Should I tell or talk to someone?

[ATimeBeing]

I've been going in and out of a dark/depressive state for the last 6 months or so but over the last 2 weeks it's got noticeably worse. I took a test on a site called psychcentral and the results said I may be suffering from severe depression however are these even accurate in any way?
Everyday just seems like a struggle, I have constant headaches from thinking over and over and over again. I've been/am having suicidal thoughts for the last week or so to the point of planning/researching various methods, writing a leaving note which I have thrown away. Life just seems so long and such a chore. My feelings are blunt, apathetic about almost everything. On the verge of losing my job, which is part of the problem, I dread going to work, I fight to keep from crying on the train most days and have been just not turning up somedays which I know is stupid but it really drains me, it's really soul destroying. I randomly cry at no thing then I think about my life and it just makes it worse. Don't sleep very much and when I do it's usually because I've cried myself to sleep or a result of pure exhaustion. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped with nowhere to go. I know it's silly but I'm in a massive slump that I'm not sure I can get out of. I feel ok for short time and then I just plunge back into whatever you want to call it, negativity/darkness/hopelessness.
I feel like the only person I can talk to is my dad but he has no idea as no one else does. Should I say something? Should I tell my manager about my mental state or wait to see a doctor? Everything is closing in, piling on more and more pressure and I'm scared of failing and hurting my family. I don't know what to do?

 

[ladyforsaken]

You could try talking to your family about how you're feeling, and get support from them about talking to someone professional. Sorry you're feeling like this. :\

 

[9006]

It would be wise to see a doctor who can put you in touch with people who will listen, don't suffer in silence I'm sure the people closest to you will understand and be patent. You're not alone.

 

[Walley]

as 9006 suggested, I think a doc is the best person to talk to.

I took a test on a site called psychcentral and the results said I may be suffering from severe depression however are these even accurate in any way?

self diagnosis is definitely not the way to go.. that will only cause you more stress. avoid telling other people like bosses and such before you even know the facts.
see a doc or councilor.

 

[ucxb]

I advise not to self diagnosis and one should visit a doctor soon, as mentioned above. And speaking from experience putting it off could cause a psychotic break, not fun at all

 

[edamame721]

Tell someone. I think you realize something bad is happening and the fact that you told us means you know it's something you need to do. *hugs* Getting help won't hurt your family -- they'll be glad you're doing things to feel better.

 

[ATimeBeing]

Thanks for the advice everyone. What should I do about my manager? Shall I tell him my mental state has deteriorated and that I'm going to try and see a doctor about it?

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think, like what the others above have said, don't mention anything to your boss yet until you have really met a professional to talk to and understand better what you are going through. Maybe the doctor might even have advice regarding this, if or how you should inform your manager about any particular thing.

 

[ATimeBeing]

If I book an appointment with a doctor could I tell him? Because I'm so close to losing my job because of this and If I do that things will just get even worse? I need to tell him something just to give me a little time or just resign myself. Sorry to bore you with all these questions.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hmmmmm. Tricky. I guess it depends what sort of a manager he is. You'd know him better since you work with him. Is he a more understanding manager? Or not.

 

[ATimeBeing]

Well I'm an apprentice so I guess I get more support than usual. I've problems in the past he didn't berate me or anything, of course he wasn't very happy but he basically just said you should have talked to me or told me and he basically said lets forget about it and move on. So I suppose he is more understanding than some but he is a very busy man so at the same time I feel like I'll be bothering him.

 

[SofiasMami]

How about telling him you're ill without being specific and you're going to see a doctor. I don't know where you are but in the U S there is still a stigma with illnesses of the mind. Which is ridiculous because it can often be successfully treated just like any other condition like diabetes , asthma, etc.

I think you should go as soon as possible to a doctor, like today if possible. If you are researching methods of suicide and writing suicide notes, you are having an emergency, I'm afraid. Please don't wait to get help. And do keep us posted on how you're doing.

-Teresa

 

[ATimeBeing]

I'm in the uk so still a stigma with mental illness. I know he will ask for specifics. Maybe I will just be honest.I don't know I'll try something, time is wearing thin.