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mink
Guest
Good lucknolife4life said:
Hope things work out.
Why I can't sleep at night...
- Thread starter NeverMore
- Start date
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Hope things work out.
I wonder if he told her, I hope he did... Please tell me he didn't make the same mistake...
Yea it's me, you know that guy who always clogs the shout box with complaints, and the guy that kills threads because he says stupid honeysuckle that's off topic, yea that jackass... I didn't want to make a new thread because I didn't want to waste space and besides this is already my "***** and moan" about stuff when I can't sleep thread anyway, let me be the first to say...
I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE EVERYTHING I DO.
I want to punch myself in the face, maybe I'd fix that twisted nose and those messed up teeth and maybe I'd make some hair grow on that **** receding hair line you have even though your only 19, what the fresia is wrong with you, who starts losing their hair that early? Maybe that's why people stare at you all the time. Maybe that's why your best friend was a cat and he's dead! Maybe he died just to get the fresia away from you, did you ever think about that or do you just ignore it all, hope it goes away and live in your own little world inside your head. Then you get that little smile on your face as you avoid everything that's going on and in your mind everything is fine, when in reality every thing's gone to hell and you just can't admit it, YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, DO YOU EVEN KNOW NIGEL's DEAD or in your mind, is he still alive and waiting for you back home? You couldn't even have him killed when he got sick, you knew he had cancer, HE HAD TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF YOU, he suffered to the very end and he died alone because you couldn't be there for him, on account of you being away to college... He was waiting for you, trying to hang on to see you one last time, but you never came YOU MADE HIM DIE ALONE, and for that he hates you. Everyone hates you, you can't fit in anywhere, not in elementary school, not in middle school, not in high school, not in college not even with your own family, always on the outside looking in, gets real old real fast doesn't it? Why? Are you running out of excuses in your little world as to why people don't want to be around you? Maybe it's because your so awkward... So uncomfortable all the time. You twitch, you shake, you st-stutter, you can't even ******* talk to people, it all just comes out as nonsense, no one understands you, they just grin and nod hoping to get away from you as soon as possible. Your so ******* awkward, YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK ANYONE IN THE EYE, why not? WHAT THE HELL IS IT? WHAT's THE BIG DEAL? What's wrong with you? Why can't you just look someone in the eye, are you afraid of them? Are you afraid they'll see that your lying? Afraid that they'll see the real you? Your nothing, your not good at anything, your not even smart. You used to be top of the class in everything, what happened? Did you suddenly realize it was all pointless? You just stopped trying, you just do enough to get by, YOUR LAZY! You never get work done until you have to or you just ignore it till it goes away, or you think it goes away. You've lived your life alone, the people you called your "friends" have left you or you abandoned them yourself. You have no reason to live, what's life without friends, life without love? You had love once but you ruined it. Someone loved you, you had one chance and you blew it, you royally messed up..And now you sit I sit here talking to myself...Why can't I look at people in the eyes? What is wrong with me...
Yea it's me, you know that guy who always clogs the shout box with complaints, and the guy that kills threads because he says stupid honeysuckle that's off topic, yea that jackass... I didn't want to make a new thread because I didn't want to waste space and besides this is already my "***** and moan" about stuff when I can't sleep thread anyway, let me be the first to say...
I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE EVERYTHING I DO.
I want to punch myself in the face, maybe I'd fix that twisted nose and those messed up teeth and maybe I'd make some hair grow on that **** receding hair line you have even though your only 19, what the fresia is wrong with you, who starts losing their hair that early? Maybe that's why people stare at you all the time. Maybe that's why your best friend was a cat and he's dead! Maybe he died just to get the fresia away from you, did you ever think about that or do you just ignore it all, hope it goes away and live in your own little world inside your head. Then you get that little smile on your face as you avoid everything that's going on and in your mind everything is fine, when in reality every thing's gone to hell and you just can't admit it, YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH IT, DO YOU EVEN KNOW NIGEL's DEAD or in your mind, is he still alive and waiting for you back home? You couldn't even have him killed when he got sick, you knew he had cancer, HE HAD TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF YOU, he suffered to the very end and he died alone because you couldn't be there for him, on account of you being away to college... He was waiting for you, trying to hang on to see you one last time, but you never came YOU MADE HIM DIE ALONE, and for that he hates you. Everyone hates you, you can't fit in anywhere, not in elementary school, not in middle school, not in high school, not in college not even with your own family, always on the outside looking in, gets real old real fast doesn't it? Why? Are you running out of excuses in your little world as to why people don't want to be around you? Maybe it's because your so awkward... So uncomfortable all the time. You twitch, you shake, you st-stutter, you can't even ******* talk to people, it all just comes out as nonsense, no one understands you, they just grin and nod hoping to get away from you as soon as possible. Your so ******* awkward, YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK ANYONE IN THE EYE, why not? WHAT THE HELL IS IT? WHAT's THE BIG DEAL? What's wrong with you? Why can't you just look someone in the eye, are you afraid of them? Are you afraid they'll see that your lying? Afraid that they'll see the real you? Your nothing, your not good at anything, your not even smart. You used to be top of the class in everything, what happened? Did you suddenly realize it was all pointless? You just stopped trying, you just do enough to get by, YOUR LAZY! You never get work done until you have to or you just ignore it till it goes away, or you think it goes away. You've lived your life alone, the people you called your "friends" have left you or you abandoned them yourself. You have no reason to live, what's life without friends, life without love? You had love once but you ruined it. Someone loved you, you had one chance and you blew it, you royally messed up..And now you sit I sit here talking to myself...Why can't I look at people in the eyes? What is wrong with me...
Lost in the Oilfield
Well-known member
NeverMore said:
Those words could have been mine years a few years ago.
You have a name that reminds me of one of my favorite, most acclaimed authors, Poe and his amazing poem The Raven...
"...Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'..."
You also quote one of my favorite scientists from my favorite branch of science as your signature. Have you read Einstein's collection of works titled Ideas & Opinions? It shows some amazing insights into the mind of the scientist, and how his grasp of society and morals go well beyond just his area of expertise. Gives so much more dimension to the man.
Well because of those two things mentioned above... and what posts I've seen from you on this site, you are alright in my books
Thx I can get pretty shitty when I'm left alone on Friday nights, my hate rant is basically the culmination of that shittiness, though it did bring up some good questions, it was practically purposeless.
My name NeverMore did come partially from The Raven, because Poe is one of the best authors of all time, and I was amazed that there was no one that had taken the name anywhere and I mean anywhere! The only other "anything" named Nevermore is a metal band in Seattle, but I haven't heard them. So I started using it that name a while back and just kept using in everywhere, gamer tags and all.
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
That's my favorite stanza ^, "And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming" pure genius!
I did a lot of reports on him throughout school, and I think I've read most of what he's written (not saying all because who knows what I've missed) I remember one time I chose to do a report on his use of Gothic imagery in The Fall Of The House Of Usher, practically the whole thing is Gothic imagery! It was a bad choice for a project
And no I haven't read anything by Albert Einstein but right now I'm reading his biography by Walter Isaacson, it's pretty thick, as he had an amazing life, so it will take me a while to get through,lol
My name NeverMore did come partially from The Raven, because Poe is one of the best authors of all time, and I was amazed that there was no one that had taken the name anywhere and I mean anywhere! The only other "anything" named Nevermore is a metal band in Seattle, but I haven't heard them. So I started using it that name a while back and just kept using in everywhere, gamer tags and all.
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
That's my favorite stanza ^, "And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming" pure genius!
I did a lot of reports on him throughout school, and I think I've read most of what he's written (not saying all because who knows what I've missed) I remember one time I chose to do a report on his use of Gothic imagery in The Fall Of The House Of Usher, practically the whole thing is Gothic imagery! It was a bad choice for a project
And no I haven't read anything by Albert Einstein but right now I'm reading his biography by Walter Isaacson, it's pretty thick, as he had an amazing life, so it will take me a while to get through,lol
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nolife4life
Guest
hey gang, i didnt tell her how i felt about her. today was our last class session. i came a bit late to class, she was already doing the final. when i took my seat, i looked at her, she looked at me at a disgusted way. then i looked somewhere else. she left class wehn she finished her final, my whole life just dropped. i prolly would never see her again. this is probably the worst days of my life.....
this is probably the worst days of my life.....nolife4life said:hey gang, i didnt tell her how i felt about her. today was our last class session. i came a bit late to class, she was already doing the final. when i took my seat, i looked at her, she looked at me at a disgusted way. then i looked somewhere else. she left class wehn she finished her final, my whole life just dropped. i prolly would never see her again.
That's alright, don't give up and don't think that that was your last chance. You never know, what if you go to a class next semester and shes there, or next year, etc your paths might intertwine again. The craziest things can happen when you least expect them, just keep going and try to move forward for the time being even if it seems impossible..
Qui
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2007
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There's nothing about me that is of any value to this world. I feel like excess baggage, like a hindrance to the world. Like everyone expects me to grow up and pull my own weight in the world but I know I never will. I'm worthless.
You have plenty of time to learn to pull your own weight, your only 17 remember, and even if there are times when you don't pull your weight that's when you have to hope someone will be there to help. Everyone has something to contribute to the world, no one is "excess baggage" so to say, you'll find out how you contribute eventually, I haven't found out either, but I'm confident that given time I'll know, again you've got plenty of time to find that out too
M
mink
Guest
Sorry it didn't go well this time. The feeling must be terrible, but hey, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world right? This could be one of the worst days of your life, these are also days that everyone will somehow go through at some point in time in their lives, but I'm sure there'd be better days to come if you don't give up just yetnolife4life said:hey gang, i didnt tell her how i felt about her. today was our last class session. i came a bit late to class, she was already doing the final. when i took my seat, i looked at her, she looked at me at a disgusted way. then i looked somewhere else. she left class wehn she finished her final, my whole life just dropped. i prolly would never see her again.
M
mink
Guest
I don't think anyone's worthless or anyone's excess baggage. People expect everything from anyone. Sometimes there's the pressure on you to be someone or to do something with your life or even do anything at all. It's how you feel that matters, and you may feel like you're not doing anything right now or not going to...but it may change later in the future. I feel these things take time. So take your time. At least I don't think anyone here thinks you're worthless. Cheer up!Qui said:
I just erased her number from my phone just now
I'm having one of those "I wish there wasn't a universe" kind of moments. Just wish I could close my eyes and everything would be gone. Everything seems so hard now, just don't want to deal with it, I miss her but I can't talk to her. I feel like I'm going through a never ending series of dreams and each one is worse than the last one, tonights going to be a long night...
I'm having one of those "I wish there wasn't a universe" kind of moments. Just wish I could close my eyes and everything would be gone. Everything seems so hard now, just don't want to deal with it, I miss her but I can't talk to her. I feel like I'm going through a never ending series of dreams and each one is worse than the last one, tonights going to be a long night...
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evanescencefan91
Guest
ohhh, nevermore. That was so sad so beautifully written though. I'm so sorry. I think it's terrible that she got married so soon in college. That must have hurt, i hurt just reading that. I know i would have been devestated in thart kind of situation.
What if we could have paralell univerese where could see what would happen if we did this or we didn't know that, is it really the right answer if alterniative is unknown?
Sometimes i feel almost like don't have free will beuase of the inability to see the other sides of those things.
I'm sorry, I wish i had something more inspiring to say
*hugs*
What if we could have paralell univerese where could see what would happen if we did this or we didn't know that, is it really the right answer if alterniative is unknown?
Sometimes i feel almost like don't have free will beuase of the inability to see the other sides of those things.
I'm sorry, I wish i had something more inspiring to say
*hugs*
Thx, ef I'm just going to have to stop thinking so much about it, and hopefully over time,with no contact of any kind, I'll forget her. That'll feel good...I guess?
So that's the plan I'll be fine, lets just get through February first
So that's the plan I'll be fine, lets just get through February first
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nolife4life
Guest
its feb. and i still have her in my mind. i have seen her 3 three times since the new semester started. i wish i was with her. holding her hand. man, im a loser.
nolife4life said:
Let me just say your not a loser it's completely right to have feelings like that, and well nothing may come of them, you could use this as a sort of form of motivation, become a better person...And it's never too late to still talk to her eventually when you feel you can..
