My new girlfriend!

I was on the train, and I noticed a very sweet girl sitting opposite me. I somehow managed to find a way to start a conversation with her (which is always the hardest thing for me to do), and we gradually got into a nice chat. She's currently studying art at a university in London, and I currently work in London, so we're quite near each other.

As the conversation progressed, it slowly became clear that there might be some chemistry between us. She was enjoying my (very mild) flirting, and my heart started beating a little faster. The more we chatted, and the more we found out about each other, the more promising things looked. We had quite a long train ride together, and it went really well.

As it happened, we were both travelling to the same station, and we got off the train together. She was heading back to her university common room, and asked me if I'd like to join her, so I did.

We started finding that we have many things in common, even down to silly little things like having the same model of mobile phone. Then she started getting a little excited too, and she admitted that she really likes me. She also admitted that guys hardly ever find her interesting, and asked me whether I thought she was boring, or had poor dress sense. I replied, of course you're not boring, and your dress sense seems fine to me - I don't exactly have the best dress sense myself, but it really doesn't matter!

Things continued to go really well with her into the evening, and I somehow found the courage to put my arm round her. She didn't seem to mind - in fact, she rather liked it.

By now, my heart was pounding really hard - I couldn't believe what was happening. After so many years of searching and loneliness, suddenly I've met this lovely girl on a train, and things are looking really really promising. I really think she's going to be my next girlfriend.


And then I woke up. It was just a ******* dream. Dreams can be so ******* cruel.

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i know what you mean about dreams being cruel. i have had quite a few in the past like 6 months that have really messed with my head as far as being lonely goes. i was getting all excited for you until i found out it was a dream. i was sad to hear that it was just a dream.

God dammit, you had me all happy until that last bit.

I've had some real gut-wrenchers myself that I've woken up from. I can only imagine that probably ruined your entire week :\

Brian said:

God dammit, you had me all happy until that last bit.

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Haha same here. You should consider writing suspense novels/movies, QuietGuy. I was totally about to post a CONGRATS!!! reply to the thread, and then I read the end. -_-

Ehhh dreams happen. I wish there were a way to control when they came or decide what they would be about... but aside from those highly questionable "lucid dreaming" kits sold somewhere on the interwebz, I dunno what to tell ya.

Good luck with things, though.

Thanks for your replies guys. I'm sorry, I realise that was a rather rotten trick, pretending the post was genuine until the very end. But then that's exactly what dreams are like. As I slowly woke up from the dream, I remember thinking: "Oh no, please, no, don't tell me this was just a dream..."

Brian said:

I can only imagine that probably ruined your entire week :\

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It left me feeling pretty honeysuckle for a while. But eventually some fighting spirit welled up from inside me, and said to life in general: "OK, you can knock me down pretty good, but I refuse to stay down. Is that the best you can throw at me? Nice try, but I'm still alive, and still fighting. My flame of hope is still burning strong."

Kinda like the President's speech in Independence Day:

"We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive!"

QuietGuy said:

I was on the train, and I noticed a very sweet girl sitting opposite me. I somehow managed to find a way to start a conversation with her (which is always the hardest thing for me to do), and we gradually got into a nice chat. She's currently studying art at a university in London, and I currently work in London, so we're quite near each other.

As the conversation progressed, it slowly became clear that there might be some chemistry between us. She was enjoying my (very mild) flirting, and my heart started beating a little faster. The more we chatted, and the more we found out about each other, the more promising things looked. We had quite a long train ride together, and it went really well.

As it happened, we were both travelling to the same station, and we got off the train together. She was heading back to her university common room, and asked me if I'd like to join her, so I did.

We started finding that we have many things in common, even down to silly little things like having the same model of mobile phone. Then she started getting a little excited too, and she admitted that she really likes me. She also admitted that guys hardly ever find her interesting, and asked me whether I thought she was boring, or had poor dress sense. I replied, of course you're not boring, and your dress sense seems fine to me - I don't exactly have the best dress sense myself, but it really doesn't matter!

Things continued to go really well with her into the evening, and I somehow found the courage to put my arm round her. She didn't seem to mind - in fact, she rather liked it.

By now, my heart was pounding really hard - I couldn't believe what was happening. After so many years of searching and loneliness, suddenly I've met this lovely girl on a train, and things are looking really really promising. I really think she's going to be my next girlfriend.


And then I woke up. It was just a ******* dream. Dreams can be so ******* cruel.

</vent>

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Thats ******* tough dude i feel for you i have had dreams like that just got to cop that on the chin

QuietGuy said:

And then I woke up. It was just a ******* dream. Dreams can be so ******* cruel.

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QuietGuy said:

And then I woke up. It was just a ******* dream. Dreams can be so ******* cruel.

</vent>

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This might sound cruel. But your post made me angry/jealous. Like, why him and not me?

Then I read that it was just a dream and I got even more sad.

Grrrrrrrrr.............i too was feeling envious but happy for you. Then when i found out it was a dream i thought "there you go...THAT'S how life really works".

We have to keep the faith though......

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.

Aww!!! T~T;; wow, that sucks.
****, i was getting all happy too... :\

I suppose it's not really surprising that I occasionally have dreams like that. When you spend every single day thinking about something (finding a girlfriend), I guess you're bound to dream about it at some point. It's your brain's way of trying to deal with it.

Badjedidude - I've heard that lucid dreaming is certainly possible, but it takes an awful lot of practice and patience, and those "kits" you find on the web are probably useless when you're first attempting to have lucid dreams.

I'm sorry that I aroused the "envious / jealous / angry" reaction in some of you guys It's weird the way that happens, don't you think? I get the same feelings myself. I see a happy couple, blissfully in love, all affectionate, can't keep their hands off each other. Of course, part of me is happy for them (I would want people to be happy for me when/if I have another girlfriend). But another part of me thinks: "Grrrrrr, not fair."

"Life, as many people have spotted, is, of course, terribly unfair." (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Actually, here it tends to make me hopeful. Because if it can happen for one of us, maybe it can happen for the rest of us. In my way of thinking we all kind of share a common lot.

A dream like you have is actually what brought me here. I keep a detailed log of every dream I have about this girl I used to be in a distance relationship with. It's been a long time since I had one and they always elicit a prolonged emotional reaction somehow.

I kind of wish I could have them at will, because the last one was actually really nice. And that'd almost be better than just having no one. But I wonder if the dreams weren't somehow analogous with my conscious feelings; the first one was incredibly depressing and heart-wrenching during and after the event, at a time when I was still really torn up about it. The second was morose yet hopeful, leaving me with mixed feelings on waking, at a time when I was sort of coming to terms with it and trying to move on. The third was the happy one, and it's been from that time frame onward that I haven't really gotten too torn up over losing her quite as bad or as often as I used to. So the dreams may have been part of my grieving process.

Still, I wish I could have them on demand. Being with her in a dream is better than being without her in life.

A song seems correct and appropriate for both of us at this point in the discussion:

[youtube]4spkVX8z-vs[/youtube]

Only in dreams, we see what it means
Reach out our hands, hold onto hers
But when we wake, it's all been erased
And so it seems, only in dreams

Relevant lyrics indeed.

Brian said:

Being with her in a dream is better than being without her in life.

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I'm happy for you, that you find comfort in your dreams about her. However, in general, I have mixed feelings about anything like that which is not real.*

When thinking about the opposite sex, I think there are three main categories of unreality: night dreams; daydreams / fantasies / imaginary girlfriends; and porn. With all three, the unreality is pleasurable while you're experiencing it, but eventually you must experience the painful return to reality.

Night dreams - it's certainly true that I was wonderfully happy while I was in my recent dream. But I wish I hadn't had it, because the happiness was completely false. Like telling someone they've won millions on the lottery, when actually they haven't. And I don't really have any desire to learn lucid dreaming, because I'd then want to spend my entire life asleep so I could be with the girlfriend I create in my dreams - a sad concept.

Fantasies - occasionally I permit myself to indulge in the temporary pleasure of an imaginary girlfriend when I'm in bed. I imagine cuddling up close to her, softly telling her how much I love her, just gentle affection and intimacy, nothing sexual. I think it does help me to a certain extent. I have such a deep deep desire to love and care for a special girl, that I think I occasionally need to release all that bottled-up desire in whatever way I can. But although it's pleasurable in my imagination, I always stay alert to the fact that it's not real. I will definitely not be purchasing a girlfriend pillow, nor will I ever marry a pillow

Porn - again, I think this can be helpful, but only to a limited extent. Porn is the ultimate unreality, the most intense fantasy, and needs to be handled very carefully. I think it's OK, as long as it doesn't become an obsession. I set myself very strict limits about the kind of porn I look at (which is very softcore anyway), so that I don't start sliding uncontrollably down the slippery slope of looking at ever more explicit / hardcore material. And above all, I keep reminding myself that porn is not real - it's just one way of satisfying the natural sex drive.

So, back to reality. I'm confident that as long as I get out there and keep meeting new girls, then one day I'll find someone special. And then I won't need any unreality, because she'll be real

* Yes, I know all about the classic philosophical questions: "How can we be sure that we're not dreaming right now? How can we ever know whether something is truly real?" Or as Morpheus would say: "What is real? How do you define real?"

QuietGuy said:

* Yes, I know all about the classic philosophical questions: "How can we be sure that we're not dreaming right now? How can we ever know whether something is truly real?" Or as Morpheus would say: "What is real? How do you define real?"

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lmao, at first, I thought you were refering to Morpheus, the Greek god of dreams, not the Matrix.

Quiet Guy, I've had so so many of these. The worst are the ones that could almost be true, that are within the confines of a plausible reality. Then I wake up, confused, and for a few seconds I desperately cling to the belief that it was not a dream, but a memory, and as the realization dawns that it was all imaginary there's a mix of disappointment and embarrassment that my pathetic brain created this fantasy. I have frustratingly realistic dreams, something as simple as a fulfilling conversation or a hug with someone I find interesting. The fact that it could potentially happen if I were not myself, but hasn't happened at all for me and most likely never will, is the hardest part to bear.

I must say, however, that in a way your dream gave me hope--it betrayed the fact that you can find a girl interesting who is not usually the target of attention. You liked her exactly as she was, and even if she was imaginary, it still means that you have the capacity to feel that for a real person. And although this is a strange way to look at things--if that girl in your dream could capture your affections just by being who she is, then what's to say all of us can't do the same (including you)?

Oh god, I was so happy for you, in last post I predicted you wonderful person by your side, I was reading your amazing story with a flush on my cheeks couldn't actually belive it had happened so fast, I thought oh my God maybe this webside brings the luck, maybe this great BOON will happen to me in few days too full of hope and happiness I was about sincere congratulations when suddenly I went into shock, that’s cruel and unfair. Anyway I hope your dream will come true soon Wish you all the best

QuietGuy ... what do you think of the idea that this dream could be a learning experience? It's not unknown for dreams to occur that are capable of instructing people in their everyday lives (it's actually happened to me once!). If you can recall this dream with a high degree of clarity, then maybe ... just maybe ... you'll know just what to do should you ever encounter a pretty girl on a train, bus, or in a cafe...

Badjedidude said:

Brian said:

God dammit, you had me all happy until that last bit.

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Haha same here. You should consider writing suspense novels/movies, QuietGuy. I was totally about to post a CONGRATS!!! reply to the thread, and then I read the end. -_-

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OOOOh! Same here I was about to post: See!!! good things happen to good guys after all but then, the dream part and then I LOL when I saw the above replies...Anyways keeeeep searching you'll find that girl. In the meantime keep dreaming. It was a nice dream!

Many thanks for all your replies guys!

futurecatlady said:

I have frustratingly realistic dreams, something as simple as a fulfilling conversation or a hug with someone I find interesting. The fact that it could potentially happen if I were not myself, but hasn't happened at all for me and most likely never will, is the hardest part to bear.

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Wish I could say something that would help. All I can say is, try and keep a tiny little flame of hope burning within you, even if it's just the tiniest flame. I know I keep referring to my favourite Cast Away quote, but only because it's the truth: "I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

futurecatlady said:

you can find a girl interesting who is not usually the target of attention. You liked her exactly as she was, and even if she was imaginary, it still means that you have the capacity to feel that for a real person.

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You're so right! I find I'm most attracted to the "girl next door" type of girl. Here's a great summary:

She's nurturing and sweet. She's understanding of your needs and is willing to take care of you when you're sick. Her sweet demeanor - and knowing that what goes around comes around - makes you want to be with her and take care of her in kind.

She doesn't attract attention. She's "under the radar," so to speak. Guys won't hit on her everywhere you go; not because she's unattractive, but because she prefers to remain low-key, both in her appearance and her attitude. She's neither a flirt nor is she flashy; but she has that natural beauty that doesn't require coats of makeup.

She's low maintenance. You won't have to constantly buy her jewelry and other such gifts to keep her interested. She even enjoys just slumming-it for a night in or out with you. Jeans and a T-shirt are fashionable enough for a stroll around town.

She has a good personality. The girl next door is easygoing and able to joke around with you about all kinds of topics. You can go anywhere with her and never get annoyed. She doesn't complain, but she does speak her mind honestly and with respect for your feelings.

Sigh... even just reading that description makes my heart beat faster.

futurecatlady said:

And although this is a strange way to look at things--if that girl in your dream could capture your affections just by being who she is, then what's to say all of us can't do the same (including you)?

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You're right again! None of us need to pretend to be something we're not. There are people out there who will love us exactly as we are.

Electric_Fusilier said:

QuietGuy ... what do you think of the idea that this dream could be a learning experience? It's not unknown for dreams to occur that are capable of instructing people in their everyday lives (it's actually happened to me once!). If you can recall this dream with a high degree of clarity, then maybe ... just maybe ... you'll know just what to do should you ever encounter a pretty girl on a train, bus, or in a cafe...

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Hehe, I like your way of thinking! As Kryten would say: "An excellent suggestion sir, with just two minor drawbacks!"

1. I can't actually remember how I started the conversation with the girl in my dream!

2. I have absolutely zero confidence in starting a conversation with a random girl in a public place. I find it a million times easier in situations where it's natural to start a conversation, eg: at a party or wedding, at work, etc.