how in the world do you do it? I know (really, really know from hard experience) that loneliness is just as bad in college and maybe worse, but I am finding it so unbelievably hard to make friends, sometimes I suspect it is because of the age, although other times I think it's just that I must be a very annoying person, and honestly I am at my wits' end.
After moving to a new country three years ago, I did all the things they say to do in self help websites and books, I went to meetings, pursued hobbies, volunteered, and for the last two years I managed to stay calm and hang on to the scarse faraway friends and family for support, but recently I see that I am beginning to "tailspin" so to speak, and I see myself begging for a connection with acquaintances, and even I realize that that is not very attractive. I hardly ever meet people my age who are not in couples, and the younger ones are not very interested in including me in their lives, so you can imagine I don't get many invitations.
Where do you find the strength to live alone day by day? this is really killing me, I changed place and life already 10 maybe? (!) times since I was 19 because I would get too lonely and depressed, I cannot keep doing like this for the rest of this life, this time I have to just stay in one place, but I just don't know what to do. Do you think this age (late 30) brings some special challenges?
I am looking for a therapist, but I already did a lot of work in that direction and I feel I rather need a coach, someone to tell me why I suck so much at making connections and how to improve, or why I am so hideous and unattractive (at this point, I must be doing something wrong).
I miss so much living in a community like college, haven't had a boyfriend in years, actually I must say I haven't seen single men in years, except for five or six who were incidentally really deranged people or geographically/chronologically unsuitable, the nice ones are taken, and anyway usually I am invisible. It doesn't really matter if I am some kilos overweight because now I don't care for relationships that are not first of all friendships, but still, men just don't like me, or they like me only for one thing, if they are really easygoing on the looks.
I know this attitude is very immature, and to be "grown up" I would have to suck it in an accept the loneliness, but I just have so much pain day in and day out, I cannot even take medications for it first because I can't for other physical problems, but also because the second I feel a bit loved, like, that second, this pain goes away like snow in the sun. After all I enjoy my own company, I don't know what boredom is, but if I don't feel emotional contact for even just some days I go into a panic and since this year also into depression.
I meditate, I try and have faith (don't believe in God but I believe in other things), I brainwashed myself into believing that "stranger is a friend you ve never met" stuff, but nothing changes, no one cares for me and I try to care for them nevertheless so at least there is some caring going on in my life but the pain is so vast, some days I fear I am going to lose the battle with this pain and do something extreme and final.
For many years of my life I have been very dramatic, talking about suicide but (almost) never doing it, now since an equal amount of years I am on the balanced side, but this time I am afraid one day I will just go away silently or start drinking. I am losing all hope.
Forgive me for this long post, and for the complaining, I don't know where to turn to, all this emotional pain is scaring me, I cannot resist much more. My nature would be to drown it into work, but that's what I did before, and then I would be so desperate that I would move somewhere else to start again, this is not a decent lifestyle, and the older you get the more difficult it is. Where do I find the minimum of happiness I need to survive?
I phantasize about throwing myself in front of busses to save children so at least my life is not completely wasted. This is a low point.
After moving to a new country three years ago, I did all the things they say to do in self help websites and books, I went to meetings, pursued hobbies, volunteered, and for the last two years I managed to stay calm and hang on to the scarse faraway friends and family for support, but recently I see that I am beginning to "tailspin" so to speak, and I see myself begging for a connection with acquaintances, and even I realize that that is not very attractive. I hardly ever meet people my age who are not in couples, and the younger ones are not very interested in including me in their lives, so you can imagine I don't get many invitations.
Where do you find the strength to live alone day by day? this is really killing me, I changed place and life already 10 maybe? (!) times since I was 19 because I would get too lonely and depressed, I cannot keep doing like this for the rest of this life, this time I have to just stay in one place, but I just don't know what to do. Do you think this age (late 30) brings some special challenges?
I am looking for a therapist, but I already did a lot of work in that direction and I feel I rather need a coach, someone to tell me why I suck so much at making connections and how to improve, or why I am so hideous and unattractive (at this point, I must be doing something wrong).
I miss so much living in a community like college, haven't had a boyfriend in years, actually I must say I haven't seen single men in years, except for five or six who were incidentally really deranged people or geographically/chronologically unsuitable, the nice ones are taken, and anyway usually I am invisible. It doesn't really matter if I am some kilos overweight because now I don't care for relationships that are not first of all friendships, but still, men just don't like me, or they like me only for one thing, if they are really easygoing on the looks.
I know this attitude is very immature, and to be "grown up" I would have to suck it in an accept the loneliness, but I just have so much pain day in and day out, I cannot even take medications for it first because I can't for other physical problems, but also because the second I feel a bit loved, like, that second, this pain goes away like snow in the sun. After all I enjoy my own company, I don't know what boredom is, but if I don't feel emotional contact for even just some days I go into a panic and since this year also into depression.
I meditate, I try and have faith (don't believe in God but I believe in other things), I brainwashed myself into believing that "stranger is a friend you ve never met" stuff, but nothing changes, no one cares for me and I try to care for them nevertheless so at least there is some caring going on in my life but the pain is so vast, some days I fear I am going to lose the battle with this pain and do something extreme and final.
For many years of my life I have been very dramatic, talking about suicide but (almost) never doing it, now since an equal amount of years I am on the balanced side, but this time I am afraid one day I will just go away silently or start drinking. I am losing all hope.
Forgive me for this long post, and for the complaining, I don't know where to turn to, all this emotional pain is scaring me, I cannot resist much more. My nature would be to drown it into work, but that's what I did before, and then I would be so desperate that I would move somewhere else to start again, this is not a decent lifestyle, and the older you get the more difficult it is. Where do I find the minimum of happiness I need to survive?
I phantasize about throwing myself in front of busses to save children so at least my life is not completely wasted. This is a low point.
From the sounds of it she's tried various methods to find them but to no avail.
