The Age Of Loneliness

[ringwood]

I wonder if people who live in the Northern most areas of the planet are mostly unhappy during those winter days?

Not I. I live in Canada...while not the northernmost, it can be considered 'north'. I am the complete opposite to a good majority of people out there - I feel most happy, and energetic and alive in the colder months - fall through to early spring. I like the shorter days, I like the dark evenings, I like the cold winters and slower pace of life - it makes me feel cozy and comforted. In the summer, I am quite miserable. I am tired, I usually have an almost constant low-grade headache from heat, I sweat the second I go out the door, I can't do much of anything as it's just too hot - I pretty much spend my summers indoors in air conditioning, either at home or work. And while in the minority, there are other people like me out there - I've researched it, it's a summer version of SAD.

 

[ardour]

I don't think that many people are lonely.
Many people just love to whinge and complain. The times I have seen people moan about having no friends
and you see on their FB page they have 500 friends and they are interacting with everybody. All sorts happening in their lives.
People just love to paint this 'lonely me' picture. Mostly to get attention.
It's all bullshit.

Currently have 79 friends on facebook, mostly people I haven't spoken to in years. Nobody has ever responded to or liked any of the occasional status updates I've posted.

Most people are polite and friendly and will chat to you even if you feel shy.

Most people decide whether they like you during the first few seconds-to-a-minute of meeting them. It's a real problem for people with social anxiety. You've just dismissed everyone on the site as a whiner.

 

[Solivagant]

Not I. I live in Canada...while not the northernmost, it can be considered 'north'. I am the complete opposite to a good majority of people out there - I feel most happy, and energetic and alive in the colder months - fall through to early spring. I like the shorter days, I like the dark evenings, I like the cold winters and slower pace of life - it makes me feel cozy and comforted. In the summer, I am quite miserable. I am tired, I usually have an almost constant low-grade headache from heat, I sweat the second I go out the door, I can't do much of anything as it's just too hot - I pretty much spend my summers indoors in air conditioning, either at home or work. And while in the minority, there are other people like me out there - I've researched it, it's a summer version of SAD.

^ Same here. There are a few names for it, but it's often called Reverse SAD.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I don't think that many people are lonely.
Many people just love to whinge and complain. The times I have seen people moan about having no friends
and you see on their FB page they have 500 friends and they are interacting with everybody. All sorts happening in their lives.
People just love to paint this 'lonely me' picture. Mostly to get attention.
It's all bullshit.

Currently have 79 friends on facebook, mostly people I haven't spoken to in years. Nobody has ever responded to or liked any of the occasional status updates I've posted.

Most people are polite and friendly and will chat to you even if you feel shy.

Most people decide whether they like you during the first few seconds-to-a-minute of meeting them. It's a real problem for people with social anxiety. You've just dismissed everyone on the site as a whiner.

if you have a defeatist attitude you won't achieve anything.
Some people just need to get off their arse and stop moaning about everything.

There is always someone worse off than you !
People should remember that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't think that many people are lonely.
Many people just love to whinge and complain. The times I have seen people moan about having no friends
and you see on their FB page they have 500 friends and they are interacting with everybody. All sorts happening in their lives.
People just love to paint this 'lonely me' picture. Mostly to get attention.
It's all bullshit.

Currently have 79 friends on facebook, mostly people I haven't spoken to in years. Nobody has ever responded to or liked any of the occasional status updates I've posted.

Most people are polite and friendly and will chat to you even if you feel shy.

Most people decide whether they like you during the first few seconds-to-a-minute of meeting them. It's a real problem for people with social anxiety. You've just dismissed everyone on the site as a whiner.

if you have a defeatist attitude you won't achieve anything.
Some people just need to get off their arse and stop moaning about everything.

There is always someone worse off than you !
People should remember that.

Very true.
I don't believe most people decide if they like you or not within the first few seconds to a minute. No one would have any friends if that were the case.

 

[ardour]

Very true.
I don't believe most people decide if they like you or not within the first few seconds to a minute. No one would have any friends if that were the case.

In my experience people do judge very quickly. Males are expected to play by a very tight script in particular - don’t smile at the right time, display enough confidence or the right body language, sound interesting or funny enough at first, then you’re a dog’s tucker. It’s over, they’ll won't feel comfortable talking to you from there on. Not everyone is like that but a lot are.

Even one long-time member here who I won’t name basically said that she can’t change her mind about someone after they make a bad first impression

 

[TheRealCallie]

Very true.
I don't believe most people decide if they like you or not within the first few seconds to a minute. No one would have any friends if that were the case.

In my experience people do judge very quickly. Males are expected to play by a very tight script in particular - don’t smile at the right time, display enough confidence or the right body language, sound interesting or funny enough at first, then you’re a dog’s tucker. It’s over, they’ll won't feel comfortable talking to you from there on. Not everyone is like that but a lot are.

Even one long-time member here who I won’t name basically said that she can’t change her mind about someone after they make a bad first impression

Personally, I think everyone deserves a "second chance." Especially in a situation like that. You can't know someone within a few seconds and if you don't give them a chance, you'll likely end up missing out on the best of friends.
Even if I have a bad impression or feeling about someone when I first meet them, I give them a chance to prove me wrong.

 

[LonelySutton]

I think there are a number of reasons why loneliness in Britain is increasing including:

I am not in the UK but I do think there is something I see, 3 out of every 5 people are just kind of insane. I am afraid to reach out to anyone these days because imho, so so so many people have proven themselves to be unbalanced, selfish and more trouble than they were worth. I actually think this is due to lack of manners. People used to be wackos but they hid it and didn't bother people with it. Now they just do what they want.

 

[Paraiyar]

London is the only place in England I've been to along with Edinburgh in Scotland but it isn't hard for me to see why the U.K is such a lonely place based on my experience of that city alone.

Hello Paraiyar, I would be really interested to read more. Is your country very different and much less lonely? If so, how and why is it different and could the UK learn some lessons from it?

Only just saw this (by the way, I forgot to mention I'd also been to Cardiff for what it's worth). I like to think that in New Zealand we are in between the English and the Scots. We aren't as outgoing and rowdy as the Scot's are but less reserved than the English (or Londoner's for sure). I think we could do with being more outgoing in NZ though.

Honestly, one thing I really admire about Americans (New Yorkers in particular) is just how outgoing they are. Not out of the ordinary for complete strangers to start conversations with you in the street. You get on the tube in London and everyone looks totally depressed. Not saying that Londoner's aren't often helpful if you ask them for something but I find they tend to avoid socialisation as much as possible.

 

[Tiina63]

Very true.
I don't believe most people decide if they like you or not within the first few seconds to a minute. No one would have any friends if that were the case.

In my experience people do judge very quickly. Males are expected to play by a very tight script in particular - don’t smile at the right time, display enough confidence or the right body language, sound interesting or funny enough at first, then you’re a dog’s tucker. It’s over, they’ll won't feel comfortable talking to you from there on. Not everyone is like that but a lot are.

Even one long-time member here who I won’t name basically said that she can’t change her mind about someone after they make a bad first impression

Personally, I think everyone deserves a "second chance." Especially in a situation like that. You can't know someone within a few seconds and if you don't give them a chance, you'll likely end up missing out on the best of friends.
Even if I have a bad impression or feeling about someone when I first meet them, I give them a chance to prove me wrong.

This is how I feel about internet dates. It is natural to feel very nervous and so not come across very well when meeting someone in this sort of stressful situation for the first time, yet if the conversation doesn't flow, many people won't give a second chance and thus miss out on what may have been a relationship.

 

[cumulus.james]

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/aug/12/one-in-ten-people-have-no-close-friends-relate

 

[Tiina63]

Cumulus James-what is happening re. your flat? Are you still living there? If so, is eviction still a possibility? I have been worrying about your situation.

 

[handheart]

Well i think the age of tehnology has some devasting efects on people socialization .Now you see all people that they stay all day on facebook etc .I was to a party and half o the people stay on facebook to see for likes comments etc ,I think we should out from houses and speak more each others on real life

 

[cumulus.james]

Cumulus James-what is happening re. your flat? Are you still living there? If so, is eviction still a possibility? I have been worrying about your situation.

I'm being evicted. Gonna be living on the streets from now on.

 

[Tiina63]

Cumulus James-what is happening re. your flat? Are you still living there? If so, is eviction still a possibility? I have been worrying about your situation.

I'm being evicted. Gonna be living on the streets from now on.

Is there no organisation at all that can help you? It is disgusting that you are being left to fend for yourself on the streets. Could you get any help from Social Services, a local church, your GP etc? Loneliness is hard enough for those of us with a place to live, but to be on the streets and alone makes it even worse.

 

[cumulus.james]

Cumulus James-what is happening re. your flat? Are you still living there? If so, is eviction still a possibility? I have been worrying about your situation.

I'm being evicted. Gonna be living on the streets from now on.

Is there no organisation at all that can help you? It is disgusting that you are being left to fend for yourself on the streets. Could you get any help from Social Services, a local church, your GP etc? Loneliness is hard enough for those of us with a place to live, but to be on the streets and alone makes it even worse.

Nope there are no options for someone like me. They are struggling to do anything much for homeless teenagers let alone me. A single male age 18 - 65 is not a priority.

 

[Tiina63]

I was thinking that maybe with your mental health issues there would be some help? I know you wrote once that you couldn't go into a hostel because of having been a rent boy, but could you tell them that that was many years ago?

 

[cumulus.james]

I was thinking that maybe with your mental health issues there would be some help? I know you wrote once that you couldn't go into a hostel because of having been a rent boy, but could you tell them that that was many years ago?

No there's no options believe me I've looked. I've given up to be honest. Don't care anymore. I'm sick of the loneliness, depression and hardship.

 

[Tiina63]

I understand how you feel-I am sick of the loneliness and depression as well. I do wish that I could do something about your homelessness-will you still be able to get benefits so that at least you can eat, or do they stop as well when you have no address?

 

[cumulus.james]

I understand how you feel-I am sick of the loneliness and depression as well. I do wish that I could do something about your homelessness-will you still be able to get benefits so that at least you can eat, or do they stop as well when you have no address?

I should still get benefits but it goes into my bank so I have to be careful not to be robbed because I don't have an address to get a new bank card. A lot of homeless people get robbed - how cruel is that. They also get urinated on

I am low priority. Not that I resent the young being helped before me but it makes it increasingly unlikely there is any way back. F***ing mental illness. It took everything from me and left me with nothing. I hope it takes my mind completely.