Rant- I hate him

[CenotaphGirl]

I’m sitting here, wondering how to unhate him… but I cant. I actually have never felt like this before.

I dont want to see him ever again as long as I live… unless it’s his picture on a headstone. I wish him worms and rot, hell and judgement. I wish him suffering, I want him gone omfgggg I want him to just vanish.

I HATE that bloody cunt so much I really cant explain how much. When I think of us together I wanna burn my insides with a molten stick… I want him away from me, I feel so violated.

Idk how to cope with this, I am a good person but not when it comes to him. I am letting this go before it kills me, before HE KILLS ME, like he’s always wanted to do.

I literally hate him, words cant describe how much, im so angry im so hurt why would he hurt me??? I dont deserve it. I thought he changed but he NEVER will. I stepped up! I put his daughter 1st maybe everyones right, maybe im delusional … idk.

 

[okidoke]

I can tell you’re angry. You used the c word.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

As someone who has had blind rage problems my entire life, it's taken me a great deal of time to understand how to temper it down, and to understand what is meant by the saying of "anger is like a poison."

Very often it is justified and warranted, the trouble is, that it's very draining, very mentally and physically taxing.

That's why later after we decompress from it we usually feel guilty or emotionally off for retaliating in anger. Because it's mentally and physically exhausting.

All human emotional irrationality is like that.
It makes sense in the moment, but not after the fact.

But also at the same time being angry and doing nothing about it but bottling it up is often times even more unhealthy and can actually contribute to a great deal of health complications in later life.

Please be careful, and I hope you manage to decompress and harmonize again.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

As someone who has had blind rage problems my entire life, it's taken me a great deal of time to understand how to temper it down, and to understand what is meant by the saying of "anger is like a poison."

Very often it is justified and warranted, the trouble is, that it's very draining, very mentally and physically taxing.

That's why later after we decompress from it we usually feel guilty or emotionally off for retaliating in anger. Because it's mentally and physically exhausting.

All human emotional irrationality is like that.
It makes sense in the moment, but not after the fact.

But also at the same time being angry and doing nothing about it but bottling it up is often times even more unhealthy and can actually contribute to a great deal of health complications in later life.

Please be careful, and I hope you manage to decompress and harmonize again.

Honestly nothing about that man is human he is a literal waste of oxygen im so angry im almost out of breath with anger

 

[user 164061]

He's never ever going to change and he's always going to be a scumbag beyond belief. He's probably playing happy families to find a way in again just to hurt you, which is what he lives for to be honest. Despising him is a good thing as he is a vile piece of work who shouldn't be forgiven ever in my opinion. But that's just me .

 

[TheSkaFish]

I’m sitting here, wondering how to unhate him… but I cant. I actually have never felt like this before.

I dont want to see him ever again as long as I live… unless it’s his picture on a headstone. I wish him worms and rot, hell and judgement. I wish him suffering, I want him gone omfgggg I want him to just vanish.

I HATE that bloody cunt so much I really cant explain how much. When I think of us together I wanna burn my insides with a molten stick… I want him away from me, I feel so violated.

Idk how to cope with this, I am a good person but not when it comes to him. I am letting this go before it kills me, before HE KILLS ME, like he’s always wanted to do.

I literally hate him, words cant describe how much, im so angry im so hurt why would he hurt me??? I dont deserve it. I thought he changed but he NEVER will. I stepped up! I put his daughter 1st maybe everyones right, maybe im delusional … idk.

The only way I can think of, to "unhate" him, is to go full "no contact", if possible. Cut off contact with him completely.

I don't know if it is, if you are co-parenting, or what that situation is for you.

But if he's causing you this much physical and mental/emotional pain, and over and over again like you've said, then it's a sign that this situation is not going work. You won't be happy or healthy going through life like this. You've said this all before too, so I don't think he will change either. I don't know him, of course, but my impression of him is that he is spoiled rotten, and only thinks of himself, and has been this way his entire life, knows no other way, and doesn't see it as a problem. And even if you explained how it is in fact a problem, he wouldn't care. It sounds like he would just switch tactics to the manipulation game. He's the product of bad role models, and a society that bends over backwards for him and only validates his narrative that he is a superior being who deserves special treatment and can do anything he wants with no consequences, and that rules, norms, and common decency don't apply to him. Everyone else in the world, are just his playthings to do with as he wishes. I don't see him changing because all of his life, this is the message he's received from other people and the world. I don't see him wanting to change, because so far, this arrangement gives him everything he wants, and demands very little to nothing in return. Change means giving power away, and why would he want to do that? What would he get out of that? Nothing, in his eyes. Bullies never give up power voluntarily. And people with a transactional view of life, would never give up something, in exchange for what they feel is nothing.

No, I don't think he will ever change.

You have to ask, if whatever he has to offer is worth feeling like this, and putting up with all this nonsense that, I say again, is far from normal or acceptable.
Not everyone will treat you this way, so I really don't think so.

 

[user 164061]

The only way I can think of, to "unhate" him, is to go full "no contact", if possible. Cut off contact with him completely.

I don't know if it is, if you are co-parenting, or what that situation is for you.

But if he's causing you this much physical and mental/emotional pain, and over and over again like you've said, then it's a sign that this situation is not going work. You won't be happy or healthy going through life like this. You've said this all before too, so I don't think he will change either. I don't know him, of course, but my impression of him is that he is spoiled rotten, and only thinks of himself, and has been this way his entire life, knows no other way, and doesn't see it as a problem. And even if you explained how it is in fact a problem, he wouldn't care. It sounds like he would just switch tactics to the manipulation game. He's the product of bad role models, and a society that bends over backwards for him and only confirms that he is a superior being who deserves special treatment and that rules, norms, and common decency don't apply to him. Everyone else in the world, are just his playthings to do with as he wishes. I don't see him changing because all of his life, this is the message he's received from other people and the world. I don't see him wanting to change. Change means giving power away, and why would he want to do that? Bullies never give up power voluntarily.

No, I don't think he will ever change.

You have to ask, if whatever he has to offer is worth feeling like this.
Not everyone will treat you this way, so I really don't think so.

This is correct. I think one problem with the "no contact" situation is they both look after a child basically so that wouldn't be possible which is unfortunate. He knows this too and will use the child as a pawn in his scummy games he plays to get at Cen or to make her feel very upset/enraged. After hearing about this clown it's obvious change is not on his menu and just being horrible is because he knows no one will challenge him regarding his behaviour. It seems when Cen is getting better/happier he just wants to ruin it all and it really proves how vile he is. Truly astonishing how horrible one human being can actually be in this world.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The only way I can think of, to "unhate" him, is to go full "no contact", if possible. Cut off contact with him completely.

I don't know if it is, if you are co-parenting, or what that situation is for you.

But if he's causing you this much physical and mental/emotional pain, and over and over again like you've said, then it's a sign that this situation is not going work. You won't be happy or healthy going through life like this. You've said this all before too, so I don't think he will change either. I don't know him, of course, but my impression of him is that he is spoiled rotten, and only thinks of himself, and has been this way his entire life, knows no other way, and doesn't see it as a problem. And even if you explained how it is in fact a problem, he wouldn't care. It sounds like he would just switch tactics to the manipulation game. He's the product of bad role models, and a society that bends over backwards for him and only confirms that he is a superior being who deserves special treatment and that rules, norms, and common decency don't apply to him. Everyone else in the world, are just his playthings to do with as he wishes. I don't see him changing because all of his life, this is the message he's received from other people and the world. I don't see him wanting to change. Change means giving power away, and why would he want to do that? Bullies never give up power voluntarily.

No, I don't think he will ever change.

You have to ask, if whatever he has to offer is worth feeling like this.
Not everyone will treat you this way, so I really don't think so.

Why did I burst into tears reading this I am not mentally stable im so hurt ska and people like him genuinely think its a game to bend me till I snap and @Tryingtosurvive is the only person on here who knows me like well 90% better than most and he’s been on the phone to me while this monster has burst into my room and dragged my phone away from me shouting the odds about nothing, just being abusive. I always say sorry, try to deescalate for co parenting sake but I am at my end, I have nothing left and no one takes me seriously until I end up having a total break down.

 

[user 164061]

Why did I burst into tears reading this I am not mentally stable im so hurt ska and people like him genuinely think its a game to bend me till I snap and @Tryingtosurvive is the only person on here who knows me like well 90% better than most and he’s been on the phone to me while this monster has burst into my room and dragged my phone away from me shouting the odds about nothing, just being abusive. I always say sorry, try to deescalate for co parenting sake but I am at my end, I have nothing left and no one takes me seriously until I end up having a total break down.

It was really upsetting and horrifying when he did that to you during our call. I felt very helpless and useless not being able to help you. I'm not sure why people want to break you all the time and want to play games, they really don't give a shite it seems. They should want you to be healthy/better, not playing mind games and gaslighting you all the time. It truly is disgusting and sickening behaviour to read.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Why did I burst into tears reading this I am not mentally stable im so hurt ska and people like him genuinely think its a game to bend me till I snap and @Tryingtosurvive is the only person on here who knows me like well 90% better than most and he’s been on the phone to me while this monster has burst into my room and dragged my phone away from me shouting the odds about nothing, just being abusive. I always say sorry, try to deescalate for co parenting sake but I am at my end, I have nothing left and no one takes me seriously until I end up having a total break down.

Oh man.

I didn't mean to make you cry or upset you - it was just my assessment of the situation.

But I agree, there is a whole category of people out there, that something is just wrong with them, their mind, personality, the way they turned out. They're not mentally ill, they know what they're doing, they're just nasty to the core. And I agree, they will use these kinds of games, outbursts and fake niceness, over and over, push/pull, hot/cold. I don't see it ending unless they want to change, but I don't see them wanting to change because it means admitting fault, voluntarily giving up power, and just having a change of heart, a change of beliefs. They have to change what they really think and feel, and I just don't see it.

I'm sure it goes without saying but having someone burst into your room, taking your phone away and shouting at you is not normal, not OK. You live in a modern country with modern freedoms, you're not supposed to have to worry about living like that. That's why people want to live in the modern world, instead of the authoritarian world. You're allowed to talk to who you want to talk to, and have your own private space. Plus, he's not being much of a protector acting that way - that's just being a control freak and a bully. What he is protecting, isn't you but his own interests, his sense of control over you. He gets mad when your way, is different from his way.

Don't waste your life feeling like a prisoner. Walking on eggshells, is no way to go through life.


PS - yeah, I've gotten to know @Tryingtosurvive a bit myself, and I agree, he's an upstanding person.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Oh man.

I didn't mean to make you cry or upset you - it was just my assessment of the situation.

But I agree, there is a whole category of people out there, that something is just wrong with them, their mind, personality, the way they turned out. They're not mentally ill, they know what they're doing, they're just nasty to the core. And I agree, they will use these kinds of games, outbursts and fake niceness, over and over. I don't see it ending unless they want to change, but I don't see them wanting to change because it means admitting fault, voluntarily giving up power, and just having a change of heart, a change of beliefs. They have to change what they really think and feel, and I just don't see it.

I'm sure it goes without saying but having someone burst into your room, taking your phone away and shouting at you is not normal, not OK. You live in a modern country with modern freedoms, you're not supposed to have to worry about living like that. That's why people want to live in the modern world, instead of the authoritarian world. You're allowed to talk to who you want to talk to, and have your own private space. Plus, he's not being much of a protector acting that way - that's just being a bully. What he is protecting, isn't you but his own interests, his control.



PS - yeah, I've gotten to know @Tryingtosurvive a bit myself, and I agree, he's an upstanding person.

Awh nooo its not you Ska my darling its the situation breaking me down idk I really think you are an insightful person

 

[TheSkaFish]

Awh nooo its not you Ska my darling its the situation breaking me down idk I really think you are an insightful person

Thanks, I try to be. And I think you are insightful too.

I hope you can find the resolve, to remove yourself from this situation that you know is unpleasant and unhealthy.

 

[Cherubino]

my therapist told me it's useless to "order" my brain not to think or feel something ... it's more effective to put it to do something else ... like in your case loving someone or something else

 

[CenotaphGirl]

my therapist told me it's useless to "order" my brain not to think or feel something ... it's more effective to put it to do something else ... like in your case loving someone or something else

This is amazing I think your therapist is right, mine told me to take my thoughts to “court” and think of the evidence for or against but I struggle

 

[user 164061]

Oh man.

I didn't mean to make you cry or upset you - it was just my assessment of the situation.

But I agree, there is a whole category of people out there, that something is just wrong with them, their mind, personality, the way they turned out. They're not mentally ill, they know what they're doing, they're just nasty to the core. And I agree, they will use these kinds of games, outbursts and fake niceness, over and over, push/pull, hot/cold. I don't see it ending unless they want to change, but I don't see them wanting to change because it means admitting fault, voluntarily giving up power, and just having a change of heart, a change of beliefs. They have to change what they really think and feel, and I just don't see it.

I'm sure it goes without saying but having someone burst into your room, taking your phone away and shouting at you is not normal, not OK. You live in a modern country with modern freedoms, you're not supposed to have to worry about living like that. That's why people want to live in the modern world, instead of the authoritarian world. You're allowed to talk to who you want to talk to, and have your own private space. Plus, he's not being much of a protector acting that way - that's just being a bully. What he is protecting, isn't you but his own interests, his control.

Don't waste your life feeling like a prisoner. Walking on eggshells, is no way to go through life.



PS - yeah, I've gotten to know @Tryingtosurvive a bit myself, and I agree, he's an upstanding person.

Thanks man. You are a great person and cool

 

[user 164061]

@CenotaphGirl We will always support you and you can always speak when you need assistance❤. It's just terrible to know the scumbag is back to his old games of trying to break you and to make you feel miserable for nothing.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hate is a useless emotion, IMO. You can only hate someone that you care about deeply, otherwise it's not really hate. The problem with hating someone is that it's not helpful for YOU. All it's doing is continuing to give HIM power over you. He doesn't deserve that power. Don't give him that control.

He is who he is and you can't change that. Accept it and find a way to not let whatever he does or say get to you. Personally, redirecting that energy and emotion is not a good thing because you are essentially just burying it, instead of accepting it and moving on from it.

There are ways to do no contact when there are children involved, but that should be a last resort because you need to learn how to be civil with each other for the child. It's easier on them. If that's not possible, sure, go with the options that get around dealing with him, but an effort should be made. You don't necessarily have to LIKE each other, but you (both of you, not just one) should learn how to be civil with each other.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

@CenotaphGirl We will always support you and you can always speak when you need assistance❤. It's just terrible to know the scumbag is back to his old games of trying to break you and to make you feel miserable for nothing.

Awh thankies honestly im an emotional wreck and I feel like im a horrible person for hating someone Im genuinely not the type to hate people but i cant stand him

Hate is a useless emotion, IMO. You can only hate someone that you care about deeply, otherwise it's not really hate. The problem with hating someone is that it's not helpful for YOU. All it's doing is continuing to give HIM power over you. He doesn't deserve that power. Don't give him that control.

He is who he is and you can't change that. Accept it and find a way to not let whatever he does or say get to you. Personally, redirecting that energy and emotion is not a good thing because you are essentially just burying it, instead of accepting it and moving on from it.

There are ways to do no contact when there are children involved, but that should be a last resort because you need to learn how to be civil with each other for the child. It's easier on them. If that's not possible, sure, go with the options that get around dealing with him, but an effort should be made. You don't necessarily have to LIKE each other, but you (both of you, not just one) should learn how to be civil with each other.

I’ve tried so hard Callie, he can only be civil occasionally. I genuinely dont understand what changed between mothers day and now, I dont understand

 

[TheRealCallie]

I’ve tried so hard Callie, he can only be civil occasionally. I genuinely dont understand what changed between mothers day and now, I dont understand

Oh, I'm not saying it's easy. It's not and it's a long hard road to get there, but you can do it. With my ex, I've found that he is a major dick to me when he's fighting with his girlfriend.

In the end, you can't change him, but you can change your reaction to him. Keep trying, you'll get there.

 

[user 139760]

I disagree with everyone on here to an extent. Hate, or anger, is a powerful emotion and an equally powerful driving force if used properly. Because that's all it really is, an emotion, like happiness, or sadness, or melancholy or anything else. Blind anger and hate isn't good, because it's a circle that ends up coming back to bite you in the ass and stops you from thinking, especially if you can't remove yourself from the situation like it seems to be now. But you can use it. It's a defense and survival mechanism. It can lead you to do things you didn't think were possible.
Also, some people on this planet deserve to be hated. It's not politically correct to say so maybe, but it's still true. While it's true that without hate, there'd be no conflict, without conflict, there'd be no self-reflection, or change.

You feeling this way is an indication you're going through a situation you can no longer tolerate. Change the situation. If you feel like you don't have the strenght to, get angry. You'll find that it's a catalyst that can actually give you strenght you didn't know you had.
I had, to some extent still have, anger issues when faced with situations I find to be unjust or intolerable. Instead of standing by idly and just waiting for the situation to change by itself, I use that energy to change the situation. The trick is to not hold on to it all the time.

No one, and I mean NO ONE, should live through the situation that was described above with the phone call. It's childish, idiotic, petty and dumb. Whatever the circumstances, you can do better than that. You hate him now? Good. You **** well should. Change it. One way or another, change it for something better.
Just make sure you don't cling to it.

Mind you, this is just my own personal opinion and might not apply to you. But in my case, anger kept me alive. It has it's uses.