Seeking a relationship without friends?

[Ridin Solo]

So I just swallowed the bitter tasting "She's just not that into you" pill with this girl at work who advertises that she has no social life but doesn't want one with me... after wasting several months and suffering through a horrible bout of depression I'm starting to find the strength to get back to the drawing board.

That brings me to the thread title.... is it rational? It seems like last semester I was given a lot of "approach invitations" from different girls in my college... one actually approached and the rest gave the "look." All these girls were attractive on different levels and I'm sure they all have active social lives. The biggest roadblock in making the approach for me is thinking "They'd think I'm weird for having no friends... it's a waste of time." Is this illogical? Is it a dealbreaker to be a loner if you're attractive, confident, and funny to that person? In my mind I think most girls would be immediately turned off. It sucks because if I had the right girlfriend I think I'd have the confidence to pursue friends more aggressively. It's a shitty catch 22 situation for me. I'm not sure what feedback you guys could give but any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

 

[Splenda-Kills]

Ah, well, I guess it all boils down to the individual you're going for, but I would imagine that it doesn't matter much for you to have no friends if you're already attractive, funny, etc. to women. So, yes, I would have to say that it is quite irrational, and maybe just shock factor from the previous rejection. In an ideal situation, a girl would either put you and your "loner" status in the same category as an adorable lost puppy that she HAS to take home and nurture (i.e. her natural maternal instinct) which could work in your favor OR your "loner" status could mean nothing at all to her. I would imagine that the latter would prove true in most cases. Even if one would find you strange for having no friends, I doubt you would want to spend time on someone so closed-minded anyhow.

But, hey, whatever flies your plane.

 

[Remedy]

I agree that some girls would look at a guy with no friends as adorable and would love to be with someone like that to feel like they are there for them. Personally though I do know there are plenty out there that would look at it like there is something wrong with the person and they wouldn't be quality relationship material. Just look at the bright side though, there are girls out there that give you those "looks" and give you the sign to approach them. When there are some guys like me who never get any at all. So you are like a part of the way there. Its just about finding the right girl that is accepting of someone who has no friends and I'm sure there are plenty of them out there. Its just about being in the right place at the right time. If girls are giving you signs just go up to them and iniatiate conversation. And in the end if you find out that they are not accepting of guys with a limited social life they wouldn't be worth it anyways.The worse that can happen is rejection right? So I say go for it and try not be worried about what other people might think about you but I know it can be difficult. When you fall down you have to get right back up.

 

[Brian]

Yeh, I swallowed a similar pill today. I sort of know this girl who was married to a real sack of honeysuckle (he held a gun to her head over some stupid honeysuckle, totally inexcusable). She's away from him now because she figured it out, but more or less made it known today it'd be a cold day in hell before she went out with me when someone said she should.

Hmph.

 

[Ridin Solo]

Yeh, I swallowed a similar pill today. I sort of know this girl who was married to a real sack of honeysuckle (he held a gun to her head over some stupid honeysuckle, totally inexcusable). She's away from him now because she figured it out, but more or less made it known today it'd be a cold day in hell before she went out with me when someone said she should.

Hmph.

Man, nothing hurts worse... especially if for the last few months 95% of your mental capacity was dedicated to fantasizing about the fun you and her would have once you were together. Now even after the "implied rejection" my default thought is her... everytime I close my eyes at night I picture her face... relive our interactions... and my heart beats a mile a minute with panic knowing I can't have her. For people with a support system this is hard to deal with... for someone without one like myself it's not too far from impossible.

Sorry for derailing my own thread... today was one of the most morbidly hopeless days of my life. Thank you Splenda and Remedy for restoring some of that hope, I appreciate it.

 

[Coverage]

The short answer is "yes", there will be girls that dont want to go out with a guy who isnt very socially active, but you must keep in mind that there are alot of girls out there who wouldn't care at all as long as they find you attractive.

If you let your fears hold you back then you will not only miss out on many opportunities, but you will never progress as far as your social life is concerned. Fear and self doubt are your biggest enemies and you must try and overcome them.

 

[FillyTheBish]

I sort of have the same issue. I have lots of acquintances, but none that I would consider social friends.

My ex partner of 4 years found it a bit annoying that I didn't have friends, she would often push me to try and get some, but it never worked out for me.

I feel a lot of women would be scared and see alarm bells when they realise I'm a loner; I think loners have got a bad rep lately what with all the psychos in the news who usually turn out to be loners.

But if I let it be a problem, then it will be worse, so I try to ignore it and just avoid conversation about friends etc. Or I'll just make something up if in a convo about it.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Change your thinking ..change your life or stop thinking so much.
If you stop aynilizing everything all the time...then intuitively other thoughts will come into your mind
There's plenty of beautiful women out there...actaully all women are beautiful in their own ways.
Stop putting women on a pedistal...they're just human beings.

Make a chioce to be happy with yourself and follow through.
It might take a bit of discipline, will power or a consious effort to break old thinking patterns or perceptions.
The more you practice it...it will become a natrual part of you..or your new habits.
if negative thoughts enters your mind or thougths of wondering what other people thinks about you...simply nevermind or let go.
Then you'll be back in a happy state or being again.
Control your mind or it will control you....
Letting go of your thoughts is one of many ways of controling your mind. You have the power to ignore your own negative thoughts or perceptions too.
You also have the power and freedom to change your mind
Simply allow yourself. You are not your thoughts or feelings...You have thoughts, feelings or habits.

Logically or commonsense say...why run with self defeating thoughts, feelings or habits?
It's just habits, familar to your mind...and even sometimes comforting to you.
Just becuase it's comforting...dosn't necessary means it's healthy for you.

Your mind is neutrual...it dosn't care what data you or others load in there...It dose exactly what you have chosen or let in.
Filter out the negative BS you tell yourself or other tells ya.
You can deprogram yourself anytime you want or change your life anytime you chose to...You are free to do so


Being in a state of peace and happiness...you'll be more aware of different people coming into your life or crosses your path.
Sometimes you'll even attract people into your life. It might not happen all the time...but it happens more than you think
or aware of.
I had a woman that I never met before...made herself availiable to me.
We had a nice conversations...just chit chat about whatever. She knew I was checking her out. She wanted me too.
She didn't look like a super model that you might see in mags...but she was very pretty and cute.
She was just in her casual wear...if she put on make up or dress up...She would be stundingly beautiful.
Beats the hell what she was thinking about me..I can't read her mind....I read her body though


Bascailly I was approchable...

Why do you even classified yourself as a loner? Why do you even put yourself into a box?