I've recently gone through a period of low self-esteem. Certain people - who are actually nobody to me - have seen me as stupid, naive, empty-headed, etc. These opinions took hold of my psyche, and it's my belief that I began acting in the manner I was seen by these people. Everyone I met seemed to hold these same low opinions of me. This has never happened to me before. Has anyone had the same experience?
Seeing Yourself Through The Eyes Of Others
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freedom
Well-known member
this has never happened to me, but let me tell you something: don't EVER let someone's opinions about you mold you into something that you're not. this is no way to live. instead, know what the truths are and stand firm with them. we're all smart in some way. don't let people's comments about you being stupid or empty headed bring you down. people that make those comments are very insecure about themselves and are probably just jealous that you're smarter or know more about a certain subject then they do.
best of luck!
best of luck!
Thanks, freedom. You're right, of course. Yes, we are each smart in some way, and by the same token, we are each naive in some way. (I really hate that word "naive." ) Someone was bragging to me about his "street smarts" using the facts that he was an ex-heroin addict and had been to prison several times. He called me an effin-idiot because of how the ex used me, but in reality, someone who spends years of his life locked up has no room to talk about idiocy. And while the ex did use me heavily for a year, and less so for another year, she's back supporting her deadbeat ex-husband and son. I still have my job, home, car and Harley. Hmmm...who's the real idiot here? She lost a good man who loved and took very good care of her, over drugs and indiscriminate sex. What an idiot she was!
I've never really experienced this before - at least not to that extent - and though I knew what my true friends were telling me was correct, it was difficult to feel it as truth, as I was hurting quite severely. I guess my head and heart weren't syncronized, and it snowballed into making me empty-headed and hurting even more. The lesson from this is that no matter how old we are, and regardless of what we have experienced, we never stop learning about ourselves.
Tom
I've never really experienced this before - at least not to that extent - and though I knew what my true friends were telling me was correct, it was difficult to feel it as truth, as I was hurting quite severely. I guess my head and heart weren't syncronized, and it snowballed into making me empty-headed and hurting even more. The lesson from this is that no matter how old we are, and regardless of what we have experienced, we never stop learning about ourselves.
Tom
Wow, for someone who doesn't know you to say that is just simply rude. I agree with what Freedom said, it's hard not to let what people say about you get to you. What works for me sometimes is thinking where it came from, they don't know me so they can go suck an egg if that's their opinion without even taking the time to talk to me. I'd be more concerned if it came from someone you've known for a long time or were close to.
C
Callie
Guest
Only YOU can make yourself feel inferior, naive, stupid, like an idiot, or anything else you want to add there...and that also applies to being happy and content. YOU are the only one with the power to make yourself feel a certain way. As far as your friend being calling you an idiot and you feeling bad about that. What are you doing turning around and putting HIM down for his bad choices? I see that as hypocrisy. And yes, I am aware that EVERYONE is a hypocrite in some way or at some time.
I was once told this...What other's think of you is none of your business. It's true. Who cares what they think, it doesn't DEFINE you unless you let it.
I was once told this...What other's think of you is none of your business. It's true. Who cares what they think, it doesn't DEFINE you unless you let it.
I know the person, but not well. He's just an acquaintance. He knows my ex intimately, though. She was screwing him for dope while he was dating his current wife. What a piece of garbage - both of them. His wife considers my ex to be a good friend, as well. How people can betray others and then look them in the eye is beyond me.
No, Callie. I'm pointing out his (and her) hypocrisy. IOW, an ex-con ex-heroin addict has no business calling ANYONE an idiot.
No, Callie. I'm pointing out his (and her) hypocrisy. IOW, an ex-con ex-heroin addict has no business calling ANYONE an idiot.
L
Ladysphinx
Guest
I know that they say what people think of you is non of your bussiness but if you have things that need to be fix how will you know if no one informs you. I don't try to be someone else but self improvement is importend to me. I had no real guidance as a child and till today I need to work on me. How will I know what I need to chance to better my self if I'm ignorant in how I come across as.
As a child I was always told how bad/stupid/ugly/useless/irritating/worthless I was. Even today I can't help concidering what ppl think of me, ppl don't realize that if they think I'm smart thoughtfull or what ever and letting me know helps to break free from the chains as to how I see my self. Yes maybe ppl think I'm full of myself when saying so but what ppl think of me is importent as I'm looking at my self through the looking glass of how I was raised, as does everybody else with themselfs. I can not speak for all that feel like missfits but I believe there are a few that can agree with me. Knowing what ppl think of you can either help you solve social problems or help you realize that your not as bad as you see yourself. But taking what ppl say and festering in that is damaging, while it does not need to be. When someone tells me I'm childish I'll work on fixing that issue it does not mean that I loose my self I just work on bettering myself. It's a lot like practising a sport. If someone gives critic on how you kick the ball which cause it to be less acuret you find out why and you fix it.
As a child I was always told how bad/stupid/ugly/useless/irritating/worthless I was. Even today I can't help concidering what ppl think of me, ppl don't realize that if they think I'm smart thoughtfull or what ever and letting me know helps to break free from the chains as to how I see my self. Yes maybe ppl think I'm full of myself when saying so but what ppl think of me is importent as I'm looking at my self through the looking glass of how I was raised, as does everybody else with themselfs. I can not speak for all that feel like missfits but I believe there are a few that can agree with me. Knowing what ppl think of you can either help you solve social problems or help you realize that your not as bad as you see yourself. But taking what ppl say and festering in that is damaging, while it does not need to be. When someone tells me I'm childish I'll work on fixing that issue it does not mean that I loose my self I just work on bettering myself. It's a lot like practising a sport. If someone gives critic on how you kick the ball which cause it to be less acuret you find out why and you fix it.
Badjedidude
Well-known member
If I took the time to look at myself through others' eyes, I would:
1. Be spending way too much time thinking about myself.
2. Realize how truly annoying and pushy I can be (especially to women).
3. Begin to doubt who I am as I see myself.
...Sure, as an exercise to make sure I'm not hated by everyone around me, I guess that seeing myself through others' eyes could be useful. Mostly I tend to not go there. I just assume that if I ever go too far or get out of hand then someone will let me know and I'll self-correct.
*shrug*
1. Be spending way too much time thinking about myself.
2. Realize how truly annoying and pushy I can be (especially to women).
3. Begin to doubt who I am as I see myself.
...Sure, as an exercise to make sure I'm not hated by everyone around me, I guess that seeing myself through others' eyes could be useful. Mostly I tend to not go there. I just assume that if I ever go too far or get out of hand then someone will let me know and I'll self-correct.
*shrug*
It is true though, for example at work, i know a guy lets call him Ted. Ted's a smart guy but was sheltered most of his life. He has a really hard time making decisions on his own, and this leads people to think he's stupid, but he's not. He's a great musician, he's never played in a band, and can't get people to start one with. This guy would literally give you the shirt off his back, i've talked to him about growing a bit of a back bone, so he wont be used etc but it's just not in his nature, he's just too nice. However he's stuck in the same rut. It's incredibly hard to change peoples pre-defined notions on who you are. It's even harder when most of the people you want to have a social life with are your work colleagues, office buildings have the worst gossip i've ever seen.
My advice, if possible try and change your scenery. It would be alot easier if you could meet new people who don't know you and just be natural. Like BJD said, it dosent help to pull yourself down in your head. You don't have to go threw life being "the Badest Mofo on the planet" but go through it with your head held high, because no ones better than you unless you let them be.
Stop Hanging with Addicts... Especially Chemical Addicts (Though Alcohol can be just as bad) Trust me, some of my best friends i wouldn't leave alone with 40 bucks.. I love them to death, we've fought war's together, but in the end their a slave to their addiction.. You never truly get over it, and when your in love with an addict... Its Volatile man.. be glad you had some good times and learned some lessons.
Vanilla Cream mentioned in a different thread how love dosent make sense.. It dosent make you stupid, just human.
My advice, if possible try and change your scenery. It would be alot easier if you could meet new people who don't know you and just be natural. Like BJD said, it dosent help to pull yourself down in your head. You don't have to go threw life being "the Badest Mofo on the planet" but go through it with your head held high, because no ones better than you unless you let them be.
Stop Hanging with Addicts... Especially Chemical Addicts (Though Alcohol can be just as bad) Trust me, some of my best friends i wouldn't leave alone with 40 bucks.. I love them to death, we've fought war's together, but in the end their a slave to their addiction.. You never truly get over it, and when your in love with an addict... Its Volatile man.. be glad you had some good times and learned some lessons.
Vanilla Cream mentioned in a different thread how love dosent make sense.. It dosent make you stupid, just human.
Thanks to everyone. Good advice from all. I'm feeling much better. What my psyche has been through is very astounding to me. What everyone was telling me - indeed, what I already knew to be truth - had no effect on how I felt. Quite mysterious. Above all, time is the ultimate healer.
To go into a bit more depth on the awful relationship I had: I knew - I absolutely knew that woman (I'll call her Judy) was using me before I allowed her to move into my home. I knew Judy was a liar. I knew she was a thief. I knew she was an alcoholic. She had me fooled on the drug use, but so what? I accepted the alcoholism, so what's a little meth going to matter? She played the "I'm a little good girl" routine, but I never bought into that. I didn't realize how much of a whore she was, but I never believed (nor would I expect) her to be innocent, especially since she did reveal much of her history which was anything but innocent. Previous to meeting her, it didn't take much for me to tell a woman goodbye. When I met Judy, realizing how messed up she was, I told myself to calm down and give her a chance. Big mistake. At first, I was in complete control of my emotions. Within a month of moving in, I had asked her to leave. She began crying and pleading until I agreed to give her another chance. Second big mistake. A long line of fights, breakups, tenth and eleventh chances ensued, until she had pushed me away so thoroughly that there was nothing left in my heart. She had become a habit (I was probably co-dependent), and it took finding someone else to complete the separation. The lesson I've learned is to never ignore my instincts. I had not ignored them before her, and I haven't since (the woman I met immediately after Judy lasted three dates before I kicked her to the curb, and she was an angel in comparison to Judy). Why I allowed Judy to use me so heavily is beyond my understanding, and I guess I'll just leave it there: as a mystery.
And yes, NOAH_FX. It's never stupid to love someone.
To go into a bit more depth on the awful relationship I had: I knew - I absolutely knew that woman (I'll call her Judy) was using me before I allowed her to move into my home. I knew Judy was a liar. I knew she was a thief. I knew she was an alcoholic. She had me fooled on the drug use, but so what? I accepted the alcoholism, so what's a little meth going to matter? She played the "I'm a little good girl" routine, but I never bought into that. I didn't realize how much of a whore she was, but I never believed (nor would I expect) her to be innocent, especially since she did reveal much of her history which was anything but innocent. Previous to meeting her, it didn't take much for me to tell a woman goodbye. When I met Judy, realizing how messed up she was, I told myself to calm down and give her a chance. Big mistake. At first, I was in complete control of my emotions. Within a month of moving in, I had asked her to leave. She began crying and pleading until I agreed to give her another chance. Second big mistake. A long line of fights, breakups, tenth and eleventh chances ensued, until she had pushed me away so thoroughly that there was nothing left in my heart. She had become a habit (I was probably co-dependent), and it took finding someone else to complete the separation. The lesson I've learned is to never ignore my instincts. I had not ignored them before her, and I haven't since (the woman I met immediately after Judy lasted three dates before I kicked her to the curb, and she was an angel in comparison to Judy). Why I allowed Judy to use me so heavily is beyond my understanding, and I guess I'll just leave it there: as a mystery.
And yes, NOAH_FX. It's never stupid to love someone.
ChiCowboy said:
people tell you that you are a loser and you feel that you are a loser.
i have had the exact same experience many times. i can see it coming now and that is why i get so angry at myself if someone like that gets one over on me ...
the bread and butter of people like this is to manipulate you emotionally, make you feel unwanted and with out respect, so they can lower your confidence. they even pretend to help you with your low confidence as they break it down.
i have had people do some far out things. once a girl drugged me and played mumbo jumbo self help audio cds. she couldn't even do the manipulative work herself... she used a tape!
i did the same exact thing that you did with judy once. i knew this guy was a liar and using me and trying to make me feel bad. but he was such a wuss, i let him move in. at that time i didn't want to be alone. i believed that for the most part i could control him/maintain control of my home. it was stupid and i was not being strong... eventually he did get the upper hand and ignored me and disrespected me ...
just don't give them an inch. that's all that you can do. never open up to someone like this, just laugh at them. you will meet more people like this...
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