Kenny
Well-known member
This is an open letter to all of those out there who feel lonely, have suffered failed relationships and are hurt and confused by their lack of companionship in life.
Are you in love with control?
Have you ever met a person whom you were magnetically attracted to? From that very first encounter it was like a spark of magic was in the air. You trade email addresses, maybe even phone numbers, and you spend hours each night talking on the phone. Your conversations become remarkably deep. Time is spent together on the weekends or on dates and romance is in the air. Honesty abounds! You tell each other everything and feel as though you are completely known by the other to the core, and embraced ever tighter because of it! You are completely in sync, who knew it was even possible? Ahh, to be in love.
Then, something shifts. It's slow, yet insidious.
At first a subtle shift in the air pressure in the room when you two are together or an unfamiliar vibration to the silence when you speak on the phone. Microscopic cues to our senses that something is amiss. Before you know it words start to sound subtly forced and gestures seem conspicuously poorly timed and awkward for no apparent reason. Things continue, but you take note of these small ... differences. Next comes minor displays of displeasure with your core characteristics, your tone of voice, your timing, your sayings, opinions or beliefs. Nothing to severe, just things like awkward silences where one would expect a laugh, a lack of enthusiasm for your hobbies or recreation, maybe even less than stellar attempts at understanding for those things that make you who you are, etc.
All of this is done via meta message. A meta message for those who aren't familiar is a message conveyed not by what is said or done, but by what isn't said or done. These meta messages are almost silent cues to our subconscious that another person is in a state of displeasure with something about us. They can be sent just as subconsciously as they are received. The inclination of the meta message receiver is to change. If he or she changes something, the right thing perhaps, the phase shift that occurred will correct itself and once again the air pressure in the room will stabilize, the silence between words will lose its menacing tone, and that "sync" that we had achieved, yet seemingly have lost, will return.
This is a system of rewards and punishment. It's like the Pavlovian Dog Experiment. It is subliminal conditioning. If you submit to these cues, you are under "control" and will therefore be rewarded with a state of normalcy, a feeling of being in sync, and a sense of love or even bliss. However, if you do not submit to these cues, you will be punished under the same system. You will be made to feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or even unloved and unwanted.
Ring a bell? (pun intended)
Be careful if you encounter this, because if you have, you are in love with a person who is not in love with you, but in fact, is actually in love with "control".
Are you in love with control?
Have you ever met a person whom you were magnetically attracted to? From that very first encounter it was like a spark of magic was in the air. You trade email addresses, maybe even phone numbers, and you spend hours each night talking on the phone. Your conversations become remarkably deep. Time is spent together on the weekends or on dates and romance is in the air. Honesty abounds! You tell each other everything and feel as though you are completely known by the other to the core, and embraced ever tighter because of it! You are completely in sync, who knew it was even possible? Ahh, to be in love.
Then, something shifts. It's slow, yet insidious.
At first a subtle shift in the air pressure in the room when you two are together or an unfamiliar vibration to the silence when you speak on the phone. Microscopic cues to our senses that something is amiss. Before you know it words start to sound subtly forced and gestures seem conspicuously poorly timed and awkward for no apparent reason. Things continue, but you take note of these small ... differences. Next comes minor displays of displeasure with your core characteristics, your tone of voice, your timing, your sayings, opinions or beliefs. Nothing to severe, just things like awkward silences where one would expect a laugh, a lack of enthusiasm for your hobbies or recreation, maybe even less than stellar attempts at understanding for those things that make you who you are, etc.
All of this is done via meta message. A meta message for those who aren't familiar is a message conveyed not by what is said or done, but by what isn't said or done. These meta messages are almost silent cues to our subconscious that another person is in a state of displeasure with something about us. They can be sent just as subconsciously as they are received. The inclination of the meta message receiver is to change. If he or she changes something, the right thing perhaps, the phase shift that occurred will correct itself and once again the air pressure in the room will stabilize, the silence between words will lose its menacing tone, and that "sync" that we had achieved, yet seemingly have lost, will return.
This is a system of rewards and punishment. It's like the Pavlovian Dog Experiment. It is subliminal conditioning. If you submit to these cues, you are under "control" and will therefore be rewarded with a state of normalcy, a feeling of being in sync, and a sense of love or even bliss. However, if you do not submit to these cues, you will be punished under the same system. You will be made to feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or even unloved and unwanted.
Ring a bell? (pun intended)
Be careful if you encounter this, because if you have, you are in love with a person who is not in love with you, but in fact, is actually in love with "control".
