Sigma
Well-known member
I've been trying to diffuse this situation to the best of my ability for some time now, turns out the best of my ability lies somewhere in the negative because honeysuckle got even worse.
Talked with a friend on skype about it, told me to make a thread about it which I felt reluctant to do at first but at this point I'm open to anything, some female insight especially.
Some background info is required though, I'll try and keep it brief so bear with me.
Spent pretty much all my childhood and right up into adolescence never paying any attention to the fairer sex, not the local offering anyway. Had something going with an older woman twice around when I was 17 but they both just kinda toyed around with me without the whole thing going anywhere and then replaced me with another, I didn't mind.
Not sure if they even counted as actual relationships, either way I entered them having no idea how relationships work and I left em no different.
I didn't see that as a problem though, I figured I wouldn't need those kind of skills anyway because I had no interest in anyone around, with one exception whom I'd had a crush on for several years, but I never considered her as an option for several reasons. I thought I wouldn't ever need to worry about those things until long after I left this godforsaken place.
Things turned out differently though, due a series of soap-opera like events I ended up accidentally confessing my feelings to said crush, and it turned out the thing was mutual, and all was well in the world for about 3 months.
And here comes le probleme;
One rainy evening in March I decided that, hmm, I sure could go with a nice cold beer right about then.
So off I went on my merry little trip down the stairs, blissfully unaware of the impending disaster.
I entered the soon-to-be ground zero, and lo and behold, it's my girlfriends (now former) best friend!
No red flags were raised, after all I'd seen her a few times before, never really spoken though. I tried to move around inconspicuously on my way to the fridge, not in the mood to get involved in their girl talk, but it wasn't meant to be.
After a while of engaging in small talk, we discovered a link we didn't know was there before, namely the sister of that best friend. She was one of the few people I actually interacted with in my school days, more specifically she came to my little hideaway corner during a lunch break one day and requested if she could stay there since I kept the bullies away, with her being one of their favorite targets.
I didn't mind, we got reasonably friendly with each other over the course of about 3 weeks and then she suddenly stopped showing up, I learned a little later that was because she killed herself.
I felt my fair share of guilt for a while, had my "maybe I could've done something" thoughts, and then eventually (as much as I feel like a dick for saying it now) put the whole thing in the back of my mind, I did only know her for a few weeks after all.
Turned out she'd mentioned me in her goodbye note, and apparently she'd portrayed me as some sort of savior in her darkest days.
Now all I did back then was offer her company and have regular, mundane talks, and that's all it was. I never did anything with the intention of helping her since I had no idea her situation was as bad as it was. I said as much to her sister that day, but she wouldn't hear any of it and demanded she be allowed to thank me for my "aid" during her sisters last days.
Of course, I had no reason to turn her down, the problem came a little later though.
See, every time we met after that, and nearly every conversation we had after that had to be accompanied with a long drawn out hug, and a lot of what she said was followed up with double entendres that were hard not to interpret as flirtatious.
She didn't know then that me and my girlfriend were together, suffice it to say we couldn't be open about our relationship, so I started thinking of a way to gently turn her down. I didn't get the chance to do so though, my girlfriend didn't take very kindly to her advances and things got explosive rather quickly.
In an attempt to calm things down I decided that it would make things less complicated if we just made our relationship known, and so I did. It got received with disbelief, skepticism, and finally acceptance in that order, she even offered her apology for her earlier behavior, but my girlfriend claimed she was still giving me inviting looks and such, and demanded I cut off all contact with her as she'd done herself.
I explained she had apologized, wasn't doing all the things she was accusing her of and that she was probably never interested in me anyway, that her acting that way was probably just her...kind of twisted way of repaying me.
I've tried everything I can think of, but she won't even talk to me anymore unless I just start ignoring her like she demanded, and the dilemma I'm facing is that I can't get myself to act that way after what had happened to her sister, I mean the least I could do is be a friend (and just a friend) to her right?
I don't want to solve this peacefully just because of my residual guilt either, she and my girlfriend like I mentioned before were best friends, and like myself she's pretty much shunned by the local community here, every friend counts. And they got along very well before all this crap happened.
Maybe someone here has experience in dealing with...jealousy, I guess?
Oh yeah, and that thing I said about me trying to keep it short was a lie.
Sorry bout that.
Talked with a friend on skype about it, told me to make a thread about it which I felt reluctant to do at first but at this point I'm open to anything, some female insight especially.
Some background info is required though, I'll try and keep it brief so bear with me.
Spent pretty much all my childhood and right up into adolescence never paying any attention to the fairer sex, not the local offering anyway. Had something going with an older woman twice around when I was 17 but they both just kinda toyed around with me without the whole thing going anywhere and then replaced me with another, I didn't mind.
Not sure if they even counted as actual relationships, either way I entered them having no idea how relationships work and I left em no different.
I didn't see that as a problem though, I figured I wouldn't need those kind of skills anyway because I had no interest in anyone around, with one exception whom I'd had a crush on for several years, but I never considered her as an option for several reasons. I thought I wouldn't ever need to worry about those things until long after I left this godforsaken place.
Things turned out differently though, due a series of soap-opera like events I ended up accidentally confessing my feelings to said crush, and it turned out the thing was mutual, and all was well in the world for about 3 months.
And here comes le probleme;
One rainy evening in March I decided that, hmm, I sure could go with a nice cold beer right about then.
So off I went on my merry little trip down the stairs, blissfully unaware of the impending disaster.
I entered the soon-to-be ground zero, and lo and behold, it's my girlfriends (now former) best friend!
No red flags were raised, after all I'd seen her a few times before, never really spoken though. I tried to move around inconspicuously on my way to the fridge, not in the mood to get involved in their girl talk, but it wasn't meant to be.
After a while of engaging in small talk, we discovered a link we didn't know was there before, namely the sister of that best friend. She was one of the few people I actually interacted with in my school days, more specifically she came to my little hideaway corner during a lunch break one day and requested if she could stay there since I kept the bullies away, with her being one of their favorite targets.
I didn't mind, we got reasonably friendly with each other over the course of about 3 weeks and then she suddenly stopped showing up, I learned a little later that was because she killed herself.
I felt my fair share of guilt for a while, had my "maybe I could've done something" thoughts, and then eventually (as much as I feel like a dick for saying it now) put the whole thing in the back of my mind, I did only know her for a few weeks after all.
Turned out she'd mentioned me in her goodbye note, and apparently she'd portrayed me as some sort of savior in her darkest days.
Now all I did back then was offer her company and have regular, mundane talks, and that's all it was. I never did anything with the intention of helping her since I had no idea her situation was as bad as it was. I said as much to her sister that day, but she wouldn't hear any of it and demanded she be allowed to thank me for my "aid" during her sisters last days.
Of course, I had no reason to turn her down, the problem came a little later though.
See, every time we met after that, and nearly every conversation we had after that had to be accompanied with a long drawn out hug, and a lot of what she said was followed up with double entendres that were hard not to interpret as flirtatious.
She didn't know then that me and my girlfriend were together, suffice it to say we couldn't be open about our relationship, so I started thinking of a way to gently turn her down. I didn't get the chance to do so though, my girlfriend didn't take very kindly to her advances and things got explosive rather quickly.
In an attempt to calm things down I decided that it would make things less complicated if we just made our relationship known, and so I did. It got received with disbelief, skepticism, and finally acceptance in that order, she even offered her apology for her earlier behavior, but my girlfriend claimed she was still giving me inviting looks and such, and demanded I cut off all contact with her as she'd done herself.
I explained she had apologized, wasn't doing all the things she was accusing her of and that she was probably never interested in me anyway, that her acting that way was probably just her...kind of twisted way of repaying me.
I've tried everything I can think of, but she won't even talk to me anymore unless I just start ignoring her like she demanded, and the dilemma I'm facing is that I can't get myself to act that way after what had happened to her sister, I mean the least I could do is be a friend (and just a friend) to her right?
I don't want to solve this peacefully just because of my residual guilt either, she and my girlfriend like I mentioned before were best friends, and like myself she's pretty much shunned by the local community here, every friend counts. And they got along very well before all this crap happened.
Maybe someone here has experience in dealing with...jealousy, I guess?
Oh yeah, and that thing I said about me trying to keep it short was a lie.
Sorry bout that.
.
