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It's me again, and I feel like I'm falling...
Falling right back into old patterns and habits. I haven't wanted to self-harm since December. Today, I'm barely fighting the urge to pick up the knife.

I've been struggling to get my GED for years so I can get a job and have some form of independence. As of yet, I still can't do it. I'm sitting at home again with my crazy mother who frequently barges into my room to ramble about some topic or ask some question about my personal life and then without out fail it devolves into screaming and crying, possibly tearing at her hair and clothes, and asking why I hate her.

A close friend has betrayed me. Right now my lover is the only person in my life who brings me joy, and due to his job right now, I can't see him often nor live with him at the moment. It seems every thing I do is wrong or questionable. I've stopped making an effort to eat enough or sleep enough, and a growing lax about my own personal hygiene. My mood is more erratic right now than it has been in three years. I feel like I'm about to snap, again, and the last time I snapped I stayed in that hell hole of insanity for almost four years...

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Just... kind words. Please. I'm crying. Someone please just tell me I'm not a pathetic waste of human life.
Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.
I'm sure your guy wouldn't like it if you hurt yourself, or know that you're not taking care of yourself properly. Perhaps you can talk with him and get out all these feelings.
Tamaki, you could never be a pathetic waste of human life. This is just the negativity talking. Don't listen to it because anyone in this world is as worthy as anyone can get. We just tend not to see it sometimes.

I'm sorry to hear that your close friend betrayed you. It hurts when you think you can trust someone enough but then they pull something shitty and then it's just gone just like that.

Perhaps forcing yourself to take care of your own body and mind might help make you feel a little better. Allowing yourself to dwell in the lack of food and nutrients and sleep causes enough shit to the mental state of mind which might just prolong your negative feelings. Help yourself feel better by at least taking care of the basics first.. then maybe it might start to look a little better? If you don't take care of yourself, no one would. And I think it's important for this to take place before anything else can take place.

I hope you'll feel better soon, I know nothing I say could actually make you feel any better but I hope you know that you're really not a waste of human life. It saddens me to see someone think like that of themselves. You're worthy and worth it. Talk to us here and let it all out if it helps. Good luck and in the meantime, please take care. *hugs*

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