Women discuss relationship red flags

[VanillaCreme]

If someone is not trusted by any women, there's usually a reason for that. If a male has no female friends, alarm bells go off.

I don't have many female friends right now because one of them just went to the U.S and most of the others have just gone in other directions. If a woman were to judge me based on this and think that it indicated a lack of trust as opposed to them judging me on how I actually act around them then that would make me think they are probably nasty, petty and not worth knowing.

If a woman had no male friends, I wouldn't automatically infer she didn't get on with us, maybe she just had been able to build a social circle with any yet. I wouldn't care as long as she treated me well.

I was thinking along the same line. I wouldn't judge anyone for that. I probably wouldn't think anything of it. That's why I asked the opposite. Because if something like that is applied to one side, it most likely should be applied to the other. But, it doesn't make sense to me to be wary of someone with no friends of the opposite sex.

 

[Digitales]

If someone is not trusted by any women, there's usually a reason for that. If a male has no female friends, alarm bells go off.

I don't have many female friends right now because one of them just went to the U.S and most of the others have just gone in other directions. If a woman were to judge me based on this and think that it indicated a lack of trust as opposed to them judging me on how I actually act around them then that would make me think they are probably nasty, petty and not worth knowing.

If a woman had no male friends, I wouldn't automatically infer she didn't get on with us, maybe she just had been able to build a social circle with any yet. I wouldn't care as long as she treated me well.

I was thinking along the same line. I wouldn't judge anyone for that. I probably wouldn't think anything of it. That's why I asked the opposite. Because if something like that is applied to one side, it most likely should be applied to the other. But, it doesn't make sense to me to be wary of someone with no friends of the opposite sex.

It is a factor, something you should be aware of. People notice a lot of things, sometimes without even realising it.

You are right, if it is the sole factor in someone choosing to step away from you then they are petty.

It is only one factor.. If someone appears aggressive and has no female friends, a female is like to be more wary.
One of my housemates(temporary I hope) has no female friends, women don't trust him and it is more than his lack of manners, ******* attitude and such.. I felt "warning bells go off" with him..

Sure enough, I found out that he beat the living crap out of his ex wife, to the point he is not permitted to see his daughter.

Please, see the message.

People notice many things and the "dating game" is more of a battlefield now. You need all the ammo you can get.
If you DO have female friends, women are more likely to trust you. It shows that "like minds" trust you. There is a big "us and them" attitude out there.. we should all be taken on our own individual merits, but alas.. it is not as simple as that.

Look at the video again. There is a general consensus, there is not one woman saying something and others disagreeing.

It comes down to this... You might be the best person walking the face of the earth, the kindest, sweetest and most genuine. You might have never hurt a fly.. but if you look like an abuser.. you are going to have troubles with interpersonal relationships. Once again, shouldn't happen, but it does.

One of my housemates friends sounds like a dumbass, for lack of a better term. His voice sounds dopey, he is a "country boy" and he gives the impression of being pretty stupid. He is a qualified veterinary surgeon and currently doing a medical degree.

Of course there's value in the thought that people who don't give you a chance aren't worth being friends with... but when people are not conscious of their biases, they may do it without realising. They may be an awesome person.

Simply, this is a case of "the more you know". You can also use this to your advantage to portray something you are not. Maybe dating shakes you to your core.. but you can portray confidence.

 

[ardour]

...maybe men without female friends should be put in some sort of camp. You can feel that bit safer then.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It is a factor, something you should be aware of. People notice a lot of things, sometimes without even realising it.

. . .

People notice many things and the "dating game" is more of a battlefield now. You need all the ammo you can get.
If you DO have female friends, women are more likely to trust you. It shows that "like minds" trust you. There is a big "us and them" attitude out there.. we should all be taken on our own individual merits, but alas.. it is not as simple as that.

Look at the video again. There is a general consensus, there is not one woman saying something and others disagreeing.

It comes down to this... You might be the best person walking the face of the earth, the kindest, sweetest and most genuine. You might have never hurt a fly.. but if you look like an abuser.. you are going to have troubles with interpersonal relationships. Once again, shouldn't happen, but it does.

But why should we be aware of it? Not being a smart ass *****. I'm genuinely trying to figure out this train of thought. Someone having friends (of any gender) won't make me trust them more, or not trust them. And how does an abuser look? I know some pretty crazy looking dudes, but I know they're not crazy. Looking like something doesn't mean you are. Doesn't mean you're not. But you can't judge someone based on how they look. Not always accurately anyway.

 

[MisunderstoodVacancy]

...maybe men without female friends should be put in some sort of camp. You can feel that bit safer then.

So like a grown up version of the Boy Scouts, essentially?

 

[ardour]

...maybe men without female friends should be put in some sort of camp. You can feel that bit safer then.

So like a grown up version of the Boy Scouts, essentially?

Yes okay, but in fenced off areas, names and numbers recorded etc.

Men with female friends will be required to carry at least two references with them at all times, to be shown upon request.

 

[Digitales]

...maybe men without female friends should be put in some sort of camp. You can feel that bit safer then.

So like a grown up version of the Boy Scouts, essentially?

Yes okay, but in fenced off areas, names and numbers recorded etc.

Men with female friends will be required to carry at least two references with them at all times, to be shown upon request.

Can a moderator please step in and stop the trolling by ardour and kamya?

 

[ardour]

Stop them making fun of these ridiculous, hateful opinions of mine.

Seriously, what do you suggest a man without any women is his current lineup of friends does about the situation, you know, to make himself appear a little more human? I mean if he can't make female friends because he doesn't have any...

 

[Paraiyar]

It is only one factor.. If someone appears aggressive and has no female friends, a female is like to be more wary.
One of my housemates(temporary I hope) has no female friends, women don't trust him and it is more than his lack of manners, ******* attitude and such.. I felt "warning bells go off" with him..

Sure enough, I found out that he beat the living crap out of his ex wife, to the point he is not permitted to see his daughter.

Wow, that is a pretty impressive sample size to justify throwing blanket assertions around. Maybe I should go ahead and say I don't like overweight women because two of them were rude to me once.

People notice many things and the "dating game" is more of a battlefield now. You need all the ammo you can get.
If you DO have female friends, women are more likely to trust you. It shows that "like minds" trust you. There is a big "us and them" attitude out there.. we should all be taken on our own individual merits, but alas.. it is not as simple as that.

Maybe women who are a little uptight or following a certain ideology that will not be named in this thread might think that way but I don't think any girl worth talking to does. I really don't think that the majority think this at all.

Look at the video again. There is a general consensus, there is not one woman saying something and others disagreeing.

You are asserting that there is a general consensus based on a sample size of four women in a video. All I saw is four women that I definitely have no interest in, based on what they said.

It comes down to this... You might be the best person walking the face of the earth, the kindest, sweetest and most genuine. You might have never hurt a fly.. but if you look like an abuser.. you are going to have troubles with interpersonal relationships. Once again, shouldn't happen, but it does.

I see plenty of people of both genders who look like they'd be easily capable of domestic violence to me who seem to do well with the opposite sex. Not sure what your deriving your certainty on this from.

Of course there's value in the thought that people who don't give you a chance aren't worth being friends with... but when people are not conscious of their biases, they may do it without realising. They may be an awesome person.

Even if they are, there are plenty of 'awesome people' who won't have this.

Simply, this is a case of "the more you know". You can also use this to your advantage to portray something you are not. Maybe dating shakes you to your core.. but you can portray confidence.

Well I just don't accept the validity of the information here.

I don't think anyone who has disagreed with you in this thread has resorted to trolling either.

 

[Paraiyar]

"Please note: I have left the forum, like so many others, due to endemic abuse, hate, discrimination and inaction by the mods to control aforementioned abuses of the rules. I have better things to do with my time"

LOL

 

[bleed_the_freak]

This was an interesting (and entertaining) read. Some might actually 'distrust' a romantic interest who had many friends of the opposite sex.

 

[ardour]

What she was saying would more likely be applied to unattractive, awkward men with few friends generally, being that people with low confidence tend to stick to their own gender. Someone who’s abusive can usually be charismatic when they want which is obviously how they get into relationships in the first place. If this flatmate wanted female friends he could probably have them.

Anyway, coming onto a forum for lonely people, making a positive case for character assessment based on the perceived approval of others, then labelling opposing opinion and/or benign mocking “abuse”. Seriously?

 

[VanillaCreme]

What she was saying would more likely be applied to unattractive, awkward men with few friends generally, being that people with low confidence/limited social skills tend to stick to their own gender. Someone who’s abusive can usually be charismatic when they want, which is obviously how they get into relationships in the first place. If this flatmate wanted female friends he could probably have them.

Anyway, coming onto a forum for lonely people, making a positive case for character assessment based on the perceived approval of others, then labelling opposing opinion and/or benign mocking “abuse”. Seriously?

Yeah, exactly, Ardour. Although, I have to say that that point of view shouldn't apply to anyone. Someone having friends in general doesn't mean you can trust them worth a honeysuckle, so why would the opposite stand absolute true...

I was going to close this, as it was probably doomed right off the bat for such a biased point of view, but it seems to be fizzling out.

 

[Paraiyar]

When people resort to labelling other people's argument as 'hate' or 'abuse' then that tells you everything you need to know about them.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Some men don't have female friends because they don't believe they can be just friends with females. Same goes for females without male friends. Not everyone feels male and female can be friends and friends only. That really means nothing.

And on the other hand, I know men with LOTS of female friends that are arrogant ******** who abuse women. (Not a generalization of ******* men, I just simply don't know any females with lots of male friends that abuse their male partners.)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I have both female and male friends, but most of them are busy with marriages and kids, and don't have time to hang out anymore. Is this a red flag?

 

[Paraiyar]

I have both female and male friends, but most of them are busy with marriages and kids, and don't have time to hang out anymore. Is this a red flag?

Only in the eyes of an overly-neurotic person...

 

[Menorahman]

The classic relationship paradox: gotta have a girlfriend to get a girlfriend.

 

[Cucuboth]

The classic relationship paradox: gotta have a girlfriend to get a girlfriend.

I've heard that too. The same sort of thing with making friends: you've got to have friends to make friends. From my own experience, that seems to be sadly right. I think it's more to do with being seen to be popular, or at the very least liked. If you're seen with friends, a partner, or seen to be casually amorous, you're seen as being socially 'normal'. You're safe. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that people in a group, club, or even an internet forum, don't want to know me because nobody there knows me. Safety by association it seems. And these days, well, always really, anyone who doesn't 'fit' or conform to the socially accepted norm is seen to be unsafe. Huh, even amongst those who aren't considered socially normal!

 

[Paraiyar]

The classic relationship paradox: gotta have a girlfriend to get a girlfriend.

I've heard that too. The same sort of thing with making friends: you've got to have friends to make friends. From my own experience, that seems to be sadly right. I think it's more to do with being seen to be popular, or at the very least liked. If you're seen with friends, a partner, or seen to be casually amorous, you're seen as being socially 'normal'. You're safe. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that people in a group, club, or even an internet forum, don't want to know me because nobody there knows me. Safety by association it seems. And these days, well, always really, anyone who doesn't 'fit' or conform to the socially accepted norm is seen to be unsafe. Huh, even amongst those who aren't considered socially normal!

You've been told this on an internet forum??? That's just bizarre. I don't think I've ever joined an internet forum where I knew anyone on there beforehand and yet I've never been told this. Strange...