Boss Jr.
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- Joined
- Jun 4, 2010
- Messages
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I don't really rant, but I don't know what to say or where to start so, whatever.
..........
I'm frustrated, not only because I'm alone but because I want an intimate relationship with someone. I don't go anywhere without my father because I never got a driver's licence (I have issues with driving).
So we go everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this but I'll try....
We'll be out and I'll see some girl my age (18-28 range) that I think I could like and I'm kind of picky. I'll be checking her out and then I'll notice my Dad checking her out too. After that it completely ruins it for me. How could I possibly go ask her out when he's doing that! He's 55 and it's creeping me out. I can only imagine how she feels.
And I think about it. There's two guys standing around checking some chick out and their father and son. *cringe*...... Look, I'm close to my Dad, but not that close!
I hate it and I've said things but he doesn't care.... he doesn't even take me seriously! So I give up before I've even started.
I've started to gravitate towards girls I know he doesn't have an interest in. For instance I know he hates Tattoos so somewhere, somehow, I don't even know when, I found myself attracted to girls with lots of tattoos! And it happened suddenly, like just one day I was like "Wow..... Hot Tattoos!" and then..... "Wait..... What?!?!?". Not like scanky chicks, still classy and cute in a way, but tattooed.
That's just an example.
I know if I could find a way to go somewhere without him I'd be completely different. I'm looking at confidence in a completely different way now and I know I wouldn't have a problem if he wasn't there.
I know he's not into stealing girls from other guys so I don't have to worry about that..... but I wonder if I were to successfully pick up a girl..... like the first one I mentiond, would he always be ogling her? It weirds me out to think that I might have a GF that my Dad would always be watching in that "I'm attracted to you" way. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea.
Like I said.... I've already talked to him about it. He says "Anything above the legal age limit is fair game."
I get so uncomfortable that I won't even look at girls that I know he would/is checking out too.
I wouldn't mind if I already has GF but it's like I have to compete with him. And he's the last person I want to compete with. I'm extremely competitive! You can't even begin to imagine. You wouldn't notice it by looking at me or even by getting to know me but I am. I can't let it go there...... EVER! Never can I consider my own Dad a threat! In any capacity! It's why we don't play video game together very much.
I just want a relationship. It's not even about sex that much anymore. I just want to be close to someone. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to "pop the cherry" but not in a capacity where I'm someone's or a long line of lot's of someone's bad fresia until I get good at it.
Rather I'd like someone with the patience and understanding to.... usher me into it at a rate where we in essence get to know eachother's bodies and well, you get the point.
Respectively I don't want to marry the firs person I sleep with either. I'd like to sleep with more than one person and all that.
(god I sound like a woman, I hate being emotional)
It's like a sickness. I think people see it different and fantasise about "What if I could tell what other people are thinking or feeling?"..... well it's not fantasy for me. It's reality and I hate it. I feel everything, even over the internet. It's painful! It's not like I read minds, but I feel things very deeply. People have accused me of reading their minds, but I don't.
There's nothing mystical or sci-fi about it. It's just an understanding on a level that's difficult to explain.
And so I feel things, that's all, it's actually really simple and down to earth.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Anyway this is getting really long and I'm starting to sound like I'm just complaining for the sake of it so I'm going to stop.
..........
I'm frustrated, not only because I'm alone but because I want an intimate relationship with someone. I don't go anywhere without my father because I never got a driver's licence (I have issues with driving).
So we go everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this but I'll try....
We'll be out and I'll see some girl my age (18-28 range) that I think I could like and I'm kind of picky. I'll be checking her out and then I'll notice my Dad checking her out too. After that it completely ruins it for me. How could I possibly go ask her out when he's doing that! He's 55 and it's creeping me out. I can only imagine how she feels.
And I think about it. There's two guys standing around checking some chick out and their father and son. *cringe*...... Look, I'm close to my Dad, but not that close!
I hate it and I've said things but he doesn't care.... he doesn't even take me seriously! So I give up before I've even started.
I've started to gravitate towards girls I know he doesn't have an interest in. For instance I know he hates Tattoos so somewhere, somehow, I don't even know when, I found myself attracted to girls with lots of tattoos! And it happened suddenly, like just one day I was like "Wow..... Hot Tattoos!" and then..... "Wait..... What?!?!?". Not like scanky chicks, still classy and cute in a way, but tattooed.
That's just an example.
I know if I could find a way to go somewhere without him I'd be completely different. I'm looking at confidence in a completely different way now and I know I wouldn't have a problem if he wasn't there.
I know he's not into stealing girls from other guys so I don't have to worry about that..... but I wonder if I were to successfully pick up a girl..... like the first one I mentiond, would he always be ogling her? It weirds me out to think that I might have a GF that my Dad would always be watching in that "I'm attracted to you" way. I'm very uncomfortable with the idea.
Like I said.... I've already talked to him about it. He says "Anything above the legal age limit is fair game."
I get so uncomfortable that I won't even look at girls that I know he would/is checking out too.
I wouldn't mind if I already has GF but it's like I have to compete with him. And he's the last person I want to compete with. I'm extremely competitive! You can't even begin to imagine. You wouldn't notice it by looking at me or even by getting to know me but I am. I can't let it go there...... EVER! Never can I consider my own Dad a threat! In any capacity! It's why we don't play video game together very much.
I just want a relationship. It's not even about sex that much anymore. I just want to be close to someone. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to "pop the cherry" but not in a capacity where I'm someone's or a long line of lot's of someone's bad fresia until I get good at it.
Rather I'd like someone with the patience and understanding to.... usher me into it at a rate where we in essence get to know eachother's bodies and well, you get the point.
Respectively I don't want to marry the firs person I sleep with either. I'd like to sleep with more than one person and all that.
(god I sound like a woman, I hate being emotional)
It's like a sickness. I think people see it different and fantasise about "What if I could tell what other people are thinking or feeling?"..... well it's not fantasy for me. It's reality and I hate it. I feel everything, even over the internet. It's painful! It's not like I read minds, but I feel things very deeply. People have accused me of reading their minds, but I don't.
There's nothing mystical or sci-fi about it. It's just an understanding on a level that's difficult to explain.
And so I feel things, that's all, it's actually really simple and down to earth.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Anyway this is getting really long and I'm starting to sound like I'm just complaining for the sake of it so I'm going to stop.