constant stranger
Well-known member
OK, I'm used to being lonely. I've been lonely surrounded by people and lonely when I'm alone. I'm entirely accustomed to seeing movies alone, and walking alone in parks and country roads. I don't hesitate to dine out alone and bring a book to read while I'm at the table.....although I always choose slow times for the restaurants because they make a lot more money at a table with many guests.
Here's what I'm wondering: What would my comfort level be to lead a non-lonely life? I really think it's more intimidating for me to actually pursue and achieve a more normal life, with friends and a significant other continue in this familiar aloneness.
Hence, I'm not doing much of anything to change my life and haven't really, for years. Except for joining a few organizations: public service type groups, honeybee keeper club and community college classes.....all artificial, structured activities. They could be a 'stepping stone' to authentic personal relationships.........if I let them. But I don't.
Why? The very notion of risking it seems like a foregone conclusion.....not necessarily failure and rejection (..although maybe so..) but certainly displeasing, like hard work that I don't really know how to do.
So I come to on-line sites like this. And next Saturday I'm helping maintain the Japanese Garden at the local college. Then I go home alone. Again. Safe and in control.
Anybody else in a similar position?
Here's what I'm wondering: What would my comfort level be to lead a non-lonely life? I really think it's more intimidating for me to actually pursue and achieve a more normal life, with friends and a significant other continue in this familiar aloneness.
Hence, I'm not doing much of anything to change my life and haven't really, for years. Except for joining a few organizations: public service type groups, honeybee keeper club and community college classes.....all artificial, structured activities. They could be a 'stepping stone' to authentic personal relationships.........if I let them. But I don't.
Why? The very notion of risking it seems like a foregone conclusion.....not necessarily failure and rejection (..although maybe so..) but certainly displeasing, like hard work that I don't really know how to do.
So I come to on-line sites like this. And next Saturday I'm helping maintain the Japanese Garden at the local college. Then I go home alone. Again. Safe and in control.
Anybody else in a similar position?