What now?

[Doc]

I tried to kill myself again. Can't even do that right. Parents and everyone around me were always right about me.

So what do I do now, I can't do anything anymore. I spent my birthday at Summit Ridge (mental hospital) and now I'm out again, there's nothing. I try to go out and e social I can't. I try to look on the positive side I but I can't. I try to raise my self-esteem but I can't. I try to make friends but I can't. I try to ******* kill myself but I CAN'T. I'm a ******* loser, a ******* weirdo, ******* worthless in every concept of the word. I can barely even talk to people.

I try so hard to fix my problems but it blows up I'm my face and I just scream at myself and then I try to stop it all, but I'm no good at that either. So what the hell do I do now

 

[Sci-Fi]

You didn't fail you succeeded at living because there is something here for you still. All those things you said you can't do you can do, it just takes time, patience and a lot of hard work. It may not seem worth the effort right now because of how you are feeling. There's gotta be something out there that you can do which will make you feel like your life is worth living and you are doing some good. Sure you might say, no there isn't, but there is you just have to find out what it is. That's all part of life, the adventure into the unknown and the discovery.

 

[Doc]

This was a very angry post and I am very sorry for posting such frustration-fueled words..

I agree with you Sci-Fi. I am just so confused and I am so extremely impulsive.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm so glad you're okay.

I'm a ******* loser, a ******* weirdo, ******* worthless in every concept of the word. I can barely even talk to people.

You're not, you've got some really special qualities, Doc. Everyone has something special about them. So do you. You made me such an awesome handmade birthday card and it meant a lot to me. That's only one thing out of the many awesome things that you can do. You have got so much potential in you that I see, and you have been doing so so much to improve your situation in the past months, and you actually made it this far - I'm really proud of you.

Please don't give up.. I can see you going so far ahead doing better and better. You need to believe in yourself, just as much as I believe in you. It may take time, but we're all here for support and you know I'm always here to reinforce that to you and I'm always here to hear you out and help you.

I'm so glad you're okay.. seriously. I've been rather worried all this while. Phew.. *hugs*

 

[Tiina63]

Does Summit Ridge have any therapy or support groups you could go to as an outpatient? It might be a way to start making some friends.

 

[Doc]

Does Summit Ridge have any therapy or support groups you could go to as an outpatient? It might be a way to start making some friends.

Not exactly. Summit Ridge has a very poorly organized outpatient program, they just put them with the inpatients until it's time to leave, and there are very very few outpatients. On top of that, it is ridiculously expensive.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I just wanted to say that I'm glad you didn't succeed and that you're still around. If you ever need someone to talk too, please send me a pm, I'd like to hear from you and maybe I can be your friend if you'd like that. I go through a lot of the same thoughts sometimes and I have to keep telling myself that I do need to be here cause I'm a great person. I know where you're coming from and I suffer from bi-polar, it's a tough road but I get through the day. Just wanted to say that I'm glad that you're okay and please talk to me if you wish too. ~hugs~

 

[AspiringCatLady]

Doc I hope you're okay now. Prove to those people that they were WRONG about you. You're just going through a hard time and are feeling very depressed. When you're depressed you don't have clarity of thought! Don't be hard on yourself, congratulate yourself for any small achievement that you can make! Eventually all the small things will add up and you'll make progress. I know i've been there. Suicide just isn't an option for me. Life is too short and though i'm accepting that i'm depressed at the moment because of x, y and z, I try to tell myself that it won't be forever, and that the antidepressants i'm on will hopefully start working. It's a vicious circle, one that's hard to break out of