Not man enough?

[Unsigned]

wearing make-up.

Are you a KISS fan?



(Greatest album cover of all time, BTW...)

 

[Unsigned]

Out of curiosity, do you think you could you adapt to finding over displays of masculinity attractive?

The displays she described (yelling and strutting) don't seem very masculine to me at all.
They seem more like what a jerk would do. Or a peacock.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The displays she described don't seem very masculine to me at all.
They seem more like what a jerk would do. Or a peacock.

True however I wondered if she could consider liking it, if its possible as I cant even consider liking a man that would cry in front of me… i’d calmly leave

 

[okidoke]

Oh, a whole range of feminine characteristics, I guess. Like openly expressing emotions and being able to cry, a soft voice and mannerisms, less muscular body, less body hair, wearing make-up.

Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say those we’re definitively feminine characteristics, but I guess society often says men shouldn’t be that way, although I don’t have an issue with that. Not the makeup though, unless it’s to cover a distracting mark. A man can be gentle, warm, etc, and still be manly, and oppositely can walk around like an arrogant demonstrative fool and not be a real man at all when it counts.

 

[okidoke]

True however I wondered if she could consider liking it, if its possible as I cant even consider liking a man that would cry in front of me… i’d calmly leave

Depends on the type and reason for the crying. You’d love him crying at the birth of your child I hope.

 

[Unsigned]

True however I wondered if she could consider liking it, if its possible as I cant even consider liking a man that would cry in front of me… i’d calmly leave

No I meant the yelling and strutting.
I can't see how anyone would be OK with that.
Female or male.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Depends on the type and reason for the crying. You’d love him crying at the birth of your child I hope.

No why would I want that? Would ruin the whole birth for me.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No I meant the yelling and strutting.
I can't see how anyone would be OK with that.
Female or male.

Shouting is never good, I like a stoic man however I could tolerate that over crying if im being honest

 

[Unsigned]

Depends on the type and reason for the crying. You’d love him crying at the birth of your child I hope.

I might be inclined to cry when the hospital co-payment bill came...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I might be inclined to cry when the hospital co-payment bill came...

I thought you was gonna say something way worse than this now I feel bad because you didnt lol

 

[TheSkaFish]

Is it okay to be disgusted by men that act too feminine? Like to find it literally unbearable to be around romantically not for them just to exist.

If a man acts anything unlike what I consider a man should be like… I instantly wanna be sick. The harsh reaction I have is due to the need of protection. If a man cannot protect me he is worthless to me as I have money, attention and people that are in love with me that I ignore because I dont deem them man enough.

My father was a real man in my eyes, never cried, not even when he was dying. I am told that my image of him puts an impossible standard on men who wish to be with me.

Even currently, somethings my partner allows are feminine in my opinion but not to the extreme where I would leave. He allowed another man to complain for him and I felt a jolt.. I wondered, are you not man enough to speak for yourself? But I didnt say anything. I respected my place but its small doubts like that… that just get to me. Am I unreasonable, sure. I can acknowledge that, but why is it so hard to find a man who can be manly 24/7?

I want to know he’s a man, he has proven he’d let no harm come to me, he has proven to me he is a protector and a provider. But perhaps I need constant reassurance in that regard. So i’ll never be happy… it’ll never be enough as one wrong move and i’ll wonder if he’d just sit by and watch other men attack me… like he sat by and let another man complain for him.

I understand that we all have our preferences, and that protection is something you value greatly.

But as to your question why it's so hard to find a man who can be manly 24/7, it's for the same reason that it's hard to find a woman who is hyper-feminine 24/7 - because these are caricatures, stereotypes, not real-life, complex, three-dimensional people. Real people have flaws, whether they are physical or cosmetic, mental, emotional, and so on. Real people have insecurities, fears, doubts, hang-ups and other issues - no man is strong, and no woman is hot, every minute of every day of the year. It's just not possible.

Also just like women want to be valued for more than their, um, "assets", I'd like to be seen as more than just a wallet, muscles, and a johnson - or that if those things aren't good enough, then that's all there is to me as a person, and who I am doesn't count for anything. I want an authentic mental and emotional connection.

As far as your partner goes - I don't know. Maybe he was going to complain about whatever it was, but someone else beat him to it. Maybe he delegated the task to someone else, or didn't make it a high priority/didn't think it was worth complaining about/was too busy or involved in other things to worry about it. I don't know what the issue was or how important it was or not, I'm just saying there could be any number of other reasons for not complaining about something and letting someone else do it, besides just weakness/timidity/lack of assertiveness.

I think the point is, like Richard said earlier - real-life relationships are give and take. Ideally you want someone who is more "good" than "bad", has more of what you want/value than what you don't. But they're not going to be what you want 100% of the time. It's humanly impossible.

I think the most we can do, is to just make sure we're at least trying.

 

[ringwood]

Are you a KISS fan?

View attachment 8117

(Greatest album cover of all time, BTW...)

Haha, god no! More like Boy George or Robert Smith of The Cure.

The displays she described (yelling and strutting) don't seem very masculine to me at all.
They seem more like what a jerk would do. Or a peacock.

Yelling? I said loud talking. There's a big difference. I mean the kind of talk where it's designed to get people to notice, but a few levels below outright yelling.

And yes, there's definitely a type of male who does this kind of behavior and it's not a jerk thing exactly (although that's how I tend to perceive them) - a peacock strut is actually a good way to put it though. Certain men just have a way of walking and talking - chest puffed out, an arrogant swagger, a very masculine voice that they enjoy using so people notice.

Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say those we’re definitively feminine characteristics, but I guess society often says men shouldn’t be that way, although I don’t have an issue with that. Not the makeup though, unless it’s to cover a distracting mark. A man can be gentle, warm, etc, and still be manly, and oppositely can walk around like an arrogant demonstrative fool and not be a real man at all when it counts.

Those were a few traits off the top of my head. I completely agree that a man can be gentle, warm, caring, etc and not come off as super-feminine, but I listed those as traditionally more feminine-type traits. What would you define as feminine characteristics in a man? I mean, you wrote this earlier in the thread:

I've met plenty of gays guys in my life who were totally fine to be around, who didn't act like prissy little wimpy itchy-b's. . .

I'd venture to guess that the type of man you're visualizing here is meek, small stature, weak/not muscular, soft-spoken, effeminate, "girly". . .

Out of curiosity, do you think you could you adapt to finding over displays of masculinity attractive?

Interesting question. Ultimately, probably no. Just as you find feminine men unattractive, I find super-masculine men the same.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I understand that we all have our preferences, and that protection is something you value greatly.

But as to your question why it's so hard to find a man who can be manly 24/7, it's for the same reason that it's hard to find a woman who is hyper-feminine 24/7 - because these are caricatures, stereotypes, not real-life, complex, three-dimensional people. Real people have flaws, whether they are physical or cosmetic, mental, emotional, and so on. Real people have insecurities, fears, doubts, hang-ups and other issues - no man is strong, and no woman is hot, every minute of every day of the year. It's just not possible.

Also just like women want to be valued for more than their, um, "assets", I'd like to be seen as more than just a wallet, muscles, and a johnson - or that if those things aren't good enough, then that's all there is to me as a person, and who I am doesn't count for anything. I want an authentic mental and emotional connection.

As far as your partner goes - I don't know. Maybe he was going to complain about whatever it was, but someone else beat him to it. Maybe he delegated the task to someone else, or didn't make it a high priority/didn't think it was worth complaining about/was too busy or involved in other things to worry about it. I don't know what the issue was or how important it was or not, I'm just saying there could be any number of other reasons for not complaining about something and letting someone else do it, besides just weakness/timidity/lack of assertiveness.

I think the point is, like Richard said earlier - real-life relationships are give and take. Ideally you want someone who is more "good" than "bad", has more of what you want/value than what you don't. But they're not going to be what you want 100% of the time. It's humanly impossible.

I think the most we can do, is to just make sure we're at least trying.

You are so wise Skafishy, I agree with you but I just feel like i’d break a feminine man, on some occasions I have sadly… Not intentionally but I have told men they havent got what it takes to make me happy and they have had full on breakdowns especially after all the money they spent trying to impress me.

It’s why I leave them alone as I would never want to hurt anyone. But I cant help but feel like society wants me to like something I cant possibly like its not even a preference it makes me literally ill like I feel violated at the thought of letting a man like that anywhere near me. People understand attraction is not a choice when it comes to something but not others so it starts to feel a little forced for people like me who cant just like what society says a man is.

My Rob is a lot like my father was however this 1 slip up was terrifying to me… just made me question everything about him… then I said maybe im being irrational and watched a video and spoke to my brother about it and my brother said men also have to make sure their actions dont put me in danger too so maybe letting someone else complain was for the best in that particular situation so idk

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

The easiest way to annoy my ex was to ask his brother to open jars for me he would literally take it as if I was saying he is not a man

Your Ex: ..."I got it! You could've asked me!"

 

[TheRealCallie]

No man is man enough, until the electric jar opener is broken and the pickle jar is sealed too tightly.

Electric jar openers are for pansies. If it doesn't hurt to open the jar, you don't deserve what's inside.

 

[randomguy]

I've found that a wee bit of eyeliner and a shag cut is more than enough to get a woman in your bed for days.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Electric jar openers are for pansies. If it doesn't hurt to open the jar, you don't deserve what's inside.
View attachment 8118

17 years of bass guitar. So I don't have that problem.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I've found that a wee bit of eyeliner and a shag cut is more than enough to get a woman in your bed for days.

Okay so thats what gets women into bed, whats it take to get men out of bed?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Okay so thats what gets women into bed, whats it take to get men out of bed?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Okay so thats what gets women into bed, whats it take to get men out of bed?

Food tends to work. I can get up crazy early, so long as there is breakfast and coffee