Hi,
I am 17 years old and have had a lonely life since I was in grammar school. In the 5th grade my best-friend left to another state, this left me completely alone. I remember sitting completely alone on the curb of the sand-box, watching everyone around me play and laugh. From that year onward I began to people watch, studying my peers, the children around me, how they acted and what they were like. By the time I reached 9th grade, I gave up on making friends and gave up on my peers, I began to develop a hatred for them and soon I was not only lonely, but now very anti-social. This has continued into my last year of highschool and now I sit alone everyday doing school from home because the pressure of being literally ALONE every single day at a school with 2000 kids begins to eat your heart. When you begin to see the same faces everyday, and they begin to notice you are never accompanied, the shame of your own failure sets in and rips its vicious claws at your already suffering ego.
Over the past two years, I have considered why I became this way, why I never was able to become like everyone else that seemed so normal. Why was I any different? I am handsome, receive good grades and have a wealthy family. So why was it I who was not born with a natural ability to even make friends with the 'weird kids' or the 'nerds', at the least? Even those who were courageous enough to reach out to me and try to be my friend, I could find no conversation to make with them. I always seem to fall short of any words that could possibly help. I am no person to make conversation, I know this, but why?
Please, can any of you tell me if you seem to have no words to say to someone new you meet. Is it you nervousness, is your secrets they may find out? Why am I like this?
I have no friends, literally no friends. I try to go out for sports and make friends but am always overlooked because I am too quiet, too shy to make a mark on the team. I try to branch and when I do I end up completely humiliating myself because I stutter and cannot carry a conversation.
My life consists of waking up to do my schoolwork and having to no contact with friends, no one to embrace, no one to invite me to go places, no one to tell me they miss me. Can this be all there is to my life? It takes every fiber of my being to not bring my life to an end. That seems to be only escape from this endless dark that is my life.
I just want a friend. I just want a companion. Is that so much to ask for?
I am 17 years old and have had a lonely life since I was in grammar school. In the 5th grade my best-friend left to another state, this left me completely alone. I remember sitting completely alone on the curb of the sand-box, watching everyone around me play and laugh. From that year onward I began to people watch, studying my peers, the children around me, how they acted and what they were like. By the time I reached 9th grade, I gave up on making friends and gave up on my peers, I began to develop a hatred for them and soon I was not only lonely, but now very anti-social. This has continued into my last year of highschool and now I sit alone everyday doing school from home because the pressure of being literally ALONE every single day at a school with 2000 kids begins to eat your heart. When you begin to see the same faces everyday, and they begin to notice you are never accompanied, the shame of your own failure sets in and rips its vicious claws at your already suffering ego.
Over the past two years, I have considered why I became this way, why I never was able to become like everyone else that seemed so normal. Why was I any different? I am handsome, receive good grades and have a wealthy family. So why was it I who was not born with a natural ability to even make friends with the 'weird kids' or the 'nerds', at the least? Even those who were courageous enough to reach out to me and try to be my friend, I could find no conversation to make with them. I always seem to fall short of any words that could possibly help. I am no person to make conversation, I know this, but why?
Please, can any of you tell me if you seem to have no words to say to someone new you meet. Is it you nervousness, is your secrets they may find out? Why am I like this?
I have no friends, literally no friends. I try to go out for sports and make friends but am always overlooked because I am too quiet, too shy to make a mark on the team. I try to branch and when I do I end up completely humiliating myself because I stutter and cannot carry a conversation.
My life consists of waking up to do my schoolwork and having to no contact with friends, no one to embrace, no one to invite me to go places, no one to tell me they miss me. Can this be all there is to my life? It takes every fiber of my being to not bring my life to an end. That seems to be only escape from this endless dark that is my life.
I just want a friend. I just want a companion. Is that so much to ask for?