My Life

Hey all,

New to these forums and I thought I'd post about what's going wrong in my life. The issues I have are kinda spread across all the topics, so I shoved it into Misc. Apologies if it's in the wrong place.

To start I take you back to 18th December 2009, my Dad had just passed away that day. In the following months I was to lose more than just Him. My Mum moved away, leaving me the house and all the bills to take on, my girlfriend left me and I was made redundant at my job.

Between those few months and today, I've been made redundant from another job, had little to no luck with the ladies. I met someone who was perfect for me, but they didn't feel the same way (always my luck).

Basically with all those things, I've been a complete wreck. The only thing that got me through it were my friends, the few that I have. Even though I have some great friends, I feel alone. Everything is getting to me, money worries, job worries, the need for a woman in my life (even just to talk to would be nice). It's been two years yet I still miss my Dad like crazy and I'll always carry the guilt that I wasn't there when he passed away.

I'm slowly falling apart and nothing I do seems to put me back together again. I'm worn out and I don't know how long I can keep going before I end up finally snapping.

Sorry for the wall of text, I had to get that off my chest. Rant over

First thing that comes to mind is that you haven't really grieved and not just for the loss of your father. You lost more than that. A lot of crap was dumped on you and happened to you that completely altered your life forever. You said you carry the guilt of not being there when he passed, I'm sure if you could have been you would have. Sometimes life happens that way.

Have you ever taken a break from everything and get away, by yourself, and just let it all out? That can really help sometimes. Scream, shout, cry, whatever you need to do.

You could be right about the grieving, I can recall only a few times since everything happened that I've broken down and cried.

Sci-Fi said:

You said you carry the guilt of not being there when he passed, I'm sure if you could have been you would have. Sometimes life happens that way.

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I could have been there and I should have been there. I was feeling the strain of seeing him waste away in front of my eyes for months so I had to get away for an evening. I went to a friends house and the moment I got there, I got the phone call. That will live with me for the rest of my life.

I haven't gotten away, not properly. I probably should sometime, but I always forget when I've so many other things on my mind.

I went through some thing similar.In the space of 18 months,I got made redundant from a good job and couldn't get back in to my line of work because I was deemed too old at 38.My wife left me and the kids for another man after 20 years of marriage,then my mom died suddenly while I was working away,and while I was at the funeral my apartment got robbed! Oh,then my dog died!

Ever since,I've never used the expression "it can't get any worse" ,but I got through it,and you will too pal!

Hi Honey,
Welcome here.. *hugs*

So sorry about your losses, It is hard to loose a parent (I know all to well) and the guilt... I know.
And all the other stuff that only add to your pain.

Time is supposed to heal a broken heart.... I am not all sure about that. on the other hand, stressful situations do make for a stronger person..

*Hugs*
xoxo

TheInvisibleMan said:

I could have been there and I should have been there. I was feeling the strain of seeing him waste away in front of my eyes for months so I had to get away for an evening. I went to a friends house and the moment I got there, I got the phone call. That will live with me for the rest of my life.

I haven't gotten away, not properly. I probably should sometime, but I always forget when I've so many other things on my mind.

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That is not your fault. Watching someone you love waste away is very difficult to do. When both my grandparents got very ill I didn't go see them anymore. My mom actually didn't want us to go see our grandfather because he was so frail and ill. She wanted us to remember him healthier, didn't want our last memory to be of him so sick. He finally passed on after my mom and one of her sisters "made up" (they never got along very well). My mom went home and I swear not even an hour later he was gone.

So maybe your father didn't want you to see him die so he held on until you were gone to let go.

When jacob died. I had to be strong for her.
She rushed to the hospital a year later aftet
be by her fsthers side..but she never got
say good bye to him..
Two weeks after burring her father. The twins
Died. She was more than 6 month pregnant.
The babies were perfectly healthy a week before.
She went for a check up..
She wasn't the same after the operation.
She had dreams of Jacob all the time.
I had to be strong for her.

After 16 years at the same job. I was inform
All operations would be out source...

We finally broke up after many seperstions
Within a 2 yesrs time frame.

I started seeing someone. Someone i could share
Everything with. I could try to love again.
The momebt i was,informed she had passed...
I totally fucken snapped...

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Yhat was new yeats day 2008..

Tonihjt im laying by my Hs sweet heart.
She wss actually my fiancee from 26 years ago.

Life is a trip...