I have no qualities that she wishes to have in her boyfriend.

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M_also_lonely

M_also_lonely

Well-known member
Joined
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Messages
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Location
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I like this girl whom I met when I was in school. She is cute, smart, beautiful, intelligent and quite talented. We are friends. She doesn't know that I like her. And both of us have never been in a relationship with anybody
So once I asked her, what kind of boyfriend does she wish to have. Well, she said that her boyfriend should be smart, good looking, cute, adventurous, funny, caring, intelligent, multi talented (gr8 in studies, sports, art/music, etc.).
So I decided to see where am I. I noticed that I got nothing from the qualities that she mentioned.
Smart: ....Well, I am not. I am just simple. A person. Not like I can speak fluently and convince people, etc.

Good looking: No, I am not. (As per the reviews that I got from girls in our school)

Cute: well, I am. but only 0.00% .
adventurous: well, had to use dictionary to verify the correct spelling of "adventurous"
Funny: I really dont know how to make people laugh or smile. I have tried.
Caring: well, I always do, but nobody considers that.
Intelligent: I dont know whether I am or not.

Multi talented?????? Too heavy word for me.
Studies: somehow manage to get average grades. (i never cheat)
Sports: Cant play any of the games properly. Nobody ever wishes to play with me or teach me. I just look the ball coming at me and dont know what happens.I played almost 50-60 games og chess, but never won. Did a lot of practice, but classmates say that I am too dumb to play games.
Art: I dont know how do some people get those creative ideas. I never got one.
Music: I am good only at listening it.

I dont knw how to make people smile, laugh,etc. I dont even know what do boyfriends and girlfriends talk about with each other.I care, but dont know how to show it.I cant speak in front of lot of people, bcz once I made a dumb mistake on a stage and everybody laughed. I forget things, like which switch works for what, forget to pick up my sister at tuitions,I m not handsome, but I am crazy for her. I dont know what to do, please help.....
 
Chances are, you are being too hard on yourself. I'm sure you have qualities that other people can see that you aren't allowing yourself to.
Ask her out anyway, the worst that could happen is that she says no. Almost everyone has a list of things they would LIKE their potential partner to have, but it rarely happens that they have all of them, sometimes they have none of them. Ask her, if you don't, you'll likely regret it and play the what if game later.
 
It sounds like you are being overly hard on yourself here with some of the reasons you give for discounting yourself. It also sounds like she's just thrown out a selection of ideas of what she'd like for rather than it being a definitive checklist of what she expects in a boyfriend. I don't know whether she would have romantic feelings towards you but she obviously sees some qualities in you as you both are friends.
 
Dude, dude, dude!

First of all, that list of qualities she reeled off is what EVERYBODY says to that question. It's not a definitive list, it's just the same generic answer everyone gives when asked what kind of boy/girl they want. Cute, smart, funny...it's all bullshit. Everybody has those qualities in different degrees so don't judge yourself harshly because you don't see yourself being what she wants. She just gave you the same answer everybody gives - but deep down she will have her own criteria, something she doesn't probably even know herself.

You know what? Often it's none of those generic things that people find attractive. The one thing that people do find attractive is happiness. When people see you are happy doing things you love, you will radiate a feeling of positivity that other people will want to be a part of. I've said this on another post on this forum, what's more attractive? Someone who spent ate their lunch barefoot in the park because it was such a beautiful day or someone who sits up all night posting on the internet telling anyone who will listen how nobody finds them attractive?

You are probably very young since you are mentioning school, so you have plenty of time to discover yourself and find out your passion for life. Find something you love doing, and do it. The happiness and passion for life you generate will become apparent in everything you do and are. You will build confidence and self esteem. I'm 34 and I've done exactly what you are doing to yourself now. When I was your age, I used to come home from college and play on my playstation until bed time. But a couple of years later I had passed my driving test, got my college degree and travelled around the world! Life changes so fast at your age, so things might seem a bit pedestrian now but as long as you have a passion for life then things will change for you, you just need to want it.

So get out there, find out your passion for life, whether it be music, art, literature, photography, comedy, movies; find out what pushes your button then push it as hard as often as you can. This girl will see this new you, young, radiant, vibrant you, and you'll be in a much better position to move your relationship to the next level.

Good luck! :D

PS: Change your user ID to something a bit more positive or something that reflects your passion :)
 
TheRealCallie said:
Chances are, you are being too hard on yourself. I'm sure you have qualities that other people can see that you aren't allowing yourself to.
Ask her out anyway, the worst that could happen is that she says no. Almost everyone has a list of things they would LIKE their potential partner to have, but it rarely happens that they have all of them, sometimes they have none of them. Ask her, if you don't, you'll likely regret it and play the what if game later.
Click to expand...

Ok I will surely tell her about my feelings. Thank u very much for encouraging me.
 
h3donist said:
Dude, dude, dude!

First of all, that list of qualities she reeled off is what EVERYBODY says to that question. It's not a definitive list, it's just the same generic answer everyone gives when asked what kind of boy/girl they want. Cute, smart, funny...it's all bullshit. Everybody has those qualities in different degrees so don't judge yourself harshly because you don't see yourself being what she wants. She just gave you the same answer everybody gives - but deep down she will have her own criteria, something she doesn't probably even know herself.

You know what? Often it's none of those generic things that people find attractive. The one thing that people do find attractive is happiness. When people see you are happy doing things you love, you will radiate a feeling of positivity that other people will want to be a part of. I've said this on another post on this forum, what's more attractive? Someone who spent ate their lunch barefoot in the park because it was such a beautiful day or someone who sits up all night posting on the internet telling anyone who will listen how nobody finds them attractive?

You are probably very young since you are mentioning school, so you have plenty of time to discover yourself and find out your passion for life. Find something you love doing, and do it. The happiness and passion for life you generate will become apparent in everything you do and are. You will build confidence and self esteem. I'm 34 and I've done exactly what you are doing to yourself now. When I was your age, I used to come home from college and play on my playstation until bed time. But a couple of years later I had passed my driving test, got my college degree and travelled around the world! Life changes so fast at your age, so things might seem a bit pedestrian now but as long as you have a passion for life then things will change for you, you just need to want it.

So get out there, find out your passion for life, whether it be music, art, literature, photography, comedy, movies; find out what pushes your button then push it as hard as often as you can. This girl will see this new you, young, radiant, vibrant you, and you'll be in a much better position to move your relationship to the next level.

Good luck! :D

PS: Change your user ID to something a bit more positive or something that reflects your passion :)
Click to expand...

Thank u for giving ur time in writing such an encouraging reply.I understand that I have many more things to be done, but the things I love to do are very simple and small. They are not special or its not possible to live my life based on things that I love to do. I am a little bit sensitive and I cry too.

I dont know how to find passion, or convert my passion into the life of my dreams. Reason: The things I do, do not meet the things I wish.
 
h3donist said:
Dude, dude, dude!

First of all, that list of qualities she reeled off is what EVERYBODY says to that question.
Click to expand...

I agree! Everyone has an ideal of a 'perfect' boyfriend/girlfriend and alot of the time, it isn't anything on that list that you end up falling for. Don't be too hard on yourself. She wouldn't be hanging out with you if she didn't like you in some way.
 
You could berate her, treat her like crap, and ignore her.

I prefer to go with a path of respect and look at where I am at...here...

It seems that those that treat women like crap get more than their fair share of them...

GL
 
Alone By Faults said:
You could berate her, treat her like crap, and ignore her.

I prefer to go with a path of respect and look at where I am at...here...

It seems that those that treat women like crap get more than their fair share of them...

GL
Click to expand...

Ugh, not that again. You know, the "bad boys" also tend to have bad luck sometimes with the women. I'd wager that those types of people don't always wind up in places such as this as much as the "good guys," who might let their feelings out or show more.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with letting your feelings out, but the typical "bad boy" that you guys refer to don't do it as often as the "good guys." A lot of them also don't give a **** what happens...or at least don't let it show and certainly don't talk about it.

Treating a woman like crap does NOT equate to getting a relationship or staying in one.
 
Alone By Faults said:
You could berate her, treat her like crap, and ignore her.

I prefer to go with a path of respect and look at where I am at...here...

It seems that those that treat women like crap get more than their fair share of them...

GL
Click to expand...

I have seen this many times. People who intend to use women usually get girls to fall for them, and those who really care are not given importance by girls. I have seen girls call them "boring". If we compare men with cars, it means the want a car look like Lamborghini, it does not matter whether that car runs like a Cadillac. Then they suffer and say "All men are same.", as if they have tried all men in the world.
They dont even talk to simple men, who usually have more caring nature and are more loyal.
 
Alone By Faults said:
You could berate her, treat her like crap, and ignore her.

I prefer to go with a path of respect and look at where I am at...here...

It seems that those that treat women like crap get more than their fair share of them...

GL
Click to expand...

M_also_lonely said:
I have seen this many times. People who intend to use women usually get girls to fall for them, and those who really care are not given importance by girls. I have seen girls call them "boring". If we compare men with cars, it means the want a car look like Lamborghini, it does not matter whether that car runs like a Cadillac. Then they suffer and say "All men are same.", as if they have tried all men in the world.
They dont even talk to simple men, who usually have more caring nature and are more loyal.
Click to expand...


You're so right. I would love my boyfriend a lot more if he treated me like crap.
 
M_also_lonely said:
I have seen this many times. People who intend to use women usually get girls to fall for them, and those who really care are not given importance by girls. I have seen girls call them "boring". If we compare men with cars, it means the want a car look like Lamborghini, it does not matter whether that car runs like a Cadillac. Then they suffer and say "All men are same.", as if they have tried all men in the world.
They dont even talk to simple men, who usually have more caring nature and are more loyal.
Click to expand...

Okay, let's think about this.
These so called men who treats girls like crap have more confidence, hell, they actually ask girls out, which is their first plus, because well, if you don't ask a girl out, you'll never get a yes.
Second, they are more confident, which means they will be more outgoing, which will show the girl that they aren't "boring."
On top of that, the "crap" doesn't usually happen until later in the relationship, for those men that actually DO treat women like crap, which is likely not anywhere near how often you THINK it happens. There is way more in it than you think there is and unless YOU have been there personally, you can't possibly understand what goes on in relationship where the girl gets treated like crap, so please stop assuming things.

Now, let's look at the "nice guys." Quite a few of them are too shy or too afraid to even ask a girl out, which significantly lowers their chances of getting a girl.
Because quite a few of those that are too shy to ask girls out have confidence issues, as well, the girls don't often see them out doing things, which will make appear "boring."

In addition to all that, I know quite a few "nice guys" that have turned out to be people who ended up treating women like crap. Yes yes, I've heard the whole "I'd NEVER hit a woman or treat her like crap" before, but not all of those that said that were honest about it. Maybe they meant it at the time, maybe they didn't. That doesn't really matter, because you don't know what you will do later down the road. "Nice guys" can turn into "bad guys." "Bad guys" aren't always as "Bad" as you think they are. Stop blaming others and stop worrying about others and start doing something and worrying about yourself.

Oh, I also want to add that it happens in reverse too, women treating men like crap. Don't want anyone to assume I'm generalizing or saying it only happens to women.
 
Men and woman run hot and cold as in personality, the treatment of themselves, and others.

I have had my heart on the sleeve more often than not...I suffer..but I also get chances and enjoyment for places I never thought possible.

I am not a nice person as in I think of myself first...I think everyone does...but I do it and it has caused some of my many problems..


the listing of traits to treat a women like crap was some tounge in cheek and the rest casual obervation.

If my comments offended, I am sorry..
 
M_also_lonely said:
I like this girl whom I met when I was in school. She is cute, smart, beautiful, intelligent and quite talented. We are friends. She doesn't know that I like her. And both of us have never been in a relationship with anybody
So once I asked her, what kind of boyfriend does she wish to have. Well, she said that her boyfriend should be smart, good looking, cute, adventurous, funny, caring, intelligent, multi talented (gr8 in studies, sports, art/music, etc.).
So I decided to see where am I. I noticed that I got nothing from the qualities that she mentioned.
Smart: ....Well, I am not. I am just simple. A person. Not like I can speak fluently and convince people, etc.

Good looking: No, I am not. (As per the reviews that I got from girls in our school)

Cute: well, I am. but only 0.00% .
adventurous: well, had to use dictionary to verify the correct spelling of "adventurous"
Funny: I really dont know how to make people laugh or smile. I have tried.
Caring: well, I always do, but nobody considers that.
Intelligent: I dont know whether I am or not.

Multi talented?????? Too heavy word for me.
Studies: somehow manage to get average grades. (i never cheat)
Sports: Cant play any of the games properly. Nobody ever wishes to play with me or teach me. I just look the ball coming at me and dont know what happens.I played almost 50-60 games og chess, but never won. Did a lot of practice, but classmates say that I am too dumb to play games.
Art: I dont know how do some people get those creative ideas. I never got one.
Music: I am good only at listening it.

I dont knw how to make people smile, laugh,etc. I dont even know what do boyfriends and girlfriends talk about with each other.I care, but dont know how to show it.I cant speak in front of lot of people, bcz once I made a dumb mistake on a stage and everybody laughed. I forget things, like which switch works for what, forget to pick up my sister at tuitions,I m not handsome, but I am crazy for her. I dont know what to do, please help.....
Click to expand...

This girl has expectations that are unrealistic. She will be disappointed and one day settle on a person who is not what she really wants... she will not be happy and she will not make anyone she is with happy.
Move on.
Forget about her romantically.
 
nothing more to do but be strong. you know what i mean... Strong? You're the Man. and she's just a woman, you need to make her understand and love, respect you. Otherwise give up on it.
 
So the girl just wants to find a perfect guy? And you are disappointed because you don't 'match' her absurd criteria??

You shouldn't worry.

In no time this little brainless child will fall in love with a man who has only one or two if the qualities she is looking for. And she will face a major disappointment. For there is no 'recipe' for a match. You either fall in love with a person or you don't. You can't "plan" to find a person with this or that trait. Life simply does not work that way.

I hope this girl is as immature and as young as your op demonstrates she is. And I do think you shouldn't be so concerned about the choices and tastes of such a shallow creature.
 

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