I find I have circumstantial depression. I attend college 3 days a week, and because I feel part of something and get on well with my classmates, I'm happy and my depression is almost non-existant, but as soon as I leave college ('Cause I have no job, barely any friends, or none I see on a daily basis and 'cause I'm single) my mood just changes dramatically, and I go instantly, or fairly instantly, sometimes might take an hour, but go really depressed. I have nowhere to go see, apart from home on my own. I don't go out, 'cause everytime I drink I feel a bit unusual for some reason, and get a really bad headache the day after, and I mean bad. I've had this discussion with many people, I'd drink and go sod the headache if it wasn't that bad wouldn't I? I don't like drinking soft drinks either, or not all night I don't, so this stops me wanting to go out, also I'm pretty skint so can't afford go out really.
I just feel lost be honest. Seen 3 therapists and all's they tell me is I have anxiety and depression, but apart from medication, there doesn't seem to be any other way of dealing with it, just CBT, which I had for 6months and nothing changed.
I seem to have barely any motivation to get a job, even though I know this would help me tremendously. I just don't know what to apply for apart from really demeaning boring meaningless crappy jobs on minimum wage, which quite frankly, make me feel more depressed at the thought of. I'm a bit annoyed at myself for not carving myself out a career when I was younger. I'm 38 btw.
I can't take medication as I seem to have developed an extreme fear of taking meds, as I generally start feeling a bit weird and unwell from them. I took citalopram 5yrs ago. First day was fine, 2nd day - bam - felt really ill. Felt lethargic, tired but couldn't sleep, funny brain feeling (like it was sort of burning inside) and had a stuffy nose, and when I blew it, had blood coming out of my nose and on the tissue. Obviously sent my anxiety through the roof and was having a mild panic attack, and it lasted 3 days. 3 days from the 2nd day, and those 2 days were the only 2 days I took it and vowed never going there again. Petrified me. Felt so unwell but no-one seems to understand how unwell it made me. I wish I could have been in hospital when it happened so they could have seen what it did to me.
Anyway, back to the here and now. I have no motivation to get a job, hardly ever go out, and can't seem to break this cycle of loneliness and depression. What's the answer if I can't take medication, CBT don't work, can't seem to make friends, am completely off girls radars it seems (probably due to being generally unhappy when not at college, and not being very successful and being on the dole and skint) and can't go out?
I just feel lost be honest. Seen 3 therapists and all's they tell me is I have anxiety and depression, but apart from medication, there doesn't seem to be any other way of dealing with it, just CBT, which I had for 6months and nothing changed.
I seem to have barely any motivation to get a job, even though I know this would help me tremendously. I just don't know what to apply for apart from really demeaning boring meaningless crappy jobs on minimum wage, which quite frankly, make me feel more depressed at the thought of. I'm a bit annoyed at myself for not carving myself out a career when I was younger. I'm 38 btw.
I can't take medication as I seem to have developed an extreme fear of taking meds, as I generally start feeling a bit weird and unwell from them. I took citalopram 5yrs ago. First day was fine, 2nd day - bam - felt really ill. Felt lethargic, tired but couldn't sleep, funny brain feeling (like it was sort of burning inside) and had a stuffy nose, and when I blew it, had blood coming out of my nose and on the tissue. Obviously sent my anxiety through the roof and was having a mild panic attack, and it lasted 3 days. 3 days from the 2nd day, and those 2 days were the only 2 days I took it and vowed never going there again. Petrified me. Felt so unwell but no-one seems to understand how unwell it made me. I wish I could have been in hospital when it happened so they could have seen what it did to me.
Anyway, back to the here and now. I have no motivation to get a job, hardly ever go out, and can't seem to break this cycle of loneliness and depression. What's the answer if I can't take medication, CBT don't work, can't seem to make friends, am completely off girls radars it seems (probably due to being generally unhappy when not at college, and not being very successful and being on the dole and skint) and can't go out?