The hunger has returned

[the-alchemist]

Man, these last 5 days has been really crap. I hate my own impulsive stupidity.

I had moved to a new city, and I was getting ready to just enjoy life and not be anxious about girls and relationships and love. I thought to start enjoying life without constantly worrying about love and girls. For once I could talk to a girl and not have any expectations.

Then 5 days ago, I attended a party to just have fun without expectations. I then talk to a group of girls just to have a casual talk, and they all want my goddamn phone number. Why? Because I'm a foreigner and in this country I'm in, foreigners are considered exotic. The girls here just wants to have a foreign friend because it's cool and trendy.

Being the stupid idiot I gave them my phone number. I'm once again pulled into this honeysuckle of ambivalent signals and them wanting to show off their foreign friend. Of chatting with them, and this honeysuckle. People say student girls are easy to get as girlfriend but they don't know what they talk about. At least when you go to a bar, both guys and girls know what to expect. Student girls will give you romantic signals but only want something from you, whether it be free english-practice, a free dinner, or a trophy foreign friend

Anyways, I just wanted to take it at my own pace and let whatever happen happen. And now this anxiety has come back, now I have returned to my emotionally dead state where I can't feel any chemistry. The hunger for a girlfriend has returned. The few weeks that I didn't care was such a bliss for me, where I just decided to leave it to fate and stop chasing love.

I really needed a pause and take it at my own pace. I dunno, more than anything I want to return to how I was before September 12th.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Take control. Only do what you want to do and only when you want to do it. Don't let the whim of another cause you to hit the panic button. If need be take a day or two out of the week where you'll sit with the phone off/unplugged and do whatever provides buoyancy to your ocean going vessel. Play their game if you want, but do so by your rules.

 

[xingfu]

Take control. Only do what you want to do and only when you want to do it. Don't let the whim of another cause you to hit the panic button. If need be take a day or two out of the week where you'll sit with the phone off/unplugged and do whatever provides buoyancy to your ocean going vessel. Play their game if you want, but do so by your rules.

Good choice

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

I think I know what you're feeling, man. Every time I manage to forget about the depression of never having a girlfriend in my life, it stays away for a while, but it will always come around at some spontaneous moment and knock me back down. It just hit me again a couple days ago, and it really sucks. Just don't let people use you as their pawn when the signals are all there; they will only leave you cold and disappointed in the end. It can be easy to give into the lure of fake people if you're feeling desperate to be around someone as company, though it's probably best to set your limits down - sure, you could be friendly to them - but still keep in mind who you are looking for as a real friend/girlfriend.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You feel guitly for wanna fresia the living honeysuckle out of those women?
Or you still havnt fresia the living honeysuckle out of a couple of them at the sametime....

I stick out like a fucken door knob. Excotic..that would be me.
It totally blew my mind the first time that happened to me when I was young.
I was so nieve and innocent.
A couple of young fine chicks took me home with them to actually lived with them.
They did everything for me. i didnt even have to pay the fucken bills.
I had a job and all that good honeysuckle. They didnt cared oneway or the other.
The chicks were self supporting. They both had jobs.
They cooked for me, clean for me
and took turns ******* the living honeysuckle out of me.
Err...yeah all that fucken guilt got the best of me. Geeze the fucken whizzz i was such
as sinner....A sunday school boy I was.

The second time a woman took me home to live with her...
It was like that too. Still a little bit surprize..not in shock.
She was drop dead goregous. She was actually a nurse. Self supporting.
She took me home like a little lost puppy after a suiecide failure attemp.
She did anything and everything for me. I even drove her truck on top
of driving her in bed all night. More than the perfect wife or girlfriend.
I wasnt playing games with her. She wasnt playing games with me.
For some reason she felt compelled to love me. That I had a reason to live.
The reason is Her....the most beautiful and loving woman that many many men would
do anything to have. Yet she would love me instead. Offer herself to me..all of her to me.
As messed up as i was..full of fucken guilt and hatred. I felt i didnt deserve to be loved.
I left her in tears on her knees begging me to stay...just stay.
She wanted to love me so much. So much love to give.
I never understood my reasoning or why I even left her to begin with. At that moment.
Something inside of me.... I was compelled to pack my bags that particular night,
at that particular moment. I drove 1600 miles back to California...back home.

4 years had gone by since I left Cal.
I drove into a logal gas station as soon as i got into town.
There she was...the first person I saw when I got back into town...Renae
The love of my life...I join the usaf 4 year prior so we would get married.
Renae was my fiance...but a bounch bullshit happened weeks prior of
me leaving for basic training. I left for the military without her.

At that particul moment...at that particular time. Renae and I had to be
at a certain place and a certain time...whatever compelled us.
Fate....She ran into my arms. I felt i could breathe, live and love again.

I totally get you...on the love part.

 

[the-alchemist]

I dunno, when I was in my relaxed state, I was able to see the girl for who she was. All the nuances and how her personality was. I was able to relax, taking it one day at a time.

But now my messed up state of mind only wants a girlfriend. But I know I have to find someone special that is compatible with my personality and who I am. But I can't be myself as long as I'm in this state of hunger and want for a relationship.

I'm starting to despise 90% of the girls I come across. So shallow, and not serious. Where are the shy intelligent girls? The girls who doesn't wanna play games? The girls who doesn't have any expectations of how a guy should act?

Nowhere in university campus, that's for sure

 

[cool_breeze]

Lonesome Crow, nice story man.

the-alchemist I understand what you're saying. You want to be in a state of "flow." Just enjoying, taking things as they come, being in the moment, etc. Ya, if you're too conscious of lack, etc this can be harder to achieve. I don't like most girls below 25 or so. They're not sure what they want usually and if they are in an LTR it's usually confusing or a lot of work etc. I recommend trying to do what you were doing. Just enjoy yourself. And more stable girls will probably be reading a book or studying on working on their life. Not at a club or something like that. Anyway good luck.

 

[the-alchemist]

Any suggestions on how to return to my former state? Where I just took things one at a time?

 

[Vagrant Legacy]

It's funny how you call it "the hunger", but I can understand why. Now and then it also bothers me, but I can easily dismiss it by reminding myself that I currently have nothing to offer to those of the opposite sex.
As for your current problem, of wanting to return to your "former state", I can only say: I can't help you with that. I can, however, help you by saying that you can't "go back to your former state". Things in life never regress, and change back to a previous state - Instead of focusing on moving backwards, you should move forward
Now that may sound simple and all, but you probably know it's not. If you're truly looking for a state of mind in which you are relaxed, and where you take things one at a time, you should probably just get rid of all possible expectations you have. As someone said earlier, "to go with the flow" - which kind of sums it up. What it just boils down to, in my opinion, is to rid yourself of expectations of how things might/could/should/will go. Just don't look ahead, continue your life, and stop worrying about girls that much

 

[Ak5]

Everyone wants love, everyone hungers for it. I can't help you return to your "normal state" only you can do that.

As state before, remove any expectations and prejudice. That can help

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Whats wrong with only wanting or having a GF?

why is that a messed up state of mind?
Maybe u simply look @ it differently
as not being so god **** fiucked up.

Ur smart enough to know..weRe fucken
prisoner of our own messed up self imposed rules or prison......

Free your god **** mind of the notion
the just having a GF is a terrible wickage fucken thing...

Somewhere along the line some crazy ***** piosoned your mind with an idea that just having a GF is a fresia up terrible fuicken thing to do.

Dude...U dont have to go swinging in the fucken deep end all the time...
You can relax in the shallow end of the pool too..

---

You seriouisly need to just bust a nut
on a chick and not be so god **** serious or guilty about it.

 

[RJLJD]

Hey, I get what you're saying, and it really does suck. Its normal to desire love and intimacy, or even just a little bit of attention from the opposite sex. We want to feel good and liked and that includes in our case by girls.
What I hate is when I see a couple together somewhere and they look really happy. It makes me just feel worse about what I don't have.
With all that though, try to just remember that self-worth shouldn't come from other people but from yourself. Be happy about what you do more than who you do it with. Focus on yourself, and maybe you'll be in a better position someday to meet someone.