So what are we going to do about it...

[LadyDaria]

Ok I have taken my fill of complaining about being lonely and now I kind of feel like doing something about it... but of course.. have no clue what exactly to do.

I was wondering if anyone had some concrete - well thought out-- ideas.

I admit, I don't.

But I throw it out to you.

 

[painter's radio]

-set yourself a target
-switch internet off
-meet target

Targets can be talk to a stranger, join a club, look into volunteer work, start a fight club in an abandoned basement, etc.

 

[Lost Drifter]

Have you started eating out alone yet? It's a good step to start building up your confidence, not that you appear to lack it, but it helps to kick start the system.

I also found that striking up conversations with three random strangers a day helped a lot. You can do this at work too, if you're stuck in the elevator with someone just turn and start a friendly conversation.

 

[Nice But Dim Jim]

I joined the gym to cure my loneliness and belly fat. I never take my headphones out so talking to people just doesn't happen lol what a stupid idea!

I hate talking to strangers, I have nothing interesting to say. You want to talk about cars? OK fine, want to talk about football, Jersey Shore, the economy, sorry I just am not interested.

 

[Regumika]

I also found that striking up conversations with three random strangers a day helped a lot. You can do this at work too, if you're stuck in the elevator with someone just turn and start a friendly conversation.

I don't disagree with this.

I just want to give some funny input. If you reverse the role a little bit. A guy randomly talking to a girl all of a sudden makes him a creeper.

"Society"

 

[Boreal]

One thing I've tried is being more active in my hobbies, because I often sat on the sidelines while everyone else had fun, talked, and made friends. Being depressed and lonely made it hard to focus on learning new things, creating, and sharing, but it was also hard to be involved with a community without taking risks and remaining open to criticisms.

 

[Peaches]

to get friendly you have to do stuff together with people, and that is not the case at the gym, unless one is a really social person and can get talking to anyone (I am not); courses I think are better, or classes, and you have some interaction with other people: hey pass me that, can you show me how to do that? etc
Also there there will only be a 5% of people one can actually relate to, unless it's a really lucky group, but still it is a way to meet people. Some meetup groups can be nice, don't know if there are any in your area, because they go by interest and everyone is a stranger to all the others. Starting to talk to strangers is great exercise, but I don't know how many long term relationships did come out of that, especially if one is kind of awkward (oops, talking about myself again…).

 

[beautiful loser]

"I just want to give some funny input. If you reverse the role a little bit. A guy randomly talking to a girl all of a sudden makes him a creeper."

Abso-fricking-lutely! So many women complain guys don't give them compliments but what they really mean to say is "sexy handsome guys never give us compliments." I swear, there were times when I complimented a woman, at work, on her hairstyle or outfit and I barely got a "thank you." When women compliment a guy it's nice to hear, but when you turn the tables the guy is sometimes labeled a creep.

 

[LadyDaria]

Ok guys, lets step it up a little.

Meetup for me... no good. I have been to two. First, real estate investors group. Most people came with a friend and if they didn't... they were actually there for real estate advice and had no interest in talking to me. Second one, craft group. All women, all 50+. Useless waste of time.

One problem with meetup is that you don't have to go. People are flaky as hell now and they come one week, they don't the next.

Personally I don't find the striking up the conversation working. It is sometimes inappropriate... and I think most of the time it is... and if it isn't... just striking up convo can just go right to weather and never to any relationship. Pleasantry for life.

Talking at the gym or on public transport -- I am telling men right now... don't do it. Imho it just is never right. And it isn't just men to women. There was a male conductor on my train I really thought was great and I really wanted to compliment but I just couldn't think of a way to do that without coming off "weird" so I never did.

So, I have been thinking and I think it is important for us to start in limiting the people we look for. We can't just make friends with anyone... that gets you right back to nothing. Make friends with a grandma... well she is nice but can't really go dancing with her. Make friends with a parent, nice but she probably will be busy with her kids...

So seems like we need to find
- people who are like us..
- in a situation were we can't just up and leave at the slighest thing..
- for a long enough term that we can get to know them

Is there like a boarding school for lonely people?

 

[MrPaul]

Make a Free Hug Sign, go to an event or town center... Spread the love :3

Reserve a hug for me ;D

 

[Regumika]

So seems like we need to find
- people who are like us..
- in a situation were we can't just up and leave at the slighest thing..
- for a long enough term that we can get to know them

Is there like a boarding school for lonely people?

And a nasty way to say it...
1. You are hiding.
2. He is hiding.
Two people hiding will not find each other. Therefore, no profit >_>;

Although.. the internet is a nice gateway. Skype? Google Hangout? Can't stay in text forever.

 

[LadyDaria]

Well how do we get people to stop hiding?

 

[Regumika]

Ask and invite. That's about it.. People here on the forum?

I like to be the one that is asked.
but if the person I'm seeking is also the one that is waiting to be asked.. nothing is going to happen.. ONE of us needs to step out of our comfort zone and ask.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is difficult. It specifically affects your morale when.. it doesn't really work out. They, however, have nothing to lose, they were just - there, waiting?

 

[Dexter]

So seems like we need to find
- people who are like us..
- in a situation were we can't just up and leave at the slighest thing..
- for a long enough term that we can get to know them

Is there like a boarding school for lonely people?

Maybe not a boarding school, but how about a support group?
You should search the internet for support groups in your area, especially groups for loneliness or something in that direction.

That would offer a good chance to make friends with people in a similar situation.

 

[LadyDaria]

You should search the internet for support groups in your area, especially groups for loneliness or something in that direction.

But people can leave a support group at any time? So that doesn't advance the ball.. that would be like a meet up.

 

[Grackle]

I often thought about starting an intentional community for lonely people or people who for one reason or other find themselves alone and fear that they will always be alone, but wish to have the support of people/community. Like why should we always be sick and no one to bring us tea? Why do we have to think about growing old and no one to care for us. Why eat dinner alone if you don't want to. In a community, we could have a choice of eating with others or lone. Spending time alone or being with others, say in the evenings. It wouldn't be a life time commitment, stay or go as you please but its a place that would always be there for people when ever they felt lonely.

Problem is I don't know where to begin, doing something like that would take organizational skills and money, both of which I don't have.

 

[LadyDaria]

Problem is I don't know where to begin, doing something like that would take organizational skills and money, both of which I don't have.

how about like dating like site... though it wouldn't be for dating -- it would be like a secrete society where you could search for people near where you lived.

 

[Grackle]

Love the secret society concept. Very cool !

 

[LadyDaria]

Love the secret society concept. Very cool !

Like fight club... first rule of loner club.. you don't talk about loner club..

second rule of loner club... you don't talk about loner club

 

[Grackle]

Hahaha ! Thats funny