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Anybody wish they could go back in time and change things?
#31
Oh, lots of things. Lots of major wrong choices and lots of minor wrong choices which added up to huge problems later. If I could go back, I would:

- develop an empowered mindset, not a powerless victim one. Instead of believing that I just didn't have enough talent to do something and that's that, I'd have worked at it little by little from a young age. Like drawing, playing the guitar, and creating stories.

- decided NOT to become an angry, negative person. Then I would not have had to unlearn being an angry, negative person.

- read more.

- gotten in shape and not done things that got me out of shape.

- stood up to the people who tried to bring me down.

- also, at the same time, been a more friendly person.

- not gotten paranoia and avoided all the arguments and wasted time surrounding that.

- spent more time with my dog when he was a baby puppy.

- NOT gotten the car I got. Even though I liked it and it was fun, it was just way more expensive over the years and it would have been better to just wait until I could really afford something like that more easily.

- not gotten into as many arguments in general, with family or friends.

- gotten a major in something that actually interested me, and would help me get a job that at least makes $50K per year. Also, I'd have studied more and done an internship. More seriously considered career options instead of just thinking that no matter what I choose, I'm going to be miserable anyway.

- not convinced myself that civilization was going to end by now, and that studying didn't matter because of that.

- gotten a job when I was supposed to, instead of trying to get one now. Who knows.....maybe if I'd been believing in myself instead of giving up, I'd have even gotten good enough at a side project or business to have quit that job by now.

- not wasted so much time.

- tried to become interesting and confident. I guess this is somewhat similar to the first two, reading more and not letting a lack of inborn talent prevent me from learning new things which would have made me both more interesting and confident because I would have something to show for myself.

- acted sooner to do something about those girls I liked, the ones who had exactly what I was looking for. I doubt I'll meet anyone like them again. If only I'd been interesting in time, maybe things would have turned out differently.
If you are interested in connecting on Skype or Facebook, send me a Private Message here and I'll get back to you.
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#32
No I don't think I'd go back and change anything that I've experienced. There's a lot of horrible things that has happened to me in my past but if I went back and changed every single thing I don't think I'd be the strong person I am today. The last two years that just passed were horrible for me, I dealt with a lot of depression and there were times where I thought about ending my life but I got through the dark gloomy cloud that was looming over my head. I'm a little bit happier now, I still get depressed from time to time but I think that's life. It's painful to go through but I'm a much stronger person now and I know how to deal with my mood swings a lot better. =)
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it."~Tori Amos
"I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free."~Charles Dickens
"Trust is like a paper once it's crumbled it can't be perfect again.
You can flatten the paper and try and make it as straight as you want, but it will never be perfect again."

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#33
I would change many many things, especially the things that caused me severe PTSD and losing 18 months of time with my daughter.
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#34
If I had the chance to do it over, I'd have lived for myself instead of being the caretaker of a dysfunctional family. Fuck! I had 12 years on my own when dad retired, bought this property and commenced his 'country gentleman' hobbies....then mom's heart attack happened. Back I came, boy care giver again, just like before I moved away to college: she's borderline bi-polar, dad couldn't cope with her depressed states, so I did.....ever since I walked in on a suicide gesture when I was 5 years old....she was out on a ledge. That was always 'our secret'. So dad pursued his career and his hobbies, leaving me with the messy management of a lady who probably would have spent her life in a mental hospital if not for me. Dad's been gone 13 years now and good riddance! But here I still am. I really hate my life.
Be here now.
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#35
I wish this all the time. Even after realizing how damaging such a mindset is to my ability to plan for a better future, or at least be able to repair what I can. Things like being more assertive in my care plans, college, and avoiding a certain person who unknowingly ruined my life. It's an extremely destructive circular thought process. Regrets are some of the worst things.
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#36
Stork...I sympathize with you. I am a woman who will be 48 but I can share something?

There are things an older woman can do to see be seen as sexually attractive. I know I am still seen that way. I am positive it's my diet (whole foods plant based no sugar no alcohol) and yoga. I do Kundalini and regular yoga and they both work the glands which help keep you young. Vegetables are a girl's best friend!

I also do natural treatments for the skin (I have very fair thin skin that is prone to tiny lines)...things such as vitamin c, rose oil, there are many other treatments I can't think of them now.

I do get how hard it is for women aging, though. But honestly there are things we can do to still be seen as romantic prospects.

[/quote]I was hopeful at 40, but between 40-45 is when it happens. You actually start to look older, men dont look at you anymore, people dont see you as youthful and fresh, and the truth is you have seen to much to be innocent, hopeful and childlike anymore, not to mention jobs dont want a person in thier 40's and not even a man in his 50's wants a woman in her 40's. He wants a younger woman, like 35. You look in the mirror and you see wrinkles for the first time.. the ones you could always hide cant be hidden anymore. The kids in university are kids, and you are too old to be there. Your friends are becoming grandparents and you are becoming a cougar.

Anyway, I have to get back to my lists. Ruminating in reality is going to get me nowhere.
[/quote]

Dear Stork.

How about make the exercise plan a joyful one? It doesn't have to be hard or brutal. It could be something you enjoy that gives you mind body effects as well.

Like maybe something soothing and low impact. Something with breathing or music. Like NIA....or Pilates...or Yoga....or walking with music...something you can grow to look forward to.

Also the juicing and eating well, if you do it long enough it becomes it's own reward. You actually enjoy it and the benefits as well.


[/quote]

I will go to the gym and I will get fit, i will buy some face products and try to de-age 5-10 years and I will eat healthy too and even start juicing. I will give it one last time this year to go after what i want and deserve in life, and to go after it with a fierce ruthless drive and purpose, but if i fail this time, then I'm sooo done with it all…My innards are aged and I cant handle the stress. I have one last wind and this is it.
[/quote]

Totally! So many things I wish I had done where my life would've been more fulfilling and easier.

I majored in the wrong discipline making it very hard to get a job that agreed with me. I also got major feelings of failure and insecurity because I didn't do that well in that discipline.

I wish I valued my family more. I wish I showed more interest in their kids. If I had then I might not be estranged from them today. Although to be fair, in many ways they were cruel and cold to me and I was always kind so it's not just me.

I sort of wish I had kids with this one bf I had. He was good looking, came from a good family and even if we would not be together I would have had a sense of family.

I wish I had not overeaten so much in my youth. I didn't get fat but it was hard on my digestive system.

I made many mistakes with relationships and friends and romantic ones. I wish I wasn't so serious when I was young. I wish I learned how to be more fun. I wish I learned how to keep my emotions on an even keel.

There is a lot I'd change...however...I am at peace with things now. I am close to 48. I have grown a lot for the better, become a pretty loving accepting understanding fun and interesting person. I DO wish the career thing I did something different but I didn't. There is still hope for something new if I create it. And I hope that we get out of this stagnation as a country and have a vibrant, diverse, healthy economy where everyone who wants to work can, even if they are "older" or "inexperienced" or whatever. That would be great.

Having said all of that there are things I AM proud of. I am proud to have gone veg at an early age and I am lifelong. I am happy I chose healthy eating habits and love exercise and love yoga. I am happy I've always been kind to animals. I am happy I am kind to humans and very understanding and helpful when I want to be. I am happy that I have a strong spiritual interests. So we have to say thanks for the things we did do right, too.
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#37
(12-12-2014, 12:38 AM)supernova88 Wrote: Does anybody ever wish they could just go back in time and fix all their mistakes? There hasn't been a day gone by in the past two years where I haven't wished I could just redo a significant portion of my young adult life. I know I shouldn't be angry at myself for making decisions I had no way of knowing how they would affect me later on in life, but in hindsight there is so much I did wrong or could have handled better.

A big issue I'm dealing with is the fact I went to school in a whole other state, and am paying the price now where all my friends live 6 hours away at best. Back then I was not very popular in high school and chose to "escape" my home town by going to college as far away as possible. I had a wonderful time and made tons of friends, but now that I'm out of school and back home I haven't got a single friend in the area. I even ended up breaking up with my girlfriend, a really wonderful person, over the long distance, and haven't been in a relationship since. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and choose a different school where I wouldn't be dealing with this same issue two years after graduation.

Other issues I'm dealing with are missed opportunities or incorrect choices. I once had the chance to live abroad for a year but did not follow through. Now that I'm a working man I can't just up and travel around the world for 12 months, and I very much regret not tackling that while I had the chance. Another issue was my first semester in grad school after college. I knew right away it wasn't the right program for me - I was uncomfortable and hated my professors and wasn't learning. I should have dropped out and started anew but I wanted to prove to everyone I could handle it. I ultimately did drop out, but not until the semester ended, and by that time I owed the school 20 thousand dollars and didn't get a thing out of it. Plus it narrowed down what jobs I was eligible for, and now I'm working not because I necessarily like my job but because it was the only one that fit my skill set.

All this, and so much more, keeps me up at night wanting a do-over. The thing is, life isn't really that bad for me. I make money, I have a roof over my head, I've got my family, I have hobbies, etc. But the road I had to travel getting here, and all the things I missed out on or which knocked me down along the way, have made for a really bitter ending. I just don't know if anyone else feels the same way and how they cope. Let me know what works for you.

We all make mistakes when we are younger, we don't now what we were doing, so why judge yourself?
What you are doing is the best thing you can do, you are sorry for your mistakes.
Forgive yourself. You will be just fine. I know, I went through what you are going through.
We just didn't know any better.
Madera

Madera
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