She cancels data by text message - how to respond properly

[ToddShark]

Disclaimer: This is advice for the men not for the women.​

"Never put me down again" [wannabe Depeche Mode]

- Sorry, I cannot come. I have an exam tomorrow.
- Sorry, I feel cold. Have to stay in bed.
- Sorry, I need to visit parents.

Above are some of typical date cancelling text messages. Usually just short
while before the schedule.

You call back but she is not picking up the phone.
You send a message "What about tomorrow?"
No response.
"OK, what about Friday?"
"Saturday?"

Maybe, you will get a response like this: "I have to prepare for the exam next days."
But probably you will not get any response at all.

This type of cancelling usually means you lost a battle.
She is not interested in you.
Because woman's interest looks slightly different:

- Sorry, I cannot come. I feel cold.
- Sorry, I cannot come. I feel cold. Can we meet next week?

Do you see it?
She is really sorry and offers an alternative. In this case, everything is on
track.
Don't worry it will take few days more.

Without alternative to cancelled the date, she usually has low (or even zero)
interest to meet you.

If you start to chase her, offering another schedules, asking why she
rejected date (if she even has got you an explanation - it happened many
times to me) you will not only lose the battle but the whole war.

If you answer properly, there is very small (but non-zero) chance to raise
her interest back.

1. If cancellation reason is illness (accident, illness of parents, a lost dog,
   a dead cat,...), just wish a quick recovery. Nothing more.
   
   
2. If there is no cancellation reason (or some very generic - parents'
   visit, exam preparation,...) and if you really want to answer something,
   here is the answer:
   "O.K."
   
   
3. There is an even better answer.
   
   >> No answer at all! <<

It looks weird but it's true.
In this case, no answer is much better than any confirmation.

You know. Sometimes you need to make one step back to allow her to make the step
forward. Step away. You will not increase her interest by chasing her.

I cannot assure that she will start to love you but there is a small
chance she will start to think "Why the hell he didn't reply!?!"

Curiosity is interesting.
This advice is based on hundreds of my unsuccessful dates over more than 10 years.
To chase woman "why she cancelled the date" is 100% road to hell.
Approach mentioned above has 2 possible results:

1. She has no interest as previously.
2. She will text you few days later and apologise for rudeness and cancelled date. She will invite you to a new date. (Low probability but non-zero.)

Summarise it:
- Respect yourself in any situation.
- Ignore any attempt to humiliate you.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sorry, but she goes to the trouble of NOT standing you up and tells you that she won't be able to make it and your advice is to completely ignore her?
Um no, that's just rude as hell and will make sure that you don't get a second chance with her. honeysuckle happens, that doesn't mean she is making excuses and does not intend to go out with the dude. Sometimes, it just means she is busy and can't make it.

 

[ToddShark]

I'm sorry, but she goes to the trouble of NOT standing you up and tells you that she won't be able to make it and your advice is to completely ignore her?
Um no, that's just rude as hell and will make sure that you don't get a second chance with her. honeysuckle happens, that doesn't mean she is making excuses and does not intend to go out with the dude. Sometimes, it just means she is busy and can't make it.

I tested your approach hundreds of times over more than 10 years.
It's 100% way to failure and lose an interest of the woman.

If she is really interested she always offers an alternative. Even it could be next month (if she is busy).

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm sorry, but she goes to the trouble of NOT standing you up and tells you that she won't be able to make it and your advice is to completely ignore her?
Um no, that's just rude as hell and will make sure that you don't get a second chance with her. honeysuckle happens, that doesn't mean she is making excuses and does not intend to go out with the dude. Sometimes, it just means she is busy and can't make it.

I tested your approach hundreds of times over more than 10 years.
It's 100% way to failure and lose an interest of the woman.

If she is really interested she always offers an alternative. Even it could be next month (if she is busy).

One little tip for you in all your little experiments with women. YOU are not a woman, therefore, you don't know.
Yes, I'm sure that may work for SOME women, but most certainly not ALL. So, if you do this, you are chancing missing out on a great opportunity. Above all else when dealing with.....well, anyone in the dating area, DON'T BE RUDE! Ignoring someone is rude.

 

[LonesomeDay]

I am a woman and in general I have the greatest of respect for Todd's approach.

I also appreciate that she took the time to formally cancel the date, and not just stand him up.

As long as the lines of communication are open, there is nothing to prevent either one from saying something along the lines of:

"Would you like to arrange another date?"

This applies to friendship in general, not just looking for a partner.

 

[Xpendable]

I am a woman and in general I have the greatest of respect for Todd's approach.

Blasphemy.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow, just...wow.

Your "personal" stats seem a little...embellished to me. There is no way in your "experience" it was 100%, not a chance. Some women like to be chased after and pursued, and when she offers an alternative that isn't an invitation to ignore her. That's just disrespectful and ignorant. No one, man or woman should ever treat another person like that, ever.

 

[Veruca]

Id only ignore someone if they ignored me. If someone took the initiative to respond, even if its to reject, Id think they deserved the same amount of respect

 

[Oldyoung]

I think it's best to give them the benefit of doubt.
*receive cancellation*
If you then answer something like:
"That's unfortunate. But I have time tomorrow as well if that's better for you."
Then you're not chasing her or licking her feet, but you're showing enough interest that she can be comfortable taking the initiative for a new date. And right after sending the text you can forget about the girl, and assume she's not interested.

It's true that if they just cancel without coming up with any alternative, there's a chance they just don't want to date you. Still giving them the benefit of doubt won't hurt you.

 

[9006]

I think people think into this a little too much. I've always gone by the means of "if it happens it happens", I try not to get consumed by the thoughts of what could happen and how amazing it would be. It's normally this kind of thing that drives you to push with messages like "What about this day at this time" or "The day after that?" and from my experience women don't like that kind of thing, plus it send the wrong message.

You could simply ask her to get back to you, and if she's interested she probably will in some way. Yeah sure people (Men as well) sometimes play games, but if your not that kind of person then forget it an move on.

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm sorry, but she goes to the trouble of NOT standing you up and tells you that she won't be able to make it and your advice is to completely ignore her?
Um no, that's just rude as hell and will make sure that you don't get a second chance with her. honeysuckle happens, that doesn't mean she is making excuses and does not intend to go out with the dude. Sometimes, it just means she is busy and can't make it.

Sometimes things do come up at the last minute that interfere with your plans.

You know something? I'd like to see his explanations on how he handles things when he is the one cancelling the date.

One little tip for you in all your little experiments with women. YOU are not a woman, therefore, you don't know.
Yes, I'm sure that may work for SOME women, but most certainly not ALL. So, if you do this, you are chancing missing out on a great opportunity. Above all else when dealing with.....well, anyone in the dating area, DON'T BE RUDE! Ignoring someone is rude.

Forget it Callie, he's on a roll.

Id only ignore someone if they ignored me. If someone took the initiative to respond, even if its to reject, Id think they deserved the same amount of respect

OW!! That hurt. I just bit my tongue.

I think people think into this a little too much. I've always gone by the means of "if it happens it happens", I try not to get consumed by the thoughts of what could happen and how amazing it would be. It's normally this kind of thing that drives you to push with messages like "What about this day at this time" or "The day after that?" and from my experience women don't like that kind of thing, plus it send the wrong message.

You could simply ask her to get back to you, and if she's interested she probably will in some way. Yeah sure people (Men as well) sometimes play games, but if your not that kind of person then forget it an move on.

That's a wise approach.

 

[SofiasMami]

I think it's rude and cowardly to begin with to cancel plans at the last minute by text. I've had to cancel very occasionally on friends because of emergencies like a broken down car or sick with the flu and I thought they at least deserved voice-to-voice contact and a promise to reschedule.
If a woman cancels last minute on someone they've just met and the man's response is met with silence and the sound of crickets (like in the OP's scenarios), then who I am I to judge him for deciding to not flog a dead horse and to move on? If she can't bother to press a few buttons on a phone to respond, that actually sounds reasonable and sensible to me.

-Teresa

 

[ardour]

I also appreciate that she took the time to formally cancel the date, and not just stand him up.

There's nothing particularly considerate about cancelling instead of standing someone up, it's basic courtesy.

I don't think Toddy's approach is all that bad.

You could simply ask her to get back to you

Yeah except suggest instead of ask. "Call me when you're free and feel like it.." etc. Ball's in her court then.

 

[LonesomeDay]

I also appreciate that she took the time to formally cancel the date, and not just stand him up.

There's nothing particularly considerate about cancelling instead of standing someone up, it's basic courtesy.

I don't think Toddy's approach is all that bad.

As you say, it's basic courtesy, and I too, think Todd's approach is quite good.

 

[ToddShark]

Hi all.

I really love your responses because I can find parts I have written not a clear way.

I would like to stress one important fact. If the woman doesn't offer another date opportunity, the offering new date schedule by a man just make things worse. Tested on humans.

As many people don't like to read long texts I tried to draw a flowchart:

 

[VanillaCreme]

I really don't think cancelling a date should be this complicated.

 

[ToddShark]

I really don't think cancelling a date should be this complicated.

To cancel date is very easy.

 

[Danielle]

Hi all.

I really love your responses because I can find parts I have written not a clear way.

I would like to stress one important fact. If the woman doesn't offer another date opportunity, the offering new date schedule by a man just make things worse. Tested on humans.

As many people don't like to read long texts I tried to draw a flowchart:

Life and dating is crazy, it can't be described with a "flowchart". There is no right or wrong when it comes to keeping or cancelling dates....give people a chance, not everyone sucks.

 

[Xpendable]

I wonder if women do flowcharts.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I really don't think cancelling a date should be this complicated.

To cancel date is very easy.

You say this, but posted a ridiculous chart for doing it. I agree with Danielle. Nothing in life can really - or should really be - described with any type of chart. Things are unexpected sometimes.