Sad realisation

[Serenia]

Today I got a metaphorical slap in the face.

The amount of time helping, thinking of, having feelings for people who at the end of the day don't give two shits about me in return.

The fair weather friends who have asked and expected me to put there needs first and yet when I have received such awful news and shared it, disappear without so much as a sorry this is happening.

The relatives who ignore I exist and am aware of struggling to care for their sick relatives and turn a blind eye so they can live their comfortable care free lives.

The small number of men who I have loved, cared for been there for and they never loved me in return. I think this is what hurts the most, the claims to have loved me, but actions speak louder than words. Cheap talk.

The fakes who have entered my life, invested my time and once I found out their game, they turn into nasty ******* and twist it all about to suit themselves without a regard that they had played with my feelings.

I am done, I feel I am losing an important piece of who I once was.

 

[kolmer]

Hey She-ra, I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

I've had some similar experience and realisations to what you talked about. All I can say is that you will find people who care and want to help you when you need it and not just expect you to help them. It may take some time, maybe take some time to travel or really get into a hobby or something new. If you find people with similar interests they could have a similar view on what it actually means to be a friend too.

If you ever need someone to chat to you can always feel free to pm me

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

Sorry this is happening to you dear. I'm going to agree with Kolmer. It may take a while, but those people will eventually show up. *hugs*

 

[lifestream]

I think we all come to this realisation at one point or another in our lives (or several points, in my case :/), She-ra.

I know how painful it is to deal with other people's careless indifference on a daily basis, but please, please don't give up on yourself. People can be ugly, selfish and cruel, but they can't strip you of your kindness and decency. Only you can do that.

 

[lonelydoc]

Yes I very much relate. People are simply this way, there's nothing you can do.
Oh and I was a fan of he-man back in the day. Not that this has anything to do with anything. My friends used to tease me about it.

 

[Tealeaf]

When I was growing up, I was an idealist. I was known for believing in second chances, for backing the underdog, and for standing up for people who were maligned. I believed I could help people in deep, dark places and make love happen.

Can't make something of the world it doesn't want to be, though. Many of those second chances just stabbed me in the back, the underdogs turned out to be only out for themselves, and the maligned were people who were hated because they constantly picked fights. The people in deep, dark places committed suicide or simply didn't change over time, and my desire to connect was met with everything from mockery to apathy.

I am a failure at being the me I wanted to be when I was young, and there are many people whose presence just rubs salt in the wounds because they naturally do all those things. C'est la vie. Don't make any more room for them than you need to.

 

[SophiaGrace]

When I was growing up, I was an idealist. I was known for believing in second chances, for backing the underdog, and for standing up for people who were maligned. I believed I could help people in deep, dark places and make love happen.

Can't make something of the world it doesn't want to be, though. Many of those second chances just stabbed me in the back, the underdogs turned out to be only out for themselves, and the maligned were people who were hated because they constantly picked fights. The people in deep, dark places committed suicide or simply didn't change over time, and my desire to connect was met with everything from mockery to apathy.

I am a failure at being the me I wanted to be when I was young, and there are many people whose presence just rubs salt in the wounds because they naturally do all those things. C'est la vie. Don't make any more room for them than you need to.

You are not a failure.

Not ever.

I think my esteem of you just went up reading this post of yours, in fact.

 

[Despicable Me]

When I was growing up, I was an idealist. I was known for believing in second chances, for backing the underdog, and for standing up for people who were maligned. I believed I could help people in deep, dark places and make love happen.

Can't make something of the world it doesn't want to be, though. Many of those second chances just stabbed me in the back, the underdogs turned out to be only out for themselves, and the maligned were people who were hated because they constantly picked fights. The people in deep, dark places committed suicide or simply didn't change over time, and my desire to connect was met with everything from mockery to apathy.

I am a failure at being the me I wanted to be when I was young, and there are many people whose presence just rubs salt in the wounds because they naturally do all those things. C'est la vie. Don't make any more room for them than you need to.

Honestly it sounds to me like you're just becoming one of the people She-ra is talking about....
You're generalizing a lot, and I mean a lot, of people and then saying you should only care about yourself in the end.
Isn't that the exact opposite message you want to bring?

Some people really do need second chances.
Not every underdog only cares about themselves.
Not every maligned person just enjoys starting fights.

You're basically just suggesting that everyone in the world is only out for themselves so you should be, too.
That isn't helpful advice.

The trick is to learn how to see through people, or even to understand why people do the things that they do. When you understand how people act and behave, when you learn to understand and truly forgive people, you also learn who deserves your time and who does not.
If you only invest time into people expecting something in return then it is not much different than 'using' someone like the people being talked about. You can't always expect something in return.

Some people really are just jerks, though. Live and Learn... Then forgive. Forgiveness is important because it lets you move on and forget the past. There is no reason to stay bitter, it only makes it harder to truly move on.
It's finding the good ones that makes the search all worthwhile.

 

[Tealeaf]

When I was growing up, I was an idealist. I was known for believing in second chances, for backing the underdog, and for standing up for people who were maligned. I believed I could help people in deep, dark places and make love happen.

Can't make something of the world it doesn't want to be, though. Many of those second chances just stabbed me in the back, the underdogs turned out to be only out for themselves, and the maligned were people who were hated because they constantly picked fights. The people in deep, dark places committed suicide or simply didn't change over time, and my desire to connect was met with everything from mockery to apathy.

I am a failure at being the me I wanted to be when I was young, and there are many people whose presence just rubs salt in the wounds because they naturally do all those things. C'est la vie. Don't make any more room for them than you need to.

Honestly it sounds to me like you're just becoming one of the people She-ra is talking about....
You're generalizing a lot, and I mean a lot, of people and then saying you should only care about yourself in the end.
Isn't that the exact opposite message you want to bring?

Some people really do need second chances.
Not every underdog only cares about themselves.
Not every maligned person just enjoys starting fights.

You're basically just suggesting that everyone in the world is only out for themselves so you should be, too.
That isn't helpful advice.

The trick is to learn how to see through people, or even to understand why people do the things that they do. When you understand how people act and behave, when you learn to understand and truly forgive people, you also learn who deserves your time and who does not.
If you only invest time into people expecting something in return then it is not much different than 'using' someone like the people being talked about. You can't always expect something in return.

Some people really are just jerks, though. Live and Learn... Then forgive. Forgiveness is important because it lets you move on and forget the past. There is no reason to stay bitter, it only makes it harder to truly move on.
It's finding the good ones that makes the search all worthwhile.

No, that's you jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. At no point did I say "use people". I explicitly said "don't make any more room for them than you need to". Which means that and nothing other than that. I also never said why I helped people; you're filling in the blanks to make room to preach to me.

And quite honestly, I don't give a honeysuckle.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Ra ra She-Ra. Been there.

There are too many people out for themselves and just use people for their own means, and once they are done with you they will step on you on their way out. Some will even wear soccer cleats so they leave a mark behind for you to remember them by.

 

[tc00]

I didn't see Tea's post as Despicable did, or see anything wrong with it. People speak from their own experiences and because of the past are often cynical and with good reason. From my own experience I find that when ya scratch the surface you find that the person is likely not what they appear to be. I have many emotions where these liars, users and thieves are involved. I always root for the underdog. Still people are not always true good friends back, there lies the rub. As this quote suggests. “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man". ~ Mark Twain

As far as the little speech on forgiveness, I think that whole thing is very individual, like depression itself. When one is left in a sinking boat in the middle of the sea, it's hard to forget, forgive and move on when the actions of others have left you in this submerging vessel to drown. To more than a few this is not just an analogy. I won't tell one they should forgive, it's not my feelings or my decision. Some forgive a lying, cheating, heartless wife, but I couldn't. Forgiving is a very personal and individual decision.

 

[ichat]

Hey She-ra,

Some bridges are worth burning so that you can build new ones. Don't ever give any human being the satisfaction of pulling you down and making you devalue who you are. Start the bonfire and watch the rotting wood burn, so that the new seeds can grow.

 

[Despicable Me]

No, that's you jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. At no point did I say "use people". I explicitly said "don't make any more room for them than you need to". Which means that and nothing other than that. I also never said why I helped people; you're filling in the blanks to make room to preach to me.

And quite honestly, I don't give a honeysuckle.

You've only proven my point with this post. You're pushing me away but I wasn't trying to judge you. I was trying to help you. The fact you took my post so negatively proves what I said was true.
And if you really didn't care, why'd you even reply? You're not being honest with yourself.

If that's the way you want to be then so be it. I was merely giving you something to reflect on to hopefully be a better person. It was constructive criticism. If it was just meant to be negative I wouldn't have given advice.
It's one thing to not give time to people who don't deserve it, but it's another to push everyone away because you fear they might not deserve it. Just remember that, alright?

 

[sothatwasmylife]

Not really sure how many people manage to become the people they would have preferred to have been..events can place so many obstacles in our paths that the ability to achieve that is undermined to the point where it simply isn't attainable
So you acknowledge the person that events have made you and at least attempt to make it work for you...People are incredibly resilient...surviving the deepest forms of depression...suicidal ideation....abuse and maltreatment...and we still retain something of our selves....but none of us can survive in isolation

 

[SeaBee]

I can to relate to that She-Ra. Married 9 years to find out my ex-wife was lying to me on nearly everything, I supported her for 5 years while she was unemployed and at the end not even a thank you, but instead complained I wasn't listening to her incessant complains. I will never understand people that lies to their significant others and just use you.