I'm on some dating apps and having some matches but I feel like I don't have great conversational skills. Asking advice about this or looking for advice on the internet does not help much (as I already have done), i'ts always generic stuff that I already do. But I think a conversation can still seem bland or boring even following any general advice. Just be yourself, ask talk hobbies, let her know you are interested, etc. Also, I know that when chatting to someone that is not interested, it may not matter how good you are at having a conversation. But in the context of dating apps, I asume that if I match, there was at least some interest to begin with, and that if the conversation stales, there was probably something I could have done better. So I was thinking, maybe it would help me better if I could read what an actual real "succesful" conversation looks like, one that ended on a date or that was long and fluid with clear interest on both parts. So, does anyone know where can I get such a thing? there are tons of screenshots of dating apps conversations, but not of the succesful type, rather its the opposite. Also if someone wants to share theirs, I would apreciate it.
What does a succesful conversation look like?
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If I'm comfortable, I talk to girls like how I talk to my siblings. I talk honeysuckle, make funny noises, accents, impressions, basically act like a mongo, but it mostly works. Try not to think of them as strangers, just talk.
Don't know if any of that helps
Don't know if any of that helps
NoxApex(N/A)
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You're looking for a genuine connection, it seems.
That's going to be hit or miss, that's just the nature of it.
You can have an algorithmic match with someone, but then the conversation can also just go nowhere at the same time.
That's part of the problem with dating apps.
I'd encourage actually talking to women in person instead.
Because even if it goes nowhere, it'll at least get you comfortable with the conversation of it.
As for fail or success?
If it gets to where she's comfortable enough with you and you can get away with more off the cuff flirtation, she's giving you the go ahead.
Be careful with that though, because just because you can doesn't always mean that you should.
So if you're gonna have your head in the clouds, keep your feet nailed to the floor.
That's going to be hit or miss, that's just the nature of it.
You can have an algorithmic match with someone, but then the conversation can also just go nowhere at the same time.
That's part of the problem with dating apps.
I'd encourage actually talking to women in person instead.
Because even if it goes nowhere, it'll at least get you comfortable with the conversation of it.
As for fail or success?
If it gets to where she's comfortable enough with you and you can get away with more off the cuff flirtation, she's giving you the go ahead.
Be careful with that though, because just because you can doesn't always mean that you should.
So if you're gonna have your head in the clouds, keep your feet nailed to the floor.
This is very difficult to give you a satisfactory answer, but let me point out some things. Firstly, if by "successful" you mean "achieve to get a date" then you can achieve that eventually after a short chit chat and then just asking the other person if they'd like to go have a drink/coffee/walk/etc and sooner or later you'll get a hit. Showing you a "successful" conversation only shows you a successful conversation for those people. It's no guarantee it would work for you. People are so different, their needs and wants so varied, the reasons the other person is even on such an app/site wide. Anything can lure and anything can trigger people. You just can't tell. All you can do is be yourself, get the other person talking as much about themselves as possible and if you genuinely have any interest in what they share, make sure you make it obvious. Be honest, open and yourself, because anything you hide will eventually present itself and all will come crashing down. Maybe that isn't a problem if you want short term liaisons, but long term will suffer if you're dishonest or hiding unfavourable (to them) things. Just keep practising and get to a live date asap because it's better for gauging people's true self. Little shortcomings can be compromised when dealing with people in person because they can see more attractive things about you, but if you dump every little thing into online conversations, you won't even get to go on that initial date because you've put them off as those little things in writing are magnified. Short chit chats to get a bit of a click, then just ask to meetup, public place for comfort, be genuine, show interest, be fun to be with. People want to be happy, so they don't want to be around sadsacks.
user 150037
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Others have pretty much covered it. You can only be yourself.
I spent years trying to meet people and make connections - and it was like trying to get the world's laziest mongrel to dance for sausages.
But i finally obtained friends a year ago and i cant even explain how it happened - it just naturally occurred.
I guess what im saying is that you cant force these things - all you can do is start off casual and see where it goes from there.
I spent years trying to meet people and make connections - and it was like trying to get the world's laziest mongrel to dance for sausages.
But i finally obtained friends a year ago and i cant even explain how it happened - it just naturally occurred.
I guess what im saying is that you cant force these things - all you can do is start off casual and see where it goes from there.
If you are interested in a long term relationship, them I think, it should be interesting for you.
I've almost no experience with the dating apps, but I have with the penpals. So it either work or not, it also depends on who is on the opposite side. To some people I write and write and they write back, while with the others it stops quite fast, but I'm the same and my conversation is the same.
And if you are interested in something short term, I would ask ChatGPT for help, it's good with talking.
I've almost no experience with the dating apps, but I have with the penpals. So it either work or not, it also depends on who is on the opposite side. To some people I write and write and they write back, while with the others it stops quite fast, but I'm the same and my conversation is the same.
And if you are interested in something short term, I would ask ChatGPT for help, it's good with talking.
thanks everyone for your replies, but this is exactly the kind of advice I can find by googling/asking around and have already read. I just wanted to have real life examples to see if I can find something I was not seeing before, which is why I asked for screen captures. I know it will most likely not help, but maybe I could learn something anyway and aslo wanted to try something different.
ardour
Well known loser
If they perceive you as lower status than them then it really doesn't matter what words leave your mouth.
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TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
I'm almost scared to talk to women I could see myself "liking" these days, because I'm afraid that the conversation will flatline, and I'll be written off as "boring", "incompatible", "no personality", when the problem was really that I just didn't think of the right conversation topics in time, or the right thoughts/ideas didn't occur to me in time.
It's also hard when I've been feeling very "meh" about everything lately. I haven't had any passion or enthusiasm for anything. I've either been feeling very down, or very emotionally flat. My "highs" have not been very high. Basically I've just been existing. I've been struggling with despair, a lack of interest in or hope for my life.
It's a paradox. One of the reasons I've been unhappy is because of being single, but it's hard to get out of singledom if you aren't happy with yourself and your life first.
It's also hard when I've been feeling very "meh" about everything lately. I haven't had any passion or enthusiasm for anything. I've either been feeling very down, or very emotionally flat. My "highs" have not been very high. Basically I've just been existing. I've been struggling with despair, a lack of interest in or hope for my life.
It's a paradox. One of the reasons I've been unhappy is because of being single, but it's hard to get out of singledom if you aren't happy with yourself and your life first.
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Okay here’s an example that got me the first date with my wife. We were at the same gym. She was bench pressing. My first line to her was, “I’m happy to spot you if you want to try some more weight.” She declined, but thanked me. She was chatting to the receptionist when I was leaving and I overheard her say that she’s finding it hard to make new friends since she moved back home, so I just said, “Maybe we should go out one day” and she agreed. Simple as that.
Will that work for you? I dunno. Will it work today? I dunno. Why did it work back then in 1992? I dunno. Some things work, some don’t. You can only try and try again.
ardour
Well known loser
This might very well be construed as harassment today.
Of course, but I read the room well back then. My point is, you can’t just give people a script that worked for someone else and expect it to work for them.
TropicalStarfish
Well-known member
Bender's Journal has a very meticulously detailed wealth of information on one ALL member's journey towards getting dates and all that.
If you want examples of successful conversations, off the top of my head, there is the, 'Joe Rogan podcast,' (I recommend his early stuff: pre 2016 (but there's some good stuff all around, except for maybe when he moved to Texas). Joe Rogan is a master conversationalist (and he put practice into the craft and became good at it, he was not a natural).
You can watch "The Jay Leno Fly," on youtube for an archive of all of Craig Ferguson's guest interviews. He is most likely extremely naturally talented. He's a master at socializing, flirting, being funny, etc.. Not everyone will be able to pull off what he does; however, if one were to astutely study his craft, there might be some gems to mine (hopefully one doesn't forget to laugh and enjoy as well).
The socio-sexual circuit is... interesting.
Socializing is very much like dance. I think one could say it literally is, in a way. It has rhythm, cadence, flow. There is a musical rhythmic quality to it. And you know it's going well, when you aren't, 'in your head,' about it. In sports they call this the, 'flow state.'
So, there isn't really much anyone can do or say, to sufficiently honor your request; except to point down the road and say, 'it's that way, more or less.' You won't know it till you experience it; and when you experience it, you'll know immediately.
Seek and you shall find... The sages of old might say.
I think I recall some one saying, if you want to get some one to speak, or keep some one talking, ask questions.
-my 2 cents.
If you want examples of successful conversations, off the top of my head, there is the, 'Joe Rogan podcast,' (I recommend his early stuff: pre 2016 (but there's some good stuff all around, except for maybe when he moved to Texas). Joe Rogan is a master conversationalist (and he put practice into the craft and became good at it, he was not a natural).
You can watch "The Jay Leno Fly," on youtube for an archive of all of Craig Ferguson's guest interviews. He is most likely extremely naturally talented. He's a master at socializing, flirting, being funny, etc.. Not everyone will be able to pull off what he does; however, if one were to astutely study his craft, there might be some gems to mine (hopefully one doesn't forget to laugh and enjoy as well).
The socio-sexual circuit is... interesting.
Socializing is very much like dance. I think one could say it literally is, in a way. It has rhythm, cadence, flow. There is a musical rhythmic quality to it. And you know it's going well, when you aren't, 'in your head,' about it. In sports they call this the, 'flow state.'
So, there isn't really much anyone can do or say, to sufficiently honor your request; except to point down the road and say, 'it's that way, more or less.' You won't know it till you experience it; and when you experience it, you'll know immediately.
Seek and you shall find... The sages of old might say.
I think I recall some one saying, if you want to get some one to speak, or keep some one talking, ask questions.
-my 2 cents.
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ardour
Well known loser
She rejected your offer to spot, so if anything you didn't read the room but rather lucked out. The issue isn't whether it works so much as not being accused of something when it doesn't. (Or for eg. getting banned from a gym.)
Oh I read the room alright. I didn’t convey how she responded to my initial question. She was smiley and friendly, but didn’t want to come across as anything too, what’s a good word, loose? I thought I read it right. But who can tell for sure. Maybe I did luck out. Nobody can prove it one way or another.
I agree, but I don't think that matters in the context of my post
What is honeysuckle?If I'm comfortable, I talk to girls like how I talk to my siblings. I talk honeysuckle, make funny noises, accents, impressions, basically act like a mongo, but it mostly works. Try not to think of them as strangers, just talk.
Don't know if any of that helps
I worry about your conclusion here.
The best conversations are free verse. Unscripted.
Overthinking is a problem.
I am more successful socially when I'm in a good mood. Energy and enthusiasm. Words find their way. I try not to be too intellectual. Find joy in the simple.
I'm single now. I feel confident I could get dates. But my problem would be maintaining a good mood over a number of dates. In reality I am more suited to someone who is a bit depressed. Sharing mental anguish. With humour of course.
Bad language is censored.
