I'm free to think , feel, belive and live as I chose...at the same tokken everyone else is free to think, feel,belive and live as they chose.
I'm powerless over people place and things.
I can only change myself...
I can't save the world nor anyone else.
No one can compel me to do anything.
I have no rights to compel, judge, tell other people how they live.
Even if I did...that's on me, it's my problems, my feelings that gets hurt, my let downs or honeysuckle the gose in my head.
Whatever it is that I think or belive will not change anyone.
I'm not the center of the universe...the world dosn't evolve around me.
No one needs my permission to live as they chose to live ,even if she was married to me. I don't own her.
Whatever value or morals I chose to live are mine.
Right , wrong or indifference...I chose to be free. Free of my haTe and insanities.
I chose to allow myself to grow up...the things thaT my father nevered allowed me to do.
It dosn't matter if I think other people dosn't care...
I care...about me. It's self caring, self loving.
I'm for me and against no one.
I love myself today...
No woman can FIX me...
beside..I can't give what i don't have.
I've cuased enough pains to myself and others in my life. I'm done with my bullshit too.
I'm so grateful she's allow me back into her life. It wasn't all about me, it never was.
It takes so so much to build and love.
It only took less than 5 mins for me to destroyed something and hurt someone I love very, very much.
And i hated myself more than anyone else. The things I've said and done, I can never take back.
it was un-necessery fucken pains and suffering. I hated myself even more for being like my father.
I hated my father and nevered wanted to be like him...but there I was doing the same fucken thing...
Surely, she allowed me back into her life wasn't becuase I still hate her, still angery at her or wanted sometype of revenge.
And I'm possitively sure it's about love. And that love has to begin with me if I'm to love her.
I can process my anger, hate or whatever feelings I need to process without hurting myself nor anyone.
I needed to work on myself...adandonment issues, neglect issues, abused issues, co-dependency issues, control issues,
drugs/alcohol abuse issues and whatever the hell other issues i had.
That's why I kept putting myself in simular situations over and over again....becuase of my freaken issues.
The name and place would change but ulitmately,...I ended up at the same cross roads over and over again
They don't go away by themselve. I needed conseling, therapy, support groups.
I had to hit a bottom..and whatever that bottom was, it wasn't pretty. The wreckage, pains and suffering got worst and worst...
It didn't matter how much i got messed up and how many women I messed after that. The guilt , shame and pains never went away,
no matter how much I tried to convience myself I didn't give a honeysuckle or cared...the truth of the matter was...I did.
I wasn't well...the wreackage and pains that I inflicted upon myself and others only made me sicker and sicker...
I didn't fresia around, i messed plenty of women that threw themselves at me (appearently they were sicker than me) and hurted a lot of people after that.
It wasn't a healthy way to live. Incomprehenceable demoralizations... I SHOWED HER...
No one going to convience me other wise. I got well, when I wanted to get well...Been there and done that.
Lots and lots consequence, wreackage, pains and suffering. A heavy price. I had no one to blame except for myself.
As a matter of fact...it's was grace becuase..I didn't wanted to stop..
And it's grace now that there's love in my life.
I don't judge you...becuase I nevered wanted to be fixed either.