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I can't celebrate my birthday...anyone feel the same?
#1
It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?

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#2
Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.
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#3
I know. I have no problem accepting that I am different and I am very independent. I don't think that is my problem.

I wish I had the self esteem to gather people together on my birthday so I don't feel so alone. For more fun. To feel more balanced.

When I see others do this, joyfully, happily and reaping the rewards I wish I could be like them.




(02-06-2014, 08:12 AM)9006 Wrote: Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.

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#4
(02-07-2014, 02:22 AM)HappyYogi Wrote: I know. I have no problem accepting that I am different and I am very independent. I don't think that is my problem.

I wish I had the self esteem to gather people together on my birthday so I don't feel so alone. For more fun. To feel more balanced.

When I see others do this, joyfully, happily and reaping the rewards I wish I could be like them.




(02-06-2014, 08:12 AM)9006 Wrote: Happy birthday.

People have different ideas of fun, you can get this peace and some positive feelings from things you enjoy doing. You don't have to live up to other people's expectations or ideas of 'fun'.

Happy birthday! Where is your thread, so I can send you a cake? I am sorry you feel like this, but yes, it's your party, if you want to watch the landscape or do nothing and stay in the sun, that is absolutely great.
Perhaps you need to celebrate with someone different than your family so you don't have to feel like slicing your wrists? I can totally relate to the feeling though.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”


“I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Absolutely.”

<a href=
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D2d4joqp8cA/Tq...29alt2.png </a>
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#5
Happy birthday, HappyYogi. All the best wishes to you.
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#6
I'm 27, I don't really like getting older anymore. I'm dreading 30. I mean, I like living. But I hate the idea that my one and only youth is forever gone, and that I wasted much of it making myself feel bad about things and not being as good as I could be or letting myself have as much fun as I could have had.

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#7
(02-06-2014, 03:43 AM)HappyYogi Wrote: It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?

Happy belated birthday. I'm also 47. Should be a good year. Let's hope so, at least.

I retreat on my birthday. I grew up really shy and I did not like drawing attention to myself. An early memory I have is when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My Dad tried to coax me into putting my hands in some cake and smearing it on my face so he could get the obligatory "messy child" birthday photo. But I wouldn't do it and I started crying because his insistence scared me. Then, my Mom interceded. My Dad then stomped out of the room with his camera, angry at me for ruining his photo-op.

Ever since then, I have had an aversion to anyone celebrating my birthday. It's so bad that I will literally leave town just to get away from everyone. I'm nice to people at work who shake my hand or simple say "Happy Birthday," but I've made it perfectly clear that I do not want decorations, a cake, or any fuss. They always want to take me out to lunch, but I refuse. They are all good people, but I know that they probably feel disappointed that they can't use my birthday as an excuse to eat out for lunch.

I am nice about it when people bring it up, mostly on Facebook. The few friends I know who care to do something for me know me enough to keep it low-key, and I appreciate their understanding.

So for me it's an annual anxiety, and I empathize with you.
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#8
Thank you for sharing. I think you were the only one who got my post...even though the others meant well. Yes, it's an anxiety. Yes. Except for me I hardly feel worthy to ask others to celebrate my birthday. That is where the pain is for me.


(02-10-2014, 05:59 PM)Case Wrote:
(02-06-2014, 03:43 AM)HappyYogi Wrote: It's my birthday today. I am turning 47.

For some reason, probably self esteem reasons, I cannot celebrate my birthday. I can't ask others to "do" anything for it so I just don't. Perhaps I worry they won't come thru for me and I'll feel rejected. I don't know. For as long as I can remember I have not been comfortable with my birthday and asking others to "celebrate" it it with me even as I am willing to celebrate other's birthdays. Of course, it could be due to when I had my last family celebration I walked in happy and wanting to connect and walked out wanting to slit my wrists feeling rejected and ignored.

Anyone feel the same?

I actually WANT to be more "fun" but I can't. I AM a fun person with other celebrations. In fact, I have my own meetup group and I plan get togethers all of the time and I really enjoy bringing fun and joy into people's lives...I just can't do it for myself.

The only thing I ask for on my birthday is to feel some peace and some positive feelings. I don't ask for much. Onetime I told a sister of mine (who I don't talk to anymore) that I was happy to have a clean house on my birthday. Her reply "you don't ask for much".

I honestly would prefer for birthdays to go away and to not have any attention or expectations.

Don't get me wrong, I am OK today. I am not totally depressed. It's a sunny day and I'll probably get three calls and a nice visit with my landscaper (we are friends) but that is all I want, really. And then I want it to go away. Then I try to nurture myself in some way....buy a book I want or whatever. I think today, after all my chores, I'll try to do some sewing something creative.

I wish I could heal this but I don't know how really. Anyone feel the same?

Happy belated birthday. I'm also 47. Should be a good year. Let's hope so, at least.

I retreat on my birthday. I grew up really shy and I did not like drawing attention to myself. An early memory I have is when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My Dad tried to coax me into putting my hands in some cake and smearing it on my face so he could get the obligatory "messy child" birthday photo. But I wouldn't do it and I started crying because his insistence scared me. Then, my Mom interceded. My Dad then stomped out of the room with his camera, angry at me for ruining his photo-op.

Ever since then, I have had an aversion to anyone celebrating my birthday. It's so bad that I will literally leave town just to get away from everyone. I'm nice to people at work who shake my hand or simple say "Happy Birthday," but I've made it perfectly clear that I do not want decorations, a cake, or any fuss. They always want to take me out to lunch, but I refuse. They are all good people, but I know that they probably feel disappointed that they can't use my birthday as an excuse to eat out for lunch.

I am nice about it when people bring it up, mostly on Facebook. The few friends I know who care to do something for me know me enough to keep it low-key, and I appreciate their understanding.

So for me it's an annual anxiety, and I empathize with you.
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#9
Lol I didn't even get a happy birthday from 97% of people I know... That 3%, contained my parents and my spouse. I guess my birthday lost its appeal since it became a weight precariously anchored above my head with a strained rope -_- I suck at math, and my grades were slipping. Got a C and I was not allowed the birthdsy party that had been planned... (this was grade 5/6 when I was being bullied terribly by a couple teachers and a few students).

If you ever come across that "you don't ask for much" bull... I always turn around and say "may not seem like much to YOU but it means a whole lot to ME!" lol. I have to be quick with turning my family's usually snarky or huffy phrases around. I already see me dreading my kid's birthdays, and that is due to religious means... Or rather lack of (great grandma's religious we aren't... We will leave it at that :p)
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#10
I also don't celebrate my birthday.

Probably due to the fact besides my mother I don't have anyone to 'celebrate' it with.

Last time I had a birthday party with friends was when I was 16 (I'm now 36)

However, I understand that the majority of people do like celebrating their birthday so I always make an effort when it comes to their birthdays.
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