Self-defeating beliefs and life so far :)

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Hey everyone,

it's been a while since I last posted a message here. I didn't post a lot of messages anyway, but it was nice to re-read all the comments

First of all, life's better than it used to be. I still feel lonely from time to time, but I've discovered I have a lot of friends and more importantly, I know who I am and I can get things done.

I still struggle, though, mainly because of the past, and it has to do with self-defeating beliefs. I had a pretty weird upbringing, with a borderline mom, a chronic illness (I am diabetic) and a dad who was never at home.

What I've learned is that I (used to) believe the things I'd been told and that I'd experienced throughout my life. But, those beliefs are slowly changing because I consciously undermine them: I don't try to forget the past, but accept it and tell myself firmly that that was another person. In a way I was, and I've come a long way since: I no longer feel sorry for myself or make excuses, I stand up for myself though it's still hard, I keep my mind on the things that matter.

People tell you you can't be this or that, I could never be a 'popular' guy, or- in general -kick some ass (though I am not interested in being popular, as long as I get to sleep with the hottest girls, who cares?)

BS in my opinion.

It depends mainly on who you want to be, people will always put you down, even if it is not their intention. Life's too weird and overwhelming to spend on worrying and loneliness, we live on a tiny rock in a gigantic universe, that is by default pretty messed up (I try to keep that in mind when things get really hard).

I also realize I am safe, which is important for everyone: I am a smart guy, surprisingly good at social stuff, and I can take care of myself. Better yet, I just ignore the past. It has nothing to do with the new me, in fact, it taught me some valuable lessons.

I didn't believe I could change, and so I couldn't. I've proven to myself- by now -that I can by taking matters into my hands, but mostly because I no longer make excuses for what I do (I worry a lot less as well)

I still try to put things in perspective, but it all seems simple now. In fact, I posted somewhere I didn't understand why I didn't have girlfriend. The answer was pretty simple: I never asked anyone out or made my intentions known.

Good news is, I have a date (she's pretty, fun and we get along well). I feel great. I have friends whom I love and who support me (and I support them: first give something, then get something in return).

I know, makes sense, we all know what has to be done. The trouble for me was doing it. And it's still weird: all I had to do was forge my own destiny, and I am still doing it.

What about you guys? Any examples of self-defeating beliefs and how they inform(ed) your behaviour?

Sam

 

[juntavich]

Hey,

Great post...encouraging!

Sometimes I look at all the things that have passed me by and that are passing me by and I either feel regret or divert energy into not feeling anything negative..

but

What you say above is really spot on..you gotta consciously undermine the things and people that say you cant

Thats easier said then done but things can change, I believe it..although they havent for me yet, something keeps me going and someday they will.

One thing Im trying to do differently is keeping fit..really trying hard to commit and control my body to give me the confidence and sense of achievement..but its hard..results are slow in coming and you gotta keep going

Hopefull I can, but I appreciate your approach dude.,

Thanks

 

[Sam_Wright_1988]

Good point: when you try to grow, results are always slow and you'll make mistakes! That's the point , I still have a hard time accepting that as well

Same applies to me, but I'd rather learn than wait around (these days at least), I am struggling with that too. But it's all just a matter of biting the bullet and having it over with. You- as a person -are already there. You have dreams and expectations, and even though nobody likes to admit it, only you know what you're worth (and you're worth a lot), it's scary to listen to that inner-person, but he's right, let him out

"Sometimes I look at all the things that have passed me by and that are passing me by and I either feel regret or divert energy into not feeling anything negative."

I especially like that part, very familiar. Those are all opportunities IMO, waiting to be seized. It's really weird but all you've got do is reach out and grab them , easier said than done, but all it takes is a little practice. Next time you see one, seize it, it'll make you feel a lot better I am sure

And of course: when you believe you can change you can, when you don't believe you can, you can't, hmm, am repeating myself a bit ha ha

Anyway, success is never easy, no matter how small or insignificant, you'll have to work for it. We all do

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I grew up in a dysfunctiional home...so there were a lot of
unworkable ideas and beliefs being tossed around.

A lot of my recovery is about changing.
And it bascailly has to start from the way I think and believe.
It's an on going process.

It can be difficult at times becuase I'll still met people or know people.
Even some members on here are running on some of the old ideas and
beliefs i used to run with, which will try to reinforce it.

Anyway it depends how Im feeling and whats happening around me.
Sometimes Im very vunerable mentally and emotionally.
So it's like a balancing act of trying not to isolate myself.

Im going through some changes in my life again.
Alot of stuff from my past came up and I felt I had to face
down my deamons, rectify the matter or set things right.

I feel Im degressing some what. Acting out to some of my old behaviors.
Im fully awear im doing this. The difference is I dont condemm
myself like I used to. Yes Im making mistakes. The same mistakes
over and over again.

Im a little tired and werry at the moment.
Trying not to think or worry so much.
So I know not to take things too serious, make big dicisions.
Lot of old thoughts and ideas are floating around in my head
becuase Im just tired. So Im bascailly just being transparent
to them sort of speak.