Why are you alone?

[Lynda]

I am not alone, I have a husband, but I do not have any friends.
I developed a severe depressive illness a few years ago and consequently cut myself off from everyone I knew. I did have friends before that. At first I kept in touch with friends. One or two found it all a bit much. I know it is unrealistic to expect people to understand or cope with another person's mental health problems. Others I just cut off, they didn't need me so it didn't affect them much. There is one I keep in touch with by email but that is all.

It's a funny feeling, that there is not one person in the world, apart from my husband, to whom I could turn if I needed help. This fact has recently dawned on me. When I go into my email account all I find is junk mail, ebay notices and the odd thing from forums. I never get a telephone call except from my husband when he is at work, and grown up kids. In the past I used to get a lot of calls and went out and about with friends.

I am much better now. I like being independent and enjoy my own company but it is still very strange to be so isolated.

 

[jmiller29]

I'm alone because being with people who don't share my interests is a waste of time. I'd prefer to be by myself. Now if I could find someone like me it would be another story but I have yet to find this person.

 

[Sog1185]

I'm alone because I'm not an interesting person. I don't know enough about social things like TV, music, or sports, so it's very hard for me to start conversations with people and find common ground. I don't invite others to do things with me or host parties because I think they would just be bored anyway. I don't want to put people through that.

 

[Silhouette]

I'm alone...for a reason I've yet to completely realize. This is going to sound stuck-up, but I only mean it from my objective view on myself.

I'm not an ugly girl, I don't have a shut-in personality, I'm not naturally a loner, and I don't have any health problems. Everyone that meets me normally takes an instant shine to me. People really enjoy me and a few years ago, I'd even profess to being able to make friends without even trying. I was never "World's Most Popular" in HS or anything, but I ran with the popular kids and the uncool ones along with everyone in between. A jack of all trades, if you will.

Then I met my first boyfriend ever and I had already started to become chubby. This increased over the six years I dated him and he emotionally/mentally abused me. My self-esteem was shattered, my confidence was non-existent, and he was my whole world. After he broke up with me, I realized all the friends I thought I had...I didn't have. There was little to no one I could turn to. So I moved from that town to live in another state, to start anew. And I'm not sure if the damage was already done, but I couldn't seem to make ANY friends in this town. No one in the HS talked to me at all. Teachers tried forcing a few of them to talk to me, but that lasted a day, maybe two. I sunk into a depression, something I'd never experienced or thought I'd experience. It lasted for months, nearly took my own life, and gained 40 lbs in the process.

Moved back to the town I'd previously left, in hopes of scrounging the few friends I'd hoped to have here. And it worked. I had a few that made me happy, that liked me. Then I met some more, some of the best people I've known in my life. I became happy, fought my depression and won. I dropped a total of 60 lbs, bringing me from 190 to 130. I was so thrilled and recently, the guy I'd liked for a while (one of my male best friends) decided to give me a shot and date me. I was so thrilled.

However, he's broken up with me a few days ago. All those other friends have scattered because of schooling of some sort or for a job overseas. I literally have no one left. My home life is less than desirable, because my mother is an abusive alcoholic. I'm spiraling down back into that darkness I was in before and I'm scared this time I won't come out. So I've developed a social anxiety as well, constantly thinking everyone is judging me and that I must be the perfect person or I won't be liked. It makes every day a living hell.

And that's, I guess, why I'm lonely. Sorry for writing the life's story!

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

I'm spiraling down back into that darkness I was in before and I'm scared this time I won't come out. So I've developed a social anxiety as well, constantly thinking everyone is judging me and that I must be the perfect person or I won't be liked. It makes every day a living hell.

And that's, I guess, why I'm lonely. Sorry for writing the life's story!

no need to apologise

sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing. i understand the desire to be 'perfect' so you are liked by others, it can be a very self-debilitating state of mind to get into and unfortunately it is impossible to maintain it so you are like by everyone.

it is sad but true that some people will judge you for arbitrary reasons (or no reason at all) or condemn you for mistakes or errors of judgment you may have made. but please realise that you are human and will continue to make mistakes (learning experiences) as long as you live.

all you can do is reflect on your own behaviour/conduct and put effort into changing things about yourself for yourself not for others. you can never guess what someone deems to be perfect and change yourself to give that to them, and in the end it will only leave you feeling empty.

'perfect' is just a word that we imbue with our own definitions and doesnt really exist as a state in the real world, especially not when related to people.

you are already perfect. work on accepting your self (we are all works in progress) and please dont judge yourself too harshly.

the situation you are in with your mother doesnt sound healthy at all. is there anywhere else you can stay, even if for a little while?

take care

 

[leftykmonahan]

I'm rather unattactive in a OMGWTF freakishly deformed sort of way. And I people tend to just dislike me in general, pretty much always have.

 

[Satellite]

I'm alone, why? I kinda wrote that in my introduction thread if anyone wants to read it.

 

[loketron]

because she walked away right before the ground below me gave way, blocking my way back

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

lack of effort, bone-tired, unmotivated, hermit-like, emitionally reclusive, disinterested, aloof, weary, bored... and of course its all THEIR fault..hehe.. er..what i mean is circumstance.

 

[Satellite]

I'm alone because I .....


well....have low self esteem, and pretty moody. My mom brought up "bi-polar" yesterday. Eep.

 

[wiahwib]

I am alone because I don't fit in anywhere (or at least that's what I think).
My friends have friends of their own (those they met before they met me/those they met after they met me but hang out a lot more often). Basically my friends already have a clique and I'm not one of those who'd just "join a clique". I hate cliques, really. Plus none of them like what I like, no common interests. I'm a tomboy and my friends aren't. I don't have much to say at all, to anyone. I think that's about it.

 

[h i]

i have social anxiety and shyness, which causes me to be depressed, with symptoms similar to agoraphobia. im the strong silent type. normally staying inside, online. unless when working, or shopping, etc.

im picky. i had problems in high school and basically all my life, getting laid. im pretty serious about sex now, and kind of only want to have sex with the one ill marry. because of that, im extremely picky. i would actually prefer to die alone, then to 'settle' for someone.

i make friends first, then only consider friends for more. it takes longer, but works out better. rejection, either taking or giving, kills me inside. when theyre friends, its not as bad. cause its not like, the end. cause were still friends.

 

[rosetaylor01]

Hi...
Still i am looking for that answer... some time i feel like that i am lone and nobody is with me... then i felt that i am going in depression..

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I think that I am alone because I can't find anyone who can truly relate to me.

Oddly, it gets worse as I get older and gain more life experiences. Everything I go through seems to separate me more from other people rather than bring me closer to them. People may be able to relate to me on one or two levels, but not to the whole picture of me. Apparently that is a problem, as though people have to be able to relate to you on a majority of levels in order to really connect.

So there are days when I feel really alien.

 

[samba101]

I have problems really relating to people on an emotional level, plus I don't say very much. I'm alone at the moment because I haven't reached out to anybody, totally in my comfort zone. I've come to the conclusion that I won't be having very many friends plus I have companionship with my parents being around.

If I lived on my own I would be lonely, the pain and hurt from this realisation has gone but could come back in days to come or maybe even years.

If I'm in need of someone to talk to I just ring a friend to get it off my chest or go to the chat room.

I have very little interests in the outside world, no hobbies as the hobbies I would like to do don't exist in the town I live, I can't find them anywhere though I'm sure there are other people who would like to do them as well.

I'm so used to my life that I wouldn't know how to change it unless I was shown.

 

[PoisonFlowers]

All of the above. I just...feel like there are things inside of me that have been snuffed out and now I stand even less chance of making a meaningful connection than before. I find it hard to imagine now.

I feel like I'm hollow, empty and cold. Why should anyone want to know me? Before, I was different. Held back by my shyness and my parent's restrictions yes, but at least I wasn't so dead. There is nothing here for anyone to relate to anymore. I'm scared of someone coming close enough to me to see that.

I guess I'm here because I haven't totally given up. I'm still young. I don't want to be alone really.

 

[ravenm721]

I have been dealing with a social anxiety/awkwardness since elementary school..and now since I've been going through it for so long, it has caused me to undergo loneliness,isolation and mild depression.

I'm also not popular in high school (quiet,reserved)and many people just find me boring, I guess?It's also difficult for me to start or contribute to a conversation..and most of the time I end of getting rejected,since people have no interest.

I'm still trying though..but it's just a complicated thing to do. I just can't wait to until I get out of high school.All of this B.S. will finally end for me.

 

[loketron]

good question

im alone because its my time to be alone

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

im alone because its my time to be alone

i really like this answer/reason.

 

[Punisher]

I'm alone because my family suck, and I'm not made for the outside world