Does anyone else almost gets ill or have panic attacks when they hear of or see people being tortured or bullied or hurt, even in fiction? Does anyone else not understand any possible emotional response to suffering other than sympathy? Does anyone feel depressed and confused when they see a youtube video intended to humiliate someone and people watching it and liking it? Does anyone else get a bad vibe watching Daniel Tosh or Sara Silverman? I feel like I have ptsd or something. It's like a waking nightmare. Am I overly sensitive or weak? If there is a person who feels this way, do you have a way of dealing with these over powering emotions. I find it disabling. I'd avoid it if I could and do as much as possible, but you never know where or when it will happen next.
why are people so mean?
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MTrip
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Apparently, you have several pounds of empathy ready for the next person you see & are a rather sensitive creature to boot. That's what I gathered from your post, anyway. Empathy is indispensable to have, for being human, but this world is a rough place for sensitive souls. I was that way when I was a kid. Then life happened!... Try not to watch Daniel Tosh & shows similar to his, for starters. This world can be a nice place but it's also full of suffering & of those who enjoy it. Try to limit your exposure, & when you feel the need to help someone, be sure to pick someone 1) for whom your efforts can make a difference & 2) who will probably be grateful for your assistance.
MTrip said:
I already do, believe me I only watched a few minutes of that and didn't know it would be like that. I just wish I could deal with these situations better when they happened. By the way, what does "life happened"mean?
Garbageman
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I can definitely relate, I don't think I have as serious a reaction as you, but as far back as I can remember violence has always disturbed me. I can not stand to watch someone get beaten in a movie it makes me ill. I never realized it but an exception to that is martial arts films, for what ever reason they don't seem to bother me. I also don't deal well with people getting injured either. Videos with people getting hurt are not humorous to me, they stress me out. It is very hard for me when people treat each other badly, school was very difficult for me because of this. Hardly anyone was ever mean to me or made fun of me or treated me badly, but I couldn't stand how people treated each other. I am extremely empathetic, and how others around me are feeling affects me.
I have never heard of Daniel Tosh or Sara Silverman, which is part of how I have reduced the stress and pain of others grief. I do not have a tv, and I don't look up news online. I rely on a few people around me to tell me any news that I have a need to know because it affects me. That has helped out a lot. In my opinion you are not overly sensitive or weak, many others are under sensitive and numb.
For all things I find upsetting that find their way though my filters, I try to stay focused, if it is something fake, I simply reassure myself it was not real, and I acknowledge while whatever it was may happen in real life this particular did not. And that works well for the fake stuff. When I come across real stuff it is considerably more challenging, I stay focused and first ask myself if there is anything I can do to help the situation? If yes I find a way to help, if no I remind myself if I let this cripple me and take away my energy, I won't have anything for the next situation that I can help in.
It may not seem like it but it really is a blessing of sorts, I just wish it were contagious, can you imagine what the world would be like if every one felt the kind of empathy you do?
Thats seems like a good assessment to me, and some good advice.
I have never heard of Daniel Tosh or Sara Silverman, which is part of how I have reduced the stress and pain of others grief. I do not have a tv, and I don't look up news online. I rely on a few people around me to tell me any news that I have a need to know because it affects me. That has helped out a lot. In my opinion you are not overly sensitive or weak, many others are under sensitive and numb.
For all things I find upsetting that find their way though my filters, I try to stay focused, if it is something fake, I simply reassure myself it was not real, and I acknowledge while whatever it was may happen in real life this particular did not. And that works well for the fake stuff. When I come across real stuff it is considerably more challenging, I stay focused and first ask myself if there is anything I can do to help the situation? If yes I find a way to help, if no I remind myself if I let this cripple me and take away my energy, I won't have anything for the next situation that I can help in.
It may not seem like it but it really is a blessing of sorts, I just wish it were contagious, can you imagine what the world would be like if every one felt the kind of empathy you do?
MTrip said:
Thats seems like a good assessment to me, and some good advice.
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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What I find worse is the amount of people who laugh at clear bully examples in the media. They made all those Scary and Date movie things to laugh at stereotypes, and Lars and The Real Girl to laugh at incels. People are actually paying money to laugh at people like me, so should I respect them for feeding into that garbage?
I try to be a pacifist and peace loving person, but it's really hard when the world is full of so many ********.
I try to be a pacifist and peace loving person, but it's really hard when the world is full of so many ********.
theglasscell
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I find all the cruelest behavior is mostly outside of entertainment, like online trolls and sites like Reddit or 4Chan. The cruelty and sadism exhibited by people on those sites is horrifying.
Whenever I check the IMDB boards for Breaking Bad to discuss the show, half the posts are people making jokes about the actor who plays Walt Jr., because he has cerebral palsy. A lot of these people are adults. At least with kids or teenagers it can be forgiven somewhat.
I don't think any raunchy comedian could ever compete with that.
There is Opie & Anthony though, their cruelty and hateful behavior makes anything that Howard Stern or Sarah Silverman has done seem tame in comparison.
One time Opie invited a homeless lady on who made her money through singing and playing guitar in the street. He snuck up behind her and smashed her guitar to pieces, just to be mean, it wasn't even funny.
Yet a guy like Opie gets to be married to a beautiful model 25 years younger than him just because he made a career out of being a horrible person.
I've seen a guy on the subway at night take this homeless guy's cart full of stuff and dump it out all over the floor of the train, then spit on him and laugh.
All for fun. I felt horrible for not doing something to stop him. I wish I had. In that case me being cruel to that guy would have been totally justified.
Whenever I check the IMDB boards for Breaking Bad to discuss the show, half the posts are people making jokes about the actor who plays Walt Jr., because he has cerebral palsy. A lot of these people are adults. At least with kids or teenagers it can be forgiven somewhat.
I don't think any raunchy comedian could ever compete with that.
There is Opie & Anthony though, their cruelty and hateful behavior makes anything that Howard Stern or Sarah Silverman has done seem tame in comparison.
One time Opie invited a homeless lady on who made her money through singing and playing guitar in the street. He snuck up behind her and smashed her guitar to pieces, just to be mean, it wasn't even funny.
Yet a guy like Opie gets to be married to a beautiful model 25 years younger than him just because he made a career out of being a horrible person.
I've seen a guy on the subway at night take this homeless guy's cart full of stuff and dump it out all over the floor of the train, then spit on him and laugh.
All for fun. I felt horrible for not doing something to stop him. I wish I had. In that case me being cruel to that guy would have been totally justified.
The cruelty that bothers me daily is the cruelty of war, imperialism, corruption, greed... The natural consequences of capitalism. And people who are willing to hurt you and even kill you for money. Animal cruelty too. Rapists, abusers... All the rest I'm sort of used to I guess.
I wouldn't call what happens online serious, since it happens on a virtual world. I never cared much about that, why would anyone give some random anonymous stranger that much power over you? 4chan isn't that bad, most of the boards anyway, it's just a site with almost total freedom of speech. People who troll there are often victims of bullies trying to get even with society. If anything it's a consequence of what happens in reality, so we should deal with that, there isn't much you can do about the formed opinions of some individuals.
I wouldn't call what happens online serious, since it happens on a virtual world. I never cared much about that, why would anyone give some random anonymous stranger that much power over you? 4chan isn't that bad, most of the boards anyway, it's just a site with almost total freedom of speech. People who troll there are often victims of bullies trying to get even with society. If anything it's a consequence of what happens in reality, so we should deal with that, there isn't much you can do about the formed opinions of some individuals.
Alienated
Well-known member
I noticed I have gotten a short temper lately, because I have been hurt by almost everyone that said they were there to help. So when I see someone that acts all sweet and innocent, I automatically distrust them.. And let them know it... And guess what ?? Their real motives come out real quick.
If they can't understand I have been screwed over, then they agree when others do it. Which means it's ok for them to do too. And they will, if a freaking heart beat, and not feel one bit of remorse... So after years of that happening.... I admit I am a bit Jaded, and testy .
If someone can't be real WITH me, they aren't real TO me. Respect is earned, not to be expected... And I'm 48 years old, and don't need some teenager telling me I am full of it. So after years of that... Well... I have to admit again... I don't like but a few people.
If they can't understand I have been screwed over, then they agree when others do it. Which means it's ok for them to do too. And they will, if a freaking heart beat, and not feel one bit of remorse... So after years of that happening.... I admit I am a bit Jaded, and testy .
If someone can't be real WITH me, they aren't real TO me. Respect is earned, not to be expected... And I'm 48 years old, and don't need some teenager telling me I am full of it. So after years of that... Well... I have to admit again... I don't like but a few people.
WL7.3 said:
As sad as it is, in this day & age you need to develop a way to deal with this stuff since there's a lot more visibly available now. Unfortunately I don't know of a way to make you deal with it better, I think it's something you need to try yourself. But I think sometimes it's important to concentrate on yourself and your own life rather than stress/worry over one you cannot influence.
Whether it's abuse of power or an economic system, a persons body, their emotions, their dignity, online, offline, any form of media, true or fictional( with the exception of what is really fake like kung fu or a zombie movie), I become overwhelmed. By the examples mentioned in these post, which I'm unaware of by avoidance, the world is worse than I knew, although I could have guessed.
Another thing that sucks, is there's not much that can be done about it, especially not by me. I do what I can when I can, but I"m not intelligent, courageous or resourceful and when I experience these things, I become a worthless pile of mush, (so this feeling isn't quite a virtue).
Just yesterday I saw a horrible youtube video and I flagged it. There was no option for what it was, so I picked a random option and type what was really wrong with it in the box. Then there were 10 more, and one was a featured video(!), so I did the same, then more came up. Just seeing the titles was killing me and I realized there were probably 1000's like it, and I didn't know if reporting them with the reasons I gave would do any good anyway, so I gave up and that hurt too.
There's so much abuse. We can't keep up. One person can cause so much pain and destruction in such a short period and with minimal effort, that can take years to fix, if it can be fixed at all. It's so much easier to break something than to put it back together.
Another thing that sucks, is there's not much that can be done about it, especially not by me. I do what I can when I can, but I"m not intelligent, courageous or resourceful and when I experience these things, I become a worthless pile of mush, (so this feeling isn't quite a virtue).
Just yesterday I saw a horrible youtube video and I flagged it. There was no option for what it was, so I picked a random option and type what was really wrong with it in the box. Then there were 10 more, and one was a featured video(!), so I did the same, then more came up. Just seeing the titles was killing me and I realized there were probably 1000's like it, and I didn't know if reporting them with the reasons I gave would do any good anyway, so I gave up and that hurt too.
There's so much abuse. We can't keep up. One person can cause so much pain and destruction in such a short period and with minimal effort, that can take years to fix, if it can be fixed at all. It's so much easier to break something than to put it back together.
I don't know the details of your own experience and I'm sorry to hear what I read of it. It does make me think though, that I've hurt people on purpose, in the past when I was younger. I feel guilt over every incident I can remember now (but unending guilt is another thread).Alienated said:
I wasn't trying to come across as being above it all in this thread, I was only expressing how much pain I feel when I witness it. Whether or not that's hypocritical, it's truly how I feel. I've always been sensitive, but if debilitating empathy is part of what is now keeping me from being a jerk, then I guess it's a good thing.
Alienated
Well-known member
WL7.3 said:
You weren't coming of a jerk, you just made me look at myself... Thanks. We live in a very intensive and scared world, I think people don't know how to act. Some think that being sensitive is weakness, and others think it's how you should make all decisions.
I think both are extreme, and need to be balanced or it will always cause problems. I was explaining what sometimes make me lean to being sharp with people, so maybe it could answer your question. Where I live, people have gotten not only mean but violent. And I only leave the house if necessary... We have people attacking each other in horrible ways, and killing each other over nothing.
Your asking a question only each individual can answer, but fist they have to admit they have a problem. People just don't do that anymore, cause everybody thinks they are right. And refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions, so of course they are going to get mean.
I like what you said... ""debilitating empathy is part of what is now keeping me from being a jerk, then I guess it's a good thing. Because you have identified where you are, but now it's your choice whether or not to do something about it. It's your life and no one else is responsible.... you are at a good place, but now what ? What's your next step ?
Because until each person takes responsibility for their own thoughts, emotions, words, and actions.... You have nothing but a bunch of unruly children on a playground, playing King of the Sand Pile. When people get walked on and disrespected long enough, they are going to fight back. I was bullied all my life, and enough is enough... Because it's not my responsibility nobody taught them how to treat their elders.
My only responsibility is standing up for what I believe in, and my own actions. And that means keeping my integrity and self respect, because I have to live with myself, in my own skin.
I faced that I caused most of my own problems, and I am trying to fix myself. I finally learned wisdom and took actions to improve my life. And if anyone gets in my way of that... IT"S ON !!
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
And I like who I am today.
I try. It's not a conscious decision to feel this way.9006 said:
Feeling like this isn't due to a set of beliefs that I hold or judgments I'm making. It's a visceral reaction. Just to clear that up. I'm open to coping mechanisms but choosing to become a less sensitive person isn't an option. My brain isn't constructed that way.
ardour
Well known loser
MTrip said:
That's a good perspective. There's limited reserves of empathy and pain a person can feel on behalf of others, so it's a good idea to keep some in the tank for those that can be helped and friends/family you can be there for.
Rest assured that you are a human being. So many people seem to lack the capacity to feel anything even for those closest, let alone strangers.
khaoz_ferox
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5-6 years ago I witnessed a group of kids bullying another kid and I did nothing about it, just looked at the floor an carried on walking. I've never stopped feeling guilty about it. Now I always step in when I see it happening. It has resulted in me getting caught up in a few close calls but thankfully I've been able to diffuse the situations.
I stood up to a boxer who sent people to the hospital in comas or who ended up with concussions. Told him to "shut the fresia up!" when he was threatening my friend and her sister. I don't tolerate it. A year later he sent a student into the hospital, while 20 people stood around like useless doorknobs that they were. My math concludes that even a 5% of that "watch" group could have stopped it. They did not have to step in even. Someone could have run to grab a teacher, or call the authorities. But nooooo, they stood there. Even the "good little Christian girl" who was "so upset". I plainly asked her when she explained what happened... That why didn't she go get help? Answer: "you KIDDING me? That guy scares me!"
So why did a nobody (me), feel it was right to stand up BY MYSELF to him, with him having 6 people behind him, 0 behind me, yet 20 people stand around "scared for their life" and cause such trauma to the poor boy who ended up in the hospital?
Funny thing is, the guy who did it... Is now very... Fun? Entertaining? Nice?! It threw me for a loop seeing him this year...
I think such "attractions" annoy me, more than tug at my heart. Though it does, mind you. Just it is overwhelmed due to my "intolerance" level. I also came across some lady who I swear was born a vile woman. Yelled at some poor girl in the second hand store, for telling the cute little granddaughter "oh sweety you can't be back here, we don't want you to get hurt" and she is the sweetest woman EVER. Then the second place she went (I was also there) she sent the poor girl into tears, after raging at her about how RUDE she is and that she needs to BACK OFF and go "drink her tea or something". All she did was remind them that as store policy EVERYONE including little kiddies must wear shoes, just because they do not want anyone to get hurt, or get an infection. Some people are just born to cause drama I suppose -.-
I also had to pull aside this second lady and tell her what happened in the other store, and tell her it was NOT her fault. I also made a point that it must take a lot of mental and physical energy to be THAT angry all the time. It did hurt me to see her hurt from the woman's words... I may not do good with confrontations (unless pushed into it!) but I am willing to aid someone who is being abused in any way.
And I am also not... "Gentle" to anyone who confronts ME with their snotty attitude. Except at work
We all have this face ----> Even with the people being butts.
So why did a nobody (me), feel it was right to stand up BY MYSELF to him, with him having 6 people behind him, 0 behind me, yet 20 people stand around "scared for their life" and cause such trauma to the poor boy who ended up in the hospital?
Funny thing is, the guy who did it... Is now very... Fun? Entertaining? Nice?! It threw me for a loop seeing him this year...
I think such "attractions" annoy me, more than tug at my heart. Though it does, mind you. Just it is overwhelmed due to my "intolerance" level. I also came across some lady who I swear was born a vile woman. Yelled at some poor girl in the second hand store, for telling the cute little granddaughter "oh sweety you can't be back here, we don't want you to get hurt" and she is the sweetest woman EVER. Then the second place she went (I was also there) she sent the poor girl into tears, after raging at her about how RUDE she is and that she needs to BACK OFF and go "drink her tea or something". All she did was remind them that as store policy EVERYONE including little kiddies must wear shoes, just because they do not want anyone to get hurt, or get an infection. Some people are just born to cause drama I suppose -.-
I also had to pull aside this second lady and tell her what happened in the other store, and tell her it was NOT her fault. I also made a point that it must take a lot of mental and physical energy to be THAT angry all the time. It did hurt me to see her hurt from the woman's words... I may not do good with confrontations (unless pushed into it!) but I am willing to aid someone who is being abused in any way.
And I am also not... "Gentle" to anyone who confronts ME with their snotty attitude. Except at work
We all have this face ----> Even with the people being butts.
Smokey
Well-known member
The two things I can't stand to see, and they always bring me to a boil are people who beat up on the disabled, which I've seen and youngsters or drunken louts who kick the hell out of the homeless.
Rosewood
Well-known member
9006 said:
Yes. I choose to watch non traditional TV via the net or actual live stories. I love MOTH Radio and Science Fridays. I also choose to stay away from some people. I don't agree so I don't want to appear to condone behaviors of others. I just got some good books for tonight after community taco night,
raincloud
Well-known member
I am pretty sensitive to bullying because I have been harassed by strangers (and acquaintances and family members) my whole life, but you sound more sensitive than I am. I'm not saying that's a bad thing -- the world has enough cruelty.
A couple of years ago, I was on a bus and some guy threatened to hit me with a cane and started saying a bunch of racist stuff (I'm half black/half white and he thought I was "Mexican" and started saying a bunch of vile, vile racist and misogynist things while he threatened me). At least seven people heard and it went on for 20 minutes while I was trapped on the bus and no one said or did anything. I'm still really upset about it and I often replay the horrible things he said to me in my head. I had just been sitting alone and reading a book when he walked up to me and threatened to hit me for "sneaking across the border" and other such nonsense. Dude, I was born in Michigan.
I also once saw an obviously disabled guy get beaten by a kid with a skateboard. Fortunately, a couple of us called the cops and the guy got medical attention pretty quickly.
Daniel Tosh is a horrible person, though. Sarah Silverman rubs me the wrong way, too.
A couple of years ago, I was on a bus and some guy threatened to hit me with a cane and started saying a bunch of racist stuff (I'm half black/half white and he thought I was "Mexican" and started saying a bunch of vile, vile racist and misogynist things while he threatened me). At least seven people heard and it went on for 20 minutes while I was trapped on the bus and no one said or did anything. I'm still really upset about it and I often replay the horrible things he said to me in my head. I had just been sitting alone and reading a book when he walked up to me and threatened to hit me for "sneaking across the border" and other such nonsense. Dude, I was born in Michigan.
I also once saw an obviously disabled guy get beaten by a kid with a skateboard. Fortunately, a couple of us called the cops and the guy got medical attention pretty quickly.
Daniel Tosh is a horrible person, though. Sarah Silverman rubs me the wrong way, too.
