Murakami_1
Well-known member
Just me venting a bit but like the title says it's so extremely difficult. I know I can find a way out of here, some time soon, but it's hard just living with people who will always push my own needs aside for them.
I might not get beat anymore (yay) but I cannot heal here. It's always yes and amen to everything and I cannot be my own. And god knows if I am my own I'll get yelled at or get threatened.
Please do hurt me atleast I'll have a reason to be dissatisfied. Now I'll just get called sensitive. Yeah dont show feelings learned that real quick when I was 11. Cried in front of my bio dad it got filmed and got showed to for guests on the television and me when I was in a good mood. Got called a whale for crying like that the next year. So lesson learned I can only be happy. Luckily he threw me out
Now my existence is too only please my mum and stepdad.
We are on holiday right now but when out together its only them them and them. When I want to go check a shop guess what I'll get left behind and suddenly I have lost my family. Guess it's their vacation not mine. Now I need to do everything alone, which isn't bad but I have paid for this and I could have gone alone. Everyday I need to rush and hurry up and listen to them because apparently I'm not my own person. When I actually do big sister duties it's not enough for them. I ******* mother my brothers and my parents like to say I dont do enough. I'm so done with this and I cant let go and when I'm alone with them for so long my mind just works overhours. I just needed to write things down. Its messy but I dont care I just want to sleep in bed all day and do nothing
I might not get beat anymore (yay) but I cannot heal here. It's always yes and amen to everything and I cannot be my own. And god knows if I am my own I'll get yelled at or get threatened.
Please do hurt me atleast I'll have a reason to be dissatisfied. Now I'll just get called sensitive. Yeah dont show feelings learned that real quick when I was 11. Cried in front of my bio dad it got filmed and got showed to for guests on the television and me when I was in a good mood. Got called a whale for crying like that the next year. So lesson learned I can only be happy. Luckily he threw me out
Now my existence is too only please my mum and stepdad.
We are on holiday right now but when out together its only them them and them. When I want to go check a shop guess what I'll get left behind and suddenly I have lost my family. Guess it's their vacation not mine. Now I need to do everything alone, which isn't bad but I have paid for this and I could have gone alone. Everyday I need to rush and hurry up and listen to them because apparently I'm not my own person. When I actually do big sister duties it's not enough for them. I ******* mother my brothers and my parents like to say I dont do enough. I'm so done with this and I cant let go and when I'm alone with them for so long my mind just works overhours. I just needed to write things down. Its messy but I dont care I just want to sleep in bed all day and do nothing
