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A possible explanation why some people feel they need to be in a relationship.
#1
Here is an article I found. I thought it might explain why some people feel such a strong need to be in a relationship and why you can't get through to them if you tell them "You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy." They might not feel so "desperate" if what is described in this article was satisfied. Of course I understand everyone is different. Some people just don't like to be touched.

http://bitchbuzz.com/life/touch-much-why...taboo.html
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#2
I'm not sure what to say about the article, as I am one of those people who doesn't like to be touched. I seek relationships because I desire emotional fulfillment, and I think that would be my main motivator even if I did crave touch. It makes sense though, as touch is one of the senses and physical closeness is an instinctual need for most living beings. We may be in a society that discourages physical closeness outside of a romantic relationship, but I think we are also in a society that discourages emotional closeness outside of a romantic relationship, and I find this more worrying.

In any case, I would never tell someone that they don't need a relationship to be happy. Certainly you can find enjoyment in other things, but that does not mean you won't always crave a close relationship and feel a hole in your life when you don't have one. Not everyone has the same reaction, but generally the lack of relationships (or good ones) in one's life results in loneliness, and of course if you are lonely you're going to be unhappy in that respect.
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#3
I have a friend, we have been friends for over 30 years, he always had this "I have to be married" thing going, he finally got a mail order bride, he spent a lot of money he really could not afford, 3 grand to go over to meet her, then more money to get her over here.

He is now married to her and has a child, still having money issues, but I guess if your that determined your going to do what you have to do to make it happen, he has told me I need to get with someone, I told him basically, I can't afford to do a mail order bride, I am 47 and my time of having a family unless it was instant is drawing to a close, I wouldn't want to old to enjoy having a kid, so I pretty much have resigned myself to my fate in life, truth be told not everyone will have someone.
No matter where you go, there you are!
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#4
I have many reasons why I want one. For one, and this will sound silly, but I want to have a wedding for my family to go to. Especially my grandmother, and maybe Boomer too if dogs can go to weddings. I want them to see that I turned out all right. For two, I do like touch. I'm tired of just cuddling my pillow at night, you know? For three, yes, I'd like to have a sexual experience with a woman at least once when I'm alive. It is supposed to be a positive experience. So is all of the aspects of a relationship. To me it is a life milestone. I want someone who is a friend but at the same time something else, something more. Also, I'd like to have someone to live with when I move out. Most of my friends are already in serious relationships and I can't go live with them. Two, even if i could it probably won't last forever so I need to plan for my own future. I know it is not like food, where you MUST have it. But there are a lot of things you don't need that make life much more enjoyable.

As of right now I want more of a companion, a "partner in crime" (I hate crime and criminals but its just an expression) instead of looking for someone to have kids with. Kids just cost too much money and the modern world is expensive. Once I start making money I want to actually treat myself cause i've certainly waited long enough. But I want that companionship that I can't get with just the guys, you know?
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#5
I think it's ok to want to be touched, it's one of the perks of being in a relationship. It's too bad our puritanical American culture frowns on touching others in public except in a few situations, like cuddling a baby.
When I lived in the UK, I saw my ex husband greet a male friend once with a big hug and a kiss and in my young & naive mind, I thought they were gay! They were from a middle Eastern country, though (and not gay!)
Turns out you can buy a cuddle though. I saw this shop near my doctor's office one day!

http://www.bizjournals.com/sacramento/ne...ction.html

-Teresa
En la boca cerrada no entran moscas.
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#6
(07-23-2014, 11:47 AM)SofiasMami Wrote: I think it's ok to want to be touched, it's one of the perks of being in a relationship. It's too bad our puritanical American culture frowns on touching others in public except in a few situations, like cuddling a baby.
When I lived in the UK, I saw my ex husband greet a male friend once with a big hug and a kiss and in my young & naive mind, I thought they were gay! They were from a middle Eastern country, though (and not gay!)
Turns out you can buy a cuddle though. I saw this shop near my doctor's office one day!

http://www.bizjournals.com/sacramento/ne...ction.html

-Teresa

They really should be free. All it takes is volunteers.
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#7
The thing is though....I don't think a non-intimate cuddle is the same. I mean, I have hugged my guy friends before, on various occasions....it didn't mean I loved them romantically, nor did it give me the same feeling. It was something different entirely.

I have never had a relationship before. But i imagine that cuddling with a woman who loves me, is just...special. They see something in me no one else does. They accept me in a way no one else can. It's different. I used to think it was silly when i heard that guys wanted someone like their mothers. Now I think I understand. It's not quite that literal, but still similar.

That's why I think there's no substitute for a romantic relationship. It's not just about simple sexual penetration, there's so much more going on that you can't get with just your friends. It's a completely different thing.
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#8
(07-23-2014, 03:16 PM)TheSkaFish Wrote: The thing is though....I don't think a non-intimate cuddle is the same. I mean, I have hugged my guy friends before, on various occasions....it didn't mean I loved them romantically, nor did it give me the same feeling. It was something different entirely.

I have never had a relationship before. But i imagine that cuddling with a woman who loves me, is just...special. They see something in me no one else does. They accept me in a way no one else can. It's different. I used to think it was silly when i heard that guys wanted someone like their mothers. Now I think I understand. It's not quite that literal, but still similar.

That's why I think there's no substitute for a romantic relationship. It's not just about simple sexual penetration, there's so much more going on that you can't get with just your friends. It's a completely different thing.

I agree. There is no substitute for a romantic relationship. But I find that for me, If I'm able to get platonic affection such as from family it can make my longing for a romantic relationship less intense. I still want it but it's not as urgent. When I visited family for Christmas in Northern California I got a lot of hugs and I was also so happy to be with family I haven't seen in a long time that during that time I didn't feel like I needed a boyfriend. That changed when I came back to San Diego and went back to living by myself again. It makes a difference between thinking "Oh, I'd like to have a boyfriend, it will happen when it happens" and "I really wish I had a boyfriend now." I'm sure I will have this same great feeling when I go to Germany in September. I have a lot of family there, aunts and cousins.
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#9
It's just normal. We all want to be with someone eventually even if people are staying single longer and getting married later, people still want to have someone. I was thinking to myself today how it is I just can't get off the ground and meet somebody and to do so is going to involve doing things and going to events and such I don't usually go to. It's just strange talking to other people and them mentioning their partners or knowing a colleague at work who's had 3 different relationships since the start of the year as an example. It's just a normal part of life for almost everybody. All of my friends and acquaintances are in long term relationships or are seeing some one else...its like its so natural and normal that they have probably never really thought too much about being alone. It can be so depressing thinking about how one has been alone for years and others can sail by into and out of relationships with so little effort.
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#10
^ I was just thinking that EXACT same thing you mention at the end. My two closest guy friends seem to flow in and out of relationships with ease. Can't say the same for myself, even tho the three of us do similar things. Interesting how it happens naturally for some and not so much for others.
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