The type of loneliness peculiar to being a single parent...

[LucieMay]

Where you're forced to spend long periods of time alone in the house. For me it is not that I lack social skills or friends, it is simply that I don't have the child care or money available to me to get out there and socialise or date. My son's father isn't involved, I have him with me all the time, every weekend. My family already help with child care while I work but I don't have the money to get a sitter so I can date or see my friends regularly. Even if I did have the money for a sitter i'd need even more money to go out or date. It kills me when I hear of people with no caring ties like me or with enough money to socialise complaining about loneliness. My son is the love of my life and he brings me so much joy but being a mother cannot complete me in every way. I am fed up of spending every night alone when i'm such a social person and I love being around people. I take responsibility for my situ, it is my fault i'm a single mother and my son is the best thing that every happened t me. I just wish I had some adult company.

 

[A new life]

I have no experience with this problem, but I was thinking that if you could find someone
who is in your same situation you could take turns babysitting each other's kids.
You'd get to go out one Friday or Saturday night and your partner-in-babysitting could
go out the alternate weeks. And it wouldn't cost either of you a dime.

When my parents split, my Mom went to PWP (Parents without partners) and met people.

Good luck.

 

[sierra]

Sometimes the Parents without partners groups have babysitting available for people at their meetings and social gatherings. Also try going to social events in your area that are free and where you can meet other single parents. Taking your son to the playground might be a good place too. Good luck in finding adult time, it is important.

 

[Psycrow]

I have no kids but i can understand the situation you are in, and i think it sounds like a good ideea to seach for other single parents in same situation in order to help each other with the "taking turn on baby sitting"

I wish you good luck

 

[Poueff]

I have no kids but i can understand the situation you are in, and i think it sounds like a good ideea to seach for other single parents in same situation in order to help each other with the "taking turn on baby sitting"

I wish you good luck

And maybe that "taking turn on baby sitting" could evolve to something more...

 

[Katie]

This really does not help you much but I cant have kids. I sometimes wish I could be a Mom. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I ask why me. From my side I would give a lot to be in your position but then I never will. Guess I could babysit, smiles.

 

[Callie]

I'm a single mother, so I know exactly how you feel. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world, but I want to be MORE than just a mother. That's all I've ever been. I want to have friends, I want to go to college, I want SO many things, but because of my situation, I can't.
I do have social issues, so that makes it harder for me to accomplish, but if I was able to, I would at least try. I live in an area where there aren't many places for single parents to go. Aside from all that tho, my oldest has some issues that make it more difficult to do things.
If you want, feel free to PM me and we can vent to each other

 

[Joseph]

I am a single parent and father to an almost twelve year old girl with a chronic illness.

From the moment I was informed that I was going to be a father, all decisions in my life immediately stopped being about me. I never once chose my own wants, needs, or desires over even the smallest needs of my child, or of my family.

That same pattern continues today. Two years ago, when I kicked my ex out of the house for being a negligent mother, a drunken drug-abuser, and a cheating, manipulative liar...I had a very hard decision to make. Was I going to subject my daughter to a life of emotional abuse and neglect or was I going to be a single dad? The choice was easy.

Two years later, I make her breakfast every day, and pack her lunches, I cook dinner, do the laundry and the dishes and the grocery shopping. In addition to that I work a full-time job to pay our bills so we can have a place to stay. I intended on starting a business three years ago. I invested over $15,000 into it and was ready to roll it out, shortly thereafter I realized my ex was cheating on me with random nasty *******, so I moved her out onto the front lawn on a Saturday. Needless to say, my business sits in boxes in my basement. It pains me because I am so ambitious and I had worked so hard to move forward and become a businessman, but now I have a choice: businessman or daddy.

What would you choose? I chose Daddy.

Dating? Ha! That's a funny thought. Who's got the time? Or the money? I've got lunches to pack, medicines to administer, and life lessons to teach!

My ex wasted no time moving on with her debauchery, she's dated/banged at least five or six dudes since we split, tended to party all the time, until she met a loser who she has now happily settled down with. All the best to them, their first baby will be here in a week or two. Family 2.0, ha!

I did meet someone special though when I least expected it and wasn't looking.

At times, the loneliness is debilitating, almost as debilitating as the specter of trust. These two like to duel while I'm in the middle being trampled under foot! Working on that though...

 

[jjam]

...

 

[SofiasMami]

Hi-
I feel ya - I'm a single parent of a 4 year old girl. I have no family here in California, they are all on the east coast. Baby daddy is marginally involved, he agrees sometimes to stay with her when I want to go out for some adult time. Other than that, I take her everywhere I go, even to places that aren't specifically for kids. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you're doomed to spend all your time at Chuckie Cheese and the local park! I love art and music, so I take her with me to our fantastic local museum to look at the amazing paintings and sculptures. I'm taking her to a classical music concert in March and we'll sit near the door in case we need to make a quick escape. We both got dressed up and went to the ballet in December.
You have the internet at your fingertips and it's a great way to find other single parents. There's probably Meetup groups in your area where you can meet other single parents. If you make friends with other single parents, you can trade baby-sitting duties. You'll need to start and nurture friendships before you'll feel comfortable leaving your child with someone and that'll take time. But it'll be worth it for momma to get out and start doing the things that interest you again. Good luck!

Teresa

 

[Badjedidude]

I'd date a single mom.

...just sayin.

 

[Joseph]

I'd date a single mom.

...just sayin.

Nothing wrong with a woman being a mom.

It means all her lady parts work!

Besides, kids rock!

 

[SofiasMami]

I'd date a single mom.

...just sayin.

Well props to you and Joseph There's a lot to like about single parents

Teresa

 

[Joseph]

I've always said this and I will maintain it to my dying breath:

There is nothing sexier than a woman behaving maternally. Instinctively, men want a woman who can care for our young. Mommies rule! That's why we all think pregnant women are beautiful.

I actually dumped a girl once after I saw the way she treated her two-year-old daughter. I couldn't look at her the same after that.

 

[so very lonely]

"I just wish I had some adult company. "

Me too. I have no-one to talk to at all. Not even online. I was initially happy when I found this site. I found a few people to message with but then the messages stopped. Don't know why. Now I feel lonelier than ever. I'd like someone to talk to.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Hi LucieMay

My mom raised my brother and I on her own with little to no help from our father. Like A New Life mentioned my mom joined PWP for us and for her. She was able to get that adult interaction she needed and bring us to socialize with other kids. It was a great organization, they had nights just for adults, trips for the kids, contest for the kids where we even got little certificates. She used to bring us over to our grandmothers or relatives for sleep overs when she needed a break or a night out to herself. That wasn't very often though, like you we were her world and having kids meant to her that she had to come second. It's great to see you talk so lovingly about your son, there are so many parents out there who are the opposite, they put themselves first over their kids. You do deserve a break now and then though, or you just might go crazy (lol jk).

 

[Appleseed761]

I have great respect hearing from all you single Mama n Papas that have written on this thread. It is a tremendous thing what you are doing, making selfless sacrifices for your kids. I am sure that at times it must be quite overwhelming, but the rewards you reap whilst raising your kids single handed must be great and I am sure that your kids must adore you / are very proud of you for all the things you do for them!

As an expectant Momma myself, I too am faced with the situation of single parenthood. I am not where you guys are at yet but the prospect of becoming a new Mum and juggling my life around a new baby is really daunting (I have always been extremely ambitious and sociable) and I feel as though my life has come to a bit of a halt!

I guess that this is the price that you pay for bringing a child into the world and no other experience could match being a ‘parent’ but I am hoping that there will be the help and resources out there to help me (and all single parents) so that I don’t feel lonely or like I am in a rut and that if I needed help- or company I can reach out rather than feeling isolated and sad as it must be hard enough doing it alone! In other words I hope that my life/happiness doesn’t ‘stop’ when a baby comes along- I really hope that it will begin!

---

"I just wish I had some adult company. "

Me too. I have no-one to talk to at all. Not even online. I was initially happy when I found this site. I found a few people to message with but then the messages stopped. Don't know why. Now I feel lonelier than ever. I'd like someone to talk to.

Hi SVL,

I am new to this site. I initially asked myself 'what do I want to get out of this?' and my answer was the same as yours. 'I'd like someone to talk to.'

I am a great believer in talking about things and getting things out into the open. I never used to be! I used to bottle everything up and not say a word!

All the different people on here have different expectations of this site- different work schedules or things that tie them up so they use this however little or often suits them, some respond to threads and others may only read. I am sure that a lot are simply too shy to start a conversation (me!) but I am just gunna have to reach out again.

You say you feel lonelier than ever Wanna join me? I am good to conversation with. I may not write every day but I will write! So I will PM you a little about myself and perhaps there will be 2 less lonelier people in this world?

---

I've always said this and I will maintain it to my dying breath:

There is nothing sexier than a woman behaving maternally. Instinctively, men want a woman who can care for our young. Mommies rule! That's why we all think pregnant women are beautiful.

I actually dumped a girl once after I saw the way she treated her two-year-old daughter. I couldn't look at her the same after that.

Hey, you're cool!

I am almost 5 months pregnant and alone.

Yes, I am behaving maternally whlst I put on wieght and go through all the hormonal and emotion changes that pregnant women do.

I wish that I had someone to say that I was beautiful because I feel so 'dumpy!' Do men really think that?!

I would love someone to stroke my ever growing belly (and ego) by telling me that 'Mommies rule!' Lol!

Yeah, I too would dump a man if I saw that he mistreated his child. That sucks!