yeah sometimes...I isolated myself for over a year. Then I get bored...then i wanna go hang out but since I didn't
keep in contact with anyone...hince no social life. hahahaaaaa
It's a habit that keeps me in the endless cycle.
I bascailly had to break my cycle...I'm still work in progress. I didn't get this way over night.
I was actaully in a long term relationship. I went to work and bascailly just came home.
I worked around people all day long so I didn't mind coming home to get away from people...
however it did mean I had a much of a social life. Other than that I belong an r/c club.
I also thought I was doing the right thing . Not chasing women, hanging out in clubs and just hanging out with the boyz
on the weekends at the flying field.
However....less and less of my friends came over to visit as time went on. My ex-gf was kind of
controling and insecure. Then my ex-gf relaps into her addiction...gradually I set home alone by myself
almost every night..even through holidays or important days. After a few years of not having a X-mas tree
I didn't expect to celebrate holidays or anything anymore. When my ex-fd and i separate...she bascially stalked
me and made my social life and my life a living hell in general. So after i while...i kind of just kind of gave up.
On top of that her addictions consummed our lives and pretty much destroyed it.
honeysuckle most of the time I felt like I was alone even if she was sitting in the same room with me...
she wasn't there if you know what i mean. So close but yet so far...
I wasn't always a loner or isolated myself. I had a social life..So i knew what that was like,
Actaully i was too social able. I partied almost everynight. hang out a a friend's house, clubs, bars, go
do crazy stuff on the weekends. Bascailly i was never home. i only came home to crash or when my body
gave out.
I went from one extreem to the other. Still trying to find that balance between work, love and play.
Currently...
I have a job...work with people all day.
There's love in my life sort of...she's not living me and she lives far..far away. It's a chioce I'm making.
She's giving me alot of peace and comfort in my heart. I love her very, very much. So far but yet so close.lol
She dosn't want me sitting home alone and isolating. She actaully wants me to go hang out with people.
hahahaa...I remember the day she encouraged me to just play my guitar again...
I didn't really but I ran into a couple of kids I didn't know that was just jamming out...I hung out with them
for a couple of hours....playing and talking about music. It's all good.
She also used to call me everyday in the morning ..spent a couple of hours talking me.
Errr...then it was like...time to go look for work.lmao
She gave me an incentive to get up off of my ass everyday...(hope)
I attend support groups...so it's kind of like a social thing...but not really. It's a far cry from actaully having a social life.
We'll hang out..go out and have dinner..stuff like that.
It's actaully my fualt. My friends in recovery tries to contact me all the time and ask me to go do stuff or just need me
to be there for them sometimes...They even asked me to go jam out with time.
I just want to be able to branch out beyound recovery people...I've had many close friends that wasn't in recovey before.
I've ran into friends in person or reconnected with people I knew from HS from facebook. i want to be able to go beyound
the innetnet, but it's happening at such a slow pace, Kind of like the current relationship I have...
hahahaaaa. A good friend of mine in recovery say somtimes it's like a snail...
A snail might not look like it's moving forward..but it is....A snail also dosn't move backwards
The play part seem to be my next challenge. I'm working on it. At least I'm not hanging out at my house all the time anymore.
I not a member of that R/C club anymore...and a couple of my freinds asked me to go jam out with them...but I havn't.
I rather just kick back and be alone...I'm still breaking habits. it's not going to happen overnight.
I do go out and about by myself just putting myself out there. It's a challenge becuase I don't drink anymore.
Plus a decision I've made to not hit up on women. I wanna go dancing with Chelle...i miss dancing with her.
I'm making progress...becuase I'll run into people I havn't seen in years or strangers actaully greets me sometimes.
I don't feel depressed or unhappy at the moment.
It's all good