unbelievably isolated, no idea what to do about it

[holsten1]

Hi all

Last year I started a uni course, and it was going pretty well and for the first time in my life I was pretty much consistently happy, even though there was plenty of stuff that wasn't ideal in my life. Anyway I won't go into loads of detail, but some honeysuckle that was entirely out of my hands happened, and at the time it seemed like dropping out was pretty much my only option.

Turns out that was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've moved now, to pretty much the only place where I could get a room cheaply, and my housemates are total douchebags that since I got here have made every effort to be really douchey. I have to listen to them getting drunk and having fun all the time, it's maddening.

I have pretty much no social life, other than one guy I sometimes get stoned with, but I don't really know him and have so little in common with him that most of the time we don't even speak.

My motivation is awful. I can't hold a job, so I never have any money, and I live in squalor. Women will pretty much not even look at me, I have no idea why, I don't dress like a bum, I'm not ugly, I don't talk to people like a complete *********. I can only really assume for the most part I come across as pretty ordinary, so I have no idea why women seem to have had pre existing resentments against me my entire life(I'm not delusional, I know this isn't the case, but it really seems that way sometimes, and I'm not one of these guys that is completely unattractive and rude and expects women to like him).

I have tried a few different things to meet people and it's always been horribly unsuccessful. I don't really have a lot of hobbies that don't involve sitting on my arse, so joining clubs and honeysuckle is kind of out of the question for most part.

Also I have mild SA so things like going out by myself to meet women is definitely out of the question. Also if anyone was gonna say to stop getting high, then I'd rather you keep that to yourself. I'm pretty sure weed isn't my problem. I had these problems before I started smoking weed. It makes my situation worse in some ways but much more bearable as well. I've tried taking a week off and I just felt awful and had no release or joy.

Anyway I'm mostly posting this in the hope I might here from someone that's been through some similar honeysuckle and knows how to deal with it. I don't want to die but a lot of the time suicide feels like my only viable option. I'm putting so much effort into propping up my life, and really I have nothing, so there's no point. I'm so mentally exhausted from all this honeysuckle now that I don't really know how I feel about it anymore, I just know I want a normal social life more than anything.

 

[I'm Fine]

Ok, I'm no expert (obviously) but I think you need to find a better place to live. Living in squalor won't help- and neither will living with room mates that upset you. As to why women won't talk to you, it's possible that word has gotten out about you using weed and that's why - it actually does affect the way people think/see you. For some it'll be an attraction but for others, not. Just something to think about.

To get a normal social life, you have to do the things most people do - which usually involve going out. I think that's a problem that most of us on here have - we either don't or can't get out for the most part. At least here you have a chance to get to know people online so you don't feel quite so alone. I hope that helps.

Good luck *hugs*