randomdude
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2012
- Messages
- 111
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I am 20 years old guy with hard social anxiety, depression, slight paranoia and everything people say against me rip my skin. I have no job and i have no money from parents not because they don't want to help me but my father won't find a job. They know my issues and they know i got very suicidal at my last and first job, i want to work but i just can't do it yet. I am searching for 3 years now to find my purpose in life i found fitness and gym and i thought maybe i should give my best to get a even better physique learn few more things, get confidence and change my mindset and later on find a job, than i should finish some fitness coach course and find a job. To fulfill my idea i need to gain some muscle and my family cannot afford enough food and i haven't got new clothes and shoes for 24 months YES I AM 20 and it hurts me the most that i cannot look for myself. They don't have money for me to go out once a week not to mention having a therapist. I got professional list of things i need to eat in order to get muscle and at first day of that plan i cannot follow it at all because 6 chicken eggs daily is a fortune for my family that they can't afford, at first i got sad than i smashed my forehead at the wall so hard until it started bleeding, i am having a headache from that that lasts for 16 hours now and i am completelly out of control i feel like i could do anything bad that comes to my mind first. My friends haven't moved their asses ever in life and their parents give them money to party every day, college and i don't know few people who didn't got a car for 18 birthday. Even when i had a job i just filled a spot in family budget that my father should be filling while being broken and suicidal. This is life mates some of us Serbian Belgrade guys destroy their skull wishing 6 eggs for dinner. I am not going to suicide still i will atleast wait for to finish Naruto anime then i ll decide. Olanzapine and karbamazepin is what i use.