Not man enough?

[CenotaphGirl]

Ramblings… no need to respond …

Is it okay to be disgusted by men that act too feminine? Like to find it literally unbearable to be around romantically not for them just to exist.

If a man acts anything unlike what I consider a man should be like… I instantly wanna be sick. The harsh reaction I have is due to the need of protection. If a man cannot protect me he is worthless to me as I have money, attention and people that are in love with me that I ignore because I dont deem them man enough.

My father was a real man in my eyes, never cried, not even when he was dying. I am told that my image of him puts an impossible standard on men who wish to be with me.

Even currently, somethings my partner allows are feminine in my opinion but not to the extreme where I would leave. He allowed another man to complain for him and I felt a jolt.. I wondered, are you not man enough to speak for yourself? But I didnt say anything. I respected my place but its small doubts like that… that just get to me. Am I unreasonable, sure. I can acknowledge that, but why is it so hard to find a man who can be manly 24/7?

I want to know he’s a man, he has proven he’d let no harm come to me, he has proven to me he is a protector and a provider. But perhaps I need constant reassurance in that regard. So i’ll never be happy… it’ll never be enough as one wrong move and i’ll wonder if he’d just sit by and watch other men attack me… like he sat by and let another man complain for him.

 

[okidoke]

I got jumped on online once when I said that when I see two men making out that it makes me squeamish. I can't help how my body reacts. I've met plenty of gays guys in my life who were totally fine to be around, who didn't act like prissy little wimpy itchy-b's, that were good company. But I'd feel just like you Ceno if I was a girl - mmmmm, if I was a girl, lol, man would I be an utter slut hahahaha.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Disgust is a common theme in a sick, confused, and deluded society. It's a terrible state of affairs.

If you want to be disgusted go read about Abu Ghraib

Makes me tear up just skimming that awful glimpse of hell.

A man's worth is his own; and should never be decided by a woman, or a man, or anyone, but himself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I got jumped on online once when I said that when I see two men making out that it makes me squeamish. I can't help how my body reacts. I've met plenty of gays guys in my life who were totally fine to be around, who didn't act like prissy little wimpy itchy-b's, that were good company. But I'd feel just like you Ceno if I was a girl - mmmmm, if I was a girl, lol, man would I be an utter slut hahahaha.

my dad was like that, I wouldnt say men kissing makes me feel anything but maybe a little startled at times. But that can happen regardless lol

A lot of people told me on here my views make men depressed and feel worthless which has never been my goal. But men who act like women make me feel worthless and depressed and annoyed and ultimately… sick to my stomach. If I say anything I am part of the problem, if I say nothing men are depressed and suicidal anyway. They think they’re ugly, they question their appearance but they never question if they are a man…

That question is too painful.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Disgust is a common theme in a sick, confused, and deluded society. It's a terrible state of affairs.

If you want to be disgusted go read about Abu Ghraib

Makes me tear up just skimming that awful glimpse of hell.

A man's worth is his own; and should never be decided by a woman, or a man, or anyone, but himself.

I agree there is self worth but that will always be impacted on how society values us. If our self worth doesn't align people call us delusional.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I agree there is self worth but that will always be impacted on how society values us. If our self worth doesn't align people call us delusional.

The only thing there is @CenotaphGirl , is our evaluation of our self. Yes: the world, the country, the state/territory, the city, the county, the town, the school, the work place, our contemporaries, family, etc., whatever, and what have you, will all have their, 'opinion.'

But, all of those external factors, and the internal factors, are susceptible to falsehoods, ignorance, rumors, lies, lack-of-information, spin, bias, confusion, misunderstanding.

Letting others, 'define,' you, in my experience, is a terrible, terrible mistake. It can be crippling. And sadly, we have that power as well: to level others, with our appraisal of them.

I see a lot of men on this forum, and in this world, lately. They struggle with their, 'masculinity.' (And oh my do women struggle with their femininity too).

But that's where I return to my statement: disgust is a common theme among a sick, confused, and deluded society.

Being a man is easy. You don't have to do anything to become one, except live beyond a certain age and reach a certain level of physical development. The same goes for a woman.

But being a Man, capitol M (and being a Woman for that matter), is hard.

It's hard, because Men and Women, are sensitive, thinking, feeling creatures. We need love. We need to receive and to give it.

Our sensitivity allows us to experience beauty. It allows us to share joy.

However... It also allows us to feel pain, to know pain.

A Man's/Woman's worth, is his/her own. Masculinity and Femininity are qualities inherent to ALL people. And a healthy balance of both qualities, is a necessary requisite, to any Man or Woman.

 

[ardour]

I'm sure there's moments when you don't appear feminine too. Tolerating "unattractive" behaviour would seem to be an integral element in any enduring relationship.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The only thing there is @CenotaphGirl , is our evaluation of our self. Yes: the world, the country, the state/territory, the city, the county, the town, the school, the work place, our contemporaries, family, etc., whatever, and what have you, will all have their, 'opinion.'

But, all of those external factors, and the internal factors, are susceptible to falsehoods, ignorance, rumors, lies, lack-of-information, spin, bias, confusion, misunderstanding.

Letting others, 'define,' you, in my experience, is a terrible, terrible mistake. It can be crippling. And sadly, we have that power as well: to level others, with our appraisal of them.

I see a lot of men on this forum, and in this world, lately. They struggle with their, 'masculinity.' (And oh my do women struggle with their femininity too).

But that's where I return to my statement: disgust is a common theme among a sick, confused, and deluded society.

Being a man is easy. You don't have to do anything to become one, except live beyond a certain age and reach a certain level of physical development. The same goes for a woman.

But being a Man, capitol M (and being a Woman for that matter), is hard.

It's hard, because Men and Women, are sensitive, thinking, feeling creatures. We need love. We need to receive and to give it.

Our sensitivity allows us to experience beauty. It allows us to share joy.

However... It also allows us to feel pain, to know pain.

A Man's/Woman's worth, is his/her own. Masculinity and Femininity are qualities inherent to ALL people. And a healthy balance of both qualities, is a necessary requisite, to any Man or Woman.

If only I could think like this… all my problems would be solved, this was beautiful Trop really makes you think

I'm sure there's moments when you don't appear feminine too. Tolerating "unattractive" behaviour would seem to be an integral element in any enduring relationship.

The issue is I highly doubt it. I am not masculine ever, hence why I crave total masculinity. This however, doesnt mean I never have unattractive behaviours. There are dark sides to both masculine and feminine traits… being irrational is one. I am very irrational.

 

[ardour]

The issue is I highly doubt it. I am not masculine ever, hence why I crave total masculinity. This however, doesnt mean I never have unattractive behaviours. There are dark sides to both masculine and feminine traits… being irrational is one. I am very irrational.

No offence but I think you'd struggle to define masculinity or femininity beyond a limited father-daughter relationship dynamic.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No offence but I think you'd struggle to define masculinity or femininity beyond a limited father-daughter relationship dynamic.

Whats offensive about that? How would you define masculinity? Do you consider yourself masculine?

 

[okidoke]

...... How would you define masculinity? ......

How do you?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

How do you?

The same way its defined in the dictionary “qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men”

 

[okidoke]

...... characteristic of men”

which are what to you?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

which are what to you?

“Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness”

I dont really have an “original” take on it to be honest… I pretty much agree with the universally accepted “traditional masculine” traits.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow, so if we men don't hold up to YOUR ideal of a man and can't "protect" you we are worthless??? SMH You do realise what era we are in now right? That is a pretty antiquated way of thinking. You are entitled to your own opinion and thanks for validating why I'd rather stay single and have given up on relationships.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Wow, so if we men don't hold up to YOUR ideal of a man and can't "protect" you we are worthless??? SMH You do realise what era we are in now right? That is a pretty antiquated way of thinking. You are entitled to your own opinion and thanks for validating why I'd rather stay single and have given up on relationships.

Not worthless in general just of no worth to me personally. I think there are a lot of women who like men like that… in touch with their feminine side but I dont know how to force myself to be attracted to that, wish I could as thats how 99% of men behave now

 

[okidoke]

Wow, so if we men don't hold up to YOUR ideal of a man and can't "protect" you we are worthless??? ....

Wouldn't being at least willing to try to protect your partner be a worthwhile trait? Any guy that wouldn't risk his life to protect his gal is worthless in my book!

 

[user 139760]

Wouldn't being at least willing to try to protect your partner be a worthwhile trait? Any guy that wouldn't risk his life to protect his gal is worthless in my book!

Well, that depends, dude. Your point of view is one of an ex police officer who knows crisis situations. Not everyone does. Without some sort if training, most common people will freeze or get scared in a conflict situation.
That being said, there's also a matter of context. One of my ex girlfriends, I defended before when I walked upon her getting harassed by a random guy. She was scared and I acted. However, few years before her, I dated a girl which would actively try and antagonize other people, then try to hide behind me...no way, she was on her own lol. Took her a very long time to realize she was behaving like that too, and it didn't from me telling her repeatedly she was acting like a b.
There's a lot of details to factor in.

 

[user 139760]

What I find disturbing is the lack of live and let live on this whole line of thinking, it's a very judgmental way of seeing men/women relationships, in my book. When you care about someone, you should be able to accept some measure of discomfort on habits or ways of doing that aren't to your liking, wether it be men OR women. No one is 100% exactly how you want them to be and trying to control that, ir change that, or not accept that, is to me not living in the real world. The world doesn't adapt to us, we adapt to it.

 

[okidoke]

Well, that depends, dude. Your point of view is one of an ex police officer who knows crisis situations. Not everyone does. Without some sort if training, most common people will freeze or get scared in a conflict situation.
That being said, there's also a matter of context. One of my ex girlfriends, I defended before when I walked upon her getting harassed by a random guy. She was scared and I acted. However, few years before her, I dated a girl which would actively try and antagonize other people, then try to hide behind me...no way, she was on her own lol. Took her a very long time to realize she was behaving like that too, and it didn't from me telling her repeatedly she was acting like a b.
There's a lot of details to factor in.

I didn't join until I was 28. I was of the same belief before I joined. Being scared is okay, but as you should notice in what I wrote, I said "at least willing". Sure, situations can be frightening and one should avoid confrontation where possible, but where there is no option then I would give it my best shot whoever I'm up against. Society it too whimpy these days, no wonder crooks just do whatever they want. The point being, if you just freeze up or run off like a scaredy cat without thinking of your partner first, then you ARE worthless.

..... The world doesn't adapt to us, we adapt to it.

Agreed.