So, having given up on women, what do you do instead?

[LonelyInAtl]

Every woman I ask out is 'out of my league' - I try to keep positive and dress nice.
.
.
.
Some men have not much going for them for whatever reason. I am one of them.

+1

 

[perfanoff]

I wanted a girlfriend when I was 16. So I have suffered 28 years of disapointments.

disappointments comes from high expectations. maybe if you lower expectations,

Lower his expectations? How much lower is he supposed to go? He's basically been a human doormat.

I usually lurk, but I've been following his posts because we are around the same age and facing the same predicament. I'm not a woman-hater but the fact is, there is a lot of bad behaviour by women that we alway mitigate or excuse because, after all, they're the 'fairer sex'. So, when we have expectations for at least a little honesty, are we setting our expectations too high?

but really, i think the key to meeting someone is to be aware, but not on the hunt.
the harder you try, the harder it is to attract the right person.
if you are approachable and pleasant while being yourself and not seeming like a single on the prowl then the right girl will eventualy come to you.
(speaking from expirience)

I've never understood what being 'myself' means, as if being myself is some mystical state we never quite attain, and thus that is why we never attract decent, reasonably attractive women. The fact is, being myself is being a constantly horny, "on the hunt", middle-aged heterosexual male. Sex is always, always on my radar, from the time I wake up, until I go to sleep, and in my dreams. So I guess I'm not truly being myself because I'm not sublimating my almost-feral sex drive until just the right moment, thus coming off as a creep or unattractive.

to reply to your first comment.
what I mean by expectations wasnt by expecting to be treated right or expecting to have feelings reciprocated, but more talking to his expectations of the type of women he may go after. some people are just attracted to the wrong kind of people or ones that are not attracted to them. I had a friend like that who always seem to get crazy for models or girls way out of his l;eague, yet ignored and pushed away girls that he would have had a chance with (and they weren't bad either.. if you arent comparing them to Charlize Theron)

as for being yourself..
it may be that you are focused on your urges, but you can't always be like that right?
like when you might be with other male friends or family.. you arent focusing on pitching a tent 24/7 surely..
so THAT is the person you want to let shine.
take away all the sex drive. take away all the negative thoughts and/or needy feelings and what you are left with is.. yourself.

now were talking about 'leagues' - As I got older I did 'lower' my expentations. At first it was women I fancied, the pretty ones, the blond hair, blue eyed ones. When I got to 30, I had gone to women who looked liked they didn't get much attention from men. The shy ones, the ones who didn't get asked out. The ones who complained about being single. The ones who said they wished a man would ask them out for a date. Guess what ? These women rejected me as well !

One in particular at work, this single lass who I liked the look of. Nobody had a good word to say about her but I thought she was nice enough and may be a nice person behind all her front of frostiness and aloofness etc. I asked her out and she went nuts, reported me to the manager for harrassment and I had alot of explaining to do.

So you see I have tried lots of different types of women, I don't just shoot for the super models. I am in no one's league. That is the sad fact. Every woman I ask out is 'out of my league' - I try to keep positive and dress nice. One woman developed this crush on me years ago. She was alot older than me, had learning difficulties and was (according to everybody else) an utter slut, who would go with men (have sex !) in their cars in exchange for a lift home. So as you can imagine, I wasn't interested. There was another woman 10 years ago, who seemed to be a complete nutcase. She was again alot older than me and her personality was dreadfull. (She may have been on drugs !) - She had this crush for about a month until a workmate told her I was married. So I haven't been pushing women away. Some men have not much going for them for whatever reason. I am one of them.

Is it because of physical or psychological factors, you think?

 

[putter65]

Every woman I ask out is 'out of my league' - I try to keep positive and dress nice.
.
.
.
Some men have not much going for them for whatever reason. I am one of them.

+1

what does that mean ? You agree ?

I'm not saying it's just me. I can pick men out (and some women but they are rare !) that have no chance whatsoever of getting a date. It's never going to happen. What is wrong with them ? It's sort of everything. They look odd, weird, strange. They talk funny, they dress funny, they act funny. They don't have friends. People don't like them. Women either ignore them, make fun of them or laugh at them. (the younger ones do this !) - They are not cool !

This big guy comes into my shop. He is polite and always asking the staff if they are well etc. Behind his back they all call the fresia out of him. They hate him. Ive never heard one woman say anything nice about him. He is hated ! For no reason really. He just looks a bit odd and 'hums' to himself loudly. So all these women either ignore him or make jokes about him behind his back. He is an example of somebody who isn't cool or well liked. I would bet a million pound the poor sod hasn't had a date for a few decades. I know he lives with his Mother and looks in his 50's. He might as well have 'loser' typed on his forehead. I'm not like him, not as bad but I'm still not 'dateable'

---

disappointments comes from high expectations. maybe if you lower expectations,

Lower his expectations? How much lower is he supposed to go? He's basically been a human doormat.

I usually lurk, but I've been following his posts because we are around the same age and facing the same predicament. I'm not a woman-hater but the fact is, there is a lot of bad behaviour by women that we alway mitigate or excuse because, after all, they're the 'fairer sex'. So, when we have expectations for at least a little honesty, are we setting our expectations too high?

but really, i think the key to meeting someone is to be aware, but not on the hunt.
the harder you try, the harder it is to attract the right person.
if you are approachable and pleasant while being yourself and not seeming like a single on the prowl then the right girl will eventualy come to you.
(speaking from expirience)

I've never understood what being 'myself' means, as if being myself is some mystical state we never quite attain, and thus that is why we never attract decent, reasonably attractive women. The fact is, being myself is being a constantly horny, "on the hunt", middle-aged heterosexual male. Sex is always, always on my radar, from the time I wake up, until I go to sleep, and in my dreams. So I guess I'm not truly being myself because I'm not sublimating my almost-feral sex drive until just the right moment, thus coming off as a creep or unattractive.

to reply to your first comment.
what I mean by expectations wasnt by expecting to be treated right or expecting to have feelings reciprocated, but more talking to his expectations of the type of women he may go after. some people are just attracted to the wrong kind of people or ones that are not attracted to them. I had a friend like that who always seem to get crazy for models or girls way out of his l;eague, yet ignored and pushed away girls that he would have had a chance with (and they weren't bad either.. if you arent comparing them to Charlize Theron)

as for being yourself..
it may be that you are focused on your urges, but you can't always be like that right?
like when you might be with other male friends or family.. you arent focusing on pitching a tent 24/7 surely..
so THAT is the person you want to let shine.
take away all the sex drive. take away all the negative thoughts and/or needy feelings and what you are left with is.. yourself.

now were talking about 'leagues' - As I got older I did 'lower' my expentations. At first it was women I fancied, the pretty ones, the blond hair, blue eyed ones. When I got to 30, I had gone to women who looked liked they didn't get much attention from men. The shy ones, the ones who didn't get asked out. The ones who complained about being single. The ones who said they wished a man would ask them out for a date. Guess what ? These women rejected me as well !

One in particular at work, this single lass who I liked the look of. Nobody had a good word to say about her but I thought she was nice enough and may be a nice person behind all her front of frostiness and aloofness etc. I asked her out and she went nuts, reported me to the manager for harrassment and I had alot of explaining to do.

So you see I have tried lots of different types of women, I don't just shoot for the super models. I am in no one's league. That is the sad fact. Every woman I ask out is 'out of my league' - I try to keep positive and dress nice. One woman developed this crush on me years ago. She was alot older than me, had learning difficulties and was (according to everybody else) an utter slut, who would go with men (have sex !) in their cars in exchange for a lift home. So as you can imagine, I wasn't interested. There was another woman 10 years ago, who seemed to be a complete nutcase. She was again alot older than me and her personality was dreadfull. (She may have been on drugs !) - She had this crush for about a month until a workmate told her I was married. So I haven't been pushing women away. Some men have not much going for them for whatever reason. I am one of them.

Is it because of physical or psychological factors, you think?

who me ?

When I was younger it was because of my extreme shyness and lack of confidence. (I was a good looking bloke back then !)

Now it's probably more about how I look and my lifestyle issues.

 

[Walley]

I can pick men out (and some women but they are rare !) that have no chance whatsoever of getting a date.

hmm
i dunno man..
i've seen all sorts of scary looking people, physcially undesirable in almost every sense imo, but also seen them hook up!
I really don't think that anyone has no chance what so ever of getting a date based on appearances..

that being said, I have seen people that had no chance in finding anyone.. but not due to looks. purely due to attitude.
ive seen it many times actually, where some guy is walking around repulsing women and men alike.

@putter65
you honestly dont seem like that bad of a guy to me and I dont think you would repulse people away with your personality..
as as i said above, i have never seen or heard of anyone that's too ugly to find a match.
so it has to simply be a matter of patience, putting yourself out there and not being afraid to change up your routine and methods to help make it happen.
i know it sounds too simple and you feel like you've been trying it all for many years.. but you never know when or where.

the only way to guarentee you'll never find someone is to not try.


i'll tell you a story about how i met a girl one day when i was younger as example.
I was on the hunt alot back then and hadnt had a g/f at all up to that point in time. some weekends i would go out to parties with friends and try everything i could. it seemed like the more guts i built up and the more metods I learned.. the worse it got lol
any time i would even start eyeing a girl across the room it seemed like a guarentee i would go home alone.
then, i fell from a tall ladder at my job one day and had to walk with a cane for about 3 months.
just as i got past the initial soreness, i agreed to go to a party where some friends of mine had a band and they were playing that night.
anyways, about halfways into the party i started hearing my name called over the sound system. seems they where having trouble with a sound board and wanted me to help fix it (i was an apprentice electrician at the time)
so i would go hobbling ocross the feild to the stage. over the period of about an hour my name was called maybe 6 times.
it seems because I had a cane, and my name announced to all, everyone at the party began to put them together and I all of a sudden became popular!?!
at one point, im sitting on a picnic table rubbing my foot when 2 girls walk by and started going... awwww are you ok?
to which i replied.. i dunno.. could use some tending to ;p
next thing i know i got both of them doing a foot massage.
then shortly there after another girl sat down beside me and started up a convo!
then again about an hour after than.. i had another girl ask me if i needed a ride home from the party...
I even had some of my long term friends watching from a distance giving me looks of amazement saying wtf??
it was the best summer of my life when i had that cane lol
it was so odvious that other friends started trying to borrow the cane from me lol

what i think happened was that it made me stand out. they hear the name then see the cane and wasnt too long before everyone thought they knew me. being the one the band was calling for help must have made me look good to them as well.
but in all honesty, it wasnt on my mind in the slightest that day. wasnt even considering looking for girls at that party.
and that is when they started comming to me.

the truth is, that was a turning point in my life and i never did go back to being desperately single.

not sure if there is a lesson in there for everyone, but it sure worked for me.

 

[putter65]

I can pick men out (and some women but they are rare !) that have no chance whatsoever of getting a date.

hmm
i dunno man..
i've seen all sorts of scary looking people, physcially undesirable in almost every sense imo, but also seen them hook up!
I really don't think that anyone has no chance what so ever of getting a date based on appearances..

that being said, I have seen people that had no chance in finding anyone.. but not due to looks. purely due to attitude.
ive seen it many times actually, where some guy is walking around repulsing women and men alike.

@putter65
you honestly dont seem like that bad of a guy to me and I dont think you would repulse people away with your personality..
as as i said above, i have never seen or heard of anyone that's too ugly to find a match.
so it has to simply be a matter of patience, putting yourself out there and not being afraid to change up your routine and methods to help make it happen.
i know it sounds too simple and you feel like you've been trying it all for many years.. but you never know when or where.

the only way to guarentee you'll never find someone is to not try.


i'll tell you a story about how i met a girl one day when i was younger as example.
I was on the hunt alot back then and hadnt had a g/f at all up to that point in time. some weekends i would go out to parties with friends and try everything i could. it seemed like the more guts i built up and the more metods I learned.. the worse it got lol
any time i would even start eyeing a girl across the room it seemed like a guarentee i would go home alone.
then, i fell from a tall ladder at my job one day and had to walk with a cane for about 3 months.
just as i got past the initial soreness, i agreed to go to a party where some friends of mine had a band and they were playing that night.
anyways, about halfways into the party i started hearing my name called over the sound system. seems they where having trouble with a sound board and wanted me to help fix it (i was an apprentice electrician at the time)
so i would go hobbling ocross the feild to the stage. over the period of about an hour my name was called maybe 6 times.
it seems because I had a cane, and my name announced to all, everyone at the party began to put them together and I all of a sudden became popular!?!
at one point, im sitting on a picnic table rubbing my foot when 2 girls walk by and started going... awwww are you ok?
to which i replied.. i dunno.. could use some tending to ;p
next thing i know i got both of them doing a foot massage.
then shortly there after another girl sat down beside me and started up a convo!
then again about an hour after than.. i had another girl ask me if i needed a ride home from the party...
I even had some of my long term friends watching from a distance giving me looks of amazement saying wtf??
it was the best summer of my life when i had that cane lol
it was so odvious that other friends started trying to borrow the cane from me lol

what i think happened was that it made me stand out. they hear the name then see the cane and wasnt too long before everyone thought they knew me. being the one the band was calling for help must have made me look good to them as well.
but in all honesty, it wasnt on my mind in the slightest that day. wasnt even considering looking for girls at that party.
and that is when they started comming to me.

the truth is, that was a turning point in my life and i never did go back to being desperately single.

not sure if there is a lesson in there for everyone, but it sure worked for me.

I'm glad it worked out for you !

Interesting story !

I'm sure I don't repulse people. I am sure many people like me once they get to know me.

I will tell you this little story. I used to write on this other forum a few years ago. I was well known and people would tell me that I was normal and I should go out and meet women etc. I knew different but the people wouldn't agree with me.

One day I decided to film myself talking. I spoke for a few minutes. I then asked people if they wanted to see this little film and give an honest opinion on my looks, body language, posture etc. About 10 people asked to see the film. The feedback was incredible. All of them basically said I was ugly. Also they said I didn't smile enough. Some said I looked deranged and looked like a serial killer. They said I looked dangerous and wouldn't want to mess about with me. They said my voice was deadpan and bored sounding and I looked fed up. My very best friends on there said I was 'average' but then went on to say that I should work on smiling more and talking more brightly.

None of this was much of a surprize. I have heard my speaking voice. It is horrible. If you can imagine the most bored sounding guy in the world, that's me. I don't smile much. My face defaults into a massive frown. So when there is nothing on my mind I am frowning. I try and smile as much as I can though.

I have had this all my life - people telling me to 'cheer up', 'smile', 'what's up with you ?' - I had no idea what they were talking about ! I am a happy person. It is rare I am unhappy. I did this experiment the other night. I was stood near this mirror but not in front of it and I imagined happy moments and days of my life. When I felt happy I stood in front of the mirror and there was no smile on my face. Nothing ! A frown ! I sometimes catch my reflection in a window or mirror and I shudder. It's horrible. Something to do with my structure of my face I suppose.

It hasn't helped. I have got a good personality though and when people get to know me, they realize how nice I am. People and women get to like me but that doesn't mean I will get any dates.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

One day I decided to film myself talking. I spoke for a few minutes. I then asked people if they wanted to see this little film and give an honest opinion on my looks, body language, posture etc. About 10 people asked to see the film. The feedback was incredible. All of them basically said I was ugly. Also they said I didn't smile enough. Some said I looked deranged and looked like a serial killer. They said I looked dangerous and wouldn't want to mess about with me. They said my voice was deadpan and bored sounding and I looked fed up. My very best friends on there said I was 'average' but then went on to say that I should work on smiling more and talking more brightly.

Once again, it all comes back to that initial impression that women do. They size you up within the first 30 seconds and if you don't meet certain criteria your are OUT.

 

[putter65]

One day I decided to film myself talking. I spoke for a few minutes. I then asked people if they wanted to see this little film and give an honest opinion on my looks, body language, posture etc. About 10 people asked to see the film. The feedback was incredible. All of them basically said I was ugly. Also they said I didn't smile enough. Some said I looked deranged and looked like a serial killer. They said I looked dangerous and wouldn't want to mess about with me. They said my voice was deadpan and bored sounding and I looked fed up. My very best friends on there said I was 'average' but then went on to say that I should work on smiling more and talking more brightly.

Once again, it all comes back to that initial impression that women do. They size you up within the first 30 seconds and if you don't meet certain criteria your are OUT.

the worst part of this was the 'finding out' - which was in my late teens and twenties.

Now I know, it doesn't bother me so much. I know the score. It doesn't stop me enjoying my life.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I love the way that this thread has gone about as far off topic as it can get. The title of this thread is "So, having given up on women, what do you do instead?"

Very few of the responses here actually answer that question. All I see is a lot of complaining.

 

[Limlim]

I shall rerail the thread back to its original intent.

I myself would masturbate like.... 6 times a day if I gave up on women.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I shall rerail the thread back to its original intent.

I myself would masturbate like.... 6 times a day if I gave up on women.

lmao, my hero.

 

[putter65]

I love the way that this thread has gone about as far off topic as it can get. The title of this thread is "So, having given up on women, what do you do instead?"

Very few of the responses here actually answer that question. All I see is a lot of complaining.

i do apologise. I play alot of golf

 

[Barbaloot]

I shall rerail the thread back to its original intent.

I myself would masturbate like.... 6 times a day if I gave up on women.

Only 6?

 

[Trent]

I shall rerail the thread back to its original intent.

I myself would masturbate like.... 6 times a day if I gave up on women.

i masturbate six times per day regardless

 

[SophiaGrace]

I shall rerail the thread back to its original intent.

I myself would masturbate like.... 6 times a day if I gave up on women.

i masturbate six times per day regardless

Where do you find the time?

---

i've seen all sorts of scary looking people, physcially undesirable in almost every sense imo, but also seen them hook up!

Oh that's comforting for an ugly and/or physically undesirable person.

 

[Trent]

i just need six minutes *shrug*

lol

 

[kamya]

Is it even enjoyable anymore?

 

[Trent]

i was so totally joking

lol

what cracks me up is the fact that multiple respondents assume without pause that a person claiming to masturbate six times per day is serious



ya'll got a dirty mind

 

[kamya]

Why would we assume you are lying about something that doesn't even matter? Why even bother lying about something so pointless?

Either way 6 isn't really THAT unbelievable of a number.

 

[Trent]

 

[SophiaGrace]

I assume its true until proven otherwise.

That's a lot of trips to the bathroom and/or porn sites in one day.

Mastrubation...can it be a hobby?