Gruebrush
Member
Sarcastic enough? Okay, let's get this new thread started.
I am a male. 20 years old. Still in High School. Battling depression and loneliness. Sound familiar? Great, let me get into not-so-fascinating details.
I posted couple times into this forum, and tried to tell how I felt atm, but I guess I went too poetic, as usual in my case. Anyways, I thought I could try again, I need to pour this out of my system, and here it goes:
I don't know what's not doing it for me with people. I am funny (meaning I can crack a joke or two when the time comes), I can talk to people about various topics. Sometimes I even LIKE people who I talk to. But thats pretty rare. I get invited to parties time to time, and even got a "group" I "sort-of" belong to.
But the thing is, I am just **** cold when in private with people. My psychotherapist said (ooh lalaa!) that is just my subconscious protecting me from rejection (subconscious crud, I love it). Connecting with people is tricky with this kind of luggage, and I just don't have a switch to turn it off. Bugger poor old me.
Take this one guy I've taken to his home a couple times after school. He's nice, nerdish like me. Funny jokes, stories, hahaha. But my attitude was probably equal to a taxi driver. I would've like to be with him in that moment, talking and laughing, but I was just detached, cold. I don't even have a reason why.
I like people, love 'em. They seem so **** beautiful when I see them on the streets. I just don't belong with them. I'd like to, they seem so happy.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I really miss me too sometimes. I feel like I haven't seen him for years.
"There are two kinds of people, you and everyone else. And never shall the twain meet."
And for the comic relief:
Aw gawd, what did I want to say with this? I guess I want some peer support again. Sorry if you felt this as a waste of your precious time. I'd just like to connect with people. But it's so fuckin' hard.
I am a male. 20 years old. Still in High School. Battling depression and loneliness. Sound familiar? Great, let me get into not-so-fascinating details.
I posted couple times into this forum, and tried to tell how I felt atm, but I guess I went too poetic, as usual in my case. Anyways, I thought I could try again, I need to pour this out of my system, and here it goes:
I don't know what's not doing it for me with people. I am funny (meaning I can crack a joke or two when the time comes), I can talk to people about various topics. Sometimes I even LIKE people who I talk to. But thats pretty rare. I get invited to parties time to time, and even got a "group" I "sort-of" belong to.
But the thing is, I am just **** cold when in private with people. My psychotherapist said (ooh lalaa!) that is just my subconscious protecting me from rejection (subconscious crud, I love it). Connecting with people is tricky with this kind of luggage, and I just don't have a switch to turn it off. Bugger poor old me.
Take this one guy I've taken to his home a couple times after school. He's nice, nerdish like me. Funny jokes, stories, hahaha. But my attitude was probably equal to a taxi driver. I would've like to be with him in that moment, talking and laughing, but I was just detached, cold. I don't even have a reason why.
I like people, love 'em. They seem so **** beautiful when I see them on the streets. I just don't belong with them. I'd like to, they seem so happy.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I really miss me too sometimes. I feel like I haven't seen him for years.
"There are two kinds of people, you and everyone else. And never shall the twain meet."
And for the comic relief:
Aw gawd, what did I want to say with this? I guess I want some peer support again. Sorry if you felt this as a waste of your precious time. I'd just like to connect with people. But it's so fuckin' hard.