What's the Answer?

I find I have circumstantial depression. I attend college 3 days a week, and because I feel part of something and get on well with my classmates, I'm happy and my depression is almost non-existant, but as soon as I leave college ('Cause I have no job, barely any friends, or none I see on a daily basis and 'cause I'm single) my mood just changes dramatically, and I go instantly, or fairly instantly, sometimes might take an hour, but go really depressed. I have nowhere to go see, apart from home on my own. I don't go out, 'cause everytime I drink I feel a bit unusual for some reason, and get a really bad headache the day after, and I mean bad. I've had this discussion with many people, I'd drink and go sod the headache if it wasn't that bad wouldn't I? I don't like drinking soft drinks either, or not all night I don't, so this stops me wanting to go out, also I'm pretty skint so can't afford go out really.
I just feel lost be honest. Seen 3 therapists and all's they tell me is I have anxiety and depression, but apart from medication, there doesn't seem to be any other way of dealing with it, just CBT, which I had for 6months and nothing changed.
I seem to have barely any motivation to get a job, even though I know this would help me tremendously. I just don't know what to apply for apart from really demeaning boring meaningless crappy jobs on minimum wage, which quite frankly, make me feel more depressed at the thought of. I'm a bit annoyed at myself for not carving myself out a career when I was younger. I'm 38 btw.
I can't take medication as I seem to have developed an extreme fear of taking meds, as I generally start feeling a bit weird and unwell from them. I took citalopram 5yrs ago. First day was fine, 2nd day - bam - felt really ill. Felt lethargic, tired but couldn't sleep, funny brain feeling (like it was sort of burning inside) and had a stuffy nose, and when I blew it, had blood coming out of my nose and on the tissue. Obviously sent my anxiety through the roof and was having a mild panic attack, and it lasted 3 days. 3 days from the 2nd day, and those 2 days were the only 2 days I took it and vowed never going there again. Petrified me. Felt so unwell but no-one seems to understand how unwell it made me. I wish I could have been in hospital when it happened so they could have seen what it did to me.
Anyway, back to the here and now. I have no motivation to get a job, hardly ever go out, and can't seem to break this cycle of loneliness and depression. What's the answer if I can't take medication, CBT don't work, can't seem to make friends, am completely off girls radars it seems (probably due to being generally unhappy when not at college, and not being very successful and being on the dole and skint) and can't go out?

I can identify with you as I can feel temporarily ok when out with people, but then when I come home to an empty house the loneliness at the centre of my life swallows me up and I fall into depression again. I think that a lot of people whose lives are empty of close connections and who are pretty much alone have this experience.
I can understand your not wanting to apply for minumum wage jobs. But maybe your college courses will lead to something better in the future. Is it a vocational course? Maybe you could take more courses on the two days you are free in the week for company or you could go into the colllege library to study on these two days where you might bump into other students to chat to.
But although filling the time with activity to avoid the deeper feelings of loneliness can feel a bit better than doing nothing, it still doesn't solve them ot take them away. I am still hoping for a relationship.

I have occasionally gone into college on my days off & other students that are on different levels of my course that go in on days that I don't, think it a bit odd. They think I'm mad be honest, cause they wouldn't, they have lives lol! And I'm pretty up to date with my work so I have virtually nothing to do. As for talking to people, I tend to be a bit of a loner as well. Don't know what's wrong with me, I hate being on my own & obviously want to be sociable, as it's better than not being, but it's like my mind goes blank & can't think of anything to say. I don't know if it's my demeanor or what, cause nobody talks to me unless I talk to them first. Think I may look depressed, as it does tend to overcome me when I'm on my own. I've read anxiety can make your mind go blank in social situations. It is a vocational course (I think), music. Wasn't entirely sure what you meant by vocational course. Did you mean 'is it my vocation'? Music is definitely in my blood & think I have a gift. I'm a songwriter & this course is teaching (all be it slowly, frustratingly slowly) how to produce my songs/music.

I can identify with your having to do all the work re. approaching others to chat to, as this generally happens to me as well on social occasions. And I, like you, also find it hard to think of things to talk about.
Maybe your being older than the other students is a factor in their not approaching you? They may think that you wouldn't want to be friends with people who are much younger as they might think you would find them immature and boring. I remember when I went to my first evening class at 17 that I felt intimidated by the older students. They seemed so worldly wise in comparison to me.
When I wrote 'vocational' I meant is it the sort of course which is training for a job.

That's not the answer, I actually have more of the problem really than them. I don't exactly look my age, I look about 28-30, so they probably don't realize I'm 10yrs older than I look. Not always, but sometimes I feel too old be there. Wish there was more women a few years older actually, say 24-27. I'd say 80% of the women are 17-19 as they've come straight from school, with say 10% at 20/21/22 probably, then the remaining 10% older. Don't know how many that leaves over the age of 22 but it ain't many.

first off, SSRIs tend to make someone worse, not better, this is sort of an open secret. As bizarre as our reality is, SSRIs, called an antidepressant, are the exact opposite. 75 famous mass shootings have occurred by the shooter being on an SSRI, and SSRIs increase suicide by many fold. They are a get sick and feel worse drug. A real antidepressant raises Opioid Endorphin and Dopamine transmission and actually LOWERs serotonin transmission, which then causes the opposite of SSRIs, you feel more clear than ever instead of sicker with more malaise.

Secondly one of the answers has to do with like-mindedness and likeness in your frequency, which has now become a recent sci fi movie by the way. This answer has to do with personality rather than social behavior or autism. Quite simply, not everyone has the same amount of compatible people. One person could have 1% the compatibles of another person and thus 100 times more people must be met/messaged/profile viewed/talked with to get the same amount of compatibles.

this answer is very sad because it has to do with the true self and not social behavior.

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Something like this could be beneficial for some, especially those who have both depression & allergies

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyproheptadine

a substance like this lowers serotonin instead of raises, which causes a better state, but this one is a sedating one. the only non sedating serotonin lowering drug is Stablon and its not in the USA.

I wonder if Wellbutrin would be a better option than an SSRI...?

20 years ago I took a minimum wage job which was also part time and late nights.
It wasn't much more than my dole money. But I took it and a couple of years later it led on to the job I have now.

I say take any job, it benefits you in so many ways.

Less free time so you actually value it.
That end of day / week feeling which is great !
More money !
Meet people

I can relate to you're thread but I don't go to college currently cause I can't even focus on that. Right now I'm working on healing and trying to improve my self esteem. I myself have no motivation to want to do anything and I suffer from disorders. Wish I could give you some advice but I'm dealing with the same kind of problem at the moment. The only thing I can say is, try to find a small part time and try looking for groups in you're area. There's this one site called Meet Up, not sure if you've heard of it or not but give it a try and see what happens. =)

Been thinking about this thread. Why does my depression fluctuate or differ depending on my circumstances? I'm not saying it completely goes away but it does dissapate dramatically. I also just have next to no motivation to change sometimes. Especially with the work situation. Have bursts of motivation to get a job, but I think maybe cause the jobs in which I'm qualified for aren't great sounding jobs perhaps. I know I should take any job, but I've done production work/factory jobs before and they're very depressing and drag like hell.

Your depression sounds as if it is reactive depression. In other words, it is largely caused by your circumstances rather than by something innate inside you. Mine is pretty much the same. Some people have said that I have an unhappy temperament, but I know that it is a reaction to circumstances rather than my temperament. I have always felt that I have by nature a happy temperament, but circumstances-much as I have fought and fought and tried so hard to change them-have acted against me.

Yeah you're right mate. I just can't seem to make things happen like other people can. I apply for jobs, hear nothing. Sounds sad, but most girls seem to largely pay me no attention and I just don't feel like leaving my flat the majority of the time. I have 1 mate really, and a few acquaintances at college, that's it. No money, no life, no fun be honest. It's inevitable I would feel like crap living this solitary hermit lifestyle.

I can narrow the answer for you, without finding it

There is no substitute so you have to focus your answer on improving your social life

You cant pray more or meditate more, or Love yourself more, you have to solve the problem. You cant adapt to loneliness issues. The problem must b e solved instead.

Many people confuse problems that have substitutes with problems that do not have substitutes. I dont know why this confusion exists. So Im warning you and telling you its one of the problems without a substitute and to focus all your resources on solving it rather than replacing with substitutes that don't exist

Honestly, this will be contravercial for me to say perhaps, but I feel a sense of darkness or barbarism of some sort coming off people, It might be how you feel if you walked into a negative mental ward and got a sense of the people and energy there, thats how i experience all the world, the way you would a hospital or prison. its very difficult, it makes me sick, im not able to tolerate the dark energy coming off all the whole of the population. It angers me to socialize with them because they are always below me, socially retarded, socially inhibited.

From my perspective, talking to the population is the way you would feel talking to your aunt or brother or someone who is in the most foul mood you've seen in a day, except for me its everyday, and the population as a whole. Feels like trying to interact with autistic retards who are also satanists at the same time. Its like how you (anyone) would feel if you entered a prison and started chatting with hardened criminals. The energy from the population is so incredibly filthy. They only really get semi-normal with side effects if they get drunk or drop something like MDMA. then every other time they are foul, low IQ, low sociability demons.

You're right mate. I've got myself into 1 hell of a rut that I'm struggling to get out of. I don't know how to be honest. I don't understand why I'm so anti-social. The 2 main things I need are a job and a relationship & I think I'd be fine. I can't make someone employ me, or a woman to like me though. I regularly think what's the point, I don't belong here. I don't conform. There needs to be an organisation to help people in my situation, I can't be the only one in this situation. I've tried everything to be honest & there's nothing left to try. I think I have altered my psyche with drugs in the past and it's done something to my mind. It can't be just anxiety & depression surely?

I can honestly say I have little faith in meds. My biggest thing now is meditation. I can not say enough about the dangers of meds. Diabetes, seizures, and addiction are just a few. Meditation is like exercise. It has to be done daily. I recommend meditation for dummies. I recently found the pdf version I can just send friends.
All the college courses I took in bio-medicine and abnormal psychology never told me all the bad stuff. I also heard a little bit about the good of meditation, but no details. It lowers blood pressures, enhances learning,and decreases depression. I can not say enough about the good thing. Changing ones thinking is exercise. I also recommend the four agreements. It is a positive code to live by. You decide how you feel and react to life.
Smile, just because

SimonT said:

You're right mate. I've got myself into 1 hell of a rut that I'm struggling to get out of. I don't know how to be honest. I don't understand why I'm so anti-social. The 2 main things I need are a job and a relationship & I think I'd be fine. I can't make someone employ me, or a woman to like me though. I regularly think what's the point, I don't belong here. I don't conform. There needs to be an organisation to help people in my situation, I can't be the only one in this situation. I've tried everything to be honest & there's nothing left to try. I think I have altered my psyche with drugs in the past and it's done something to my mind. It can't be just anxiety & depression surely?

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a job is the key, anything to get you out of this rut your in.

Have you tried voluntary work ?
One of those charity shops ?
That's what I would do if I didn't have a job.

I've thought about it. Done it before. it just makes me angry not being able to work and be paid for it like everyone else.

SimonT said:

I've thought about it. Done it before. it just makes me angry not being able to work and be paid for it like everyone else.

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I hope you get a break soon and some luck comes your way !

It ain't looking hopeful. I feel like I'm not really here. Really weird feeling. Just watching life go by, what a waste. These should be some of the best years of my life. Feel like this planet ain't taylored to the way my head or psyche operates. No job, hardly any money, no woman, 1 mate apart from acquaintences at college and no social life. Ever since I had to stop doing drugs my life has just become empty. I seem to not fit in anywhere now as I don't drink either. Drugs & drink seem to give me really weird horrible headaches now so I steer clear. I mean they ain't nice. Had this duscussion with a few people. Why wouldn't I just drink and be sociable, thus fixing my lack of social life in the process if the bad heads weren't that bad? And before anyone says soft drinks. A) I would like to get pissed be honest but can't. B) You feel a bit strange not drinking in a drinking environment. C) Don't like more than a couple of soft drinks in a row and you can't make 2 soft drinks last a 4 hr night out. As for women, does my nut in, cause all the girls at college are at least 15yrs too young for a guy in his late 30's, and I don't know any girls in the right age bracket outside college, so I'm stuck cause I'm not very good at approaching women I don't know, crap at breaking the ice. Social skills don't seem to be my forte. Hate the way it always has to be the bloke makes the first move, but that's another story.