Solving My Loneliness At Last.

[SophiaGrace]

I'm trying very hard to make my loneliness go away. First, I figure I need to find out what I need in order not to feel lonely. I think if I had a few friends offline that I could visit whenever, or that asked me out, that would help greatly.

I love you guys really I do but I've found that if i feel I am not loved/cared about offline and am not around other people offline that I can interact with (not like people around me in a library that are strangers), that my mental health plumits.

I've begun to post ads on Craigslist and observing the responses I get to see what kinds of guys (and people in general) I connect with (and trust) and then am going to make sure I keep in contact with them, so I have people to talk to once I go back to College. Out of 60 responses to two Ads I've only responded to two of those people and I'm using my gut as a trust detector. The good thing about craigslist is that it is local. The bad thing is that it is used by a lot of guys looking for a pickup.

I'm not quite sure if I want to date guys, because I don't want to deal with the whole "lets have sex" thing. I have no idea what I want on that or what my emotional requirements are in order for that to work for me without me feeling used or empty inside afterwards. I'm not in general a very sexually open person. Maybe because I'm afraid of being hurt. I mean my body says YES PLEASE, but my head and heart are like "uh...............................................*spazz*" haha.

I cant deny that I have a need inside of me to feel like I belong and also to feel cared for. So, perhaps, I should use these two emotional needs of mine as a platform on approaching people I guess. I am going to use my strength of being able to make friendships online to my advantage. I still have no idea how to make more emotionally close friendships offline though. I'm a dunce in this regard I feel.

Maybe a general group to feel belonging to, and a few meaningful relations with others would be nice. Yes, I think that's what I want.

 

[Limlim]

A club? I was in one a few years back before I moved. Met a lot of good friends there.

 

[SophiaGrace]

A club? I was in one a few years back before I moved. Met a lot of good friends there.

You know, i go to a really small college. 2thousand people. So not a ton of clubs. I was involved with a christian fellowship at my college but when my beliefs changed I stopped going. People there were nice though.

Uhm...ALso, i saw the president of my sorority on craigslist...
THat was a bit awkward so I decided not to join it. =l

I wish there was an anime club on campus. I'd join that. I'll try really hard when I go back to college to make friends.

 

[PaperDuck87]

Tonight I went to a housewarming party and made friends with a few people there. They were pretty cool. At first I thought nobody would talk to me...that is until my friend's boyfriend busted out the PS3 and everyone wanted to play MW2 with me. It was fun..especially kicking everyone's ass at it! LOL But um yeah...I've learned in that environment that sometimes being yourself can pay off...even if it can be risky and you might think people will make fun of you for being dorky or a geeky gamer...being yourself is much healthier than faking the funk to fit in. Just do that...be yourself and fit in. If nobody will accept you for who you are...then don't beat yourself up. Do whatever you can and find others who can and will accept you...it sucks being alone...I know and everyone on here knows...but eventually we'll be happy.

Deru kugi wa utareru

Thats Japanese for:
The nail that sticks out usually gets hammered in.

 

[nerdygirl]

Craigslist is a pretty rough place for making friends. It doesn't help that few people know what, "platonic" means. I gave up about two months in when I used it. Have you checked out stuff like meetup.com?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I hope you find what you are looking for. Craigslist is a gamble, do not forget about all the people who are looking to rob you. Once you get back to college you will have a much easier time finding people to be friends with.

Another place you might want to try is meetup.com. That site is a little safer than Craigslist, and you can narrow people down further by their interests.

Goodluck

 

[SophiaGrace]

do not forget about all the people who are looking to rob you.

The people that want to rob me?

Elaborate. =l

 

[Sci-Fi]

Craigslist...you are brave I've heard nothing but negative things about using that to meet people. Like you mentioned you'll get guys who are just looking for a "hook up". All I've heard are people getting raped, pedo's or robbed, but the media likes to only report the bad so...you never know.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Okay. I think I've found 3 people

1) A woman who seems awesome. She's in her 30's and from my read on her she's energetic and outgoing and very caring/warm.

2.) A guy who understands my loneliness. He doesn't drive yet, and plays card games (like magic and WOW card games). He works in a gaming shop. We'd use public transportation I assume to meet up if we were to do so. I'd want him to teach me how to do the card games.

3.) A contractor guy for insurance that lives a bit outside D.C. He seems nice and nerdy. Into sci-fi stuff.

I think I'll continue to keep in contact with these people. The first person and I have been talking about doing a relay for life thing which sounds like a whole heck of a lot of fun.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Okay.

I just wanted to let everyone know I met my best friend since October through Craigslist.

We play board games, watch movies together and trade books back and forth.

We visit each other every weekend or so.

I'm so glad I found him.

 

[ajdass1]

It makes me so happy to hear that It put a big smile on my face. Well done!

 

[Okiedokes]

That is awesome... so glad to hear that you have had a wonderful experience on craigslist. I have only heard bad things about it but there is always good with bad, and bad with good it seems. I'm not brave enough to try craigslist but I've tried meetup.com. Nobody lives near me it seems..which is disappointing. And if they did, I'd have to get to know them online first I think. Or on the phone, for safety purposes.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Well done Soph, its good to hear someone talking about positive action, taking positive action and then seeing the rewards.

Good on you girl!

 

[Felix]

It's good that you are trying to meet people but be careful, this are strangers, maybe you shoud ask for their fb first and chat a little bit.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It's good that you are trying to meet people but be careful, this are strangers, maybe you shoud ask for their fb first and chat a little bit.

I've only ever met him.

I have like 2 other people from CL on my facebook but we've never met. They seem okay...

They've not caused any problems.

 

[Equality7-2521]

Congrats on solving the problem, but do be safe.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I'd say be safe too but one thing I've never really understood is why people assume anyone you meet on the internet has a 50/50 chance of being a perv or a psychopath. I mean, if you meet someone in a bar are they any less likely to be a nut case? As long as the first time you meet them it is in a public place and not down a dark alley then there is no more to worry about surely.

 

[Trixster]

Props for really working on solving the problem! I'm still struggling to find the courage myself. I DEFINITELY have no been brave enough to go on craigslist, but I live in a kinda small area anyway, so I don't even see anyone else from my town posting there

Meetup seems really promising though! Apparently there are some ladies who do book clubs near me... Hopefully I'll get the courage soon

 

[roguewave]

I have to agree with everyone else about meetup being a safer option. The thing about meetup if you're in your 20s is that you may not have much luck if you're looking for people your own age. Still an awesome site though. I lurk on the pages of groups I long to join I feel weird though because they're usually at least 2x older than me.

I am surprised you feel this:
"I still have no idea how to make more emotionally close friendships offline though. I'm a dunce in this regard I feel."
I never would have thought that about you, but it's harder offline, I totally get that.

As you know, you have to go through A LOT of people to find what you're looking for. I don't think there's any shortcut, unfortunately.

 

[HappyYogi]

Sophia Grace...that is great!

I have some questions. How intimate were your ads? See, to me, I could meet people but that doesn't mean I'd have emotional satisfaction with them. How did you find others that you truly enjoy? You didn't mention your loneliness did you? Please be specific.

Also, I'd like to know how old you are. I wonder what that would be like for a woman like myself, in my 40's.

I applaud you though. Why shouldn't we just come out and just ask for friends? Why should we just go after exactly what we want and need?