Trouble making friends

[maemae]

Its a beautiful summers day, and yet I'm stuck inside because I don't have anyone to meet up with, It makes me feel so sad, if i go out I just look like a loser, and then I just feel awful, I kept having to make fake phone calls so if looks like i actually have a life...but its just an act and inside i'm in pain.
All I ever wanted was true friends and yet it never works out that way, I don't know why, but I'm convinced its me, I must be cursed or something, every time I get close to people it goes wrong.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm scared to even try, people can be so cruel, and the ones I meet seem to sense they can mess me around, I know their are nice people out there put how on earth do you find them.
To be honest; okay i'm not gods gift to anyone but i'm not hideous, and yes I may be far too shy and have a low view of myself but I'm generally lovely, I'm creative, funny, eccentric, smart, I haven't always been unpopular, I never used to have totry this hard, I guess I just dont know how to make friends

please get in touch, I could really do with some advise and encouragement

 

[tehdreamer]

I also wish I had someone to hang out with today. Or any day. I don't think other people see you as a loser if you're out alone; I just don't like going alone because it's boring and lonely. I'd rather have someone to talk to than to sit quietly to myself.

I'm not sure how you make friends. I don't think there's any set instructions. Being nice works for some people, yet being a complete jerk seems to work for others. I've seen plenty of jerks with more friends than you can shake a stick at.

I suppose it always just a chance encounter. Someone reaches out to you, or you reach out to someone else. And the chance of those stater friendships turning into close friendships seems even more rare. At least it has been for me. I have one close friend, who isn't physically close, so I still have no one to hang out with.

People always say go do volunteer work, go to a event, or join a class. Throw yourself in a group of people and hope things don't go horribly wrong. Sounds scary to me, but I think that's just how life works. When we're kids in school, we're thrown into a group of strange people (classmates) and have to hope nothing goes horribly wrong.

 

[Silvernight]

Same problem here. I always feel the loneliest in summer. It's so nice outside and I have no one to hang out with whatsoever. Do I have friends? My answer would be: "Um, I guess, but...". Well, the end of it is that my best (I suppose I can safely say "my former best") friend lives in another city and certainly has no lack of her own friends. I write a message to her once and again but just once in a few months or so. I have a feeling she is more annoyed than happy about them. Many of those messages she ignores too. My other friend with whom we attend the same Chinese class I'll only see in autumn. She also has more than enough of her own friends, so she doesn't really need me. Another friend I've made in my martial arts classes has recently left and will only be back in November. So yeah... totally alone now. This is from someone who always valued friendship above all else and yet somehow ended up with zero friends anyway. I get very sad every time someone tells what they're planning to do with their friends though, of course, I never show it. Never fails to remind me of my epic fail in the field of friendship.

It seems that once school and college/university is over and for whatever reason you have not made a stable circle of friends by then, it's tough. I've already gone the "join a class" route, if not for that I would not even have those scraps of what passes for a social life for me. Unfortunately, it seems that now I'm stuck. I cannot join even more classes because then I'd have no time for actual work. Right now I'm contemplating joining some sort of volunteer activity, other than that I have no ideas what else one can do.

Really feel for anyone in a similar situation, I know just how much it sucks. I suppose we just have to keep going, try to enjoy life anyway and expect for the best.

 

[rayousha]

There are a lot of lonely people out there that longs to connect with someone and you don't even have to try hard it just takes a small smile and some small talk at first. Big things starts from small things. You can start by looking at people (no don't stare) maybe just a glance and if you catch their eye smile a little. If they snob you... so be it. Don't take it personal just think that he/she is having a bad day and it has nothing to do with you at all.

Shyness is the culprit... I was painfully shy when I was younger and seemed indifferent to a lot of people because it was a defense mechanism I put on to make it appear I didn't care. And I guess it is the same for you guys... you probably come across as indifferent to other people. If you put on some effort to lighten up your mood, people will respond. Some people actually thought I am not shy (they laugh when I tell them this) but you never really overcome it... it is still there and never goes away but I psych myself out of it until it becomes easier to connect.

Start out slowly and smile at some people that you know could do with a little cheering up themselves. Just the other day I came across someone in the lift on the way to the gym when I was in a foul mood and not looking at anybody. Nevertheless she made an effort to say something to me and I found myself responding to her. So now we greet each other in the gym, I am not saying it will be a lasting friendship (who knows really) but it is a connection. Eventually you will find people that you share a common interest with which will form long lasting friendships.

 

[change 4 good]

If only all the lonely people who were in need of a friend wore little button badges saying 'want to be my friend?' how much easier would it be! )

I always feel that everyone already has their network of friends so how am I ever going to find anyone who wants to be a friend when they all have friends already. Yes, I should join clubs, yes I should start conversations everywhere I go but I am shy, socially anxious and I don't feel I am good enough to be anyones friend as when I am having a conversation with someone a wall goes up inside me and I can't seem to think of anything to say.

I am keen to get out there and find a friend but it would be so much easier if I found someone who felt the way I do.

 

[tehdreamer]

I think most of us here are the same way. We should all be friends

 

[epic fale boy]

catch-22 innit? you want to meet people who underestand the social terror, but to do so you gotta get over the social terror... which is soooo difficult when there's no-one you know who understands what it's like!

lord I hear y'all.

there's some b*****ds having a party in the derelict pub outside my flat and I can't even hate them properly coz I'd love to be there having a laugh.......

.........but if I was there, I'd just be feeling inadequate and stupid, and want to leave and be on my own!

stupid, mean world.

 

[change 4 good]

There are so many people out there who feel the way we all do. The thing is when we walk down the street, each and every one of us will actually pass by a couple of people who long for friends, who would really understand them and the way they feel. It's those people that I wish I could find...the ones who long for friends. But unfortunately its not that simple. It would be great to meet each and every one of you but its such a big world and we're all dotted about miles and miles away from each other.

The nice thing is a site like this can bring us all together. )

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

^^LOL - some of us ain't that far away though. I'm from Hampshire too. Small world, ain't it!

 

[change 4 good]

In Gosport you say? Never heard of it!
*snigger*

 

[echo]

I was thinking about this a few days ago but of course I have no one to talk about it to.

I've noticed that when you first meet someone, it seems to always be a positive experience. The two people get to share about each other's basic information about themselves and relate to one another. Everything is happiness and smiles. It's when time passes and all the small talk start to end, the awkward silence begins, you try to open yourself up to the person and get to know each other in a deeper sense but then the ugly things start to show up. The person starts to notice your flaws and they don't want to deal with you anymore and then they leave you or hurt you and then leave you.

That always happens to me. Some people have said in the past that I'm the most nicest, most lovely person they have ever met in their life and yet when I ask if I can continue contact with them, they immediately decline. I've met people that at first we have nice conversations and we "click" but then time passes and when I open up to them and they see the real me and see that I'm lonely or that I'm a little depressed or any little thing, they just give up on me.

The only closest friends I've ever had were a couple people from online but it's like what I've said already, it's happiness and smiles at first..but then they realize that you're too much for them to handle, you're too needy or too emotional or too talkative or you're not pretty enough, any little thing is a flaw to them..you always have to be 100% perfect to them or else they leave you.

I can't rely on anyone, I don't trust anyone, I've learned to only care about myself because I'm the only one in the world who will ever care about me and that's never going to change. There is always going to be people rejecting me but it's ok because at least I got myself.

Ay, I'm trailing off topic, sorry but yeah, I'm always in the house and I look out the window a lot and see how beautiful the day is and how amazing it would be to be outside and feel the cool breeze and spend the day with someone that wants my company or cares about me but there's no one. There are a few old classmates that I might be able to hang out with but I don't because I know that I will never be able to form a long lasting deep relationship with any of them because we don't have anything in common so going out with them, I will feel even more lonely so I always decline their offer of going out because I already know that we don't have anything in common and that they will ignore me completely anyway. I also have social anxiety so I dread it a lot when I am outside with many people. :/

 

[Knight]

I was thinking about this a few days ago but of course I have no one to talk about it to.

I've noticed that when you first meet someone, it seems to always be a positive experience. The two people get to share about each other's basic information about themselves and relate to one another. Everything is happiness and smiles. It's when time passes and all the small talk start to end, the awkward silence begins, you try to open yourself up to the person and get to know each other in a deeper sense but then the ugly things start to show up. The person starts to notice your flaws and they don't want to deal with you anymore and then they leave you or hurt you and then leave you.

That always happens to me. Some people have said in the past that I'm the most nicest, most lovely person they have ever met in their life and yet when I ask if I can continue contact with them, they immediately decline. I've met people that at first we have nice conversations and we "click" but then time passes and when I open up to them and they see the real me and see that I'm lonely or that I'm a little depressed or any little thing, they just give up on me.

The only closest friends I've ever had were a couple people from online but it's like what I've said already, it's happiness and smiles at first..but then they realize that you're too much for them to handle, you're too needy or too emotional or too talkative or you're not pretty enough, any little thing is a flaw to them..you always have to be 100% perfect to them or else they leave you.

I can't rely on anyone, I don't trust anyone, I've learned to only care about myself because I'm the only one in the world who will ever care about me and that's never going to change. There is always going to be people rejecting me but it's ok because at least I got myself.

Ay, I'm trailing off topic, sorry but yeah, I'm always in the house and I look out the window a lot and see how beautiful the day is and how amazing it would be to be outside and feel the cool breeze and spend the day with someone that wants my company or cares about me but there's no one. There are a few old classmates that I might be able to hang out with but I don't because I know that I will never be able to form a long lasting deep relationship with any of them because we don't have anything in common so going out with them, I will feel even more lonely so I always decline their offer of going out because I already know that we don't have anything in common and that they will ignore me completely anyway. I also have social anxiety so I dread it a lot when I am outside with many people. :/

"I've noticed that when you first meet someone, it seems to always be a positive experience. The two people get to share about each other's basic information about themselves and relate to one another. Everything is happiness and smiles. It's when time passes and all the small talk start to end, the awkward silence begins, you try to open yourself up to the person and get to know each other in a deeper sense but then the ugly things start to show up. The person starts to notice your flaws and they don't want to deal with you anymore and then they leave you or hurt you and then leave you. "

I agree with this, when you first meet someone there is a "grace" period, but that "grace" period never lasts long.

"I can't rely on anyone, I don't trust anyone, I've learned to only care about myself because I'm the only one in the world who will ever care about me and that's never going to change. There is always going to be people rejecting me but it's ok because at least I got myself. "

I don't trust many people. I don't rely on anyone anymore because I know that they will fail me. I used to only care about myself and then I came to realize that I was being selfish, that I should care about people that deserve a chance for me to trust them. I know that I have myself no matter what goes on around me but I often feel empty and alone and I've realized that I can't fill that gap inside. I hope that you don't ever feel that gap inside because it's something I have yet to fill. I think the only thing that could fill it up is having someone there who will always be there for me and to love me and communicate to me no matter what the subject may be. I do hope that you fill find someone that can fulfill those needs for you.

 

[echo]

I hope that you don't ever feel that gap inside because it's something I have yet to fill. I think the only thing that could fill it up is having someone there who will always be there for me and to love me and communicate to me no matter what the subject may be. I do hope that you will find someone that can fulfill those needs for you.

Thank you, I appreciate that.