unsure.

 

[whocares]

trZ,

Thanks for your comments. You make a-lot of great points. I especially like your "This isn't Kindergarten anymore" line, because it's true. I understand what you mean. In elementary, middle, and high school you were forced to be around the same people day after day, so you're bound to make friends. Additionally, i was lucky enough to make some VERY good friends in my earlier years. Guys who I love like brothers. I've been extremely lucky in that regard because I think 1 TRUE friend is quite rare and i've had several.

BUT you are right my friend. In order to make NEW friends I need to put in more of an effort. I can't expect things to be done for me. I'm gonna go to a Cincinnati Reds game with my new roommate for next year with a couple of his friends next week so that will be a good start.

When I said that I wasn't a social outcast I meant that I do believe I'm pretty experienced socially. I know how to vibe people well and don't have many problems talking to others. I think my laziness gets in the way. So, yes you're right about that. With girls it's a different story though. I have put in a-lot of work in that area. My freshman year my friend and I were going on dates every other week it seemed like. After a-while though I just got tired of dealing with women. They all seemed too flaky and shallow. Take for example one girl I kissed on our first date. The 2nd date I was a bit nervous to see her again because I was still on a high from the 1st date and pretty much BOMBED on our second date. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.

So i'll take your advice on trying not to look for anything and just enjoy people's company. It's just hard though seeing couples walking around hand in hand. I just wish I had somebody sometimes. Sometimes I'm perfectly happy with myself and love the direction i'm heading in life but other days it would be nice to have a cute chickie on my arm. You know what i'm saying?

---

Also,

my approach is pretty direct. I usually tell them I think they're cute and ask if they are single. Another thing, COLD APPROACHING IS HARD. I usually go to the mall, target, or a book store and I've been approaching girls like this, by myself and with friends, for about 2-3 years now. It still scares the honeysuckle outta me. I mean it's a hard thing to do.

 

[trZ]

Edited out for the sake of threadstarter.

 

[whocares]

trZ,

As much as I appreciate the advice I don't need your insight on good and bad "vibing"

thanks but no thanks

 

[trZ]

Allright, edited it away. No use for a behemoth post of me miss calibrating everything and making a fool out of myself in your thread

 

[whocares]

Allright, edited it away. No use for a behemoth post of me miss calibrating everything and making a fool out of myself in your thread

Nah it's not like that man. I guess what i was trying to say is I'm sick of the flakiness of most girls my age. I don't really have a problem conversing with them, it's just that I wish I could get one to stick around. It seems today girls have so many options that it's useless to even try anymore. THAT's what gets me depressed, not the fact that I can't meet them.