Why do people cheat?

[user 190541]

Most women don't seem to want open relationships, tho. Many dudes are okay with it, but generally not women, as far as I know.

 

[Abstamyous]

Most women don't seem to want open relationships, tho. Many dudes are okay with it, but generally not women, as far as I know.

I would like to just add some of my personal thoughts to this. If you are someone who wants an open relationship, or at the very least to not pursue a single person (yet), that's something that should be talked about at the very beginning. I don't personally judge someone who chooses that path. However, if you veil it in the beginning to make a catch with someone, and then try to change their minds later on, I don't think you are very trustworthy.
In my own experiences, an ex cheated and then offered for us both to see other people. I made the decision to leave, because I always knew I would be insecure about what he was doing, and there would be zero chance of me actually having anything with anyone else in a way that would be enjoyable.
I was also part of a fetish community for awhile, and there was a slew of people who claimed to be in an open relationship, but after a few questions it became obvious their partners didn't know. I find the dynamics that work fascinating, although it's not a dynamic I could be part of.
If it is who you are, be honest upfront.
It seems more often than not, that there is no true open relationship. It's just one partner wanting more fun than the other.

 

[user 190541]

I draw the same conclusions as you do. Personally, I'm skeptical of open relationships and would never be in one.

I think the positive light some people are so intent on casting on it is nothing more than a façade to hide the dubious nature of those relationships. That's the social significance of their "cool vibe", and just like most things young people deem cool and trendy, they actually harm you in the long run.

 

[insecure]

Yes, and sometimes they call it polyamorous instead of "open relationship", but it comes down to the same thing.
Also, women have it a lot easier to find another sex partner than men, especially on dating sites.
If all they want is a large variety of sex, with a large variety of partners, those dating sites are ideal for them, as the ratio men vs women is extremely to their advantage.
And if they can make all those guys believe that they are the only one, she can have them get to buy presents for her and spoil her in every way.

 

[user 139760]

Polyamory and open relationships is the new "in" thing nowadays. I'm on a single parent group on facebook and at least half, if not more, of the women on the group flaunt it's values or are big in supporting it. I call it wanting the butter and money FOR the butter, or not knowing what they want. People don't want to commit or try to and using a "progressive reason" makes them feel better about themselves, because wether you're a man or a woman, I still call it sleeping around. Statistically speaking, men do it a lot more than women, but it's still the exact same thing, even if they want to call it "a new way to love". BS. You want to be able to sleep around with 2 or 3 partners and everyone be okay with it and not call you out on it. Whatever you can think of yo not call it cheating. Emotions aren't wired that way, 99% of the time.

This is why I'm not a big fan of dating in this day and age. People don't want to commit and they hide behind any **** excuse they can find, as long as they feel they aren't jerks.
They are.
I think it's an incredibly self-centered approach to relationships that only considers one individual's wants and needs and forces anyone else that actually cares or wants to be in that other person's life to accept something that doesn't come naturally to most people.

But, I'm sure with enough Ritalin, enough professional help, enough pot or any other combination of whatever people are into nowadays, it's all fine and dandy. I'm just a regressive dinosaur who won't "get with the times".

 

[MrLonely86]

Cause relationships are boring.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Cause relationships are boring.

In history's past, it made more logical sense, a bit "c'mon, we're trying not to go extinct here..."
Now, there's 7 or 8 BILLION people on the planet, and medical and scientific advancement is at its absolute peak.
There's an overlay that makes me particularly uncomfortable that I don't really talk about much...
That overlay is the overlay of declining fertility rates per country along with the rising cost of living rates per country.
Those two things being down across the board, kind of undermines like basically everything.
Now the greatest threat to our extinction is ourselves instead of nature, and I'm honestly not sure which makes me more uncomfortable.

 

[user 190541]

Cause relationships are boring.

Then don't be in one.

 

[user 139760]

In history's past, it made more logical sense, a bit "c'mon, we're trying not to go extinct here..."
Now, there's 7 or 8 BILLION people on the planet, and medical and scientific advancement is at its absolute peak.
There's an overlay that makes me particularly uncomfortable that I don't really talk about much...
That overlay is the overlay of declining fertility rates per country along with the rising cost of living rates per country.
Those two things being down across the board, kind of undermines like basically everything.
Now the greatest threat to our extinction is ourselves instead of nature, and I'm honestly not sure which makes me more uncomfortable.

Come on. You're overthinking it.
People like to be in relationships because thry like the person with whom they want to he in a relationship with. Wether it's because that person has admirable qualities or because that person makes them feel important, like that matter. When that ends, so does the relationship. All the honeysuckle that happens after, the yelling and the screaming and the whatnot, is because people don't know how to communicate, or THINK they know how to communicate, when they really don't. It's a futile attempt to grasp at what's past.
Relationships are like plants. If you don't nurture them, they die. I don't care wether or not you mean romance, friendship or family or otherwise. If one person feels like their needs aren't met, it's pointless to continue.

After that, you got all the modern age bullcrap, like open relationships and whatnot...what a load of bs. Sure, there's people messed up enough to think it's good for them. But in the end, even if they don't want to admit it, they're miserable as fresia.
So why do people cheat? It's because they are cowards. Driven by very real motivations, but they put their needs before anyone else's. They won't come out and tell their wives ir husbands that, for a variety of reasons. Because they're afraid to be judged. Or because their husbands will beat the crap out of them or yell insulting honeysuckle at them, like the dickless little cowards that they are. They feel the need to show they're big strong men. Hell, when I was younger, I thought like thst too, though I never cheated. I ended the relationship and looked all manner of an *******. And paid the price. Am still paying the price.
But I can still stand tall and say I did the right goddamn thing. Because in the end, that's all that really matters.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Come on. You're overthinking it.
People like to be in relationships because thry like the person with whom they want to he in a relationship with. Wether it's because that person has admirable qualities or because that person makes them feel important, like that matter. When that ends, so does the relationship. All the honeysuckle that happens after, the yelling and the screaming and the whatnot, is because people don't know how to communicate, or THINK they know how to communicate, when they really don't. It's a futile attempt to grasp at what's past.
Relationships are like plants. If you don't nurture them, they die. I don't care wether or not you mean romance, friendship or family or otherwise. If one person feels like their needs aren't met, it's pointless to continue.

After that, you got all the modern age bullcrap, like open relationships and whatnot...what a load of bs. Sure, there's people messed up enough to think it's good for them. But in the end, even if they don't want to admit it, they're miserable as fresia.
So why do people cheat? It's because they are cowards. Driven by very real motivations, but they put their needs before anyone else's. They won't come out and tell their wives ir husbands that, for a variety of reasons. Because they're afraid to be judged. Or because their husbands will beat the crap out of them or yell insulting honeysuckle at them, like the dickless little cowards that they are. They feel the need to show they're big strong men. Hell, when I was younger, I thought like thst too, though I never cheated. I ended the relationship and looked all manner of an *******. And paid the price. Am still paying the price.
But I can still stand tall and say I did the right goddamn thing. Because in the end, that's all that really matters.

I reiterate what I originally stated: Social Constructionism is logical, but love and relationships are emotional. The two don't mix. I mean, they do mix, they just mix about as well as water and oil. It isn't that I'm thinking too far into it, it's that I've just intentionally deprogrammed myself from the default narrative of leading with the way that I feel in life. If I did that, nothing would ever get done. I'm a business before pleasure kind of a guy. I have weightless thoughts most of the time. USUALLY it's actually more beneficial than not, but it isn't a sustainable state, and equally as such if it's sustained too long it can really make the mind wig out. It is however, an endurance build, just like any other endurance build. I guess I'm just flabbergasted at the snowball of the evolution of our species and how we went from humble beginnings of large numbers in the Fertile Crescent at the dawn of civilization, to well, the rats nest of of an interstate traffic jam that we have today, entirely because humans instinctually like to fvck THAT much. I mean, 7 or 8 Billion People didn't just fall out of the sky over night, and last I checked there's no stork baby delivery service. Now if only the weather were as predictable as human nature.

 

[MrLonely86]

I mean, 7 or 8 Billion People didn't just fall out of the sky over night, and last I checked there's no stork baby delivery service.

Christians would disagree with this statement.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Christians would disagree with this statement.

They don't even agree with each other.

 

[user 139760]

I reiterate what I originally stated: Social Constructionism is logical, but love and relationships are emotional. The two don't mix. I mean, they do mix, they just mix about as well as water and oil. It isn't that I'm thinking too far into it, it's that I've just intentionally deprogrammed myself from the default narrative of leading with the way that I feel in life. If I did that, nothing would ever get done. I'm a business before pleasure kind of a guy. I have weightless thoughts most of the time. USUALLY it's actually more beneficial than not, but it isn't a sustainable state, and equally as such if it's sustained too long it can really make the mind wig out. It is however, an endurance build, just like any other endurance build. I guess I'm just flabbergasted at the snowball of the evolution of our species and how we went from humble beginnings of large numbers in the Fertile Crescent at the dawn of civilization, to well, the rats nest of of an interstate traffic jam that we have today, entirely because humans instinctually like to fvck THAT much. I mean, 7 or 8 Billion People didn't just fall out of the sky over night, and last I checked there's no stork baby delivery service. Now if only the weather were as predictable as human nature.

honeysuckle, I had a really snazzy reply to that but hiy the wrong key and list it all lol. Goddamn phone and modern technology....
What I can tell you kid, and I know it through experience, is that you're overthinking things. Let lige happen once in a while and base your decisions on it. If we think too much, we'll ho insane
That is the world we live in right now.

 

[user 190541]

I reiterate what I originally stated: Social Constructionism is logical, but love and relationships are emotional. The two don't mix. I mean, they do mix, they just mix about as well as water and oil. It isn't that I'm thinking too far into it, it's that I've just intentionally deprogrammed myself from the default narrative of leading with the way that I feel in life. If I did that, nothing would ever get done. I'm a business before pleasure kind of a guy. I have weightless thoughts most of the time. USUALLY it's actually more beneficial than not, but it isn't a sustainable state, and equally as such if it's sustained too long it can really make the mind wig out. It is however, an endurance build, just like any other endurance build. I guess I'm just flabbergasted at the snowball of the evolution of our species and how we went from humble beginnings of large numbers in the Fertile Crescent at the dawn of civilization, to well, the rats nest of of an interstate traffic jam that we have today, entirely because humans instinctually like to fvck THAT much. I mean, 7 or 8 Billion People didn't just fall out of the sky over night, and last I checked there's no stork baby delivery service. Now if only the weather were as predictable as human nature.

I agree with Richard, but I'd add that at this point I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.

 

[user 139760]

I agree with Richard, but I'd add that at this point I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.

I do, but that got lost in the drunken stupide lol.(that was stupor, but see the problem with having a phone that's used to you typing in English as much as in french? Lol)
My point is, intellectualize less, do more.

People have a zillion reasons to cheat, some are legit, some are bullshit. Don't yry to understand it, you'll ho insane. You do you and the right people will appreciate you for it.

 

[user 190541]

I mean I don't get what @NoxApex(N/A) is going on about.

This is confusing.

 

[user 139760]

I mean I don't get what @NoxApex(N/A) is going on about.

This is confusing.

He's saying the way society constructed our views on relationships is at odds with the way human beings are emotionally built. Which I think is wrong. It's the former that's the problem, not the latter. Shrinks have nothing better to in their offices bjt coming up with new terms to explain away humanity, as if it's not things we've been wrestling with a thousand years...emot
He's saying he's mostly cur himself off from his emotions, kinda like Spock, which I think is the wrong approach. It should be yhe other way around. Because it's natural. Am I getting this right?

 

[user 190541]

Something along those lines, yes.

 

[user 139760]

Something along those lines, yes.

Well Preuss, my unfamiliar yet familiar not old friend lol, let me tell you something. Logic is honeysuckle. You can be logical in life all you eant, it won't get you anywhere. That was the entire point of Spock in the first place and I'm surprised people didn't learn the lesson better.
We are feeling, illogical human beings. If you try to go against that, you'll never be happy. I know, I've tried. For all the scars you get from it, of you try and intellectualize everything, you'll go nowhere.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

He's saying the way society constructed our views on relationships is at odds with the way human beings are emotionally built. Which I think is wrong. It's the former that's the problem, not the latter.

I'm agreeing that it's a problem.

Shrinks have nothing better to in their offices bjt coming up with new terms to explain away humanity, as if it's not things we've been wrestling with a thousand years...emot

That part's true. They don't even really do that anymore in America these days. These days, it's more like "which pill is right for you?"

He's saying he's mostly cur himself off from his emotions, kinda like Spock, which I think is the wrong approach. It should be yhe other way around. Because it's natural. Am I getting this right?

Kind of, but not exactly. What I did in all actuality was just learn to temper myself better. I took the majority of the time while I was single bleeding it out and dissecting myself emotionally over about a decades worth of self-destructive debauchery, not all of which was bad and not all of which I regret, either. I wanted to temper myself to a higher level of control than I previously had.

While leading with feeling is natural, it's also predictable, and I am unfortunately surrounded in my life by manipulative toxic shitheads. I try to mostly keep to myself. Just as I can't take an introspective journey for someone to show them the insight that I gained from it, nor can others make sense out of it without having done so themselves. You can't teach an experience, is the thing.

In terms of how society is constructed, all I did was just reverse-engineer through logical deductive reasoning, and emotional reasoning, sorting things out a bit like trying to tackle a messy closet in the dark that you haven't been into in a while: It's a pain in the arse until you find where on the wall the lightswitch is with your hands.

It's just that knowing myself to this extent and learning how to temper myself, where my flaws are, how to work with them to improve them, knowing what my triggers are and so on and so forth, it allows me to better position myself strategically away from socially contrived predictability. It just means, that I gave myself more options through learning that I had more options than I originally thought, that's all.

Morality never really even enters the equation. I mean, it kind of does, but kind of doesn't. Since I'm working with myself, it doesn't. How I learn to utilize that though is important. I could absolutely use it to go be an abusive arsehole, but that's neither in my best interest to do so nor does it agree with the best energy output for my natural inclination for introversion. HOWEVER, purely defensively speaking I am 100% okay with completely disregarding that filter.

And it's easy for me to be able to do that because one of the things that I had to do in the process of understanding myself is question the mirror of my former self before I knew this much, as most people tend to just not bother with it.

It's at this point where poking the bear becomes a science experiment to me. If me polarizing myself in my own benefit works against the grain of others than others are as such doing the same, which is to be expected. But if you poke the bear enough with the "I'm not going to fit in your box" eventually the bear is going to become noticeably irritated.

Rest is a downhill jam from there, that's all I need to know.
From thereon out, the defensive setup is easy: divide ego by objective.
And the reason why it works is due to the lack of an introspective journey, which is, ironic.

Mind you, I don't really do something like that unless I'm dealing with the highly manipulative.

But I digress that's all entirely besides the point of love and affairs.
I don't end up in situations like that anymore, because a lot of the time if it's going that direction and I begin to emotionally retract, well, it stops it from going that direction, because that's unnatural.

I am equally loved and hated for this. My ex hates me for it because she can't play me like a fiddle anymore, and my current loves it because "you just know," and so it allows me to better manage the relationship.